Chapter 49 #3
He was sad, furious, but also desperate.
His partner's reaction frightened him. He didn't want to lose what he'd achieved, not after everything he'd been through to be by her side—he'd worked so hard to make it work.
After every daily struggle, he simply couldn't let this fracture form between them. Not when they were so close to freedom.
“I already knew, you know?” Kyller said, resigned.
Hearing this, he grew confused and wary. Those words could mean countless different things.
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Zion. Let's stop pretending, okay?
Do you think I'm so stupid I didn't realize all your old distance and hatred for the bond stems from how much it disrupted your life with her? For years you treated me like trash because I was the wrench that ended your relationship with the woman you really chose! The woman you truly loved!” Kyller pointed at the picture frame, at Kaori.
Zion thought she had to be joking. Every word coming out of her mouth couldn't be real. He couldn't keep up with all these increasingly absurd accusations.
“You must be going crazy!” he almost shouted, gesturing wildly. “You know damn well I distanced myself because of a pact I made to save your life! You're the woman I chose!”
“Bullshit!” she shouted back. “I was forced on you because of this damn bond!”
“And you're not wrong! When we first met, the bond is what brought us together, and it was also why I left Kaori.
That's physiological, instinctive, and irrational, and I'd be lying if I said otherwise.
But the truth is, after discovering the bond, I was captivated and chose to fight for you—not because you became my partner, but because of all the strength, grit, and courage engraved in your scars.
I read the stories written all over your body!
I found you, I saw what had been done to you!
I saw how hard you fought. I saw all your medical reports and exams and learned roughly what you'd faced just to stay alive…” He choked on the lump rising in his throat; his vision blurred as memories flooded back.
“I was there when you decided to fight and choose life. I was in that damn room!”
He was shouting for the first time, distraught by his own memories. She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head as if to deny the truth, as if she didn't want to hear it.
“Do you think I did all that just because you were my partner? I did it because I chose you! I risked everything because I wanted you in my life! I wanted the partnership! You have no idea how much I admired the courage I saw in your eyes that day. All of that showed me you were worth it! Not as my obligation, but as someone I truly wanted as my partner. I felt damn proud to have someone like you connected to me, damn it!”
“You said it yourself—when you found out about the kiss between me, Aish, and Hiro, that the bond prevented you from being with other people. So how can this not be just about the bond?”
He laughed bitterly. The wretched memory of Kyller caught between those two drove him insane.
“You tell me! If I hadn't hammered at the bond a thousand times like a madman, you would have gone ahead with both of them! So how can you tell me that if I'd wanted to—since I kept the bond blocked all that time—I couldn't have been with someone else, just like you?”
She thought for a few seconds, and he could barely keep still.
“Don’t lie to me, Zion.”
“These aren’t lies! Are you going to ignore everything I said at Lemon’s? Just ignore every word, throw away everything we have?”
She glared at him.
“What we have?” she shouted, slamming her hand on the counter. “What exactly do we have, Zion? We have nothing—just a trainer-student relationship.”
“You know that’s not true.” He took a step toward her. “You know our relationship goes far beyond that—it’s only complicated because of the deal.”
“You made it clear that the only thing drawing us together is desire from the bond. It’s not about me, it’s not about love!”
“Damn it, Kyller!” he shouted. “Do you really think I felt desire when I met you? When you were nearly dead, needing help, and worst of all—just a teenager.” She stared at him in shock. “Obviously none of those decisions were about desire! There was nothing sexual about any of it!”
She shook her head. She seemed incredulous, unwilling to believe his words—as if they were nothing but pretty lies designed to deceive her heart. Zion felt he was losing her. He needed to do something.
Kyller tried to push past him toward the stairs. On impulse, without thinking of the consequences, Zion grabbed her. She fought against his grip. He had to admit—with some pride—that she gave him trouble, but he managed to pin her against the wall with his body.
“Don’t run now. Don’t run from me,” he begged, struggling to keep his fury and desperation in check as he held her in place. “Don’t hide from the truth. Talk to me.”
“I think it’s hilarious that you want to tell me all this now that I’ve found out about Kaori! Where was all this before? Or is this just more lies you’re making up to shut me up and keep me in line?”
Kyller struggled and tried to break free, shattering whatever control he’d managed to place over his fear and anguish.
“What do I have to do to make you understand, once and for all, that I’m in love with you?”
She stopped fighting, her eyes widening at the declaration. Zion seized the moment to pour out everything he felt before he lost his nerve.
“That I’m desperate for the deal to end so I can finally feel free enough to get closer to you, to know you better.
Don’t you understand that every time I get closer, every time I discover something new about you, I get closer to breaking that promise and condemning us both?
You have no idea how hard I fight every second to keep myself from touching you.
To smother the pain of not being free to have a life with you! ”
“You say one thing and do another!” she shouted, but her voice held fury and hurt, not the desperation and fear in his.
“You never treated me like I mattered. You never did anything that made me feel like your choice! You never showed love, or concern, or anything like it. Do you even know what being in love means to say something like that?”
He swallowed hard.
“I know what I feel—that doesn’t mean I know how to act on it.
I wasn’t raised with love as a priority.
I don’t know how to say or do the right thing.
I don’t know what it’s like to be in a loving relationship, Kyller.
I don’t know what I should say, but I’m willing to learn.
” He leaned closer to her face, released one of her hands, and placed his own on her cheek.
“Teach me, Kyller. I’ll do whatever it takes to learn.
Tell me what you want, and it’s yours. You just have to tell me. ”
He held her gaze until her expression seemed to clear for a moment.
She seemed hypnotized by his ocean eyes.
Zion was so confused by the whirlwind of feelings that he couldn’t tell which were his and which came from her.
He’d never felt so cornered and unprepared in his life—except for the day he’d found her. And here he was, fighting again.
Her hand seemed to relax for the first time where it gripped his arm, and he sighed with anxious relief at her understanding.
His eyes drifted unhappily to Kyller’s full, inviting mouth.
With his barriers down, he felt a powerful wave of emotion wash over them both.
For the first time in his life, he could admit to being terrified—and that terror came from the thought of losing this woman.
Zion couldn’t wrap his mind around it—he was so close.
She was his partner. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop feeling drawn to her.
An unfamiliar urgency seized him, and he knew the bond was exacting its price for all the distance he’d kept.
He was so close he breathed the same air leaving her lungs.
His blood ran hot as he stared at those pink lips just inches from his own.
Before Zion could think, need overtook him, and he didn’t even notice when he pressed his lips to hers.
He barely had time to taste the sweetness of the kiss before a sharp, piercing pain shot through him from her bite.
His eyes went wide with shock.
He pulled back from her, stumbling two steps away. Blood stained Kyller’s mouth. A low growl rumbled from her throat, and fury blazed in her eyes. He raised a hand to his own mouth, feeling the tender spot and the sticky wetness he knew was blood. The iron scent filled his nostrils.
He pressed the wound and stared at her in disbelief. He watched the fury in her eyes give way to sadness as a tear rolled down her cheek. Inside him, hurt and contempt swelled at the offensive act Kyller had just committed.
She had bitten him.
And she’d bitten him after he’d opened what little remained of his tattered heart, something he’d never done in his life.
Kyller seemed to realize what she’d done and stepped toward Zion, hand extended. He moved out of her reach, pulling his hand away from his wounded lip. She shook her head, and Zion could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
“I just want... I was just going to heal...”
Without a word, he stepped back, silencing her.
“Zion...” she called, but he ignored her and vanished into the shadows.