Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
"Mal." My voice is barely a whisper. "What's happening to you?"
"I'm not taking you to her,” he says, his voice a low growl.
I would never have dared touch the Sages when their eyes flashed silver. But with him, I can't stop myself. My heart pounds. My hands shake. I move to the edge of the bed and lift my palms to his face.
He closes his eyes. Releases a soft sigh as my fingers find his cheeks.
"Does that feel good?"
He huffs a laugh. "What a question."
"Does it?"
"Everything you do feels good." His voice is low. Gravelly. It makes my stomach clench.
"The elixir I used on your wounds has menthol. That's different."
His eyes open. No longer bronze, but the possessive heat blazing in them makes my pulse flutter as wildly as the lights.
"It has nothing to do with the menthol." He holds my gaze. "It's you. Everything you do. Everything you are."
The words cleave into me. I drop my hands. Look away. Bite my lip against the tears that spring to my eyes.
"You don't know what you're saying."
"Will you please just tell me what changed?"
I swallow past the knot in my throat. Nod. "I will. But I need to ask you something first."
"Then ask me, Ada!" His voice rises. "I'll tell you anything. Everything. Just—" He stops. Closes his eyes. Takes a breath. When he opens them again, his voice is controlled. "Just ask."
Ada. Not Menace.
Hearing him use my name shouldn't hurt this much. But I suppose I should get used to it.
"Have you sacrificed healers?"
Surprise crosses his face. Then he looks away. My heart hammers as the silence stretches. It feels like an eternity before he clears his throat.
"Mortiana told you this?"
"Did you kill them or not?" My voice is barely above a whisper. "That's all I'm asking."
The anguish in his eyes almost makes me take it back. Almost.
"Do you think I killed them?" He searches my face. "You must, or you wouldn't ask. You think because I'm a warrior, a Rook, desperate to save his kingdom, I'd slaughter innocent people?"
"Just answer the question, Malachi."
"I will. But I want to know what you think." He leans forward. "You know me better than Mortiana does. You know me better than ..." He shakes his head and lets out a humorless laugh. "What do you believe?"
"I don't believe you'd kill innocent people. But the way she said it …" I exhale shakily. "I know what this curse has cost you. I can't imagine the frustration. And I thought, if I'm going to flay myself open for you, I might as well make you do the same."
He's quiet for a long moment. "I didn't kill them, but they were inhabitants of Tenebris. Under my protection. And I did nothing to stop their deaths." He looks at me. "I suppose that's the lesson Mortiana wants me to learn."
"What is your bargain?"
He sighs. "Do you remember when I told you I'm only woken from stasis during Reckonings? Or when Mortiana needs something?"
I nod.
"I transport souls for her. The souls of loved ones who died because of the curse." His jaw tightens. "I assume healers have been among them. Along with my grandparents. My uncles. Aunts. Cousins." He swallows hard. "My niece."
My breath catches. "Why?"
"It's part of my—"
"No." I cut him off. He looks up, startled. "Why do you have to pay these debts? Why not someone else? Why you?"
"Because I'm the prince of Tenebris."
The words land like stones.
"Prince Malachi Bain Malvorathis." He watches my face. "That won't mean anything to you. You don't learn our history. But that's why."
The air leaves my lungs. I scoot back, needing distance. "You're the prince."
He nods. "You know how the Sages give children they visit three fates and a name? I'm Prince Malachi Bain Malvorathis, the Cursebearer." His mouth twists. "Prince Bain the Cursed."
"The prince of Tenebris," I whisper. My vision blurs. I stare at my black-stained fingernails.
"Technically, I'm the spare. My sister will take the throne when ..." He clears his throat. "When the curse is lifted."
Gods. I thought he was just a warrior who'd sacrificed much for his kingdom. That was bad enough. This is worse. So much worse.
"Your sister. The warrior,” I say, my voice sounding far away.
"We come from a long line of them."
I nod, reeling. The prince. He's the prince. How can a father I've never met ruin my life so completely? I hate Cato for everything. But I hate him most for this.
"That's why she said you'd never belong to me," I whisper.
The lights flicker. I keep my eyes on my hands.
"She said that?"
I nod. It's all I can manage as shame crashes over me.
"I'm..." My lip quivers. "Oh gods. I can't do this." I press my hands to my face. "I'm such a coward. I said I'd tell you everything, and I can't. I can't."
"Ada." He leans forward. Sets his hand over mine. "Look at me."
His touch. His comfort. It's too much.
A sob breaks free. I yank my hands away. "Please don't touch me!"
A myriad of emotions cross over his features. Through my tears, I catch only confusion. Pain.
"Cato is my father." The words fall between us like a blade. I swallow. "The man who cursed your kingdom. Who made you ..." I choke on a sob when I see his face.
I would run if I could. Escape the sight of his face. But I'm shaking too hard to move, and I know this moment will haunt me for the rest of my life. I bury my face in my hands. Force a breath. Force myself to look at him again. His expression nearly undoes me.
"I'm the healer you've been searching for.
