Chapter 5
I flopped down into the chair opposite Grace.
She had waved toward the one beside her, but this one was closer. That was all. I was in no way trying to make her life more difficult, or let her know I wouldnt be bossed around. Not at all.
Okay, maybe a little. However this went down, it would be with my full agreement or not at all.
I could have kicked my own ass a moment later when she frowned at me. Her eyes actually looked worried.
Worried!
Like I was going to bite her or something. She would be so lucky.
She cleared her throat.
Do you need a lozenge? I quipped.
She glared at me. No. I need you to listen.
I crossed my arms over my chest. Okay, I can listen. I pressed my lips together and nodded for her to speak.
She cleared her throat again, then gave me a challenging look.
I said nothing.
I think Mr Thomas made it clear what he expects of us both, she said. And what will happen if we dont deliver on that. Would you agree?
I kept quiet.
She let out an exasperated breath in a rush. You can talk now.
Ohhh, I drew out the word and let the sarcasm drip. Yeah, I get it. We gotta remind the world Im a good guy, because one minor incident made them forget it.
She pursed her lips. Something like that. You were out with the guys last night.
My whole body stiffened. You stalking me?
She snorted. No. I had drinks with Bec and Ashley. They mentioned their partners were having a night out too.
Big night, huh? I grinned. Explains why you look so tired.
Anyone else would have laughed. Theyd have taken it as the joke it was intended to be.
Grace though, she glared right at me like I said something wrong. She opened her mouth and I was ninety percent sure she was about to tell me to fuck off.
She closed her mouth so abruptly her teeth clicked. She kept them gritted and said, People would have been watching your every move last night. Not me. People like tabloid reporters and people with phones and social media accounts who want to go viral.
John and Vera dont allow that kind of shit at Waves, I said firmly. Thats why we went there.
What they allow and what actually happens arent always the same thing, Grace pointed out. She sighed. I can only assume by the lack of media storm, nothing bad happened.
Just guys drinking and razzing each other out, I said. I was on my best behaviour the whole time. Scouts honour, or whatever scouts say. I held up two fingers, then added another one, just in case thats how they did it.
She didnt look impressed. Im pretty sure you have to be a scout to say that. She propped her elbow on the desk.
I shrugged one shoulder. Whatever. It was bad enough feeling like I was reporting to my mother. You gonna put me on curfew next? I shouldnt give her ideas.
I swear she almost said yes. I saw the cogs and wheels in her brain turning over.
I dont think thats necessary, she said slowly. She sagged a little and pulled her elbow in against herself. I dont want to give you a hard time here. I just want to help you to repair your reputation. Kids look up to you. You want that, right? You want to be the guy they want to be like when they grow up?
I shifted in my chair. When she put it like that, it seemed like a lot of responsibility. Maybe I wasnt role model material.
Oh, to hell with that, of course I was. I was practically the poster child for where hard work can get you.
Yeah, I wanna be that guy, I said firmly. I am that guy, in spite of what that jerk in the bar said.
The jerk in the bar didnt need to say anything, she said coolly. The video speaks louder than him. Louder than you. Thats the problem with videos, and the internet. Once theyre up there…
Yeah, yeah. I rolled my eyes. Theyre up there forever. I know. Whats the big deal anyway? Its not like I shot a porno of me and some woman. I could have, though; some of them had offered. Insisted even. I might not always have the greatest judgement in the world, but I knew helping them get famous like that was a really bad idea. Also I didnt need the world to watch me having sex. Im certain I look good doing it, but it was private.
Please tell me youre not going to do that. Grace rubbed her forehead with her fingertips.
I pinky swear I wont, I said. Only way that would happen is without my knowledge. I gave her a steady look. Youre not gonna tell me I cant have sex, are you?
From her expression, she hadnt thought of that.
Yet.
I really needed to quit giving her ideas.
I think that might be above my pay grade, she said finally.
No shit, I replied. My sex life is my business and no one elses.
Having sex alone certainly means less chance of anyone filming you without you knowing, she said, a smirk on her lips.
Hey, I said in protest. I didnt mean I was alone. I just meant… I dont need to do it alone, theres plenty of women… I was stammering. My face started to feel hot.
Yeah, I get it, she said quickly. I dont need to know the details, just be sure it doesnt end up on the net.
I had the distinct impression she thought less of me for some reason. Was it my fault women found me irresistible? No, it wasnt. I went about my daily life and they approached me. Or I approached them. Either way, I wasnt going to disappoint them, if I could help it.
Ill do my best, I muttered. A slow smile crossed my face. I always do.
She grimaced. Like I said, I dont need to know the details. What we really need to talk about is a plan for the way forward.
My eyebrow twitched. Did these people read from the same playbook? I glanced around her office, half expecting to find a book on a table, open on Fancy Talk 101.
