29. Kayla
My entire soul feels light. Like it’s sparkling with energy. After our talk last night, Jace really did keep his word. During all of my classes today, he stayed at a distance, watching over me but not crowding me.
I know that he’s there, of course. But now I only see him if I look for him. It’s honestly pretty astounding how someone as big as him can make himself practically invisible if he wants to. And he really does try to make himself invisible. The only time he broke cover and appeared at my side was when Lionel tried to persuade me to take a walk with him, just the two of us, during lunch. Within seconds of Lionel putting a hand on my arm, Jace was there, looming over him like a god of death.
It startled Lionel so much that he actually jumped. He left quickly after that, glaring daggers at Jace. I had rolled my eyes at Jace then, but in all honesty, I didn’t really mind.
In truth, I also find Lionel a bit annoying at times. I know that he likes me and that he’s trying to flirt with me, but I’m not really interested. Actually, I’m not at all interested. Especially since my thoughts have started drifting more and more to the man who challenges me and sees me and understands me and helps me in ways that no one else has.
While still continuing down the street, I instinctively glance over my shoulder, looking for him. For Jace.
He appears immediately. He always does that, as if he can tell when I’m searching for him and he wants to check if I need help. Since I don’t, I just give him a small smile. The answering one on his own mouth makes my pulse flutter.
Turning back to the busy street ahead, I continue towards the address that Jenn sent me yesterday. It’s down by the river, which is not my favorite place to be, but since I left the library so abruptly yesterday, I figured I could at least come and see the building she has found for our venue.
I glance down at my phone occasionally to make sure that I’m heading in the right direction.
Thick clouds cover the heavens and gray light filters down, painting the city in unusually bleak hues. The weather has started to cool a little now. It’s not particularly cold, but I still went home after afternoon classes to grab a light jacket. I’m not sure how long Jenn has planned for us to be here, but with the clouds, the wind, the closeness to the river, and the setting sun, it might be a chilly evening.
When I reach the correct address, I find Aurora, Jenn, and Lionel already there and waiting for me. Aurora gives me a cheery wave and the other two smile as I close the final distance. While I walk, I study the buildings that run alongside the river. They look like residential houses.
“I’m not late, am I?” I say by way of greeting, glancing between them.
“Oh, no, not at all,” Jenn replies with a smile, and then bumps her shoulder against Aurora’s. “We were just early.”
“Yes.” Aurora shoots her sister a look full of mischievous teasing. “Because someone is a time pessimist.”
Jenn matches that look. “Better than being a time optimist.”
My insides twist a little with jealousy at their easy banter, and I try my best not to look towards the river while I fiddle with the strap on my watch.
“No bodyguard today?” Lionel asks, his eyebrows raised in surprise as he makes a show of looking behind me.
That thankfully cuts off the sibling banter between Jenn and Aurora. Letting my hand fall away from my watch, I draw in a breath to steady myself and then give Lionel a smile.
“Oh he’s here,” I reply.
Twisting slightly, I look over my shoulder. As if on cue, Jace appears. He crosses his arms over his broad chest and levels a hard stare on Lionel that I can feel from all the way over here. Lionel scoffs.
I turn back to the three of them and then motion towards the building on my right. “Though I have to say, I’m a little surprised. Where on earth did you find a venue here? I thought these were all residential houses.”
Jenn blinks, looking confused. Then realization pulses across her features, and she lets out a breathy laugh. “Oh, right. You left before we…” Her gaze darts to Lionel, who was as much at fault for my leaving as Jace was. “Anyway. I wasn’t talking about a building.” With a bright smile on her face, she sweeps out her arm in a theatrical way and gestures towards the river. “I was talking about this.”
My heart stops as I turn to look at what she’s pointing to.
A boat. Or rather, a yacht. But it doesn’t matter how big it is. What matters is that it’s on the river. My heart starts pounding in my chest. I don’t want to be here.
“It’s owned by a friend of the family, so we can borrow it for a night,” Jenn says. “I figured we could park the car here on the street right by the boat, and then bring all the other items onto it so that…”
She keeps talking, but I can’t hear anything over the roaring inside my head.
An arm is suddenly linked with mine.
“Come on, I’ll show you what it looks like on deck,” Jenn says.
