Chapter 10
Their time alone was going better than Samuel could have imagined. Nine days had passed, and the next day they had to leave the haven of their honeymoon. Hannah seemed to embrace being away from everything. He often found her humming or dancing. Samuel recognised his implicit bias, but… it was her smile that really got him. The genuine one she had been wearing the last several days was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Her smile danced in her eyes and came from deep within her.
Happiness looked good on her, and he was delighted to be the catalyst which brought about this change. His only fear was that it was temporary. Once they got back to their lives of being Co-pastors, he feared the old Hannah would reemerge. The regression would be detrimental to her, and he feared their marriage would be affected. There was no way he could settle for the uptight, people pleasing, Hannah. Not when he relished spending time with this version of her.
It had taken her a couple of days to get accustomed to his level and frequency of physical intimacy. She’d been shocked that first morning when he’d interrupted her while she washed the dishes, only to pull her away from the sink and bend her over the kitchen table.
“Right here? In the kitchen?” Samuel could practically see her clutching her pearls in shock.
“Why not here?” He’d countered as he worked the length of the dress upwards over her hips, exposing her panty clad derriere. “Mm,” he’d pressed for an answer, as he worked the cotton high rise briefs off.
While Samuel was happy, Hannah didn’t have an objection to being intimate with him. He wanted her to embrace a life with more spontaneity. She spent so much time in her head, working to please others. All her actions couldn’t be based on meeting the expectations of others. He wanted them to have the freedom to truly put each other first. Even if it meant bucking conventions.
In the end, she had to admit, there wasn’t a reason they couldn’t be intimate in the kitchen, with her bent over the table. In fact, not only did she come to enjoy the spontaneity, but Hannah had even started it a time or two. On the third day, when she invited him into the shower to wash her back, their activities had nearly depleted the water tank. The fact that she had become so comfortable in such a short time gave him hope.
It was almost as if she was eager to let go of her inhibitions. She wore her hair down, her curls falling freely. In a sense, it symbolised her being herself without restraint. Even when they were younger, she didn’t allow herself the freedom to let her hair down. Figuratively or literally.
To witness Hannah unfettered was a miraculous, joyful experience. One day, they were taking their daily walk through the woods when the sky had opened up, pouring sun-soaked fat drops of rain all over them. Hannah’s reaction wasn’t at all what he expected. He watched, mesmerized, as she embraced the experience. She had sung, “If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain,” at the top of her lungs. Dancing, carefree as the rain soaked through her clothing. It had been a beautiful moment watching her let go.
It had taken less persuasion than he’d thought to convince her to go skinny dipping with him. Samuel quickly undressed and cannon balled into the lake. She toed off her sneakers, then stripped, finally neatly placing her clothing on a nearby log. He stood in the water, tracking her every movement. The wild abandonment on her face was so very sexy. When she joined him in the water, they embraced. “Oh!” she’d exclaimed as his hardness pressed against her. Then she shrugged.
“Why not here?” Making love in the rain, in the lake with Hannah, had not been on his bucket list. But it should have been. It was quick and passionate. Sliding into her tight core, with the warm water surrounding them, made Samuel feel connected to her in a way he hadn’t felt before. Mother Nature decided the shower should become a storm. Forcing them to hurry through their act of coupling. They laughed as they came together and got the hell out of the water. Their joy was a living, breathing thing. There was no time to bask in postcoital bliss. They’d hurried out of the water, got dressed, and raced back to the cabin. Their laughter bounced off the trees as they made their way back.
The physical connection was beautiful, but Samuel also just enjoyed simply being in her company. Even if they weren’t speaking with each other. One afternoon, they each grabbed a book. With Hannah’s feet in his lap, they sat reading. They had a comfort, which Samuel had never experienced before. It was probably because he had been subconsciously waiting for Hannah.
The nights were chilly, and they would sit by the fireplace. Fresh popcorn, s’mores, and conversations. Their last night at the cabin they took advantage of the fireplace. They sat on the couch cuddling. Mostly, Samuel was an open book. The only topic he actively avoided was why he became a K-pop star. He couldn’t share those feelings with her. It would taint what they were building. He masterfully avoided sharing his feelings. Samuel wouldn’t discuss the why, but when she asked about his experiences being a celebrity, he was transparent.
“What was it like performing in front of all those people?” Hannah had asked.
“It was exhilarating.” He rubbed his jaw. “At first. I’ve always loved singing.”
“That’s because you have an amazing voice. You’re very talented.” Hannah gushed. Obviously, he knew he was talented. However, having her compliment his gift with such adoration made him feel ten feet tall.
“Thank you.” He squeezed her knee.
“You said at first?” She inquired.
“Yeah, the other demands slowly took away from the magic of performing and connecting with the fans. Eventually, the luster of my glamourous life wore off due to rehearsals, an exhausting travel schedule, and living in a fishbowl.”