Right. The way forward, I echoed. What form does this plan take? See, she wasnt the only one who could talk fancy.
She seemed relieved that I wasnt arguing with her. For now.
Public appearances, she said. Carefully curated ones, not just going off the bar after a game.
Really? Cos thats my favourite kind of appearance. Outside of games that is. I sat back and grinned at my own joke. Damn, I was funny. For some reason, she didnt seem to think so. Who understands women anyway? Sometimes I think I do. Then at other times, they make me feel pretty fucking clueless.
What we need right now are meaningful appearances, not just you hanging out with the guys. However much fun that might be.
It really is, I agreed. I get to make fun of the guys for letting themselves be tied down.
Suckers.
You should come out with us some time. Well show you what fun is.
I know how to have fun, she replied. I dont even need to get into a fight to do it.
It was one time, I insisted. And in no way was it my fault. Except shoving the guy, but he had it coming.
And the rest of the time, youre shooting your mouth off, and clowning around. Her teeth were clenched again.
I slid down in my chair and crossed my arms. Not all of the time, I said to my chin.
Enough of the time. She exhaled again and rubbed her forehead. Look, Im not your mother, or your keeper. Im just here to help you, but you have to let me do that.
I wanted to say I didnt have to let her do anything, but at the end of the day, this was her job. There was a slight chance she didnt want to be doing this at all. She might be happier organising Ollies appearance in some future movie, or as the next Bachelor. That would be fun; building on the positive stuff, not trying to fix my screw up.
I sat back up and crossed my legs at my ankles.
I know and I appreciate it, I really do. I just?—
She cocked her head and gestured for me to go on.
Legit, it was one time. I never even got in a punch. Why do we have to make such a big deal out of it?
Because you might have gotten in a punch, if you had the chance, she said.
Okay, she had me there.
And because its stuff like that which is expected of guys like you.
I sat forward. Guys like me? You mean because I play football, and have money in the bank, means Im an instant asshole? Sure, plenty of football players were, but not me. Not my friends either. If you wanted to talk assholes, there was Pinky Innocenti, the Rapids’ tight end, and his friends. Walker, Stringer and Fridge werent the biggest fans of Hawk, Chase, Ollie and me. Pinky in particular. There was a guy whose face Id rearrange if he looked twice at my sister.
Grace hesitated. Her tongue darted over her lips.
I have to admit that was sexy as hell.
I wanted to slap my own brain. Focusbro, I told myself. She is the last person you want to get involved with.
Fame comes with certain assumptions, she was saying when I tuned back in again. Some fair, many not. But you would know that.
Yeah. I slid back down in my chair again. If people dont want a piece of you, they want to point their fingers at you. Doesnt matter how good a guy you are, theyll still assume youre not.
Right. So we need to prove to them that you are as good a guy as you see yourself, she said.
Thats great, until the next time someone films me doing something they dont approve of, I said sulkily. What happens then?
Well deal with that then, she said firmly. Or better yet…
Yeah, yeah, I replied. Dont mess up. Ive gotta tell you, and I know you wont believe this, but its true. I took a deep breath for dramatic impact and said, I aint perfect.
Im shocked, she said dryly. She tilted her head slightly. No one expects you to be perfect.
The hell they dont, I muttered.
Just perfect in public, she finished.
No pressure then, I said. Maybe I should live in a locker. You can drag me out for games, then stuff me back in again. I didnt try to keep the bitterness from my voice.
Thats actually not a bad idea, she replied. One of her eyebrows twitched.
God help me, but for a moment there I actually thought she was serious. Not about the locker, specifically, but keeping me under wraps in some way.
That is a hard fuck no from me, I said. No one ties Bam Clinton up or down. Im like a bird, born to fly free and all that shit. Velvet handcuffs, maybe, but not rope.
Some birds cant fly, she pointed out.
Yeah, well, this bird can. I puffed out my chest like it had a whole lot of feathers on it. No cages for me.
Just a light wing clipping? she suggested.
Not even that. I looked at her through my thick eyebrows. If you want my cooperation, youll need to give me some room to move. Lots of it.
Youll have all the room you need, she assured me. Youll just need to attend a few events, smile, say a few words—well rehearse those—and the rest of your time is your own.
Why do I feel like I got sent off to finishing school? I asked dryly.
Now theres another good idea, Grace said. You could learn to walk with a book on your head.
I snorted. What the hell for?
She smiled and shrugged one shoulder. I have no idea. I think its supposed to make you keep your back straight, or something.
All it would do is make me look like a total idiot, I said. Then again, it was me. Id look good doing it if I did, which I wouldnt.
Right. She picked up a pen from a cup on her desk which was covered in pictures of cats. Well put that in the maybe pile.
I prefer the hell no pile, I said. Right along with the locker, the clipping of wings and anything that involves me wearing a suit.
About that, she said.
I groaned.