Chapter 7
River
R un. You have to run, or they're going to catch you. There's snow, and I'm not wearing enough clothing; even still, my body is on fire. Sweat drips down my cheeks, pouring out of my skin as my heart continues to beat faster.
There's no end.
My foot gets caught up in something, halting me in my tracks. Maybe it's mud, I don't know, but it only makes the panic more extreme. My head whips in one direction before the other, searching for the dark figures that were chasing me moments ago.
Did I get away?
My heart calms just enough to regain focus and free my foot. When I lift my head, everything morphs, and they're there. One, no, two figures. I count them over and over, but something is wrong. There are normally three of them. Where is number three?
The two shadows tilt their heads to the side in unison, watching as though they’re trying to decide my fate. It only adds to the unease. They're always watching.
I take off running through a city I don't recognize. One block after another, I zigzag down different alleys and streets. I’m sure I lost them by now. Left, right, left, right. Don’t stop running. My only option is to keep going. At least there’s no more mud.
I turn down another alley, doing my best to keep my breathing in check. What do they want with me? Who are they? After another few minutes, I stop to catch my breath. My hands find my knees as I bend over, heaving for air with burning lungs.
When I glance behind me, they're right there again. One. Two. Number three is still missing.
I stare for a moment, waiting to see what they'll do next. One at a time, they raise an arm to point at me before taking a step toward me, making me shake my head.
"Stay back!" I shout.
I'm not sure why I'm afraid of the figures. I just know I need to be.
My legs feel heavy, the weight of my body too much for them to bear. When I glance at the figures again, they take another step forward. I try pulling at one of my legs from the ground, but nothing happens. I’m stuck.
"Stop!" I scream, hoping someone else will hear me. "Don't come any closer."
The figures ignore me, causing panic. Why can't I move? Tears well up in my eyes as the frantic need to get away only becomes stronger.
"Who are you? What do you want?" I beg, knowing it's only a matter of time now until I'm in their grasp .
Finally, they stop, and a brief semblance of hope fills me. They're not going to hurt me. Maybe they just want my attention, and I'm being irrational.
"Why are you following me?" I ask, hoping for answers.
I'm not afforded an answer. Instead, the figures move again, further closing the gap between us. My chest tightens, and I shake my body, begging my legs to move right before a hand wraps around my neck from behind. It’s the third figure I couldn't locate before.
"Noooooooo!" I gasp.
My body jolts forward as I struggle to breathe. My vision is clouded, and I blink a few times, trying to dissolve the disorientation.
"Hey." Lane sits up, pulling me into his warm chest. "It's okay, baby. It wasn't real."
I shake my head, lifting it up to glance around. I'm in bed with him. We're in the band’s apartment.
"It was just a dream," Lane tells me, pressing my head to his chest again.
I wish it were just a dream. It’s far more complex than that.
I close my eyes and ground myself in his touch while he strokes my hair, swaying back and forth to reassure me. My arms wrap around his waist, and I squeeze tighter. His skin on mine is the only thing I need to focus on.
"What happened?" he whispers.
"Someone was trying to hurt me. I just screamed, I don't know." I sigh. "What time is it? "
"It's just after four in the morning." He runs his fingers through my hair.
My head tilts up in an attempt to look at him, but it's too dark to make out any sort of facial expression. Instead, he leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead; it's almost like the nightmare never happened. Almost.
"We should go back to bed," I offer.
"Do you think you'll be able to sleep?"
"Just don't let go of me,” I beg, needing him more than he might realize.
"I'll never let go, baby. I'll be here, just like this, until you wake up. Even if it means I have to lie here and stare at the wall while waiting."
"Do you promise?" I inquire, and he snuggles his face into the crook of my neck.
"I promise."
It seems so silly, but that one word reassures every doubt in my mind. Nights like this aren't my favorite. They remind me how imperfect I really am. No matter how hard I try, these inner demons just won’t release their hold.
Lane is no stranger to my episodes. My mind is more fragile in its unconscious state, and the nightmares have become increasingly frequent lately. I’m still not sure why sometimes they’re worse than others.
Lane doesn’t expect me to be perfect like my family does, though.
He wants me just as I am, flaws and all.
It’s hard for me to grasp sometimes, but I try my best to let him care for me.
My guy relaxes, accidentally falling back into his slumber while my mind continues to wander.
Even here in his arms, I’ll never be able to fully escape the complexities brought about by my family.
It’s one thing that I’ve grown to hate more than the nightmares themselves.