Chapter 29
Juliet
I was high above the city’s skyline, the buildings cast in a gray wash.
The sky was black. The blackest I had ever seen it, without a star or a moon or a city light to illuminate it.
I was standing at the edge of a rooftop, knowing I was about to plummet down and let the city’s dark abyss swallow me whole.
I could hear a familiar voice behind me, but it was too far away to make out.
I wanted to turn to it, see who spoke, but I was already falling.
Happy to have woken up from the dream where it felt like my heart was in my throat, but desperate for more sleep, I groaned.
It had been a restless night, combatting nausea, thoughts of Chester, and dreams about falling off a New York City high rise.
Not the best combination for a restful sleep, and I needed it.
Not just because of today’s meeting with Chester, but because my body felt tired. Exhausted really.
That was another perk of pregnancy.
I rubbed my eyes and peered out the window at the brick apartment building next door.
It was a grayish burgundy shade, still under the night’s darkness.
Only one apartment had their lights on. The gamer who stayed up all night and slept all day.
He would probably be turning in soon, shutting off his monitor and hanging up his headphones on the wall, a signal to start my day.
It was a small amount of comfort for the unknown of my day ahead, a constant I welcomed.
I yawned and stretched my arms up over my head, my college t-shirt creeping above my midriff. Soon, my stomach would be round and this shirt would be more of a crop-top than a regular sized tee. I placed my hand on my stomach, rubbing my thumb softly across the worn cotton fabric.
“Good morning,” I whispered, surprising myself with the greeting.
It was the first time I had really acknowledged the baby in a way that made it feel human, made it feel real.
It was the first time I had spoken to him or her.
Sure, I had cursed the idea of being pregnant as I clutched the toilet and retched my brains out or flopped down on the couch completely exhausted from doing the bare minimum, but I had never spoken to the baby.
My baby. In the darkness of my empty apartment, it made me feel less alone.
“Are you going to make Mommy throw up today?” I asked, raising a speculative brow as I looked down, a small smile spreading across my face.
A small wave of nausea rolled through me just then, answering my question.
“Greeaaaat,” I groaned, swinging my legs off the bed and rushing toward the bathroom.
After dry-gagging for several minutes, I started to get ready for the day. Since I had woken up so early, I could take my time.
I took an everything shower. This time, careful not to have my phone in the bathroom, just in case.
As the hot water ran over me, I shut my eyes tight, remembering how it was just two months ago that my livestream went viral.
Just two months ago I met Chester, mortified that he had seen the video.
Just two months ago, fate would bring us together at that club.
It felt like time was in fast-forward, throwing everything life could throw at me in that short amount of time, like I was living three lifetimes at once. I would settle for one life, not even my old life. As terrified as I was to become a mother, I knew it was what I wanted.
Once I was out of the shower, I padded toward the kitchen with a fluffy, large towel wrapped around my body and a smaller one in my hair, finding a rare opportunity to throw together my current usual breakfast. Buttered toast, just slightly golden, lathered with butter and accompanied by extra crispy turkey bacon.
Eggs were out of the question. The sight of them made me sick. The thought of them made me gag.
As I took a bite of toast, the crunch sounding in my ears, my phone rang. I picked it up curiously, wondering who was calling at this hour. It was Sadie.
“Hello?” I answered, slightly worried it was an emergency.
“Today’s the day,” she said, trying to sound chipper.
“Yep,” I said with a sigh.
“How are you doing?”
“Oh, just trying to keep it together.”
“You sure you’re doing the right thing?” she asked warily.
“I think so,” I said, swallowing a small bite of bacon.
“You know, I’m behind you no matter what.”
“I know.”
“And you’re sure you don’t want to tell him about the baby?”
“Nope.” I shook my head.
I heard her try to hide a sigh on the other end of the phone.
I knew she wanted me to have a happy ending, similar to what she had with Jeremiah, but what they had was an anomaly.
Very similar to the situation I was in now, they had navigated through it and ended up choosing each other. Choosing their little girl.
“Well, how did your letter of resignation turn out?” she asked, changing the subject.
“It’s short. To the point.” I shrugged, reminding myself to print it off my computer before heading into the office.
In fact, I would do that now. I opened my laptop, the screen glaring up at me, the letter still on the screen.
I didn’t re-read it, for fear I would change my mind, and hit the print button.
My printer came to life, spitting out the typed-up paper quickly, as if knowing I could change my mind at any second.
I had spent two hours the night before concocting the letter.
After several drafts that contained too many feelings, I settled on formal and concise, announcing my departure from Brandfield Enterprises.
It had been a short tenure, but I knew I couldn’t stay.
Staying on as Chester’s personal assistant would be a special kind of torture, and I doubt he wanted me there anyways.
I couldn’t go back to accounting either.
Even though Sarah had told me she had buttered Mike up enough to possibly invite me to come back.
I knew, at the end of the day, it wasn’t really his choice anyway.
Chester would move me wherever he wanted me, and I was sure it was going to be straight out of the building.
