CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Nova
THE SHOW OF EMOTIONS THAT PLAYED ACROSS KOL’S FACE was more than a little satisfying. Shock, then a hint of concern, then hope, then pure blistering heat. “Phoenix,” he growled.
I knew what would come next. Telling me now wasn’t the time. And I understood the concern. Everything swirling around us had stirred up my trauma. However, that was also why now was the exact right time.
“Trust me,” I whispered. “Trust me to know what I want. What I need.”
“Explain it to me.”
I could feel that same battling restraint in Kol’s muscles—one of the things I loved most about him. That he worked so hard to contain a strength that could easily overpower most people. That he cared enough to make sure he never got too rough.
My thumb tracked beneath his bottom lip, tracing the shape. “I need to let go. To know I’m not in control and am still okay. I want to reclaim what it means to be bound. And know that it will never be a bad thing for me again.”
Kol studied me, taking in everything I said and turning it over.
“And I want to give this to you.”
“Nova, you already give me everything.”
“You like it? Tying someone up?”
His gaze shifted to the side, and I had my answer.
“Let me give this to you,” I pressed. “Let me give it to me. Let me give it to us.”
That dark-hazel gaze was back on my face, searching again. “You have to promise to tell me if anything is too much.”
“I’ll never lie to you.” The words slipped from my mouth effortlessly. Because I never had. Kol made it so easy for me to share my truth with him because he accepted me just as I was.
He shoved to his feet in answer, grabbing my ass as he took me with him. He strode toward the back door like a man on a mission. The moment we were inside, he flipped the lock and set the alarm. He carried me as if it took no effort at all, taking the steps two at a time and making me giggle.
“You think you can offer me everything, and I’m not gonna be in a fuckin’ hurry?” Kol asked.
I grinned against the side of his face. “I think I like you in a hurry.”
His only answer was a rumbling growl as he strode into his bedroom—a room that was becoming ours. He slowly lowered me to the floor, and the friction of the movement sent sparks dancing across my skin.
Kol stared down at me for a moment and then ghosted his knuckles against my cheekbone. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” That buzz in my muscles intensified. It was a different sort of high than throwing myself off a cliff or hurtling down a mountain on a bike. There would always be something about those things that called to me, but this? This was better. It was more.
Kol waited for a moment, checking to see if I would change my mind. When I didn’t, he gave me a single nod and turned, padding barefoot toward his closet.
There was something so damn sexy about him in low-slung jeans, a tee, and a flannel, the clothes he often opted for once we were home for the day. But I loved that the flannel still allowed me to see those broad shoulders bunch and strain as he reached for the cloth box.
I never would’ve thought that something as simple as that could make me shiver in anticipation. But it did.
Kol set the box on the bench at the foot of his bed with a soft thud. Logically, I knew the sound wasn’t loud, but to me, it resembled a cannon shot.
Calloused fingers lifted the lid and pulled out the rope. It was coiled perfectly, the end wrapped around the loop in several passes. It was then that I realized that Kol had carefully and methodically tucked the rope away after the night I’d tied him to the bed. Like there was a reverence to it.
Kol set the rope on the bench and crossed to me in two long strides. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but this wasn’t it. He gently lifted my hand, tapping the bracelets and hair tie on my wrist. “May I?”
Such a proper question from a man who was about to defile me in the best ways. “Yes.”
His gaze sparked and swirled as it tracked over me. Who would’ve thought such a simple word would be the thing that heated Kol’s blood?
He carefully removed the bracelets from one wrist and then the other. Crossing to the dresser, he set them down with the same reverence he’d treated the rope, but he kept one item in his hand.
Moving back to me, Kol’s hands lifted to my hair. He gathered up the now-shorter strands and coiled them like he had the rope. With the hair tie, he knotted it in place and stepped back.
“Still sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, giving him that word again.
His thumb tracked across his lower lip. “Will you strip for me, Phoenix?”
My heart tripped and stuttered, but I didn’t give him words this time. I gave him actions. I kicked out of one slipper and then the other, my hands reaching for the hem of my sweatshirt and tee and beginning to pull them up.
“Slow.” There was a bite to the command, a deep need.
My hands answered the order, my fingers taking their time as my knuckles skimmed over my flesh. I could feel the raised skin of the two scars along my torso from wounds I didn’t remember getting, but I felt no hesitation in exposing them to Kol, no inhibition.
