Chapter 21
KAELION
There is no world in which I should be alright with what happened last night.
I have every reason not to do it again. Lyn is my subordinate; the university has strict rules against such relationships. Beyond that, I have a daughter…and I do not do casual, not when Solvi is here especially.
And Lyn…
Lyn is dangerous.
She scares me—quite literally. I’m often afraid that she’ll hurt herself. She is chaotic and she challenges me. She has a bright future ahead of her, whereas I’m established…settled. I have a life here that is steady and static, and she’s anything but.
…and she would hate that I’m thinking about her this way. As if we have a future together.
I manage to sneak Lyn out while Solvi is distracted making breakfast, then it’s just the two of us—me and my incredibly suspicious daughter.
It isn’t helped at all by Flicker, who raced into my bedroom at the first possible moment to smell the blankets as if accusing me of a crime.
Now, Solvi keeps casting glances my way between every bite.
She accepted that I wasn’t going to tell her everything right away…but she doesn’t like it.
Solvi spirals a ribbon of shaved sandfruit around her fork, peering at me over the plate, eyes narrowed. The meal is her favorite, and I made it in a show of goodwill, but the favor seems to have only gone so far.
“You have questions,” I murmur.
She nearly spits out her food in her rush to respond. “Of course I do, Baba.”
I cock an eyebrow, tendrils twitching. “Is a week too long to wait?”
She stares at me, eyes the same color as mine, skin the same shade as Shahar’s…and I feel for all the world like I’m being interrogated by a perfected version of both of us.
Which, I suppose, I am.
“It doesn’t…” she pauses. “I did hear you last night, and I’m not a kid—”
I wince. “Solvi…”
“Mata is so much worse with Wulfric,” she scoffs. “And she’s already talked to me about what adults do together and how I’m not supposed to do it until I’’m old enough, okay? So don’t freak out.”
I hear a raspy little growl from my bedroom—Flicker, I’m sure finding something she dislikes.
This just had to happen during the summer, didn’t it?
“It sounds as if you already have a theory, daughter,” I say. “So tell me—what do you think is happening?”
She strokes her tiny chin with an equally small hand, twisting her mouth in thought. “Well, it isn’t that hard to figure out.”
“Is that so?”
She nods. “Lyn was here when I got to Mythara last week. And she was here last night.”
I nod. “And your proof?”
She points over my shoulder.
I turn to see Flicker sitting on the sofa, shredding the silk scarf Lyn wore in her hair when she got here last night.
I close my eyes and heave a sigh.
“Solvi…”
“Baba, I know she’s not going to be my new Mata or anything,” Solvi interrupts. “Wulfric isn’t my Baba. He isn’t you.”
“If you tell me he's better, you will break my heart,” I tease.
What actually breaks my heart is that she can immediately tell I'm joking—a cognitive function difficult for children, showing just how grown up she is.
“Only at some things,” she says. “Like piggyback rides.”
“Well, he is enormous.”
“Exactly.”
She chews her food thoughtfully, swallows, then hums to herself.
“Will you tell me why you like Lyn now?*
I frown. “Why are you so keen to know?”
“Because,” she shrugs. “It's romantic.”
I chuckle, because what we did last night didn't feel romantic at all…but the question stirs something deep in my chest.
Even if I wish it were…this is not just sex.
Not that I could explain that to my eleven-year-old anyway.
“Lyn is…” I pause, tapping my fingers against the table in a rhythmic thrum. “Sometimes you meet someone who matches you. Something in their mind.” I tap my temple. “And it’s not that you always agree, or that it’s easy. But it’s…resonant. Like the same frequency, even if the notes are all wrong.”
Solvi tilts her head. “So, like, soulmates?”
I blink. “Where did you hear that word?”
She grins. “Manga.”
“Ah.”
She leans forward, elbows on the table. “So is she your soulmate?”
“That’s…not a thing we’re putting labels on right now,” I say, and it’s mostly true. I’m not prepared to define this—not for myself, let alone for Solvi.
She narrows her eyes, then says, “She is pretty.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“And funny.”
I nod again.
“Does that mean we can get noodles again?”
I narrow my eyes at that question. This is exactly what I was afraid of—Solvi forming connections without knowing just how complex thse relationships are.
“Perhaps.”
She frowns. “Baba.”
“Your mother and I have a strict rule that we are not even supposed to introduce you to anyone until things are starting to get serious.”
“You seem seriously in love with her.”
I scowl at my daughter.
She scowls right back. “So when are you going to tell Mata so we can get noodles again?”
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Solvi…”
“No secrets,” she says. “That’s you and Mata’s rule, right?”
“Right,” I confirm, “but that is also why I asked for a week to figure out how to tell you, and you used your detective skills to effectively to give me time.”
“Well, you and Mata always say I’m smart.”
“You are smart,” I confirm. “Too smart for your own good.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” I sigh, “that sometimes your brain gets ahead of the emotional part of things. You figure out what’s happening before you’re really ready to feel all the feelings that come with it.”
Solvi scrunches her nose. “That’s dumb.”
“I agree,” I say. “It’s a flaw in the system.”
She eyes me warily. “You’re stalling.”
“I’m being honest.”
“You’re being evasive,” she counters, a little smugly—even though she says that last bit like it’s a foreign word. “Mata says that’s your favorite thing to do when you’re uncomfortable.”
“Did Mata teach you the word evasive too?” I cock my head. “Do you know what it means?”
“It means…you.”
Maybe she’s right; I’m sure that Shahar would be thrilled I’m seeing someone. She really has been after me to date, especially since she started seeing Wulfric seriously. She has never been jealous.
But it isn’t Shahar I’m worried about.
It’s Lyn…and maybe a little, it’s me.
Because I haven't had any real relationship besides Shahar…and I was never really interested. I was a fine partner to Shahar, but we bonded and had Solvi out of duty to our people, not love. Not even affection, really.
And Lyn?
She's elemental. Mercurial. She is fire and frost and everything I could ask for…beyond what I could ask for. She deserves something other than a bitter old man.
“Baba?” Solvi's voice cuts through my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
I look across the table at my daughter, the sound of Flicker shredding Lyn’s scarf a painful reminder of all the things I don't deserve.
“Yes, Solvi,” I murmur. “I'm fine.”
But I'm beginning to worry I'm not fine at all.
And I won't be fine…not until I fix the damn translator. Not until I know she wants me outside the lab, too. Wants me when the data isn’t glowing and her body isn’t lit up with pain signals and pleasure feedback.
Not until I’m sure I’m not just an experiment that happened to feel good.