Chapter 30
Aspen
Now I’m intrigued.
A chill December wind whipped through my hair. I tightened the scarf around my neck and tugged my hat lower over my ears. The sky overhead threatened snow, the clouds heavy and dark gray. With any luck, I’d make it back to the city without getting stuck in a deluge.
The last six weeks without Joz had been some of the toughest I’d faced, but I’d had to abide by his wishes to stay away.
At times, I’d feared I’d get a call from the facility telling me Joz had signed himself out, but he’d stuck the course.
He wasn’t better in the sense that an addict was always in recovery, but whatever it took to keep him on the right road, I’d be here, in it for the long haul.
The door to the facility opened, and Joz appeared, thinner and in desperate need of a haircut and a beard trim, but there was a freeness to his body language that hadn’t been there when I’d brought him here back in October.
He stood taller, his eyes shone with hope, and for a second or two, we simply stood there staring at each other.
He dropped his case and held out his arms, and I flew across the few feet that separated us and flung myself into his arms.
He kissed the top of my head. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” I leaned back, checking him over. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Really good. Slayed some demons.”
I angled my head. “Caroline?”
“Yeah.” He crouched to pick up his bag and slung an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s get out of here and then we can talk.”
“Good idea.”
The snow stayed away on the drive to Manhattan, and we made it back in good time. I parked in the garage beneath my building, and we rode the elevator to the penthouse in silence. I cast a few furtive glances at him. He seemed deep in thought, eyes locked on the floor.
“Penny for them?”
He looked up, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “I missed you so fucking much, and all I want to do is rail you against the nearest wall the second we’re inside your place, but I guess we should talk first.”
My stomach vaulted. There’d been a part of me that had worried his stint in rehab might damage our connection in some way.
Those kinds of environments were designed to force you to examine things under a microscope, and I’d feared that when Joz examined me and him, he’d find that our relationship had been built on a lie.
“Yeah, we should.” The elevator dinged, doors silently gliding open. Joz ambled behind me as I pushed open the door to my living room. “Put your bag down anywhere. Do you want a drink? Coffee, tea, water?”
“Water would be good.” He left his bag by the couch and sank down onto it. I fetched two bottles of water and put them on the coffee table, then took the seat next to him.
“So, how was it?” I asked tentatively.
“Fucking painful.” He reached for my hand and knitted our fingers together. “I am so fucking sorry, Aspen. I let you down. I let your company down. I let myself down.”
“No, you didn’t. If you’d refused rehab or carried on using, then I’d have felt let down. Attending somewhere like that as an in-patient takes courage, Joz. Give yourself credit.”
“Not that easy to do.”
“Nothing worth having is easy.”
He stared at our joined hands and ever so slightly tightened his grip.
“I did a lot of soul searching with the help of the staff there. I finally understand that what Caroline did was on her, and I couldn’t have saved her.
If I’d taken her back, she would have continued the cycle.
I learned it isn’t selfish to put myself first. I still feel fucking sad at what happened, and I hate that Arthur is growing up without a mum, but her suicide wasn’t my fault. ”
Relief flooded me. Joz had held on to that belief for eight years, so for him to finally admit Caroline’s death wasn’t on him was, well, huge. I’d heard great things about that facility, which was the reason I’d chosen it, and it turned out they weren’t just great, they were miracle workers.
“That’s amazing, Joz. I’m so proud of you.”
He rubbed his lips together. “I told Doctor Houghton, my therapist there, that I’d like to keep seeing him either in person if I’m in the states, or over video call when I’m at home.”
“You liked him, then?”
He arched a brow. “Like is a stretch. He holds up a mirror, and often, I don’t like the reflection.
But he’s shown me that sometimes I have to look at it anyway, to face the scary shit.
” He detangled our fingers, reached for his water, unscrewed the top, and drank.
“Did you find out anything on the diary?”
Nerves swarmed my abdomen. “I did, yeah.”
He sat up straighter. “Oh?”
I recaptured his hand, although I wasn’t sure if the anchor was for him or for me. “It was Presley.”
His back went ramrod straight. “What?”
“Stay calm. It’s dealt with.”
“But… how did he get hold of my diary? No one even knew I’d written it.”