Even if he let me stay…if I stayed there, anywhere in that building, in that world, I would risk running into Chester. I didn’t think my heart could handle that. A constant reminder of what we had lost, or maybe never even had to begin with. I wasn’t sure which was more painful.
Plus, a growing baby bump would raise an alarming amount of questions on his end, and I just couldn’t face that.
I had made the decision that I was going to do this on my own.
As much as I wanted my baby to have a father, I needed that father to be reliable and sure of their role in mine and the baby’s life.
I didn’t know Chester well enough to trust him with that, especially not after he played with my heart the way he did.
If he could so easily drop me from his life, what else would he do?
Being a single mom would be hard, and I was scared shitless, but I had my friends to lean on.
“I’m already asking around for an accounting position with Jeremiah’s friends,” said Sadie, her voice hopeful, bringing me back to our conversation.
“Thank you,” I said, already dreading the process of finding another job. I would have to leave out the part that I was newly pregnant. No one would want to hire me knowing I would be taking maternity leave several months in.
“Of course,” she said. “Ah, I better go. I think I hear someone escaping from their room!”
I heard a trill of giggles and footsteps pounding against the ground. I smiled, picturing Sadie chasing her daughter Ayah down the halls of her home.
“Give Ayah a hug for me,” I said before hanging up the phone.
I finished the rest of my breakfast, thankful that it was settling in my stomach and not threatening to come back up.
I strode back to my bedroom and perused the clothes hanging in my closet.
I pulled down a white blazer and a matching skirt, slipping them on and assessing myself in the mirror.
It was chic, with just a hint of sexiness from the light gray lace camisole I wore under the blazer.
I knew it was silly. Stupid really, but I wanted to look my best when I had to face Chester today.
Though I had no idea why he was calling this meeting with me, I had my guesses.
Well, one guess. He was going to fire me, and while it would be nice to possibly get a severance package and be on my way, I didn’t want to give him that power.
I wanted to save my last scrap of dignity.
And I wanted to look good doing it.
Deep down, some part of me wanted to see that lust in his eyes again.
I kept telling that part of me to “shut up,” but it was no use.
I missed the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the room.
Like I was the only person he wanted or ever had eyes for.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat that grew thinking about how I would never see those brown eyes drink me in like a hot cup of coffee.
I was afraid some part of me would let him have me if he wanted to.
One last time before we said goodbye for good.
But I knew that letting him in again, even just once, would present way more problems. Way more feelings.
I was already struggling with the pent-up feelings I already had, attempting to push them down until they disappeared somewhere inside me.
It would also probably weaken my resolve when I handed him my resignation letter, professionally typed out, as I verbally told him to fuck all the way off. A poetic juxtaposition I had rehearsed in my head the night before.
Maybe, I would even tell him to fuck off with Mia or find another floozy for an assistant. Either way, I was done. I had to be.
For me.
For the baby.
I nodded at myself in the mirror, regaining my resolve.
I smoothed down the front of my blazer with my hands, relieved that there was no bump showing.
It was so early on, I didn’t expect there to be.
I knew how far along I was based on how many weeks it had been since going home with Chester from the club that night all those weeks ago.
I had yet to go to the doctor yet, but Gabriella had given me her doctor’s information and I had an appointment set up next week.
Sadie and Gabriella were going to come with me, which was a relief. I didn’t want to go alone.
In the bathroom, I gave myself a blowout, pinning the warm strands of hair into Velcro rollers to get some extra volume and bounce.
As the curls set, I set my small makeup collection on the counter and used every limited product I had.
Once the concealer was dabbed under my eyes, the rosy blush was brushed across my cheeks, and I had an extra layer of mascara on, I grabbed my favorite lipstick and swiped it across my lips.
It was a rosy shade that matched my blush, and Chester’s eyes had always been drawn to my mouth whenever I wore it.
Once I took the rollers out and my hair had cooled into soft, bouncy waves that fell past my shoulders, I gave myself another onceover in the mirror.
It was no boob shirt or ass skirt, but it was good enough.
Classy. Chic. Powerful. Even though I didn’t feel like any of those things, at least I looked the part.
I grabbed my purse from the entryway table and headed out the door of my apartment, knowing when I came back that everything would have changed. My plan was to come back here and wallow on the couch with a chick flick marathon and some brownies made from a box.
When I arrived at the office, the cab dropping me off on the curb in my black sky-high heels, I walked into the building, prepared to never do it again. It was early. Our meeting wasn’t until eight, but it was only 7:30. I just wanted to get it over with.
The custodian looked up at the click clack of my heels.
“Early again?” he asked with a raised brow.
“Have a meeting with the big guy upstairs,” I muttered.
“Ahh. He’s busy today,” he said curiously, looking at the watch on his wrist. “He’s got another lady up there now.”
I tried to hide my surprise and the anger that rose in my chest, though I was sure it was evident in the warmth that spread through my cheeks.
I tightened my grip on the resignation letter in my hand and strode for the elevators, more determined than ever to finish this.
He was probably up there replacing me as we spoke.