Chapter 10
ten
Today is the day, and I am not ready for it.
I feel like a real grown-up walking into the OB-GYN office knowing there is a baby growing inside of me. It has my nerves on edge. I want to bolt, but I know I can’t.
Brett is at my side, his hand on the small of my back as he leads me through the door and up to the desk.
He has been amazing through this whole thing.
I don’t know what happened, but after our talk, he jumped right into daddy mode.
He is all about the baby and, by extension, me.
The attention is really quite flattering.
I’m not sure how I feel about it, though.
Part of me wants the attention, but part of me wonders if I’m letting myself fall deeper for the guy when I don’t even know my own mind right now.
How is that fair to him?
“Hi, can I help you?” a woman at the front desk asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
My throat closes up. I can’t speak.
Brett doesn’t hesitate to step in. “Hello. We have an appointment at ten for Emery Monroe.”
“Awesome. I just need you to fill out this paperwork.” She hands a clipboard with papers over to Brett. “And bring it back up to me when you are done. I’ll need an insurance card and ID as well to get you established.” She looks up at me.
I give her a weak smile as I reach into my bag, pulling out my ID and insurance card.
“Great. We already ran your number when you called it in, so I’ll need to collect your co-pay for your visit. It will be twenty dollars.”
Before I can pull out my card, Brett hands her his.
I don’t say anything, waiting until he is done before he leads me to a corner to fill out the paperwork.
“Okay, so full name. Emery Monroe. They want your middle name, too. What is it?” He looks up to ask me.
“Penelope,” I mumble.
He smiles. “It fits you. I like it. Date of birth is April fifth, 2004.”
I gasp. “How do you know that?”
“You told me once,” he says, filling in my demographics.
“When?” I ask, not remembering.
“After the fourth hockey game sophomore year,” he says absentmindedly.
I watch him as he continues to fill out the paperwork as if he didn’t just rock my world. He remembered something I only told him once, nearly two years ago.
“You’ve never wished me a happy birthday,” I mumble.
He stops what he’s doing and looks up at me. “You didn’t want me to. You wanted me to be a secret fling. I figured birthdays were too serious for you.”
He’s right. I don’t even know his birthday, but had he acknowledged mine, I might have ended our little arrangement. How does he know me so well?
“All right. Now they want to know your medical history. Any surgeries?”
“No,” I answer.
“Previous pregnancies?”
I glare at him. “No.”
He holds up his hands. “It’s asking. Do you want to read through it and fill it out?”
I grab the clipboard from him and spend the next ten minutes answering personal questions. When he takes it up to the front, I watch him go. He chats with the woman for a moment, but it’s not flirty like it would have been when we met. It’s only friendly.
Did I miss when he stopped flirting with other women?
It takes another twenty minutes before they call me back.
They weigh me and check my blood pressure and heart rate.
Then they ask me to get changed into a little gown, making me feel insecure.
Brett thankfully steps out, only coming back in when I yell that it’s okay.
Then he holds my hand as we wait for the doctor.
When the knock comes, I swear my heart stops.
“Hello there. I’m Rebecca. I’m Dr. Nguyen’s nurse. I’ll be going over your intake with you. I see we have blood work from the Woodbury Urgent Clinic confirming pregnancy, so we can skip that part. Is this dad?” the woman asks as she looks at Brett.
“Yes,” I answer, my voice sounding shaky.
“I’m glad you could make it. Today we are going to do an ultrasound and get a good baseline on your health. Let’s start with the personal stuff. Are you okay with me discussing it with him in here?” Rebecca asks.
I squeeze his hand. He is not leaving me alone through this.
“That’s fine.”
After she goes through my file with me, she smiles. “I’ll go let the doctor know you are ready.”
When she steps out, I turn to Brett. “I’m scared.”
He smiles down at me, pressing his forehead to mine. “Me too. It’s okay.”
I let out a relieved breath. He has been taking this so calmly that I thought it was just me. I’m glad he is as scared as I am.
When the doctor comes in, she puts me at ease.
“Hello. I’m Dr. Nguyen. I hear we have a bun in the oven. How about we take a look at this little one?”
I nod, unable to speak.
She moves to my side and turns on a machine.
“This is supposed to be warm, but sometimes the temperature difference can be a bit much, so let me know if it bothers you,” she tells me as she grabs a bottle.
Then she opens my gown around my flat stomach and squeezes some on.
It makes me gasp, but I nod for her to continue.
She uses a wand to spread it around as she looks at a screen.
After a few minutes, a whooshing sound comes out of the machine.
I’ve only ever heard it in movies, but I know what it is before she says it.
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat. It’s strong. You’re doing great, mama. Look. There is your little one.”
I glance over at the screen, tears filling my eyes. That’s my baby.
I hear a sniffle at my side and look up to see Brett crying.
