Chapter 28
After the show, James still buzzed from his week and from the bump of cocaine he bought off one of the guys on the road crew. It wasn’t just the high that made him feel god-like, though. Everything was exactly as he wanted it to be, except for one thing: He still hadn’t heard from Steve.
Walking alone on the dark island after the show, he pulled his phone out and tapped over to Twitter, where he could find Steve quickly, but couldn’t reveal any recent posts within a few seconds of scrolling.
He tried to remember Steve’s handle and couldn’t.
James searched his messages but couldn’t find Steve there, either.
“Looking for something?” a voice asked.
James looked up, blinded by the light from his phone, and unable to focus on the darkness. He only saw a vague shadow standing a few yards away from him.
“Excuse me?” James asked.
The shadow laughed. “What, you don’t recognize me?”
“Steve?”
“You sound surprised to see me,” Steve replied.
James stepped quickly toward the man he loved, but Steve took a step back.
“What’s wrong?” James asked.
“I haven’t gotten to see any of the island,” Steve said. “I want to see the island.”
“It’s dark, I can show you tomorrow,” James said, taking another step toward him. Steve took another step back, keeping his distance.
“I want to see the island,” he insisted. “Can you show me?”
“It’s dark, we can’t see anything.”
“And no one can see us,” Steve said. “Let’s go into the trees.”
Before James could argue, Steve walked further away from him. Steve turned and called back to James. “Are you coming?”
So, James followed. Steve walked so quickly through the sand that James couldn’t keep up, and when they reached the forest on the north side of the island, Steve ducked between the trees like he knew where to go.
James tried to use the flashlight on his phone to illuminate the way, but every time he did the beam shone so bright that he lost sight of Steve in the darkness ahead of him.
He decided to go without it. The air grew cold and damp, and soon he felt the cool mist of the water falling from high above.
“Steve?” he called out, unable to see anything anymore.
“I’m up here!” Steve replied. James looked up and saw Steve’s silhouette against the stars of the night sky.
He must have sprinted up the side of the waterfall to get up there already, or James picked his way along the trail more slowly than he realized.
“Come up and join me, it’s so beautiful.
You can see the whole island,” Steve said.
James didn’t want to climb the waterfall.
It was impossible for him to forget what happened the last time someone else was stupid enough to climb it, but he trusted Steve.
He’d do anything for Steve, and now they were together.
So, James climbed. He pressed as close to the sloping earth as he could and climbed using his hands and feet and sometimes his knees, moist earth clinging to the synthetic fabric of the suit pants.
When he reached the top, Steve was still standing near the edge of the falls, looking out over the island.
They really could see everything from up there.
James hadn’t thought the waterfall was so tall, but they were able to see all the softly illuminated tents and the lights strung up between them.
The stars glittered like pinholes in the night sky and the ocean reflected a long, quivering version of the moon.
James hauled himself up and stood next to Steve.
“It’s beautiful,” Steve said. “I’m glad I finally got to see it with you.”
“I wish you could have seen more. I’ve had such a great time.
So much has changed …” James wanted to say more, but he wasn’t sure Steve remembered a life before now.
Could he remember James’ struggles as a magician on YouTube?
Even now, it felt like a distant past life to James.
What else changed between them? Were they closer in this version of life?
Had they still dated before? Were they dating now? “I love it here.”
“I do, too,” Steve said. “And I love you.” Steve’s face was still too dark to make out his features clearly, but now he reached his hand out and interlaced his fingers with James’.
Butterflies took flight in James’ stomach and he felt a floating sensation again that lifted him up off the rocks. “I love you, too, Steve.”
Steve looked down and regarded their clasped hands and then back out at the ocean.
“What would you do for success, James?”
James laughed. What hadn’t he already done for success?
“Anything. I would do anything for success. Not that I think I have to do as much now.”
Steve continued to look out over the ocean, as if he didn’t even hear James’ reply.
“What would you sacrifice?”
James took a deep breath, looking away from Steve and out over the island and the expanse of dark water beyond it. He thought he’d need to sacrifice Steve and was thankful that he found a way around that. Now that Steve was here, anything felt possible.
“I don’t know. I’ve sacrificed a lot already. I guess …” James paused, thinking his answer over.
“Would you die for success?”
James turned back to Steve. Steve hadn’t moved.
“Would I die for it?”
“If it meant that you could have everything you wanted, but you knew that you’d have to give up your whole life, would you do it?”
“Are you talking about a deal with the devil or something?” James asked. His hand started to sweat in Steve’s, and he tried to pull away, but Steve wouldn’t let go. “Steve, my hand—”
“Tell me the truth, James. How far would you go for success?”
“Are you mad at me or something?” James asked, trying desperately now to free his hand from Steve’s. Steve finally turned toward him. His face was so dark. It seemed too dark for how much light there was up on the waterfall.
“If you had to choose me or you, who would you choose?”
James’ heart pounded in his chest. Something wasn’t right. “Steve, seriously, stop it. Why are you asking me this?”
“I just want to know how much of you is left.”
Steve’s hand barely even moved as James struggled against his stony grasp. Nothing James said or did had impact on him. James clawed at Steve’s hand.
“Steve, stop! You’re being crazy. Let me go. If this is how you’re going to act, then I choose the island.”
“I’m so glad to hear you say that,” Steve said.
He let go of James’ hand and wrapped both arms around him. Steve leaned his whole body into James, and James’ feet slipped on the slick surface, but only for a moment. The two of them fell forward into the darkness as one.