Chapter 7 New York, New York #6
Noah had always had an impulsive streak—the fire he’d set when he was a teenager, kissing AJ when he’d gotten his diagnosis. But those had been reactions to extreme situations. Tonight was different. It was like he had seen AJ, and his self-control had just…vanished.
I was so scared I lost you.
AJ didn’t know what to think. Was this normal, or was this the disease? Was it hot or was it sad?
Possibly both.
She looked to Eudora to gauge her response. The grande dame seemed amused enough at “Scrooge McDrew,” but AJ could detect an air of unease. What must she think of all this?
You have no idea how much I missed you.
At that moment, Eudora caught AJ’s eye and winked. AJ’s mouth went dry.
After the show ended and the houselights rose, AJ gathered her courage and made her way over to her old mentor. Eudora stood on the riser to greet her.
“AJ,” she said, her voice reedier than AJ remembered. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too,” said AJ, the scent of Eudora’s rich floral perfume unsealing a cache of memory.
She was looking past AJ at the stage, watching the NBCU interns strike the sets. “Noah did well tonight, didn’t he?”
“Very well.”
“And you were excellent, my dear,” said Eudora. “Not that you should set store by what I say. I’m often…in the wrong.” She took AJ’s hand in both of hers and bowed her head in contrition.
AJ felt a lump in her throat. “I’m here because of you.”
Tears glinted in Eudora’s eyes, so like Noah’s. She squeezed AJ’s fingers, her expression grave. “He shouldn’t have gone off script like that,” she murmured.
She was speaking to AJ now as the only other person who knew Noah’s diagnosis. AJ nodded in response, astonished by the immediacy of this understanding. Such was the depth of both of their love for Noah.
AJ felt a large hand on her shoulder and looked up to see him, fresh from backstage, sweat at his temples. He seemed perfectly in command of himself as he placed his other hand on Eudora’s shoulder and smiled.
A weighty moment passed as the three of them stood together amid the celebratory atmosphere from a very good show. Noah closed his eyes, and AJ could see that he was enjoying the pleasure of having them both in one place.
“It’s tremendous to see you two playing together after all these years,” said Eudora, placing her hand on his arm.
His eyes opened. “Shall I get you back to your hotel?”
Eudora nodded. “Please.”
As she gathered her things, Noah turned to AJ and grasped her shoulder. “I’ll see you at the after-party.”
Noah looked like he could walk through fire. AJ supposed he already had. She wouldn’t be surprised if this turned out to be their best show of the season. She felt her earlier concern melt away, replaced by annoyance. He was fine. Fucking up with NBC, and totally, irritatingly fine.
But where did that leave her?
The after-party was held on the rooftop of a boutique downtown hotel. After such an exhilarating show, everyone was in a festive mood.
AJ watched the cast members commandeer a heated outdoor living room as she took a seat at the bar and ordered a scotch neat. She figured it would take Noah about an hour to see Eudora back, then another half hour to get down here. By her calculation, he should arrive any minute.
AJ downed her drink and then ordered another, trying to get a handle on herself. In under three hours, she’d gone from dreading Noah’s departure to kissing him, and her thoughts were making about as much sense as a slot machine that spoke in fruits.
“Have you looked at the message boards?” said Dave, plunking onto the barstool beside AJ. He shoved his Android in her face, scrolling demonstratively. “Arho, Arho, Arho, reboot…”
AJ laughed. “No, I haven’t looked.” AJ had gone cold turkey off all Into the Blue–related web content when the show ended. “No” had made this resolution very easy to uphold.
Dave clicked the home screen of his phone closed. “Just saying, for two individuals with no interest in the fandom, you guys just served them one hell of a teaser…”
“We aim to please,” said a low voice behind AJ.
Noah had appeared, having changed into a fresh sweater and jeans.
She had always loved the way he smelled just out of the shower.
The energy between them was still charged from being onstage; they weren’t fully synced, but she could sense enough to know he was feeling relaxed.
“Well, if it isn’t the newest celeb on SNL’s blacklist,” said Dave.
“Great show to you, too, Dave,” said Noah, placing his foot on the ring of AJ’s stool.
Dave shook his head disbelievingly. “It was a great show, man,” he said. “Here, let me get you a drink before you’re officially banned.”
Dave flagged down the bartender. As he did, AJ turned to Noah. “What were you thinking?”
His eyes shone black in the dim glow of the bistro lights. “I was thinking you should be with me,” he said finally. “Onstage. And I was right—you were good.”
