Chapter 30
Nix
I was a little taken aback when she mentioned staying to help Ender clean up, but that’s on par with the kind of person she is.
Her needs will always trump any of my selfish wants.
Ender, though, had better keep himself in check.
I’m worried about him getting lost in his feelings and accidentally slipping up, maybe saying something about their past.
Ever since finding out that my Alara is also the girl they never named, things have gotten complicated.
The four of them share a history, even if she doesn’t remember it.
No matter how much I’d like to, it wouldn't be right for me to keep her to myself. She’s still mine, but a different version of her is also theirs.
Alara is a special type of person that you can’t help but want to be around. I can’t blame the others for being pulled toward her like I am. It’s still shit luck that she has this tangled web with my bandmates, but making sure she is happy is my sole priority.
The door to my room creaks open, and the object of my obsession saunters through it.
I can’t help but take in how delicious her hips look with that skirt hugging them so perfectly.
I swear, this woman could be wearing a potato sack, and I would still think she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on .
"Hey, how'd it go?" I ask, patting the spot next to me.
She glances around my room for the first time before sitting on the edge of the bed.
There’s not much for her to look at, considering a heavy portion of my personal items are away in storage.
Something about bringing them here never felt necessary.
This is home, for now, but at some point the shows will come to an end, and I will find my way into somewhere more permanent. She could join me there.
"It went as well as I expected." She shrugs.
"So he was an ass." I raise a brow.
If there's one thing that will always be true about Ender, it's that he will self-sabotage everything he does. I’ve followed him around enough to pick up on that little fact.
"He's just reserved. I'll break through his shell, and everything will be fine." She glances at me, diverting her eyes.
"Is everything okay?" I shift on the bed, scooting a bit closer.
"Yes and no. I need to talk to you."
He better not have said anything to her. Did she have a memory when she was with him?
"What's going on?"
"I don't know how to say this because, well, this has never been an issue before.” She stands and begins pacing.
Has she decided she doesn't want to go on tour with us anymore?
"I'm listening." I nod with reassurance.
"It's just... I really like you. More than I should, considering we're still getting to know each other. "
I laugh. "That's a good thing."
"It's not." She brings her hand to her head. "I like you, and it's messing with me because I don't want to hurt you. I really want to be part of this tour. I can't be selfish, but I don't know if I’m the right person for you."
"Why would you say that?" My brows furrow.
"I did something I shouldn’t have. Well, I let something happen that I shouldn’t have..." She trails off. "Earlier, when you were touching me under the table… Lane was watching.”
So that’s what this is about. I was wondering if any of them would notice what I was doing to her. At first, I thought maybe that’s why Ender got mad, but I quickly realized he would have done something way worse if that were the case. It’s interesting that Lane watched and didn’t turn away.
“Did you hear me? Lane watched me orgasm. I knew he was watching, and I didn’t stop you.
Please don’t be upset with me. I’ll keep my distance so he knows he can’t cross any boundaries with me in the future, and I won’t go on tour.
If I knew dying his hair would make him feel that comfortable around me, I would have never offered to do it. ”
“Hey.” I stand, pulling her into me. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay.” Her head falls on my shoulder as tears start falling down her face. “I messed this all up. I should have stopped you. I–”
“Alara, look at me.” I’m a little more stern than I should be, but I don’t want her rattled like this .
She lifts her head, eyes now bloodshot, as I dry the tears off her cheeks. “You’re obviously upset, and I’m guessing it’s because you’re afraid of how I’m going to react. Am I right?”
She nods, unable to form words.
“What I want to know is, how did it make you feel?”
“I’ll never let it happen again,” she starts, but I shake my head.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. How did you feel with him watching you? Put me out of the equation. You don’t have to worry about how it affects our relationship, because I promise you, I’m not letting you slip out of my grasp that easily. Did you like him watching?”
She sighs, slowly nodding. “It turned me on, and I hate that I liked it.”
“There’s no need to hate anything, little sparrow.” I offer a smile.
“I hope it doesn’t make River upset. The two of them are obviously together.”
