Chapter 7 New York, New York #2
Ian had told her he would take care of it. This was a mistake. It had to be a mistake.
AJ could think nothing else. Even as Ana took control of the crale. Even as she sprinted across the sand to save Rho, the water rising higher and higher. Even as the camera pulled back to reveal four aqueous figures shimmering on the shore.
Horses. Like in the legend.
The music swelled as Ana dropped to her knees and launched the horses after Rho at a gallop.
“Holy shit,” said Dave. “You made this up?”
AJ didn’t stay to see what followed. She couldn’t bear to watch Noah kiss her for the last time.
At work on Monday, AJ expected Ian to make excuses, to grovel. Instead, he faced her as he would any unhappy reality TV participant: superficially interested, but totally without remorse.
“Age, I saw you called,” he said, that steely glint in his eye. “Did you have a question?”
With a thud, AJ realized she had stopped knowing Ian months ago.
He’d been up-front that Em was his endgame, and he wasn’t going to apologize for it.
For any of it: pushing her into a larger role, shuffling her off during post, using the “No” clip against her express wishes.
In his view, she should have known he’d do whatever it took to succeed, and if she didn’t like it, that was just too bad.
AJ held his gaze, as the last of their trust withered. “No,” was all she could say.
“Okay,” he said without batting an eye. Then they were done.
After that, work became a dark place for AJ. She continued to be professional, but all warmth between her and Ian had turned to rage, resentment, and dread. Ian wasn’t happy either, but that was because he was still there. Because after everything, the show had failed.
As any hope of a second season disintegrated, the full weight of AJ’s grief set in.
The first time she had lost Noah, it had been a private tragedy, hers alone. Now, her sadness was echoed by thousands.
INTO THE BLUE: Arho subreddit
BlueFlower96: I can’t stop crying over Ana and Rho.
$ailorJupit3R<3: Let’s go back to the beach. That kiss!
EarlGreyHot: Holy shit that kiss!
$ailorJupit3R<3: It annihilated him. It’s the only time he smiles in the show.
EarlGreyHot: I just want them to live happily ever after :(
But they wouldn’t.
I miss you, AJ typed into the white space beneath Noah’s email address.
She stared at the note until it autosaved to her drafts folder, along with a hundred others like it.
Every time she was about to hit send, the same thought always stopped her: If Noah wanted to talk to her, he would.
He had the upper hand; he was fucking famous.
And AJ would rather hold on to the possibility of him missing her than find out that these drafts were just fan fiction.
On nights like this, AJ would have given anything for Toni’s advice. Yes, they had their issues. But she had trusted Toni to tell her what to think, who to be.
So, when Dave mentioned that Toni and Ian had officially reverted from lovers to enemies over Labor Day, AJ took the opening.
She texted Toni, and they went back and forth for a bit, riffing on the debasing acts Ian was probably performing for Em, whom Toni now referred to as King of the Turds. It was heartening, if brief.
Then, a week later, AJ ran into Dave on his way out…to Toni’s birthday party.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “She’s just…not in a good place about you.”
AJ nodded; fair enough. Then Dave left, and AJ had a beer. Then she had another. Then she took three shots and decided to stop by Toni’s birthday, just to say hi.
Xiaobo intercepted her outside Capri Social Club. “Age, you need to go home.”
“What the fuck is this?” said Toni, appearing in a light-up crown.
“Toni,” said AJ, as the ground spun. “Where’s the DeLorean? Oh shit, you don’t have one—”
Toni leapt aside as AJ’s stomach contents splashed onto the pavement.
AJ didn’t remember Dave taking her home. Her last snippet was seeing the graffitied Ana and Rho billboard from the BQE and bawling.
At least, she told herself, she’d finally hit rock bottom.
Then “No” went viral.
It happened the Monday before Thanksgiving. What began as a single “hot Black Friday markdowns” tweet featuring her orgasmic “No” GIF germinated into three million hits overnight.
By Tuesday, “No” had ten million views and was being plastered across the internet, from business accounts to personal Twitters, as the cool new way of saying “These sales/boots/grills are so good, you’re going to want to fuck them.”
By Wednesday, the clip had twenty million views, and the guys in AJ’s bodega had started staring at her. At the checkout, she caught a glimpse of her grungy self on the security monitor. Between the show’s paltry reach and Ana’s daily blowout, AJ was rarely recognized.
