Chapter 20
Are you okay?
That was the first thing Bam said to me when I stepped into the shop and made my way to the jumper section.
I shrugged. Ive had better weeks. Like the time I broke my wrist. I was ten. This week was right up there for painful. Heartache and humiliation hurt almost as badly.
I couldnt go anywhere without feeling like people were staring and pointing fingers.
I was only here at Laceys now because I didnt want to let the kids down. I needed an ugly jumper. That didnt mean I couldnt choose one quickly and then get the hell out of here.
Im sorry that asshat took those photos of you. Bam seemed genuinely apologetic, but it could be because his name was right there beside mine. We shared the stares and fingers.
If I knew he was gonna do that, I would have… He shrugged.
Yeah. There wasnt much he could do that wasnt either out of character or destined to get him into big trouble. If he knew sleeping with me would end like this, hed still have done it. Its who he was.
As for me, I dont know what I would have done. I didnt want to give up that one night. Whether or not he cared, it was special to me. If that made me crazy, then so be it.
Whatever.
I couldnt un-sleep with him any more than I could stop caring about him.
Its just another part of your job, I said finally. Where were the ugly jumpers? Oh, here they were. The first few I saw were more cute than ugly.
Yeah, but its not a part of yours. Bam stopped, eyes wide. Sorry, I didnt mean to bring that up.
It took me a moment to realise what he was referring to. Id almost forgotten I worked for the Rapids at all. My mind was so caught up with everything that happened since.
Its okay. I pulled out a bright blue jumper with a reindeer knitted on the front. I have to move on at some point. I wasnt referring to the Rapids, specifically, but it would be better if he thought I was.
Right. He nodded toward the jumper. Thats not ugly enough.
I snorted a laugh out my nose. Its adorable. I put it back on the shelf.
Bam looked like he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth and nodded toward a bright pink jumper with a bauble on the front.
Thats pretty ugly, he said.
Pink doesnt really say Christmas, I pointed out. Not even in July.
True. What about bright red? Bam pointed.
Now I laughed out loud. With a semi-naked Santa reclining in front of a fire? I think the kids might run away from me if I turned up in that.
I guess the semi-naked elf beside that is out then. Bam looked at it sideways. Those are way too big to be real.
She is knitted, I pointed out. He was right though. If that elfs breasts were real, shed fall over onto her face. Or onto her chest. On the upside, shed bounce.
Shes pretty impressive, Bam said, his eyes still on her. Can we have elves like that at the party?
Only if its adult only. I rolled my eyes. Guys would never change, would they?
And my friends and I would always make comments about hot guys, because we werent dead yet. There was no shame in expressing our appreciation.
Hey, Grace, I found the perfect one. Apparently Bam managed to pry himself away from the busty elf. He held up a jumper in a nice shade of green. On the front was a white cat, just like Karma, with a Christmas hat on her head. The cat looked as happy as Karma would have, if she wore one. Pissed off as hell.
Should I say, its the purrfect one. He grinned, obviously very pleased with his find. And his pun.
It really is, I agreed. It needs more cat hairs on it, but I can arrange that easily enough.
No piece of clothing, especially a cat jumper, was complete without some fur here and there.
If a guy could swagger while standing still, Bam would be doing it right now. He handed me the jumper with a flourish and the biggest grin I had seen on him yet.
Milady. He even bowed.
Thanks. I checked to see if it was my size. Part of me hoped it wasnt, so I could bring his ego down a peg or two. Of course, it was.
But then I caught sight of the price tag.
Uh, yeah, maybe we could find a cheaper one. Without a regular income, things were quickly getting tight for me. I had enough to pay the rent for another month, but after that… Id be in trouble.
Bam would totally understand, having been there himself, but it was still embarrassing.
Im paying, he said firmly.
I flushed slightly. I dont expect you to?—
Think of it as a uniform expense, he said. Youre kinda working for me, so I pay for it. The expression on his face said not to argue with him.
Before I could form a reply, a new voice said, So thats the nature of your relationship. You pay her for her time. Is that by the hour? Harvey Danbury stepped out from behind a shelf, a smarmy smile on his face.
If anyone knows about selling themselves, its you, Danbury, Bam retorted.
Any other time, I would have offered him a high five. That was a pretty good burn.
Harvey smiled. You know about buying sex, do you, Mr Clinton?
Bam laughed, almost in the guys sleazy face. Ive never had to buy sex in my life. Dont worry though, its nothing you should be ashamed of. A guy has needs, even one like you.