“River and Lane are together,” I confirm. “But as far as I know, they are open to whatever life throws at them. The only thing Riv might be annoyed about is the fact that he missed the show for himself.”
“Nix.” She slaps my chest. “Be serious.”
“What? I would be agitated if I were sitting there and missed something like that.”
“Why are you not disturbed by what I just admitted?” Her eyes widen, and she throws a hand up .
“If it were anyone else, I don’t know. This band. You. Things are different. I kind of like that he watched me please you.”
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, studying me before she walks toward the edge of the bed again. “I need to sit.”
“Hear me out.”
“Am I dreaming? There’s no way this is reality.” She takes a deep breath, glancing up at me.
“You’re not dreaming. What if I told you I don’t care what you choose to do with the members of my band? Friendship. More than friendship. There are no boundaries with them. It would only be for the guys in the band, though. And you’d have to promise not to leave me behind in the process.”
"Come on, Nix. Is this some kind of joke? That’s crazy. What kind of person would that make me?"
"The same person you are now," I admit. “Gorgeous. Talented. Caring.”
"I have you. Any girl would be over the moon for even a chance to talk to you, yet here I am glancing at everyone else in this damn apartment."
Everyone. Well, that's good to know. It sounds like her curiosity might extend beyond Lane.
"You're not just any girl." I crouch down in front of her, positioning myself directly between her legs.
"You can't be serious. "
"Oh, I'm about as serious as any man can be while on his knees." I spread her legs wider, glancing up at her with a half-cocked grin. "Promise you won't leave me behind."
"I promise." She reaches out to touch my cheek, and I lean into the warmth of her palm.
“Then just do what feels right. You don’t have to worry about repercussions.”
"I don't deserve you or any of this." She sighs, but I won’t let her think like that.
"You deserve everything and more."
"People are going to talk. They're going to think I'm some groupie slut who inserted herself in your life so I could sleep with the whole band."
"I don't see anything wrong with that."
"Nix…" She trails off.
"Why don't you get started with the first one now?" My hands reach under her skirt to grab her panties, and I pull them off in one swoop. My eyes lock with hers as my palms land on her thighs, pushing them further apart.
“We shouldn’t,” she breathes out as I lean down to press a kiss to the inner part of her knee.
“We should.” I kiss her again, but a little higher this time.
When she doesn’t stop my advances, I keep going, peppering small touches closer and closer to her center before pushing her skirt out of my way. I breathe her in, savoring every bit of this while getting dangerously close to the only place I want to be .
"Nix." She says my name again, only this time it's soft and needy.
"I love when you say my name. Tell me you want me to make you mine, because I crave it more than anything."
"Yes."
"A pretty girl like you should ask nicely," I breathe out, my mouth now only centimeters from her soaking wet pussy.
She has me addicted, desperate for even just a piece of her.
"Please, make me yours."
"There she is, such a good girl for me." She shudders, and I make a mental note to be more vocal with my praise.
As a reward, I glide my tongue along her pussy before slowly pushing a finger into her. She moans, running her fingers through my hair while I focus on her clit and add a second finger.
Her lips part, tilting her hips up toward my face so I have better access. It only takes a few minutes to have her worked up to exactly where I want her. She’s panting, begging, and dripping wet, all while hovering on the cusp of losing control.
“Show me how beautifully you fall apart." I breathe against her skin, curling my fingers inside her.
Right on command, she gives me exactly what I’m after. She bucks up while crying out in pure ecstasy. It’s one of the most glorious things I’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of.
Her come down is quick, and I pull my fingers out of her, stand, and lick each of them clean before reaching down to unbutton my pants.
They hit the floor, silently, with her watching as I step out, one foot at a time.
Her ravenous gaze falls to the very visible bulge in my grey boxer briefs, and her tongue darts out to lick her lips.
I want to claim that mouth in every possible way.
"Take them off." She leans forward to tug at the corner of my underwear.
Obviously, I oblige, sliding them down my legs without hesitation. Deciding to pull my shirt over my head as well, I’m interrupted when I hear her gasp.
"That is not going inside me!"
"Where else should I put it then?" I tease, tossing my shirt to the side.
“Seriously?” She raises a brow.