Chapter 23
KAELION
I am already thinking in terms of logistics.
As I leave Solvi at camp and head to the university, I make a mental list of who already knows about me and Lyn; who needs to know; who should know; and who absolutely must not know. Full honesty would be ideal, but it's essential that I ensure her research is secure before anyone else is told.
…And I should make sure she actually wants this, of course.
This being…I'm not sure exactly.
I want her. That is certain.
But…desire is easy. Want is uncomplicated. Those I can catalog, contextualize, file under known risks. It’s everything attached to them that requires care.
By the time I head into the university, the list has organized itself without my permission, already on the verge of making itself into an agenda.
Today, I need to take the time to re-focus, to settle myself, to think of something that is not Lyn so that I can treat Lyn with the utmost respect and decency.
Lyn is not supposed to be in the lab today; I will have time to plan.
I need to focus…then I need to speak with Lyn. Then, if she agrees that we want to pursue this, I need to notify the university that I can no longer supervise her project.
They’ll let me remain associated with it, but I cannot be involved with approvals.
It makes sense.
I’m relieved to find the lab empty as expected when I arrive, and I set to work going through my routine; stepping around into my office, hanging up my satchel, my coat. I pull my tablet out of my satchel and turn to sit down at my desk, then—
The door chimes.
Someone is here.
I scent her a moment later, and my heart stutters.
“Knock knock.”
I turn to look at her, jaw tense. Lyn is leaning against the door to my office, one ankle crossed over the other, her hands shoved into her hoodie pockets. She has an orange scarf wrapped around her curls, pushing them back from her face, her brown eyes bright, her lips…
Again, my heart stutters. My thoughts trip over themselves.
“Walker,” I murmur.
“Rhyss,” she says, those red lips curving into a small smile. “Can we talk?”
I want to snap at her. I just saw you little more than an hour ago. I need time to process all of this. Time to plan.
But I glance over her shoulder and out to the lab…then I gesture her inside. “Close the door behind you,” I say.
I’m unable to ignore the little thrill that goes through her at our close proximity…at the solitude. She comes in, shuts the door, and takes a seat in the chair opposite me at my desk. I sit too, clasping my hands and looking at her.
She clears her throat. “So…” she starts. “How’re things?”
My brow furrows. “Lyn.”
“Sorry, I promise I came in here for a reason.” She exhales a long, slow breath, her shoulders slumping. He fingers twist in her lap, curling and uncurling, tugging apart then back again. “I’m—I don’t know if it’s—”
“Use your words,” I say.
That seems to rob her of the ability entirely.
Her lips part, jaw going just slightly slack…then she moves her shoulders like a bird shaking rain from its feathers.
“It’s your cock,” she says.
My brows shoot skyward. “Excuse me?”
“It’s not the translator,” she says. “It’s…your dick. It’s just your dick. I like you, I really want you. I want you to fuck me again. Like…non-stop. Like I am sitting here across from you right now and I want you to bend me over this desk and just fucking destroy my pussy.”
Now it’s my turn to be speechless. I was considering the advisory committee, department chairs, lab permissions and supervision…
…her mind was somewhere else entirely.
“You want me to—”
“—destroy my pussy,” she says again, helpfully. Like I hadn’t heard her the first time. I stare at her, stunned. The silence drags long enough that she winces and adds, “I mean, not literally. Not—medically. Figuratively. Enthusiastically.”
“Lyn,” I murmur, half-strangled.
“But it’s not just the pussy-destroying,” she goes on, the words tumbling out of her now. “It’s…the brain-melting. It’s the liking you thing? It’s weird, I didn’t think I liked you as a person even, but now—”
I raise my hand in a clear signal to stop, and she manages to calm herself just enough to wind down. She swallows hard; I narrow my eyes at her.
“You’re using a lot of words to say that you have feelings for me,” I say.
She sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Um…yeah. Yeah, I guess I have feelings for you or whatever that means.”
I fold my hands in front of me, considering how I want to tell her what happens next. She sucks in a breath like she’s ready to fill the silence, even if it’s with more babbling, and I cut her off.