AJ’s cheeks warmed. “Well, I hope it was worth it.”
Noah glanced at her lips, then toward the bar. “It was worth it.”
AJ’s insides turned to goo.
It would be so easy to sleep with Noah. Nothing would feel more natural. Perhaps that’s why she hadn’t told him about Brian; some unconscious part of her was hoping Noah would try. Which was totally and completely fucked-up. Brian was a good guy.
But Noah was…Noah. Fuck. Why did he have to kiss her?
“As I was saying,” said Dave, handing AJ a scotch, “this is one of those things that could totally go viral, and when it does…we could have a film adaptation on our hands. I would do a film.”
Noah laughed and took his drink, casually resting his elbow on the back of AJ’s stool. The warmth of his chest radiated through her shirt, but she kept her eyes forward.
“I hate to bring this up,” said Noah playfully, “but the series kind of left off with Ana and Rho striking out on their own. Would Pete even be in the movie?”
Dave scoffed. “Of course he would. Who else would show up to bail out Ana and Rho after they get caught because he happened to be monitoring all the Naval communiqués?”
“Out of curiosity, how much time are you spending on the message boards?” said AJ. As she downed her whiskey, she could feel Noah’s eyes on her throat.
“Enough,” said Dave.
AJ laughed, and she heard Noah’s breath hitch. She glanced up at him over her shoulder and saw heat in his eyes. Fuck. Almost imperceptibly the hand that was resting on the back of her chair brushed against her shoulder blade. AJ had to suppress a chill.
“Heads up, Age,” said Dave. “There’s your boy.”
“What?” said AJ, looking away from Noah.
Brian McKenzie had just stepped off the elevator and was heading right for them.
AJ felt as if she’d plunged into the Hudson.
He must have arrived back early and come to surprise her. As he approached the bar, several cast members flagged him down for high fives. Everybody loved Brian.
“Hey, Dave,” he said, joining them. He beamed at AJ. “There she is.” Numbly, AJ hopped off the stool for a hug, squeezing her eyes shut as he planted a kiss on her cheek.
Now Brian turned to Noah, who sheathed his confusion behind a mask of geniality. “I’m Noah,” he said, offering Brian his hand.
Brian shook it heartily. “I know who you are, man.” Clearly, he had missed tonight’s show. “I loved you in The Contract. I’m Brian, AJ’s boyfriend.”
Noah stilled, and AJ watched him take in this information, watched him take in Brian, and what a viscerally good guy he was.
“AJ’s boyfriend,” Noah repeated, the muscle in his jaw working. AJ felt searing shame, swiftly followed by indignation. Yes, she could have mentioned it. But it wasn’t like Noah had asked if she was seeing anyone. He’d just assumed she hadn’t been.
“Brian works for ESPN,” said Dave, performing AJ’s part of the conversation. “He loves baseball. Like, really loves baseball.”
Noah straightened. At his full height, he was a hair taller than Brian. “Brian McKenzie?” he said. Brian nodded. “I loved that piece you wrote about the Brooklyn Dodgers last year.”
Of course you did, thought AJ, as Noah now extended himself to Brian.
AJ could sense no hostility as the two of them began to ardently shoot the shit about this long-dead baseball team.
She did notice that Noah was no longer looking at her.
After Brian’s favorite story about Jackie Robinson, he surveyed the group.
“I’m gonna grab a whiskey. Can I get you guys anything?”
Noah shook his head. “I should go over there and apologize to Dani.”
“Better you than me,” said Dave.
Noah downed the rest of his drink. “I got nothing to lose.” He clapped Brian on the shoulder. “I’m really glad I got to meet you,” he said, looking him square in the eye.
“Same,” said Brian, giving Noah a nod.
“I’ll see you, Dave,” said Noah. He turned his head toward AJ, but didn’t meet her eyes. “Age.”
He crossed the room in a few strides. AJ resumed her seat at the bar and let Brian get her a drink.
She did her best to follow the conversation between Brian and Dave while clocking Noah’s movements around the party.
He went over to Dani, and then to the outdoor lounge for at least one round of drinks with the cast.
As each second ticked by, AJ could feel the wormhole reopening. Soon, Noah would be gone. Maybe for good, if he truly had gotten himself banned from SNL. He had blazed through and, in a matter of days, reduced any chance she had of forgetting him to cinders.
As AJ threw back a series of scotch neats, it dawned on her that Dani had been right.
Noah was a nepotistic, privileged asshole who never gave a thought to how his whims affected her life.
This was no different from when he’d trapped her into playing Alara.