No, it’s not my baby.
It’s our baby.
Our baby is on the screen. Our little apple.
Tears are streaming down my face, but I don’t care. I’m looking at our baby. Something equally part Emery as it is me.
I love you.
I send the thought to the baby through the screen. I never realized I could love something as much as I love this little blob on the screen. It’s not even a fully developed human yet, and I already feel such a strong connection.
That’s my blob, and I will do anything for it.
“Your baby is measuring about four and a half inches, so right about the fifteen-week mark, which is what you believed. He or she seems to be growing well. I’ll print you both a copy of this.”
The woman pulls back the wand and does something on the machine. Then she turns and wipes off Emery’s stomach with some paper towels. As she does stuff around the room, I look down at Emery. She is crying too.
I drop a kiss to the top of her head, squeezing her hand. I am so happy that this happened with her. I cannot imagine having a child with anyone else.
When the doctor turns back, she hands me two photos.
“You’re already taking the prenatals, which is good.
I want to send you for some blood tests just to make sure your health is good.
I know the urgent care took some, but they only tested for illnesses, not everything we need to see.
I’ll give you a slip to take to the lab for that.
Do you have any questions or concerns for me? ”
Emery is about to say no when I speak up.
“She’s been having trouble keeping food and drinks down. Not all the time, but sometimes she gets so nauseous that she can’t move,” I tell the woman.
“Sickness is common. Most people call it morning sickness, but it can happen at any time. Get the blood tests, and if they come back okay, I can call in a script for some medicine to help with that.”
“Will it hurt the baby?” I ask. “I read that some medicines can transfer to the baby.”
The doctor smiles at me. “No, it won’t. It is safe to use during pregnancy.”
“Thank you,” I mumble, looking down at a shocked-looking Emery.
“Anything else?” the doctor asks.
“No. Thank you,” Emery speaks up.
“Great. You can get dressed and stop at the front. They will have your lab orders and can set up your next appointment. We will see you monthly until about thirty-seven weeks. You two have a great day.”
When she leaves, I step out again, waiting for Emery to get dressed. As I do, I stare at the photo in my hands.
That’s our baby.
Emery steps out of the room, so I shove the photos in my pocket and wrap my arm around her.
After grabbing the labs and making the next appointment, I lead Emery out to my car.
“Where to next since we can’t do the blood test until you’ve fasted?” I ask her.
“I’m actually starving. Can we get some food? I’ll go in the morning for the labs,” she tells me.
“Of course. Anything sticking out to you?”
“Honestly? I really want a chili cheese dog. I know it sounds weird, and I’m not really supposed to eat processed meats like that, but the craving is strong.” She looks at me sheepishly.
“Then that’s what you get. In moderation, foods like that are fine, and the most important thing we want is for you to be eating, so let’s go.”
As I take off, Emery speaks. “When did you do all of this research? Don’t get me wrong, I knew you did some but…”
“The day you told me, I started looking into things and haven’t been able to stop. I guess when I used to mindlessly scroll socials, I now scroll parenting websites. You can learn a lot when you are focusing your energy in the right way,” I admit.
The touch of her hand on my arm has me glancing over quickly before putting my eyes back on the road. What I see is something softer. More intimate. Something that could turn into love.
“That is sweet. I didn’t realize you did all of that. I haven’t looked up as much as I should have. I feel behind.”
I shake my head. “Nope. There is no behind. I can teach you anything I know, and you will teach me the things you learn. We can take a parenting class together so we can even learn together. We definitely need to take a childbirth class together. Which reminds me, we need to decide on birth plans and all that. Are we doing a hospital birth or at home?”
“In my apartment or the hockey house? We are going to the hospital.” She laughs.
“Fair point. Do you want to try all natural or the drugs?”
She hesitates. “I don’t know.”
“That’s okay. You don’t need to know yet, but these are things we will need to decide. I’ll be the best advocate you have,” I promise her as I pull up to Ed’s Coney Dogs.
“I know you will,” she tells me.
I look over at her. “I know you might feel alone sometimes, and that this is scary. Trust me, it’s scary for me too, but all the best things in life scare me. You scare me. Hockey scares me. The future scares me, but I’m willing to face my fears and make this great.”
“I…” She trails off.
“What? Tell me. You can tell me anything,” I urge her.
Then she reaches out and grabs my hand. “I think I can face anything with you by my side.”
It’s not a declaration of love, but it’s a step in the right direction.
I’ll take it.
“Good. Now let’s go get you a foot-long Coney dog with chili cheese.”
She smiles wider. “Extra chili and cheese.”
I laugh. “Whatever you and Apple want, you get.”
If she were mine, I would lean across and kiss her on the lips, but we aren’t, so I do the next best thing.
I lean over and kiss her temple.
One day.