“Solvi knows about us,” is what I end up saying.
Her eyelashes flutter, blinking rapidly. “So…there’s an ‘us’ to know about?”
“You spent the night in my bed, Lyn.”
“Yeah, but people sleep together all the time.”
“Not me.”
She cocks her head at me. “You…you don’t?”
I frown. “I have a daughter,” I tell her. “I don’t do casual.”
“So we’re not…casual,” she stutters.
“We are not, no.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms. “So I understand if you want to end this—”
“Did you not hear the part about destroying my pussy again?” she cuts me off.
I sigh. “Lyn.”
She leans forward, and her scent hits me like a rogue wave…and I'm tasting her again, sucking on her clit, watching as she falls apart at the smallest touch…
“I'm sorry,” she says softly. “I pretty much only do casual, so…this is new. But I don't want to stop.”
I lean forward too, meeting her eyes. “Neither do I,” I murmur.
I don't add that I'm not sure if I could, even if I wanted to.
We stay like that for what feels like a long and agonizing stretch of time. I consider touching her. Kissing her. Doing just what she asked and bending her over the desk and—
“I did have one question,” she says.
I raise an eyebrow.
“So I have Solvi's seal of approval?” she asks.
That, more than anything else she's said all day, makes me melt. My heart softens and warms…and it suddenly strikes me that there's real potential here.
That she could be part of this. Part of us.
“Solvi likes anyone who makes fun of me,” I deadpan.
Lyn rolls her eyes. “That's not what I meant and you know it.”
I'm about to respond with more snark, but I pause.
I need to be serious right now.
“Solvi is…” I take a moment, collect my thoughts. “Solvi's approval of you or lack thereof is less important at this moment that I do this right.”
She falters at that. “Meaning…?”
“Shahar and I agreed that I would not bring any potential romantic interests into Solvi's life without clearing it with her first,” I say. “She needs to be told. And your committee—”
She flings her hands up. “Stop. My committee? What does my committee have to do with this?”
“Naturally I can no longer advise you—”
“Nope,” Lyn shakes her head, standing all of a sudden. “Nah. Meeting your daughter is one thing, telling her mom about us…sure, yes, I get it. But the committee…?”
I straighten as she rises, instinctively mirroring the shift in temperature in the room.
“Because the committee determines your academic standing,” I say evenly. “Your funding. Your access. Your timeline. If this is mishandled, they don’t punish me—they punish you.”
Her jaw tightens. “I didn’t ask you to torch my career for me.”
“And I won’t,” I reply. “Which is precisely why we’re talking about this now.”
She paces once, then turns back to me, hands braced on the edge of my desk. “You’re talking like this is already a done deal. Like I’m being reassigned and reported and processed.”
“I’m talking like I refuse to let the institution decide for us,” I say. “If we act first—cleanly, transparently—we retain control. If we wait, we lose it.”
Her eyes search my face, sharp and assessing. “And if I don’t want to leave your lab?”
The question is quiet. Serious.
“Then we don’t continue this,” I say. “Because I won’t put you in a position where your work is questioned, or your achievements are doubted, because of me.”
She fixes her eyes on me…her tongue darts out to wet her lips.
“Or we keep it secret,” she whispers. “Just for now.”
The word comes out before I’m even entirely sure what I’m saying. “No.”
Her shoulders tense. She studies me like she’s trying to decide whether this is a wall or a door.
“No?” she repeats.
“No,” I say again. “Not even for now.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” she snaps. “You’re established.. You have a safety net. I’m the one who gets labeled if this goes sideways.”
“And you’re the reason we don’t do this quietly,” I reply, standing up so I’m on her level—taller, towering over her. It isn’t what I meant to do…but I want her to understand how serious I am.
“But why?”
“Because quiet only protects the person with power. I refuse to let that be me.”
She twists her mouth into an annoyed pout, frowning more deeply than I think I’ve ever seen.
Then she lunges forward, grabs me by the collar, and kisses me.
Here. In my lab. In my office…
…where anyone could see.