“Someone did. According to Presley, one of the patients at the first rehab facility you attended discovered it, although Presley didn’t say how.”
“Fuck me.” He frowned. “Hang on. That doesn’t explain how Presley got hold of it.”
I tightened my grip. This could go either way, and I needed him to stay calm long enough to think through his emotions, rather than reacting straight off the bat. “Erin let him in.”
“What?” He yanked his hand from mine, running both of his through his hair. “What the fuck? Why?”
So much for that idea.
I shared what Erin had told me. During my recount, his expression switched from incredulous to shocked to downright angry. “That fucking bastard used my sister to get to me because I’m with you?”
“Yep. That about sums it up. She thinks you’ll hate her.”
“Hate Erin? Not possible. This isn’t on her. She trusted a fucking low life who used her.”
Phew.
“You should call her. She’s really scared she let you down.”
“I will. It’s late there now. I’ll call in the morning. Presley.” He shook his head. “Jesus Christ, what a fucker he turned out to be.”
I pressed my palm to his chest. “There’s more.”
“Jesus, more? I’m not sure I can take any more.”
“After Erin told me what had happened with Presley, I confronted him. He… reacted badly.”
Joz’s lips thinned, and a muscle feathered in his cheek. “What did he do to you?”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. But he did kiss me against my will. I wasn’t hurt. I called the police, and they charged him.”
“God, Aspen.” He raked both hands through his hair. “I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”
Despite the seriousness of this conversation, I chuckled.
“I’m a capable woman. I stuck my thumbs in his eyes, and when he let me go, I rammed my hand underneath his chin and sent him flying.
Self-defense classes for the win.” I ran my hand down his arm.
“I am okay, Joz. Truly. I was pretty shook up at the time, but the police were marvelous. And because he’s been formally charged, I was able to terminate his contract without financial penalty or reputational damage.
The police did say, though, that if you want to press charges over the break-in, you’d have to file a complaint with the Metropolitan Police in London. ”
He raked a hand through his hair. “What a fucking mess. And I introduced you to him. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been assaulted. Twice.”
“Oh, no. We’re not doing this. The same lesson you learned about Caroline applies to Presley. You are not responsible for what Presley did. He is responsible, and he’s facing the consequences of his actions.”
His nostrils flared as he drew in a deep breath. “Y’know, after I fulfilled this contract with you, I planned to quit the music business and go into full-time talent spotting. Guess I should give up on that idea, huh? My first go around has been a fucking disaster.”
“No, it hasn’t. You did spot amazing talent.
It’s not your fault that talent let the fame go to his head and he turned into a piece of shit.
Until people show us who they truly are, we have to judge based on what we see.
When you introduced us that day in London, I saw a shy, introverted, young guy with an incredible voice.
Neither of us could’ve known what he’d become. ”
“So, you think the talent spotting has legs? Even if that means you only get the three-year, two album deal from me?”
“If it makes you happy, I think it’s a terrific idea. Won’t you miss playing, though?”
“I’ll never stop writing music and playing, but I’m getting tired of the hamster wheel.”
“That makes sense. Guess I’ll just have to make do with two amazing record releases, huh?”
“Speaking of… I want to re-record parts of the album.”
“You… I’m sorry, what?”
“It won’t take me long, I promise. I’ll still meet the contractual dates.
It’s just, most of the album that’s currently cut is filled with depression and guilt and sorrow.
While I was in rehab, I wrote some new songs about recovery and hope and finding joy.
It’s a different feel entirely, but I don’t want to put out an album that’s only filled with sad emotions.
I want to see stadiums rocking out to tunes that make people smile.
Plus…” He ducked his head. “There’s one on there I wrote for you, and I want it to be the first single we release. ”
“Now I’m intrigued.”
“Intrigued enough to let me do it?”
“I can’t say no to you.”
“Good. Then you won’t say no to this.” He leaped off the couch and scooped me into his arms.
I squealed, then laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“The entire time I was in rehab, I dreamed of being inside you, of falling asleep with you beside me, and waking up in the morning wrapped around you like ivy.”
“You say the sweetest things.” I pecked his lips. “You owe me six weeks’ worth of orgasms.”
“That’s a lot of orgasms.”
“Better get working on them, then.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He strode into my bedroom and kicked the door closed. “I’m here to serve.”