Chapter 33
Lane
T he moment I heard her moaning, I thought I was done for.
I’m talking an immediate hard-on and this immense urge to stalk directly over to the damn couch just to have them both begging for my cock.
She’s obviously not ready for something like that, considering we’ve yet to cross the dreaded friendzone boundary.
I’m trying to be respectful, but no matter how I try to distract myself, all my mind wants to do is wander.
What was she dreaming about? Better yet, who was she dreaming about?
If I hadn’t said anything, would she have slid those delicate fingers into Nix’s boxers to touch herself?
It isn’t lost on me that she was sleeping next to one of my bandmates while wearing the clothes of another.
A salacious smile spreads across my face as I think about the semantics of her pleasuring herself while lying next to my guy. Would River know? He's usually a light sleeper, so her movements might have woken him up. Would he pretend to stay asleep to keep his gentlemanly persona?
My foot taps on the floor in sets of four as my pants feel tighter and more uncomfortable.
The longer I think about that precarious little position I found her in.
When I woke up alone, I thought maybe Riv was out here drinking coffee or playing on my Switch.
Hell, maybe even listening to music with that silly little Walkman that he’s attached to.
Nope. He was snuggled up with the very girl who was getting her world rocked by Nix last night.
The fact that she even had his clothes on makes it that much more interesting.
She’s weaseled her way into all of our minds.
That damn intrigue is just too much to resist. River’s chest rises and falls smoothly.
For once, he’s sleeping so peacefully. His head has fallen to the side, and his arm is extended awkwardly, but he’s relaxed.
I'll have her in bed with us every night if it means it keeps his monsters at bay.
Reluctantly, I walk toward him and caress the side of his face. He breathes out, mumbling something before I lean in and press my lips against his. None of this is helping the boner I’ve been sporting for the last ten minutes, but my guy deserves to be woken up gently.
He blinks, seemingly confused while trying to get acclimated to where he is. After a moment, he glances to the now vacant spot next to him before stretching and putting the recliner down.
"What time is it?" His voice is still groggy.
"It's just after nine. I only woke you up because you have those brunch plans." I pause. “Alara was out here with you. She just snuck off into Nix’s room. I think. ”
"She slept here with me?" He seems surprised. “We must have fallen asleep during the movie. I did get super tired about halfway through."
"Come on. Let's get you ready." I extend a hand, and he places his palm in it, allowing me to lead him to my bedroom.
As soon as we push the door open, he walks toward the closet, but glances over his shoulder. “Thank you for wak–”
He stops mid-sentence, eyes fixated on the tent in my pants. Why the hell won’t this thing go away? Immediately, I cover it with one of my hands, feeling more defensive than I should. It’s not my fault, I can’t stop picturing the two of them on that couch together.
"She was having a sex dream next to you," I blurt out, and he fully turns to face me.
"No she wasn’t." There’s doubt in his tone, but also something beneath the surface. Is that hope?
I grin, closing the distance. "She was moaning and rubbing her legs together with her head resting right against your body."
I take another step closer, pushing his back against the frame of the closet. Then, I lean into his ear and whisper, "She would have touched herself if I didn’t clear my throat."
"Lane." River tries to push me away from him. "That didn't happen."
"Oh, it did." My hands slide up his waist, then his chest, and finally, I wrap my fingers around the base of his neck. "Do you think she was dreaming about doing the same kind of things I dream of doing to you? "
"What kind of things?" His tone switches to something slightly more needy.
"Like you want me to tie you up, bend you over, and fuck you until you're screaming my name."
"La–,"
"Don't interrupt me, baby." My grip tightens as I reach down with my free hand to grab his ass.
"As much as I’d love to see you bound and begging, we don't have time.
" I lean in and press my lips against his neck, loving the way he relaxes into my touch before stepping away. "Besides, I think we need to talk."
"Talk about what?" He reaches into the closet to grab a white button-down short-sleeved shirt.
“For one thing. Alara.” I breathe out.
“Do we need to talk about her?”
“We should talk about what that dynamic looks like for us. I won’t pursue anything with her if it’s not something you’re comfortable with.”
River runs his fingers through his hair, turning in my direction, and just shrugs. “We’re not exclusive. Do what you want.”
