9.
I cried my way over to my mom’s house – a little two-bedroom house she’s been renting for the last few years.
I was going to try to disguise my sadness, but something tells me I shouldn’t.
She needs to see what she’s done, if what Kasim is telling me is true, and I have a strong suspicion that it is.
I knock and open the door because, despite what I’ve told her about keeping it locked, she’s hardheaded, talking about nothing ever happens in Gastonia when there was a S.W.A.T. standoff one street over about five months ago.
“Hey—who’s that barging all up in my house?” she asks, coming out of the kitchen. “I could’ve had a man up in here.”
“Then you should probably keep the doors locked, Ma.”
She looks and sees my eyes. She instantly corrals to my side asking, “What’s the matter, dear?”
“Sit down, Ma. I need to talk to you about something.”
“What’s that?” she asks, sitting in her favorite chair while I take the sofa.
I fight to keep my emotions at bay so I can say what I need to say. Find out what I need to find out. “Mom, years ago, when I was a teenager, you told me something about Kasim.”
“Chile, I don’t remember half of what I did yesterday. How am I supposed to remember anything from way back then?”
“Mom—please just listen. You said you overheard a conversation between Kasim and his mother. You told me she warned him not to get too close to me, and he responded by saying there were prettier girls at his school, and he didn’t want the poor girl. Do you remember telling me that?”
She closes her eyes and sighs deeply. “Yes, I do.”
“Was that true? Did you hear him say those words?”
“Giada—”
“Mom, did he say it or not?”
She sighs heavily again and says, “See, what you have to understand, Giada, is that I knew what it felt like to struggle as a single mom. I had you when I was nineteen. I struggled and walked across that stage with a belly while, at home, my parents yelled and cussed and fussed because I was their ultimate letdown. I failed them. I couldn’t go to college.
I was too busy trying to feed you, and I’m not blaming you—I’m just telling you how it was. ”
She wipes a tear and says, “When I saw you headed down the same road, I wasn’t about to let you follow in my footsteps.
I was going to break that cycle because I wanted better for you, baby.
I didn’t want you to end up being a maid up in somebody’s house like your mama—washing dishes, mopping floors, and making somebody else’s life better while you lived in poverty.
I wanted better for you! So, when I saw you with Kasim in his room that day with your forehead pressed to his, I knew I had to put an end to what was going on.
You were in love with him, and he was in love with you.
Y’all were too young for that. Hormones and feelings can easily cloud your judgment.
Trust me, I know from experience. If I didn’t put an end to what was going on between y’all, you would’ve ended up like me.
And what do you think them rich folks would’ve said?
They would’ve dragged your name through the mud and told everybody that wasn’t their son’s baby.
They would’ve demanded he stay away from you, and guess what, Giada?
You would’ve been me. Alone with a baby and struggling.
I didn’t want that. I wasn’t going to have that. ”
“So, you lied. Kasim never said those things about me?”
With trembling lips, she says, “I did what I had to do to save you from becoming the failure that I am!” she says, wiping her eyes. “And I’m not sorry about it, either. I would do the same thing over again.”
“Mom?” I cry in disbelief. I can’t believe she would lie straight to my face like that.
“I’m sorry.”
I sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes. I say, “He said he gave you a letter. Where is it?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You think I still have a letter from over a decade ago.”
“Yes, I do because you never throw anything away! Now, where is it?” I ask, stomping to her bedroom.
“Giada, stop!”
“Where is it, Ma?” I ask because I’m livid.
I weave my way through open boxes. She hasn’t moved yet – hasn’t even found a house yet, but she’s been packing boxes left and right. However, in her bedroom, nothing’s packed up. I go straight to her dresser, snatch all her undergarments out of the top drawer.
Nothing.
“Giada!”
I head to the closet. There are shoe boxes on the top shelf. I pull one of them down and see a stack of papers – mail, bills, receipts. I take another one, open it, and see folded papers. I open one and see Kasim’s handwriting. Tears immediately come to my eyes as I begin reading:
Giada,
Hi. It’s me, Kase. Remember me? Your best friend?
It’s been over a month and I haven’t seen you or heard from you.
Your mom told me you were busy with your other friends and that’s all good, but I thought we were friends – best friends.
I have no one but you, G. I thought you knew that.
Yes, I play football and all that, but no one understands me like you do – not my mother, my father – no one, and no one ever will.
I miss your silly laugh. I miss talking to you.
I miss your eyes. I miss falling asleep with you slobbering on my shoulder.
I miss eating snacks with you. Tossing the football back and forth.
Playing outside. Why won’t you call me? Did I do something to you?
Was it the kiss? If it was, I promise I will never kiss you again.
My life has been on pause since you walked out of my room that day.
I just…I just miss you, Giada. I just want to see you.
Please write me back. Or call me. Text me.
Please. I really need to hear from you, and if I don’t, I should tell you that I love you, and I…
-Kase
Tears pour out of my eyes. I don’t remember a time when I’ve cried this much – where my tears were heavier than my heart, but they are now.
I look up at my mother and ask, “How could you do this to me?”
“I told you why.”
“You lied, Ma!”
“You were fourteen, Giada. I was protecting you.”
“Yeah, you sure were,” I say, leaving the room with the letter and her on my trail, saying my name over and over again, but I’m not trying to hear her. Not right now. I can’t. I have to get out of here.
“Giada.”
“What!” I snap. “What do you want from me, Ma? What else do you want to take away from me? Hmm? Two years ago, you ran into Kasim. He told you to tell me hi. Did you conveniently forget to relay that message as well? I wasn’t fourteen two years ago.