“But that didn’t happen overnight. You did it for a decade.”
“I was on the fence before I signed my last contract. I shouldn’t have signed it, and the last three years of performing I was pretty miserable.” By then he tired of the groupies. Samuel explained to Hannah how he put one foot in front of the other until his contract expired. Once it had, nothing could convince him to stay in that lifestyle. The calling of his upbringing began to speak to him. He couldn’t deny it any longer.
“So, you just decided to start preaching?”
“No. First, I finished the leftover theology courses I had to complete.”
“Really? I’d assumed you just decided to start preaching.”
Samuel bristled at her assumption. “Why did you think that?”
She shrugged before answering. “Sometimes, you can be impulsive.”
Her assertion was correct. Well, in part. So, the truth wouldn’t offend him.
“I can be. But just because I can be spontaneous doesn’t mean I don’t plan ahead. Going into the ministry was a huge decision for me. Even as I completed my courses, I didn’t know how I could serve. I’m nothing like my father or brother. Then I got assigned a mentor, that showed me I didn’t have to become somebody different to be a minister. In fact, my strength, what would make me truly relatable, was that I wasn’t traditional.”
Hannah had been cuddled against him, but as he spoke, she shifted her position, so she was sitting up.
“There is nothing wrong with tradition.” She sounded defensive.
In an effort not to let things get too far off track, he tried smoothing her ruffled feathers. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. It’s just not my thing.”
“You’d mentioned your attire. Do you not wear a suit and tie to services? When you are preaching?” Her tone had turned frosty and judgmental. Samuel didn’t appreciate it at all. Did he want them to enjoy the rest of the time away? Very much. Would he back down? Absolutely not.
“Generally, I don’t wear a suit. Unless it’s a special occasion. I’ve never worn a tie.” For good measure, and so she understood it wasn’t negotiable, he added. “Nor will I be wearing one.”
“If you don’t wear a suit, what do you wear in the pulpit?” So, Hannah had no intention of dropping the matter. He should have known she would be hyper focused on something so insignificant.
He let out an exasperated breath, “Clothes. I wear clothes. Sometimes dress pants, sometimes jeans. Polo shirts, dress shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, and even t-shirts.”
Her head snapped back, like he had struck her. “You allow your tattoos to be visible while you are in the pulpit?”
Whew. This conversation took a left turn. Until this point, he was mildly irritated at her reaction. Now he was pissed. “Yes, sometimes my tats are visible when I’m preaching. I have nothing to hide. They are a part of me.”
“They are a part of your past and should be left there.”
“That isn’t for you to decide. Do you have any idea how judgmental you sound? Not to mention hypocritical.”
“I’m hypocritical?” she shrieked while poking her chest.
“Yes. You. Who didn’t seem to have an issue with my tattoos the last few days. Especially this morning when you were licking them.”
Hannah’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. She opened her mouth, then promptly closed it. Then tried again. She sputtered at her next attempt. “How could you—” She shook her head as if attempting to dislodge a thought. “I shouldn’t have to explain this to you, but there is a time and place for everything. There are many verses dedicated to it. Look it up.”
Apparently, she considered the conversation over. She got up from the couch and went into the bedroom. It was somehow worse to hear her close the door quietly than to hear it slam shut. His first instinct was to rush after her, but he recognised his feelings were raw. It wasn’t just the clothes or tattoos she was rejecting. It was him.
His worst fears were coming to fruition. Faced with what was expected of her, new Hannah would retreat and allow old Hannah to lead the show. It was disappointing to him. Why had he gone through all this trouble to give them a chance to build their relationship far from the prying eyes of other people’s expectations? Especially when, at the first hint of a challenge, she reverted to her old habits.
After straightening up, he made his way to the bedroom they shared. He briefly considered knocking, then thought better of it. He bit back a groan when he saw her in bed. Her hair was up in a tight bun. At least she wasn’t back in that nightgown from an era gone by.
“Hey.” He called gently as he took a seat beside her.
“Hello.” Her eyes were red. It was apparent that she had been crying. It bothered Samuel that she had been brought to tears. “I’m sorry about earlier. This. You and I. There is a lot to get used to. We are so very different. Look how we butted heads earlier.” She sounded so dejected. It hurt.
“We will not agree on everything, Jagiya.” Samuel cupped her jaw and stroked it lovingly. “That’s not a bad thing. Sometimes we will be able to reach a compromise. Other times, we will have to agree to disagree. Either way, we will be together.” He pressed a kiss to her lips. “Okay?”
Hannah nodded. “Okay?” He repeated. They were at a crucial juncture. They needed to be united as they returned to everyday life. He had come back for Hannah and was determined for them to make it work.
“Yes. Of course we will.” She answered. They kissed, putting aside all the unpleasantness from earlier.