37. Chapter 37
I wake the next morning to movement.
My eyes snapping open as I push up onto my elbows to find Alex at the end of the bed placing things into a duffel bag. The sound of the zipper and the clothes rustling pulling a frown to my brow.
“Are we…?” I trail off, because the sentence I was about to finish suddenly doesn’t make sense.
Taking me home.
Leaving together.
Anything that involves me.
He doesn’t turn around to face me, but keeps packing as if I’m not thoroughly confused behind him in bed.
“I need to go,” is all he offers.
I blink, head reeling back softly. Go where, exactly?
“Okay,” I murmur slowly as I fully push up in the bed, draping my arms across my knees. “So we’re leaving?”
“No.”
“No?” I challenge.
He finally turns to me, expression unreadable but focused. My eyes flicking between his own trying to discern exactly what has got him so readily running out the door.
“I’ll be gone for a few days,” he states. “Possibly longer.”
I gape at him, my brain scrambling to catch up to what he just dropped between us.
“Wait, you’re going to leave me here?” I hiss in realization.
“Yes.”
The room feels suddenly far too big and quiet.
“Alone?” I clarify, because surely I misheard.
“Yes.”
A short, incredulous laugh bursts from my panicked chest. “You cannot be serious.”
He steps nearer, zipping the bag and setting it down near the door. “You’ll be fine.”
“That’s not the point,” I snap, flinging the blankets off my legs to stand.
“It isn’t?” The bastard retorts as if he doesn’t know exactly what I am saying.
“No!” I scoff, heart pounding. “You don’t just get to disappear after everything and expect me to be okay with it!”
“I’m not disappearing, Sadie. I’m handling something.” He sighs.
“Handling what?” I growl, still in disbelief.
“Something that requires my attention.”
“That’s vague as fuck,” I shoot back.
His eyes narrow on my tone, but his voice remains even. “I need you to stay here because it is the safest place for you.”
I scoff, my fingers curling into fists at my side. “Oh, so now we’re labeling my stay here as a necessity to keep me from harm?”
“That is not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Oh, I know what it is. You’re framing this like you’re doing me a favor.” I snarl.
“I am.”
“You kidnapped me and now you’re just stepping out? Like I’m a houseplant you can leave on a windowsill?” I practically shriek.
He exhales slowly. “Sadie—”
“No,” I cut in, voice rising. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to pull me apart piece by piece then leave me alone in the woods to spiral!”
That gets his attention and he steps closer, hands lifting. “You’re not alone.”
I gesture wildly to the cabin around me. “Oh, right. The trees will keep me company.”
He sighs and grabs his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before turning on his heel and exiting the bedroom. I’m right on his ass, furious as I follow in his footsteps.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demand.
Really wishing I had that crowbar again right about now.
“You kidnapped me and dragged me out here. You trapped me in these woods! You’ve been—” I choke on the rest because my mind wants to say you’ve been inside of me.
You’ve been all over me and in my head like he owns real estate there.
“And now you’re just… stepping out? Like I’m a dog you can leave with a bowl of water?”
He doesn’t flinch or bother to look offended. Which pisses me off more because he grabs a mug from the counter and bothers to pour himself coffee before he completely fucks off on me.
“You’ll be fine,” he murmurs.
“That is not the point.”
He turns, leaning his hip against the counter to finally look at me fully. His icy blue eyes sharp and his expression far too composed for the chaos he just dropped on me.
“It isn’t?” He asks, like he’s genuinely curious.
“No!” I screech, hands flexing at my sides. “You don’t get to do this to me! You don’t get to pull me apart until you like what you see and then leave me alone in a cabin to—what—marinate?”
A flicker crosses his expression at that, it’s not guilt or shame, but… interest?
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” He questions softly.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re doing at all. That’s the problem!”
He sets the mug down and steps back toward me. Not that at the present moment I want him anywhere near me. “I told you I am handling something.”
“And I told you that was fucking vague,” I spit.
“I am aware.”
“Suspiciously vague,” I snark.
He doesn’t deny it, but watches me. Tracking my breathing and posture, and the exact moment this anger tinges into fear.
“And what if something happens? What if someone finds this place? What if I—” My voice catches despite itself. “What if you don’t come back?”
His expression softens as he steps nearer. “I will come back.”
“Oh, right. Because you’re so trustworthy.” I growl.
“You’re reacting,” he murmurs gently.
“Yeah, no shit,” I snipe. “I’m reacting to being abandoned in the middle of nowhere.”
He pauses at the word abandoned and he shakes his head. “I’m not abandoning you. I’m leaving you in a controlled environment that you know.”
“That is the same thing with fancier words!”
“No, it isn’t.” His tone goes steel-flat.
I cross my arms over my chest like it can hold me together. “So what, you’re leaving me a car? Keys? A map?”
His eyes don’t change, and it’s infuriating.
“There isn’t a car,” he mutters.
My stomach drops. “Alex, no. Don’t—”
“The nearest road that leads anywhere useful is twelve miles through forest,” he cuts me off. “You wouldn’t make it before dark without supplies you don’t have. Think of it as a break to sort your thoughts without me in your orbit.”
He steps even closer and I back one in return. “No, Alex, this is isolation. You know it. I fucking know it.”
“You’re splitting hairs,” He murmurs.
“I’m being accurate.”
I want to hit him with a crowbar and scream until his ears bleed. I want to do something that makes this panic stop crawling under my skin like a thousand busy ants. Every piece of me is buzzing with anxiety.
Instead of crawling out of my own body, I force myself to breathe to keep my focus.
I’ve survived worse rooms than this, I remind myself. Rooms that smelled like sweat and smoke and men who didn’t care if I cried. Rooms where the locks weren’t on doors but on wrists and choices.
Still, this one hits differently.
Because for the first time, the fear isn’t of what someone will do to me. It’s of what I’ll do to myself when I’m alone with the quiet.
“This feels like you’re testing me, Alex. And I fucking hate it.” I whisper, voice and throat tight.
“It’s nothing so dramatic.”
He doesn’t press for further words or crowd me. He just adjusts the strap over his shoulder casually. “I need you to sit with yourself while I’m gone.”
“Doesn’t really seem like I have a choice,” I mutter.
“You can fight the silence. You can break something. You can even spiral.” He murmurs and steps past me. “Or you can just choose to stay.”
The words make my chest ache as he heads for the door. My eyes following every casual step that carries him away from me.
“How long?” I repeat.
“A few days, as I said.” He states, pulling the door open.
I glare at him, not bothering to say anything at all.
Because there isn’t anything to say or do that will ever change Alex’s mind once he’s made it up.
That much had become clear the moment I woke up in this cabin.
I just wish… fuck, I wish he would at least consult me or ask my opinion before he made these decisions for me.
He steps out the door and I breathe in the cold air that rushes past him, heavy with the forest scent of damp earth and pine. Then stand in silence as the door shuts with a soft, final click.
No keys tossed my way for a car that might be waiting. No illusions of freedom.
Just me.
Alone.
In a cabin in the woods with silence thick enough to smother me.
I drag my hands back into my hair and flop down onto the couch, dropping my head against the backrest to stare at the ceiling. Knowing that I might be pissed off with Alex, but the fucked-up part of me that is now completely under his control will remain here.