Harveys lip curled, but he smiled. Not a pleasant smile. He looked like hed sell his own mother if it made him money.
Even hookers have to eat, he said. The things people do whatever they have to, to get by. He looked directly at me.
I resisted the urge to flip him off. If that was the case, I wouldnt be ashamed of it. Its a more honest way to make a living than anything you do.
Really? Harvey said slowly. Care to tell me all about it?
He was so revolting he made my stomach turn.
You first, I said.
Bam chuckled. Yeah. What makes a guy crawl through the sewers for a few dollars?
Because it pays more than a few dollars, Harvey said. And its just as useful to society as throwing a piece of dead animal around and calling it a job.
Bam shrugged. Millions of fans all over the world seem to like it. Its called entertainment.
So is what I do, Harvey said. Your dirt makes people feel better about themselves.
I could sue for harassment if you hang around much longer. Bam turned to me. What do you think, Grace, should I sue his ass?
This is a public place, Harvey said, but he took a few steps back. Were merely having a pleasant conversation.
Grace and I were having a pleasant conversation, Bam corrected. You werent part of it. Run along now, before youve outstayed your welcome even further.
Personally, I think hed outstayed the moment he appeared, if not before that.
Harvey smiled at me. There was no way anyones teeth were naturally that white. Or straight. Maybe someone punched his real teeth out at some point.
Word is, Mr Clinton here got you sacked from a very good position— he drew the word out, with the Rapids. If you ever feel bitter enough to talk about it, look me up. Our mutual friend, Bec, knows where to find me.
I knew for a fact she was no friend of his, but I gave him an insincere half smile.
If Im ever that low, Ill seek you out, I said.
Good, Im sure I pay much better than he does. Harvey looked me up and down. He clearly had more in mind than a story.
EWWWW.
He turned and walked away.
I made a gagging sound in the back of my throat. If that doesnt give me nightmares, nothing will. And if I didnt find work after this party, it might be my reality. That made me want to curl up in a ball in a corner and cry.
Ill personally make sure that never happens to you, Bam said. Hell, if I have to start a charitable foundation and give you a job there, I will. He paused, then snapped his fingers. Thats actually a really good idea. I could call it… Bam… Something. Ill work on that. He grinned.
I tried to smile, but I wasnt sure if he was serious or not. And if he was, could I bear to work with him for—potentially—years? How long could a person hold a candle for someone they see regularly and not go completely crazy?
Thats something to think about, I said, showing neither enthusiasm nor condemnation of his idea. It was a good one, really, and could help a lot of people. What I wasnt sure about, was my involvement.
It really is. Bam had obviously taken the idea and was running off with it in his head. We could have a Christmas in July party every year. And a Christmas one. He glanced around. With all the ugly jumpers. He looked like he was about to pull every one that might fit me off the shelves and buy them all here and now.
I put out my hand, but didnt quite touch him, as much as I wanted to. Even being this close made my heart do silly somersaults.
One at a time, I said firmly.
So youll let me buy that? He pointed to the one under my arm. Because if you dont, Im just gonna sneak back and get it.
I believed him. If I dont have a choice, then I might as well say yes, I said.
Good answer, he said. What about some cute pants with snowflakes all over them? He waved toward them.
They were extremely cute. If I was working at either of my old jobs— Who was I kidding, I couldnt have afforded them anyway.
Uh, theyre not my thing, I lied. I have jeans, they will do.
He eyed the pants for a moment longer. Okay, if you say so. He looked like he might insist I try them on, but instead he slid the jumper out from under my arm.
His hand brushed mine. My heart raced faster than Rudolph at the head of Santas sleigh.
Our eyes locked. We stayed like that for about a hundred years before I managed to glance away.
Thank you, I muttered. I appreciate you…buying my uniform for me.
He flashed me a smile that would have set anyones pulse on fire. If he kept doing that, Id need to lean against a shelf. My knees would turn to jelly and refuse to hold me up any longer.
Damnit, why did he have to be so stinking hot? It would be so much easier if he looked like Harvey Danbury. And if he acted like him. There would be no temptation then, not even slightly. There would be—what was the opposite of temptation? Revulsion? Yeah, that, and lots of it.
Any time, Bam said softly. He gave me a long look, which I saw in the corner of my eye.
He almost seemed to be longing for…for something. He couldnt be. Could he?
By the time I turned my face to look directly at him, hed tucked the jumper under his arm and started off to pay.
I must have imagined what I saw on his face. I thought I saw what I wanted to see.
There was no way Bam cared about me too.