You should be with me. Onstage. Nice for him to get to decide that.
He who, in his own words, had nothing to lose.
How dare Noah ignore her email then impulsively kiss her. How dare he be hurt she had a boyfriend. He was the one who didn’t want a relationship. He was the one who had rejected her.
You have no idea how much I missed you.
As if he hadn’t known exactly where to find her this entire time. He was just fucking around. Him leaving—that was real life.
When Noah rose to go to the after-after-party with the rest of the cast, AJ stood, tumbler in hand. She intercepted him before he reached the elevator.
“Not saying goodbye? How unlike you,” she said, and felt the energy linking them crackle.
Noah’s eyes gleamed as he motioned for the rest of the cast to go on without him. Slowly, he stepped toward her, sliding his hands into his pockets. In a low voice he said, “I like Brian.”
AJ swirled her drink. “Do you?”
Noah looked right at her and said, “I do. He’s exactly who you should be with.”
The floor had begun to tilt—either that or AJ was listing. “So glad you approve.”
Noah gave her the once-over. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he asked, concern flitting across his face.
The words sent a vile substance swirling in AJ’s gut. Maybe she had, but fuck him. “I’ve had just enough,” she said, “of you. You could have gotten me in real trouble tonight.”
Noah leveled his stare at her. “I didn’t think, I’m sorry.”
AJ smiled at him derisively. “Yeah, you say that, but all I hear is fuck you.”
Noah took another step toward her. “Well, you didn’t seem that upset about it earlier,” he said softly, and for an instant, the ghost of their kiss hovered between them. He swallowed hard. “Then again, you’re not exactly communicative these days, are you?”
“I’m not communicative. Really, Noah?” said AJ, her eyes burning. “I wrote you.” I needed you.
He said nothing, his expression drawn. AJ wasn’t having it. “What, too deep in character to type a response? Or too deep in PETA’s hottest spokeswoman?”
Noah flinched. “You know why I didn’t—”
“You always do this,” she interrupted. “You appear out of nowhere and pull me into this fantasy performance piece you live in, which is fine for you, because all the world’s a stage when you’re a Drew. But, in case you haven’t noticed, we can’t all be Drews.”
Noah was livid. “There she is,” he said, his gaze scalding. “Still playing it safe. Don’t blame me because you didn’t have the guts to go for what you really want in life.”
“What are you talking about?” said AJ, her cheeks coloring.
“Acting,” said Noah. “You love it.”
AJ laughed. “I really don’t.”
As she lifted her drink for a sip, his hand enveloped hers. “Tonight, on that stage, you were loving it,” he said, his eyes lethal. “I could feel you.”
AJ tried and failed to shake him off. “Right,” she seethed. “That’s because I was—”
With you.
AJ’s jaw clamped down as the horrible truth washed over her. She did love acting…with Noah.
She only loved acting with Noah.
And while she might have prevailed on herself to move on in every other aspect of her life, the part of her that played was still seventeen and unbroken and his.
Even if he didn’t know it. Even if he didn’t want it.
Even if he didn’t want her. It had been done long ago, and AJ was powerless to undo it.
This wasn’t anger AJ felt now. It was wrath. The air around them was warping with it. His touch was iron on her skin. AJ could not stand to be powerless for another second.
“What would you know about guts?” AJ sneered. “Your entire life’s been handed to you.”
Noah wrested the glass from her. “At least I’m not hiding in a bottle, pissing away my talents.”
Just like your old man. The words were implicit.
AJ’s teeth were actually bared. “No, you just piss off anyone you can. Does it work? Does it make you feel alive, daring everyone to fight the great Noah Drew?”
He advanced on her, so close their noses were almost touching. “You could have been great,” he said viciously. “But you’re too much of a coward. You were too scared of being seen when you had it, and too scared of looking stupid to get it back.”
AJ glared at him, alcohol rising in her gullet. “You know what, you fucking deserve to be sick.”
The energy between them surged.
Noah blinked rapidly. “I’m not the only one who’s sick,” he said, his voice shaking.
Their connection blared then cut out.
AJ’s eyes stung. “You can stay the fuck away from me.”
“Done,” said Noah. He continued to watch her, breathing hard. AJ stared back. She sensed nothing. She felt nothing. Noah’s lips parted, and he took a breath.
Then he finished her drink and stalked off toward the elevator.
AJ waited for it to ping, gathering herself as it carried him away. Then she walked back to the bar, bid Dave good night, and went home to fuck Brian McKenzie.