But now the entire world was staring at her “No” face.
That night, AJ called home and told her mom she could no longer make Thanksgiving. She couldn’t face her family. Particularly her dad. You do paint quite a picture. What would he say now?
Instead, she stayed in her apartment all day listening to Dave (also skipping the holiday) play World of Warcraft through their shared wall, mired in regret.
Into the Blue had been a ruinous mistake. Knowing Em Tyner hadn’t launched her career, it had imploded it. Knowing Noah’s story hadn’t healed her heart, it had broken it.
All AJ wanted was to write jokes, and instead she had become one.
Someone had left an entire case of Mike’s Hard Lemonade in their fridge. AJ downed each sticky bottle at her computer, staring at Noah’s email address.
Hey, so we’re a GIF now…that old chestnut! And now I can’t escape the image of how much I want to bone you…but who can! Also, I still want to bone you. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving!
Delete. Delete. Delete.
She was still in her PJs when the doorbell rang at eight-thirty p.m.
AJ’s big brother, Patrick, stood outside, rosy cheeked, snowflakes in his hair. “Say it’s carol singers,” he said with a smile.
At this well-meaning quote from Love Actually, AJ promptly burst into tears.
It was still snowing as Patrick marched her up the block to Jimmy’s Diner, where he watched her house an entire Williamsburger before leaning in. “Look, I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through. The scale is…But I want you to know that you have nothing to be embarrassed of.”
AJ put her forehead on the table.
“It’s not that bad,” he said, nudging her arm.
AJ sat up. “It is so incredibly bad,” she said. “And the worst part is, I can’t laugh at it. I’m supposed to be able to take a joke, and I don’t think I’ve ever thought anything was less funny.”
Patrick’s eyebrows creased as if the answer were obvious. “So make fun of it.”
“What?” said AJ, pilfering one of his fries.
“Clap back,” said Patrick. “Get your Irish up. Turn your disadvantage into an advantage.”
AJ looked at him, startled.
Patrick shrugged. “I’m working on my dadisms for Charlie and Claire.” As he expanded on this, a quote from Laughter it opened with AJ and Dave in an exact imitation of the “No” pose—only instead of “No,” this time AJ said “Snow,” and the camera cut to an erotic shot of flurries out the window.
Cut to AJ and Dave playing in the snow, licking the snow, snorting the snow, and getting frisky in a threesome with a snowman.
They shot the video in two hours and edited it in another two.
Then AJ called up her little brother, Mike, who was always awake, live gaming on his YouTube channel. When AJ asked him to share the video with his three hundred thousand followers, he agreed.
It worked because it was up first thing on Black Friday, and because it was them, Ana and Pete from the original show, and because it was incredibly dumb, but also incredibly funny.
By the end of Black Friday, “Snow” had a million views.
By Saturday morning, it had three.
By Monday, AJ and Dave had been called in to meet Dani Chan, one of the head writers at SNL.
“You scooped us,” said Dani, pulling her straight black hair into a butterfly clip. “I like ‘Snow.’ It’s wholesome, family friendly.”
“What were you going to do?” asked AJ.
Dani smirked. “ ‘Flow,’ ” she said. “They’d be in the pose, and then she’d look down and see she’d gotten her period. I can see why you chose ‘Snow’ though, considering it’s you.”
AJ had been pulling together an application packet for SNL for three years; she was speechless to now find herself summoned here for something she’d done on a whim.
Dani crossed her arms. “You made up all that shit in Into the Blue, right? Like with the horses?”
AJ nodded.
Dani gave her a long look. “Damn,” she said. She walked behind her desk and began to rummage in one of the drawers. “Damn. Are you an idiot?”
“What?” said AJ.
“You just let them have that?”
AJ stared at her, agape.
Dani rolled her eyes. “Get an agent,” she said, pulling out a business card and handing it to AJ. “Like now. And then have them call me and tell them I want to hire you as a mid-season replacement.”
She handed the card to AJ and opened the door for her to leave. AJ didn’t know whether to be elated or terrified, a feeling that she would soon learn went hand in hand with this job.
AJ knew she should be upset by the things her new agent, Molly Magnusson of WMA, was telling her about Into the Blue. Like how she should have gotten a higher episodic fee and the producer thing in writing. But it was hard to be bitter when she was about to start her dream job.
Ian was so unsurprised when AJ gave notice, it almost took the fun out of it. Almost.