Chapter 59 #3
“Her gift wasn’t strong, and at fourteen they wanted to send her to a breeding camp because she’d serve better bearing children than healing.
That was when Ravena and I began uncovering the secrets behind our birth.
Because of that, we prevented many girls from the same facility from being turned into breeders.
When they came to get your mother, she fought.
She fought like the red devil she was and took down every guard who tried to take her.
Ross stayed by her side, and it was the first time I saw your father lose his patience. He protected her with all his heart.”
My eyes filled with tears. So many stories about them, and I knew nothing. I couldn’t even remember our last night together.
“It was that night she finally noticed him, and after years of persistence on his part, she agreed to be with him. The nation gave up trying to send her to the camps since they saw her potential in battle, so they assigned her to train a secondary squadron. Actually, it was more like an experiment. They knew she had something special because her fights were incredible. They wanted her to train this squadron to see how lethal it could be in battle. The squadron was named ‘Night Squadron.’”
My hands clenched on the table and my jaw dropped.
“You mean the Night Squadron started because my mother was being tested?”
“Yes and no. The squadron started because Ravena and I discovered the macabre story behind our lineage. We were the first psychics to be born, and Drutes wasn’t prepared to deal with that. Lagherta was the key that gave us the power and ability to launch the rebellion.”
“And why did she stay in Drutes instead of coming with you?”
“We needed someone strong to stay there and be the bridge between the nations. No one wanted to stay, but she volunteered, as long as Ross stayed too. For years, she worked as an informant, helping descendants escape from Drutes while Ravena and I worked from the outside, bringing refugees to Interion. After Ravena was gone, I continued alone, but this time I started directing them somewhere else. Years later, I got Zion’s help. The rest you already know.”
“Actually, I don’t know, Serguei,” I replied, a little frustrated and anxious. “Tell me everything that happened the day she died. I want to know.”
His eyes shone with pain. He looked around at all the happy people in the place while the sound of Aish’s mother’s laughter filled the air. It was sweet, high-pitched, and warm. It contrasted with the emptiness in my chest.
“Another time, child. I have many things to tell you, but not tonight. After the test, we can sit down to talk, and then I’ll tell you what you’ve forgotten.
But tonight, we should celebrate. Wherever Lagherta and Ross are, I believe they’re looking at you, and your ascension is special—both to them and to me. ”
He smiled regretfully, and I tried to smile back, but there was a lump in my throat.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said, my heart beating painfully in my chest.
“My pleasure,” he replied, tipping wine to his lips. The waiter arrived moments later with an array of dishes, and I spent a while sampling each of the four plates from different nations.
“I want to thank you as well,” Serguei said, finishing his dinner. His voice was slightly slurred from the strong wine. It was Yonserian, and drinks from that nation were known for their alcohol content being far above average.
“For what exactly?”
“For getting Zion to say what he feels about me. I believe if you hadn’t asked, I never would have known.” He spun a ring on his finger—what looked like a wedding band.
“You were listening,” I exclaimed, shocked. “Ever heard of privacy?”
“What do you expect from the king’s psychic?” he asked, rolling his eyes.
“If you wanted to know, why didn’t you ask Zion? Why did you wait for me to ask?”
“Because I lost the right to those questions a long time ago, and maybe I was afraid to hear the answers.”
We looked at each other for a while, uncertain what to say. Music played in the background, voices and smells washing over my senses, but I could only look at Serguei and wonder what tormented his thoughts as he avoided meeting my eyes.
“I was a shitty father,” he finally confessed.
“I know.” Serguei looked up at me, surprised. “What? You’re going to read my thoughts anyway. I’m just saying it out loud.”
“Is this where the big lecture starts about how I treated Zion?”
“I’m not one to kick a man when he’s down,” I said dryly.
He studied every expression on my face, as if trying to understand me.
His presence probed my mental barrier, but today it was high and well reinforced.
I was getting the hang of it. “I’m not going to judge you, Serguei.
What matters to me is that you raised a good, strong, and honorable son.
That’s more than can be said for many fathers. ”
“Don’t give me credit for that. I raised a general, Kyller.
I taught him about wars, politics, and diplomacy.
All the good in him, the parts that really matter, were already his—and I even tried to corrupt that by believing goodness was a flaw.
Now I see I was wrong about that, but what wasn’t I wrong about? I’m a man made of mistakes.”
He drank another glass of wine and, by my count, that was his sixth.
“Mistakes teach too, maybe even more than successes.”
“They teach, but the price is high. I lost Zion along the way because I let go of his hand trying to hold the fragments of my soul together. There was a time when I was so destroyed that I looked at my own mind and it seemed foreign to me. Back then, any mind was a better refuge than my own, and it was during that madness that I tried to be a father. I was a teacher, a trainer, and a judge, but never his father.”
“Then talk to him. As you heard, he’s already forgiven you,” I murmured, trying to catch his gaze, but he avoided looking back at me.
“Asking for forgiveness means being ready to let the wound heal. I don’t know how to do that.
I don’t know if I can let it scar over.” His hand touched his chest, as if showing where it hurt.
“I had love and it was taken from me. I had hope and it left too. Happiness, joy... All of it disappeared in time, like mist kissed by the sun. When I had nothing, the pain remained. I don’t think I know how to let it go.
I can’t forgive myself. I can’t ask for forgiveness. If I’m not pain, what will I be?”
I reached across the table to touch him, but he pulled away. His eyes looked desolate.
“If you don’t try, you’ll never find out.”
He downed another glass of wine and finally looked at me. It was as if violent tornadoes danced in his eyes. My heart tightened with every second of silence that stretched between us.
“I should have died with her, you know? I was willing to. That was my plan. Save my people, die with Ravena, and be buried beside her. Let the world judge me a traitor too. When I killed her, I was prepared to plunge the dagger into my own heart and die at her side. My soul left with her, Kyller.”
“Then why didn’t you?” I wanted him to let it all out, since tonight he seemed willing to purge every part of the monster that had been eating him from the inside out.