Chapter 40
Lane
I 've never seen him this worked up. His body trembles, and all I can do is squeeze tighter. I wish I could make the hurt go away, but my hands are tied. My sweet River. He's too good for this world.
"I've got you," I say, patting his back four times.
I need to take care of him. I can't fall into thoughts of what his family may or may not do if they find out he told me.
"Take the shame away, Lane. Please. I can't handle it anymore. I need you to tell me you still love me, and take it all away."
Hearing the torment in his voice rips my heart to shreds. He’s so broken, falling even further apart right before my eyes. The truth is, it doesn't matter what he told me. Past, present, or future, my love for him will never change.
"Look at me." I grip both sides of his face with my hands. "Nothing will change the way I feel about you."
"How can you look at me the same. I'm a–"
"An amazing man,” I cut him off. “You're my boyfriend, and I love you dearly."
I slide a hand down to the base of his throat, rubbing my thumb along his skin in an attempt to soothe a pain I know I can't fix. I wish I could take it from him, but no matter what I do, this will solely be on him to work through.
"We can take this one day at a time. You and me. I hate that you had to keep this to yourself for so long.”
“I was scared after telling Alara. When she didn’t show up to the meeting…” He shakes his head, but I try my best to keep him calm.
“When did you tell her?”
“The night before we sang at Vector’s Lounge. I thought she didn't want to be around me anymore because of what I did."
“What if my family hurt her? What if they’re the ones responsible for her accident?”
"You spent two years thinking she chose not to come to that meeting because of you?"
He chokes back another sob. "I did."
"Oh, baby." I pull him into my arms again.
I bury my head into his neck, inhaling his fresh, clean scent. The two of us spend another few minutes, wrapped up in each other's arms while he tries to get a grip on his emotions.
His family being involved is a possibility, but if there’s one thing I know about blackmail, it’s that the people want you to know what they did. If his family were involved, surely they would use it against him. Right?
Finally, I pull back, making sure he’s focused on me. "I love you, River Montgomery. You're kind and compassionate, a good person. If you weren't, you wouldn't be haunted by your past. Alara’s accident had nothing to do with your family. "
"Okay." He sniffles, thankfully believing words that I don’t know are truthful.
I slide a finger under his chin, lifting his head a little. "Do you need more from me?"
I only ask because sex has become a form of expression between the two of us. When he is close to losing it, I put him on his knees, and somehow it grounds him. It's not the direction I want this conversation to go, but if that's what he needs, I'll be that dominating force for him.
"I just want you to hold me."
I stand, reaching out a hand. "Come on."
His fingers interlock with mine as I lead the two of us to the bed. He wrecked a car, and three people died. His family covered it up. That’s not nearly as bad as it could be. It’s not like he intentionally hurt someone.
"I know now might not be the time for this, but I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.
After what you told me, I don't think we should come out publicly.
And before you freak out, it's not because I'm ashamed of you.
I just don't want your family to have any more control over you," I cautiously say.
"I agree. I hate it, though. It's not fair. You should be able to scream to the rooftops about your partner."
I lean in and press my lips to his. "As long as I have you, that’s all I need, baby. I like that we have our privacy." I flop down on the bed, patting the spot next to me. "Now, get over here and let me be the big spoon. "
He obeys without a fight and crawls up next to me. When I wrap my arms around his waist, I know that everything will be just fine. It's not the end of the conversation, but for now, this is enough. Being here with him and helping him through his pain is enough.