" I force myself to breathe. To speak. "I didn't tell you at first because the Sages always warned me I'd be hunted by outsiders.
Then you said you needed the scepter, and I thought .
.. I didn't think you needed a healer. So it didn't matter. But then the Sages told me ..."
I have to stop. Breathe. Get it together. "They told me Cato and Pia are my parents." My voice breaks. I press a fist to the ache in my chest.
"I'm so sorry, Malachi. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am." I force myself to meet his eyes. "And I'm sorry I'm the one you're bound to."
Another sob rises. I bury my face in my hands. It's so unfair. All of it.
Who my parents are. What my father did. Everything Malachi has sacrificed. But after all he's been through, the fact that Mortiana bound him to me may be the cruelest blow of all.
I've avoided reaching for the bond out of cowardice. But now I do. And gods, the pain on his end cuts so deep I think it might rip me apart. I wipe my face. Lower my hands.
"I'm sorry,” I repeat, calmer now. "If you take me to Noktemore, I can fix this. I know what it means for me. For us. I know I'll have to sacrifice—"
The flickering lights should have warned me. He moves so fast I don't have time to react. His hand catches my chin, tilts my face up. His eyes are hard. Brutal.
"You have no idea what this means for us." His voice is low. Dangerous. "You will not sacrifice yourself. I don't care who your parents are. I don't care what Mortiana says, or the prophecy, or anyone else." He swallows hard. "I will not lose you to this curse."
I stare at him. "What?"
"I won't allow it."
"But I ... and you ... did you hear what I said? My father cursed your kingdom. He's the reason—"
"I don't give a fuck!" He releases my chin and looks away. His eyes flash bronze before returning to golden brown.
"Malachi." I keep my voice gentle. Careful. Like calming a wounded animal. "This is an entire kingdom. Your kingdom. I'm one person. It's not—"
He spears me with a glare. "No one is just one person. Least of all you."
"The prophecy—"
"Don't." His voice is low. Thick with fury. The air crackles around us. "Do you remember when you asked what Noktemore was like?"
I swallow. "You said it's a kingdom like any other."
"It is. A kingdom where Mortiana rules as queen. Where her court is filled with souls indebted to her. People who would do anything to gain her favor." His smile is sharp. Cold. "A court where princes and princesses and demigods are humbled."
My breath hitches. But I stay quiet.
"The gods reserve stasis for worshippers. People they favor. It's not something you ask for. It's something you're granted, if you're found worthy." His jaw tightens. "I walked into her court on my first day and demanded it."
My eyebrows rise. I stay silent.
"She didn't know what to do with me. Hated me the moment I arrived. A Rook." His lips twist. "I’m Lugal’s warrior. Serve Maia. Mortiana loves her husband and sister-in-law, but she's a goddess. And there's nothing gods love more than power."
I inch closer. I can't help it. His lips twitch as he tracks my movement. A predator watching prey. And I would let him catch me.
"But she loves her family. So instead of sending my soul to Oblivion, she agreed to bargain." He raises an eyebrow. "I told her if she could find something I truly wanted, I'd accept any punishment. If she couldn't, she'd grant me stasis."
A dark smile crosses his face. "I knew her games. Knew the Nightmares she unleashed on her court. I knew she couldn't resist."
"Nightmares," I whisper. "They're like sirens? Compulsion and beguilement?"
"More powerful. They can show you your worst fears. But in Noktemore, they prefer to show your greatest temptations." His voice drops. "They create mirages. By the time you realize it isn't real, Mortiana knows what you want. It's how she traps people into making more bargains."
"How does it work?"
A dangerous gleam enters his eyes. "Do you want a demonstration?"
I rear back. "You can do that?"
"Being in stasis in Noktemore has benefits. Transporting souls, too. Over time, you acquire gifts from the goddess." His lips curl into a slow, dark smile. He leans closer, stopping inches from my face. "Don't worry, Menace. I won't use my gifts on you unless you ask."
My eyes narrow. "What did the Nightmares show you?"
He leans back. "Everything an arrogant twenty-eight-year-old prince could wish for."
"And?"
"After a year of games, Mortiana realized she couldn't win."
"What does that mean?"
He rises from the chair. Plants his hands on either side of me, caging me with his body.
My pulse thrashes. "Mal. What does that mean?"
"Do you remember when Kage asked if you'd ever thought about having children?" His voice is low. Raspy. "Your answer was immediate."
"Of course,” I whisper. "I've never even met a child. How could I want one?"
"It's the same for me. I was named Cursebearer the moment I opened my eyes. By the time I could walk, Tenebris and Arusha were at war." He holds my gaze. "The Nightmares can only show you what you truly want. Not your duty. Not what you've been told will fulfill you."
I nod. Lick my lips without thinking. He tracks the movement. When his eyes lift to mine, they're molten. Crackling with a need that rivals my own. A fire that can't be extinguished. Like the Flames ignited by gods.
"They couldn't show me anything." His voice drops to a whisper. "Because I didn't know what it was to want until I met you."
And then he strikes.
His mouth claims mine in a kiss that makes everything else vanish.