“River Montgomery. If you think the two of us aren’t exclusive, you’re out of your mind. You are mine, and I’d better not catch you forgetting that any time soon.”
His cheeks heat, but all he manages to say is, “Okay.”
“Now, tell me how you feel about adding Alara to the mix,” I assert, hating that I have to put him on the spot, but I need to know before deciding whether to take things further .
“I like her. I wouldn’t mind seeing where that goes, if she were into it.” His eyes dart away from mine as he slides the shirt on.
“Good boy. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” I tease. "Also, we need to talk about your nightmares."
"Drop it." Stern words attempt to shut down the conversation.
"No. It's time for you to tell me what's going on. Why are they getting worse?" I step into his space again, placing a finger under his chin to force him to look at me.
I’m surprised when he swats my hand away. That’s not like him. Actually, his entire demeanor has changed. The man in front of me now is defensive and harsh.
"I said drop it," he snaps, taking me aback.
“You say you love me, but you want me to let you suffer alone?” My eyes silently plead with him to open up.
"I do love you." He sighs.
"Then why can't you tell me this? I just want to help, Riv. I don't like watching you hurt. This morning was the first time I've seen you relaxed in weeks. Do you know how bad I felt having to wake you up for this stupid brunch?"
"You know I can't miss these visits with my family." He shakes his head.
"I know. And it's the only reason you're awake right now." I toss my arms up in defeat. "Every night you wake up screaming."
"I know."
"Then tell me why."
"I can't." He clenches his jaw, a tear sliding down his cheek .
Gently, I reach out to wipe it away. "Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you. You don’t need to be afraid to talk to me."
"You're wrong." He pushes away, heading toward the dresser on the other side of the room to grab his pants.
“I could always go with you today,” I offer, knowing he will decline. He always goes to meet with his family alone.
“My family is complicated,” is all he says while he continues getting dressed.
“How long, then? How long do you expect me to stand idly by?” I know I shouldn’t keep pushing, but I don’t understand why he’s being so stubborn.
“I don't want to talk about it, Lane. I know you're not going to let it go.
You'll keep pushing and pushing until I break because you're domineering, and usually, I love it, but not today.
I just can't freaking do it right before I have to go sit with the people who…
" He stops, shaking his head. "I can't have this conversation before spending the next two hours with the people who are the reason my nightmares exist, okay? Can that just be enough for now?"
I freeze. His family is the reason for the nightmares. Knowing that makes me want to keep him here, safe from whatever they did to hurt him. They don’t deserve to even know him at this point.
"Okay," I concede.
He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'll tell you soon. Just give me time, please. "
I hope he’s not worried about anything changing between the two of us. Let me just nip that in the bud right now, just in case.
"I'd give all of this up for you, Riv." I gesture around the room. "If I haven’t already made it abundantly clear, you and me, baby, we're endgame. Everything else is just part of our story. They’re bits for us to reflect on when we’re old. If it’s ever too much, we can walk away. We can find some land, build a house, and disappear from everything. We might have to bring the rest of the band, Alara too, but that’s besides the point. "
"I appreciate you." He steps into me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“If you need me, I’ll be there at the drop of a hat.” My own arms pull him in tight while his head rests on my shoulder.
Eventually pulls away, giving me a fake smile. "Be back soon."
"One text and I'm there," I reassure him one last time.
When he walks out of the room. I let our conversation replay, wondering what he meant when he said his family is the reason for his nightmares. What did they do to him? Would they hurt him if he told me? Is that the real reason he hasn't opened up? Will someone try to kill him?
I start tapping my finger on my thigh again to try to calm the thoughts. Distraction. I need a distraction. My eyes land on the large container full of nail polish, nail remover, and other supplies. A moment later, I decide that’s exactly what I need.
Painting your nails isn't a typical hobby for men, but I don't give a fuck. It's something I enjoy that provides escapism. When you have a mind that betrays you more often than not, you learn to take solace in the things that offer relief. Painting my nails is one of those things.
The real question is, what color will I choose today?
After opening the container, I spot the dark purple and immediately decide that’s the one.
It matches my new hair perfectly. My mind goes quiet as I get to work scrubbing off the old polish, and just for a little bit, I let the stress of the morning fade away.