I was twenty-six, and you still were making sure I never connected with him.
Explain that. How was that protecting me? ”
She drops her head.
I say, “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”
I grab my purse from the sofa where I left it upon coming inside and quickly exit by way of the front door.
I start my car and peel out of the driveway, not sure where I’m going at the moment.
It’ll take a good half hour to get back to Cornelius so I pull over at the QuikTrip and sit there, crying my eyes out over something that happened so long ago.
I cry because I’m upset about the whole thing.
I cry because my mother lied to me. I cry because Kasim Noble was my first and last crush.
My best friend. And I loved him too. That’s why it was a blow to me to hear my mother tell me what he said.
Thinking all these years that I wasn’t good enough for him, and it had all been a lie she made up to keep us away from each other.
That’s not okay. I know she’s my mother and all, and she was looking out for my best interests, but lying is never okay.
I wipe my eyes for the millionth time and remove my phone from my purse when I hear it buzz. I know it’s her. I know it is, and I cannot talk to her right now. Surely I’d say something I can’t take back. It’s best I just be quiet.
I glance at the screen. It’s not her after all. It’s a text from Kasim.
Where are you??
That one came through five minutes ago. Another one comes through while I’m still holding the phone:
Please don’t ignore me, Giada. You were upset when you left here. I just want to make sure you’re safe.
I reply:
Giada : I’m safe.
Kasim : Call me.
Giada : I can’t right now.
Kasim : Call me.
I don’t want to call him because I won’t be able to keep it together on the phone. But I don’t want to ignore his request either. I think I owe him that much.
I dial his number. I didn’t hear the phone ring before I heard him say, “Where are you?”
“I’m at a gas station,” I say, my words as broken as my heart.
“Stop crying. I’m sorry for all of this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It’s my fault that you’re in tears right now. I never meant to hurt you.”
I attempt to dry my eyes and calm myself down. It’s not working.
“I can come and get you, G.”
“No. I’ll be alright.”
“I need you here so I can make sure of that.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Kase.”
“Giada, please come back to me.”
I hang up the phone, lean over the steering wheel, and get it all out.
All the tears from years of holding resentment toward him come pouring out.
Pain from the years I spent without him surfaces.
No matter how much I tried to suppress it over the years, it’s right back, staring me in the face, forcing me to deal with it instead of burying it.
I just didn’t know I would have to do it this way.
Didn’t know my mother – my mother – was the person who came between me and my happily ever after.
I loved Kasim. He was my world. When I would go to his house with my mom, excitement filled me.
And when I got there, I didn’t want to leave.
I dry my eyes and sit up. I call Diedra. I know it’s late, but I need to vent to someone about all this, and it’s Saturday so I know she’s up.
“Hey, girl,” she answers. I hear music in the background. She’s probably out with Wade again.
“You’re out. I’ll call you back, Diedra.”
“No, I’m good. What’s up? Are you out with your new man, or shall I say husband ?”
“No. I’m sitting in the parking lot at QuikTrip trying to get myself together.”
“Wait—what’s wrong, Giada? What did I miss?”
“I just left my mom’s house, Diedra. She lied.”
“About what?”
“About Kasim, all those years ago when she told me he wouldn’t fall for the poor girl…that there were prettier girls at his school. It was a lie. She made it up.”
“Wait, rewind. How did you find that out?”
“Me and Kasim got into an argument. He was saying I ended our friendship for no reason and all that nonsense. Every time we’re together, he always wants to bring up the past. So, I finally snapped and told him the reason I left.
Told him about what my mother overheard him telling his mother, and he told me those words had never left his mouth—basically calling my mother a liar.
And he was adamant about it. So, I went to my mom’s house and confronted her, and sure enough, Kasim was telling the truth. My mother did lie. She made it all up.”
“No…”
“Yes. She did.” The tears begin to flow again.
“Why would she do that?”
I sniffle and say, “Because she said me and Kasim were getting too close. Said I was going to end up being a teenage mother like her because she knew we loved each other.”
“Dang,” Diedra says. “So, Kasim has been in love with you all these years.”
“Yes.”
“Wow. That’s why he—”
Her voice trails off.
“Why he what?”
“Giada, I have to tell you something, and I’m going to preface this by saying that you know I’m your friend, and I love you like a sister. You know that, right?”
“Yes, but please don’t let it be some decade-long, dark secret because I don’t think I can handle any more of those.”
“Okay. Well, here goes. Kasim contacted me after he saw my name as one of the initial attendees for the auction. I don’t know how he knew we were friends, but he knew.
He wanted to know how you were, and I knew, I just knew that man was still in love with you, Giada.
So, I told him to sign up and told him I would convince you to sign up and come with me so that y’all could reunite.
Something told me the moment you saw him, you would bid on him, and you did because when two people belong together, nothing will keep them apart. ”
“So, it was all a setup?”
“Yes, but I only did it because I love you and I knew you were in love with him, even after all that time had passed you by. Don’t let any more time pass, Giada. He’s yours. You’re his, and that’s just what it is.”
I take a moment to breathe at this realization.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“You’re not upset?”
“No, not at you.”
Diedra breathes a sigh of relief. “Good, because the marriage stuff was all his idea.”
“You knew about that, too!”
“Um…I think I’ve said enough. He’ll have to tell you the rest. Do you need me to come and get you?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Then drive home. You and Kasim have a lot to talk about.”
“We do. Thank you, Diedra. For everything.”
“You’re welcome. I love you, girl.”
“I love you back.”