Chapter 57
The night was still warm when we stepped out of the ice cream parlour, the city lights soft around us, and her hand was in mine, her fingers warm and small, still smiling from the triple-scoop sundae she had devoured like it was her last meal.
I didn't want the night to end, I wanted to freeze this moment, bottle it, keep it forever, her in that red dress, her hair loose, her cheeks flushed from laughter, the necklace I had fastened around her neck catching the light, she was perfect and she was mine.
Then my phone buzzed.
I glanced at the screen and saw Mark's name, which was unusual because Mark never called me, if he needed something he went through Seraphina and if Seraphina needed something she called me herself. So Mark calling meant something was wrong.
I squeezed Elera's hand and told her to wait here, that I would go get the car, and she nodded, still smiling, as I walked a few steps away and pressed the phone to my ear.
"Mark?"
"She's in labor!"
His voice was high and tight and barely controlled, panic bleeding through every word.
"Caspian, she's-! it's happening, she's in labor, I don't know what to do, I'm a doctor, I know how babies are delivered, but this is-! I can't-!"
"Mark." My voice was calm because I had to be the calm one. "Breathe."
"I can't breathe!"
"Mark. Breathe."
I heard him inhale, shaky and uneven, and then exhale.
"Seraphina is not the first woman to give birth," I said, "and she won't be the last, she's strong and she's stubborn and she'll be fine."
"You don't understand," he said, "you'll only understand when it's your wife, when it's your child, when you're standing there helpless, watching someone you love go through something you can't control, when you stand there helplessly seeing her go through all that pain with no other option!"
I stopped walking and his words hit me somewhere I hadn't expected, I just stood there with the phone pressed to my ear and I thought about it, my wife, Elera, my child, a girl with her eyes and her laugh and a small hand wrapping around my finger. I shook my head, pushing the thought away.
"I'll come by later," I said, "after things have settled, tell her I'll see her."
"I'll tell her," Mark said, his voice steadier now, "and Caspian... thank you."
"Hang up and go be with your wife."
He laughed, a shaky sound, and the line went dead.
I stood there for a moment, the phone still in my hand, the words echoing in my head, you'll understand when it's your wife, and I sat down in the driver's seat and closed the door, the car quiet around me, the city sounds muffled through the glass.
I thought about her, about Elera, I thought about what it would be like to see her carrying my child, her belly round and full, her body soft and warm, I thought about the way she would glow and the way she would smile and the way she would place my hand on her stomach and let me feel our baby move,
and a surge of possessiveness rose in my chest, hot and primal and deep.
I thought about a little girl with her eyes and her smile and her stubbornness, I thought about her running through the estate with her hair wild and her laughter filling the halls, I thought about her calling me Daddy, and I felt something crack open inside me.
I wanted it, I wanted all of it.
I was getting carried away, I was thinking about a future I hadn't earned yet, but God, it felt so good, I didn't know I had a breeding kink until this moment because I loved Elera with every inch of me and I wanted to fill her up till she was full of me, I wanted to see her swollen with my child,
and it didn't feel like just a thought anymore, it felt like a need that ran bone-deep.
I drove back to the ice cream parlour with the smile still on my face, thinking I would tell her something, not everything, but a hint, a promise, that I saw a future with her and that I wanted more and that I wanted everything.
Then I pulled up to the curb and I saw them.
Three men in vibrant shirts, laughing loudly, surrounding her, she was backed against the wall with her arms crossed and her jaw tight and her body language screaming discomfort, but she was holding her ground even as one of them leaned closer and reached a hand toward her.
I saw red, I saw red and I grabbed my gun from the cabinet and got out of the car before it had fully stopped, I raised my gun and fired, one shot, the man closest to her screamed and crumpled to the ground clutching his leg, and all eyes turned to me,
Elera's face flooding with relief and then with fear when she saw my expression, but I didn't have the luxury to care because I was already moving.
I punched the second man in the face and felt the crunch of bone beneath my knuckles, I kicked the third in the stomach and sent him flying, the man I had shot was still on the ground whimpering, the other two scrambled to their feet and tried to fight back but they didn't stand a chance.
I kept hitting and punching and kicking and I couldn't stop because every blow was for her, every blow was for the fear I had seen on her face, every blow was for the way they had dared to touch her and look at her and think she was theirs to harass.
One of them was already unconscious, then the other, but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop, I was still hitting him, my fists covered in blood, my breath ragged, my vision narrowed to a single point.
"Cas... Caspian!"
I heard her voice, barely, like a whisper from far away, but I couldn't stop, I couldn't
"Caspian, stop! You're going to kill him!"
Her voice broke through the haze and I looked down, the man's face was unrecognizable, blood everywhere, my hands covered in it, and I looked up at her.
She was standing a few feet away with her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes wide and wet, looking at me like she didn't recognize me, her gaze moving from my face to the gun on the ground to my bloodied fists.
I dropped my fists and my chest was heaving, I could feel blood on my face that wasn't mine, and I took a step toward her.
"Don't worry," I said, my voice rough, "I will pro-"
She staggered back.
One step, small and almost imperceptible, but I saw it, she was scared, she was scared of me.
I froze.
I looked at her face, searching for something, anything, and I could see the fear in her eyes, the way her hands were shaking, the way she was looking at me like I was a stranger, and I caught my reflection in the glass door of the ice cream parlour behind her, red eyes,
hair wild and stuck to my forehead with sweat, blood on my cheek, blood on my hands, my expression was something out of a nightmare, a man who had lost all control, all humanity, the me when I took care of my enemies, the me before I met her, a monster.
"C- Caspian...?"
Her voice was small, hesitant, a stutter.
The sound of my name on her lips broke something inside me and I blinked, the red haze clearing, I saw her clearly and I saw the fear in her eyes. I moved toward her fast, I needed to make sure she was okay, I needed to touch her, to confirm she was real and unharmed.
"Are you alright? Did they hurt you? Did any of them touch you?"
She didn't answer, she just stared at me with her eyes wide and her lips trembling.
"ANSWER ME! ARE YOU HURT?"
She flinched, tears welling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks, and she shook her head quickly and frantically.
"You're hurting me..." she whispered.
I looked down at my hands. They were gripping her shoulders too tightly. I let go immediately, stepping back like she had burned me.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was just-I saw those bastards-"
She took another step back, and then another, her arms wrapped around herself, her body curling inward like she was trying to disappear, and I looked at myself in the reflection again, the monster, the man who had just beaten three men into the ground, it was nothing big to me but she was different,
she didn't grow up in my world, she never knew what it takes to kill a man, and to her I was a murderer, the man who had made her flinch, a monster.
She looked more afraid of me than she had been of those bastards who had been harassing her.
I reached for her, I don't know what I was going to do, hold her, comfort her, make her understand, but my hand stopped halfway, trembling in the air between us, and she didn't move toward it, she didn't move at all, and I let it drop.
"I won't hurt you," I said, and my voice cracked, "I would never hurt you, please, I'm sorry."
She didn't say anything, she just stood there staring at me with those tear-filled eyes like she didn't know who I was anymore, and I realized I had just shown her exactly who I was, the part of me I had been trying to hide,
the part that had always been there underneath the flowers and the breakfast and the soft words.
I had just shown her the monster and she was terrified.