Her voice sounds like it’s really far away even though I know that she’s right next to me. I want to scream at her to stop, but I can’t make my voice work. So all I do is to try to control my breathing as she leads me and the others onto the yacht.
Blood pounds in my ears. I draw in shallow breaths.
“Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking,” Jenn begins.
Then she slips her arm out of mine. It leaves me standing right next to the railing on the boat’s outer side. Right next to the open river.
My heart beats so hard that I think it’s going to crack my ribs.
“What if we put a drinks table here?” Jenn says, motioning with her arm. “And then…”
Her voice fades as memories crash over me. Throwing out a hand, I grip the railing to keep from toppling over.
My gaze snaps to the watch on my wrist.
Then to the water right below.
Blue eyes stare up at me.
My lungs freeze and ice spreads through my veins.
Waves lap against the side of the boat. The water looks gray in the gloomy light from the overcast sky. And I swear I can see him there. Floating. Bobbing in the water. Lifeless blue eyes staring unseeing up at the sky.
I can’t breathe. I can’t?—
“Kayla,” Lionel suddenly says from right next to me, his voice cutting through the memories that threaten to drown me. “Are you okay?”
“No.” The word tears out of me like a bullet.
It startles both him and the Carlisle sisters enough that the deck falls completely silent.
Fuck. I should’ve… I shouldn’t have snapped the word like that. God damn it, I need to pull myself together.
Forcing a deep breath into my lungs, I tear my gaze from the river and pry my hand off the railing. While letting my arm drop back down by my side, I turn to face the rest of my group. But I can’t stop my other hand from drifting over to my watch.
“I, uhm…” Fiddling with the strap of my watch, I look from face to face and then clear my throat. “I just… don’t like boats.”
Lionel’s expression changes. Becomes more focused. More intense. “Why not?”
I know that he’s worried. That he can see that I’m not okay. But I don’t want to explain why. I don’t want to tell him that story. But I don’t know how to explain it away either.
Thankfully, I don’t have to. Because Aurora follows up with another question almost right after Lionel has finished speaking.
“Do you get seasick?” she asks from halfway across the deck, her pale brows raised and genuine concern on her pretty face.
“Yes,” I blurt out, a bit more forcefully than I had intended. Then I nod several times too for emphasis. “Yes, I get seasick. And what if some of the guests get seasick too? Not to mention the risks of having an event this close to the water. What if someone drinks a little too much and falls in? We can’t risk that. The boat was a great idea, Jenn, but we really should be looking at something else. Some kind of building.”
The words tumble out of me faster than normal. Lionel watches me with slightly furrowed brows, as if he notices that I’m off my game right now. But Jenn only scrunches up her face in thought for a few seconds.
“Huh,” she says, tapping her chin. “I didn’t think about that. But you’re right. We won’t have any insurance to cover it if someone drops something expensive in the water or, like you said, falls in.”
“Yeah, so we should probably…” I motion towards the street.
Jenn nods, looking thoughtful.
“Well, luckily for you,” Aurora begins with a bright grin. “I have another location for us to check out too.”
“Great,” I reply, again a bit too quickly. But I cover it with a forced smile as I motion for us all to get off this damn boat. “Then let’s go.”
Aurora is practically skipping as she hurries to catch up with Jenn. She elbows her sister in the ribs while teasing her about how her idea is so much better.
With my heart still slamming in my chest, I walk as quickly as possible across the deck. Lionel falls in beside me.
His gray eyes are full of worry as he searches my face. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I reply. Then I realize that I’m fiddling with my watch again, so I force myself to let my hands drop back to my sides. Painting a smile on my face, I turn to meet Lionel’s eyes. “Yes, I’m fine.”
He holds my gaze for another few seconds. But then he thankfully just nods. “Alright.”
I nod too.
Jace, who was standing right by the entrance to the yacht while we were on it, discreetly moves farther away as we reach the street.
My heart aches and my body feels numb. And I suddenly want Jace right next to me instead. I want his warm body beside me. I want to see his easy smile. His brown eyes that always sparkle with so much life.
But I don’t know how to tell him that.
So in the end, I just follow Aurora towards the next venue location in silence. My fingers fiddle with my watch. And lifeless blue eyes continue floating before my vision.