I lifted the clothes up and over, dropping them to the floor. And when my eyes found Kol again, his gaze was burning.
“No bra?” he rasped.
My nipples pebbled in response. “I was home for the night.”
His expression gentled on the word home. “I’ll have to remember that.”
My mouth curved as my fingers hooked in the waistband of my sweats and underwear.
“Eyes on me,” Kol commanded. “Don’t want to lose my silver.”
I bent, feeling the stretch, versions of which I’d practiced endlessly in my years of yoga. I didn’t lose Kol’s green-and-gold stare as my skin heated. As my sweats dropped, I kicked everything to the side.
Kol’s lips parted as he reached for the rope. “A goddamned vision in the moonlight.”
That glow from the crescent moon was stronger now that twilight was dipping into darkness. I could feel it on my skin, the darkness and the light.
Kol moved into my space, ghosting the end of the rope over my chest and down my stomach. “So beautiful. Looking at you makes it hard to breathe.”
My breath caught then, everything in me drawing tight.
“Will you kneel for me?”
Pure grit coated Kol’s question, but it also did something to me. The asking—not demanding. And it made giving myself over to him all the more powerful.
Wetness gathered between my thighs as I sank to the carpet, my breaths coming quicker. Not in panic but in anticipation. And the fact that he was fully dressed while I was completely naked only added to it all.
“Lean back on your heels. Arms behind you,” Kol instructed.
I did as he asked. My skin and muscles began to tingle because I so badly wanted whatever came next.
Kol moved in behind me, trailing the rope down my spine. “If anything is too tight, too painful, you say. Okay?”
“Yes,” I agreed instantly.
“This is art. Painting your beauty in different shades. In all the colors of release.”
My body instantly understood as Kol began wrapping the rope around my wrists, creating cuffs that he then tied together.
With my hands bound, he ran the rope up, knotting it along my spine at different intervals.
My brain soon followed. Release came from ceding control.
And Kol and I gave that to each other—give and take in equal measure.
But now was my time to let go. To give Kol the reins. And in turn, he would let me know it was safe to do it.
The rope gliding against my skin made sparks dance beneath it. He moved with expert speed and grace, and soon, he was bringing the rope to the front of my body. He crisscrossed it into a figure eight knot that fastened just at my breastbone, a few inches below my throat.
Kol’s gaze locked with mine. “How do you feel?”
“Like I’m humming,” I whispered.
One corner of Kol’s mouth tugged up. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
He bent, dropping a kiss to that most intricate knot on my chest. And then he was back behind me, weaving the rope around my arms and pulling everything even more snug.
With the rope rounding my shoulders and my arms behind me, I could not move the upper half of my body at all.
The binds tightened, and I braced for panic to come. Only, it didn’t.
Everything felt too damn good. I pushed against the ropes, feeling the way they held me in place. The bite of the fibers had more wetness gathering between my thighs.
Kol’s fingers moved one more time, and then they were gone. He stepped back, circling me before stopping behind me. “Fuck. You, like this? It’s everything. Burning it into my memory.”
I pressed my thighs together as my arms strained against the ropes.
Kol moved again, coming in front of me. “Aching?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“Need to come?” he growled.
“Please.” The word was a pant.
His lips parted on a silent inhale. “Love being able to give you what you need.”
Kol knelt in front of me, still so much taller, bigger. His finger circled my nipple, teasing, toying. My muscles quivered as I arched into his touch.
In answer, Kol pinched the bud between his fingers, making me cry out. “Still,” he ordered. “Let me take care of my girl. Give me that control.”
I battled against my body and mind, coming to rest on my heels again.
“Spread your knees wide,” Kol rasped. “Show me my heaven.”
I swallowed, my mouth going dry as I moved my knees apart.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Fucking glistening.”
My lips parted, the need to beg for more hovering right there. But still I waited.
Kol’s thumb circled my nipple. “How do you feel, Phoenix? Knowing you’ve given me everything?”
“Like I’m going to fly,” I whispered. It didn’t make sense that these bindings would set me free. That letting Kol choose my pleasure would let me truly reach release. But both were true.
One hand lifted to my chin so that our gazes locked. “Nothing more beautiful than my girl wild and free.”
Then that hand dropped between my legs. Kol’s knuckles skimmed across my already sensitive flesh. It was the barest of touches, but I couldn’t help crying out.
“You need me?” he coaxed.
“Yes. Please. More.”