Prologue #2
I gripped the edge of the counter, breathing through the pain. The next contraction violently shifted beneath my skin.
I closed my eyes.
God, I hated this.
Pregnancy was ugly and animalistic. It was nothing like the glowing motherhood nonsense churchwomen sold from pulpits and baby showers. There was nothing beautiful about feeling trapped inside your own body.
Lorraine moved closer carefully. “You shoulda never kept this baby.”
My eyes opened slowly.
“What did you say?”
She swallowed but kept going anyway.
“I said you shoulda got rid of it. You don’t even know the gender or talk about the baby like they’re real.
You think money and church hats make you better than everybody.
” Lorraine stepped closer now, too. “But you’re just rotten, Sharon.
Mean all the way through. I feel sorry for this baby.
One day, they’ll realize you had them for money, and they weren’t worthy of your presence like your current family. ”
I smiled coldly at her. “That’s rich coming from a bitch that took my rotten ass money. Look around, Sis. You’re struggling so bad because you are too kind. Mean women survive,” I replied. “Soft women end up broke, cheated on, and praying over eviction notices.”
“That baby ain’t ask to be here.”
“No,” I said flatly. “Alan should’ve remembered that before he climbed on top of me.”
Lorraine stared at me with pure disgust. People always mistook motherhood for automatic goodness. As if pushing out a child suddenly turned women holy. Some women stayed exactly who they were. And I knew exactly who I was.
“Lorraine, if you’re done being a bitch, call Alan and tell him to meet us here.”
“Why here, Shar? We need to get you to a hospital.”
Another contraction hit hard enough to force me forward against the counter. This time, I cursed openly.
Lorraine rushed toward me instinctively. “Shit. Sharon—”
“Don’t touch me.”
“Your water is probably about to break.”
“I said DON’T touch me.”
My voice echoed through her place while lightning flashed outside the windows.
My water broke an hour later in Lorraine’s bathroom, the warm liquid running down my legs while I stared at my reflection beneath flickering fluorescent lights.
I looked exhausted. My mascara was smudged beneath my eyes. Sweat dampened the roots of my silk press. I gripped the sink tighter while another contraction tore through me, vicious and sharp.
“Sharon!” Lorraine banged on the bathroom door. “You okay?”
“No,” I snapped.
She opened the door anyway.
Her eyes widened immediately. “Oh shit.”
I looked down at the water soaking the floor with disgust curling through my chest.
Lorraine grabbed the towels quickly. “The hospital is twenty minutes away. Let’s go now—”
“No hospital.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Yes.”
I wasn’t about to risk somebody recognizing me. Even hours away from Crestwood, it would be just my luck that a friend of a friend worked the registration desk or was a nurse.
No. Alan’s baby would enter the world quietly if I had anything to do with it.
Another contraction ripped through me hard enough to buckle my knees.
“Shit!” I grabbed the sink, breathing through my teeth while sweat rolled down my chest beneath my nightgown.
Lorraine rushed forward again. “Shar, the baby’s coming now.”
Pain twisted through me again, sharper this time, violent enough to force a sound out of me I didn’t recognize. I gripped the side of the tub while lightning flashed outside the small bathroom window.
Another contraction hit before the last one fully passed.
Lorraine cursed under her breath. “Okay. Okay. Sit down.”
Lorraine grabbed towels from beneath the sink while I lowered myself onto the closed toilet lid, breathing raggedly.
“You need to push.”
“I know how babies work, Lorraine!”
“Well, clearly your evil ass forgot because she’s crowning.”
I cried out despite myself when another wave tore through me. My fingers nearly cracked the edge of the sink.
“God—”
Lorraine laughed sharply. “Now you wanna talk to Him?”
“Shut up!”
I pushed again, screaming this time, while tears burned my eyes from pure rage more than pain.
“Again!” Lorraine yelled.
The sound filled the tiny bathroom instantly.
I collapsed back against the wall, panting, while Lorraine wrapped the baby quickly in a towel with trembling hands.
For a moment, nobody spoke. The baby kept crying. Lorraine looked down first.
“Oh my God,” she whispered softly. “It’s a girl, and she has so much pretty hair.”
I turned my head slowly against my better judgment and saw the baby’s golden face. She had dark curls plastered to her scalp. Her little fists balled tightly.
Something cold settled in my chest immediately.
Lorraine looked over at me carefully. “You wanna hold her?”
“No.”
The answer came fast and easy.
Lorraine blinked.
“Shar…”
“I said no.”
The baby cried harder, as if she already understood rejection. I leaned my head back against the wall, exhausted, while Lorraine cleaned herself carefully at the sink.
“You don’t even wanna name her?”
“She’s alive, ain’t she?”
Lorraine stared at me with visible disgust. “That’s all you got to say?”
I closed my eyes.
“This was a mistake that got outta hand. What else do you want from me?”
A knock sounded suddenly at Lorraine’s door.
Lorraine muttered something under her breath before leaving the bathroom. A minute later, heavy footsteps crossed the threshold. Then Alan appeared in the doorway, soaked from rainwater and expensive cologne.
And for the first time since I met the kingpin, I saw emotion crack his face.
Real emotion. His eyes dropped immediately to the baby bundled in Lorraine’s arms.
“Damn,” he breathed.
The baby quieted almost instantly as he stepped closer. I watched the entire thing blankly. Alan reached for her slowly, as if she were something fragile.
That irritated me immediately.
“You told anybody?” I asked flatly.
His eyes snapped toward me. “That’s your first question?”
“Yes.”
Alan looked at me for a long moment before answering. “No.”
Lorraine handed him the baby carefully, and Alan stared down at her like he couldn’t believe she existed.
He looked proud.
“Did you name her?” he asked quietly.
“No. She’s your daughter, you name her.”
“How about Cameron?” He smiled.
“Sure, if that’s what you want.”
Lorraine crossed her arms tightly. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Alan sat carefully on the edge of the bathtub, holding Cameron. The baby blinked up at him, silently now watching all of us.
Kids were always watching, just like Jared. The thought made something ugly crawl beneath my skin. I stood slowly on shaky legs, ignoring the ache between them.
“When can you take her?”
Lorraine looked sick.
Alan looked stunned.
But I meant every word because I needed to get back to my life in Crestwood.