Chapter 8
Sadie was rarely lost for words, but right now, she didn’t know what to say.
For whatever reason, she felt a strange affinity toward Saul, something that was unusual since she kept everyone at arm's length.
She knew, from the way her pulse tripped at the energy that thrummed through her where he held her hand, it was a stronger than usual physical attraction. But it also felt like so much more.
She suspected he was a lot like her in many ways.
Perhaps that was why. Still, the thought of him not being in this world - even though she’d only just met him - was unexpectedly abhorrent.
He was a good man. An honorable one. Sadie knew to her detriment not everyone was.
Just like she knew of herself that others who might be, never had the chance to prove themselves to her. She was too damaged to let them close.
Saul watched her while she digested everything he’d told her, and she was well aware he was searching her expression for her reaction to the many confidences he’d poured into those relatively few words.
Apart from one indrawn breath, she doubted she’d given him any inkling…
mostly because she didn’t know how she felt about any of it herself.
But also, because she was a true master at masking her feelings.
She dissected them as he watched her.
Pride that he used his erroneous image to serve his country.
Fear that his life was in danger.
Gratification that he trusted her with his secrets.
Gratitude that he was willing to do the hard job of taking out the scum of the earth. Sadie knew how much death, especially at one's own hand, messed with the psyche.
Attraction to his honor and integrity as much as his looks.
Scratch that. Looks had no place in this thought process.
Doesn’t hurt though, and definitely contributes to the overall package.
And that sent her mind into a spiral it really shouldn’t have been on.
Stop thinking about his package! The poor guy’s injured and in danger.
If her thoughts ever showed on her face, she’d be blushing right now.
Setting her train of thought firmly back on the right track, her final conviction was one of determination to help him.
Sifting through everything else he’d told her since he arrived, she pulled her hand away, mourning the loss, and finally spoke.
“You said no one could trace you or had tracked you here. And I assume, even if they did, the trail would lead to your own cabana. That means being on the island, and especially in my home, is a safe place for you right now.”
Saul nodded. “But…”
She cut him off before he could qualify the objection she knew sat on his tongue. “So exactly what do you need in order to stop this auction and make your future safe?”
He closed his mouth and frowned. Clearly, that wasn’t what he’d expected to hear.
Sadie raised an eyebrow but kept quiet, encouraging him to speak.
Another talent she enjoyed as a psychologist. People always wanted to fill the silence with words, though she expected, as an agent, Saul wasn’t quite that susceptible to her ploys.
But since it was already clear he trusted her, he had nothing to lose by engaging.
He rubbed at his temple, and Sadie knew he must be frustrated that his incapacitation had cost him so much time.
It was clear his pain was still affecting him, but he had no choice but to address these issues, whether he was feeling crappy or not.
She hoped acting as a sounding board would help with his thought process.
“Umm… Well, unfortunately, what I need most is a secure laptop with state-of-the-art shielding protections.”
Sadie smiled at the regret in his voice, which had him believing that wasn't a possibility. “Well, it’s lucky for you that you ran into me then. It just so happens that I can help you with that.”
“But…”
“My laptop has a lot of extremely confidential information on it because of my line of work. Not to mention that it specifically pertains to a kink-oriented island with a lot of very prominent people who don’t want their lifestyle to be outed. I think you’ll find it will exceed your expectations.”
She didn’t mention that she’d also engaged extra protections for personal reasons. She had her own motives for not wanting to be traced.
Gratified when he didn’t argue, Sadie opened her laptop, went through the security protocols, and set up a separate guest section for him before handing it over. “You can add your own protections. All I ask is you free them up when you’re finished.”
Saul took the M3 Max MacBook Pro and raised an eyebrow, probably wondering why a psychologist at a kink resort needed an $8000 laptop, but he said nothing, simply logged on and whistled when he checked her security interface.
“I’m not even going to ask why you have a secure server that rivals the agency's,” he murmured, eying her speculatively.
Sadie just shrugged, like it was nothing.
“I already told you.” It didn’t escape her notice that Saul speared her with a look which suggested he didn’t entirely believe her.
Thankfully, as a man with his own secrets, he didn’t push.
She appreciated that and was happy to afford him the same courtesy.
“Right, well, I’m going to give you some privacy and pop into my office in case there are any direct messages I’ve missed while I’ve been off. Do you need anything while I’m out?”
Saul shook his head, clearly already distracted by whatever code he was inputting into her machine, so she left him to it, surprising herself at how easily she trusted him.
“Wait!” He called out before she got to the door.
Sadie looked back, and he beckoned her over. She went, worried he needed something, but he shocked her when he stood and pulled her into his arms, tucking her head into his neck as he simply… hugged her.
He was the perfect height, and the sultry scent of sandalwood engulfed her like an aphrodisiac.
“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. “For everything.”
She raised her head to respond, but the words didn’t come. They stared at each other and time stood still while awareness arced between them. She thought he might kiss her then. Would have welcomed it. But instead, he let her go and went back to… whatever it was he was doing.
And Sadie was nonplussed.
Turning on shaky legs, she retraced her steps to the door, wondering what the hell had just happened.
She was surprised again, thirty minutes later, when Luca came to find her in her office. There was nothing really pressing for her to do there, but she didn’t want Saul to feel like she was looking over his shoulder, so she’d stayed longer than necessary.
“So, how’s your houseguest?” he asked, and it didn’t escape her notice that Luca didn’t mention Saul by name. Clearly Luca was privy to Saul’s extracurricular activities.
“You should probably talk to him,” Sadie decided.
“He explained… stuff to me, but he wanted to leave, even though he’s in no fit state.
I managed to talk him out of it, but perhaps you should make sure you’re…
comfortable with the situation. I was about to go out for lunch if you’d like to do that confidentially. ”
Luca shook his head and gave her a half smile, which showed in his eyes more than his mouth. “You’re a remarkably astute woman, Sadie. I feel like Saul’s met his match in you.”
Sadie laughed. “Well, we have an understanding, certainly,” she agreed, but the comment warmed her far more than it had any business in doing.
Luca tapped his fingers on her desk. “I’ll take you up on that, thank you. And I’m glad Saul’s chosen to confide in you.”
She gave a perfunctory nod and rose from her chair. “I’ll be home in an hour or so,” she told him, so both he and Saul would know when she’d be back. “If you need any longer, send me a text.”
“I appreciate it, thank you,” Luca replied, pulling her in for another unexpected hug. She fought the urge to stiffen against the innocent hold, but she knew he felt it by the way he immediately stepped back, giving her a courteous nod before he turned and strode away.
One day, Sadie thought. One day she’d be able to accept something as simple as a well-meant hug without flinching.
You didn’t even think of flinching with Saul.
Damn, that voice inside her head needed to fuck right off. She didn’t need this kind of crazy.