Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Daisy
“So, what the hell happened to you?” Dave, an electrician I know from Prineville, asks.
My mom’s watching Sawyer tonight, and Mia begged me to meet her at The House.
Angus is working behind the bar, but she wanted a night out and to see him.
There was no way Owen was letting me step foot out of the house without him, so here we are.
He’s at the far end of the bar drinking his root beer, watching me talk to Dave and his buddies.
At first, I refused to come because I’m still pretty banged up, and even my makeup abilities aren’t strong enough to hide the damage done to my face.
And truthfully, I’m uncomfortable in my own hometown, not knowing who might be working with the people trying to kill me.
And even though I’d rather be at home with Owen, I can’t say no to Mia.
An hour ago, I called her and said I’d be here.
I refuse to let the piece of shit who pushed me win.
“I do stunts on the side.”
“Is that so?”
One of Dave’s friends pipes up and asks if I need a caretaker. I look in Owen’s direction. Thankfully, he’s still on his barstool. He’s glaring at me, but he doesn’t appear to have heard the comment.
His glare cuts from me to the door of the bar. I follow his line of sight, wishing I hadn’t. Dusty Armstrong and two men I’ve never seen before walk in, and icy shivers skate up and down my spine.
“Excuse me,” I say, walking away from Dave and his friends, taking the stool next to Owen.
“To what do I owe the honor?” he says loud enough for me to hear over the music, while refusing to look at me.
“Do you know the guys Dusty came in with?”
“Nope. You?” he counters.
“No.”
With that conversation over, I wait.
I can practically hear the angry words turning in his mind.
“So, I’m still your dirty little secret?”
My heart drops into the pit of my stomach.
We held hands on the way into the bar, and the second I saw Angus, I pulled my hand from his, making a beeline for Mia.
I’ve kept my distance since we got here.
Yes, Mia and the girls know the truth about the two of us, but they promised to let me tell my brothers when and if I was ready.
Even if my brothers have their suspicions, they could never guess how long Owen and I have been sneaking around or how serious things between us might be. So, when I saw Angus, I panicked.
After everything we’ve shared this week, I still couldn’t show the world he was mine.
“Cal would kill both of us.”
“How ‘bout putting you and me first? Quit trying to make everyone happy, Daisy,” he spits. “You aren’t tequila.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then what exactly are you doing?”
“Protecting your heart and mine.”
“We’re leaving.”
I know he’s pissed, but he doesn’t get to dictate my night.
“Excuse me?”
I attempt to limp away, but he stands, blocking my way.
I hold my breath when he leans forward like he’s going to kiss me for everyone in the bar, including my brother, to see.
Half of me wants to run as far away from him as I can get.
The other half wishes he would just do it.
End the charade and let the whole town know.
“Your brothers and I think Dusty is involved with your friends from Boston. He may have been the one who cut the fence line at the ranch. I’ll explain more at home.”
My eyes dart to where Dusty stands with the two strangers, all three pairs of eyes on us. Fear surges through me, but my anger tempts me to confront the group of men. Fear and common sense win the battle. My hands shake as I step closer to Owen.
“C’mon. Let’s say goodbye to Mia and your brother.”
He leads me to Mia, with his hand in mine, and I let him. I say my goodbyes while Owen chats with Mia’s security detail, but I never let go of his hand. The thought of not being connected to him right now is unfathomable. I hope everyone in this bar sees my hand in his.
Smith is standing guard at our house, well, Owen’s house. There are also cameras at all the family's residences. I know we’re protected. Still, my body shakes to think I might be standing in the same room as the person who ordered my demise.
On the way to his place, Owen admits he confronted Dusty the same day he dealt with Chad.
He said Dusty blames me for getting fired.
And it turns out Cal fired him from the store years back, and he didn’t leave on the best terms. He has a list as long as his arm of reasons to hate the McKinnons.
Unfortunately for us, he might be enough of a prick to seek revenge.
A couple minutes later, we walk through his front door.
Other than filling me in on Dusty, Owen makes no attempt at conversation.
He lets Maui out of her crate and takes her out back without a word.
When several minutes pass and he doesn’t come back in, I wobble my ass upstairs.
I change into one of his T-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts and then shut myself into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
I hurt him tonight. I led him to believe I felt the same way about him, because I do. Only I wasn’t brave enough to make us a reality outside of the walls of this house. I’m out of excuses. I want to be with him, so why was I such an idiot?
I need to find him and apologize.
When I open the en suite door, he’s sitting in the chair usually in the corner of the room. He’s placed it next to the bed. His boots and his clothes are still on, and only my side of the bed is turned down.
He isn’t coming to bed with me.
“Owen, I’m sorry about tonight.”
“I don’t want to hear it. Not until you’re ready to be mine and not just under the cover of darkness. I won’t be a secret, Daisy. I deserve more than that.”
“Yes, I agree. And—”
He cuts me off. “Get in bed. Please.”
Usually, I would make a smart-ass joke about him telling me what to do, but there isn’t a hint of humor in his voice.
Once I’m settled with the dog at my side, he opens up a navy journal and begins.
“I just spent a week in Maui with her. It was the best week of my life, yet now that I’m home, I feel lower than I’ve ever felt. Nobody on that island knew who we were. We didn’t have to hide. We just got to be us.”
My insides twist, because I know why he’s choosing this particular journal entry. I hurt him tonight like I did when we got on the plane to leave Hawaii. At the airport that day I was so wrapped up in how badly I was hurting myself, I clearly didn’t notice the impact my decisions had on Owen.
“It started the first night at the luau when the staff mistook us for a couple. We tried to correct them, but they insisted we partake in the couple’s sunset dance.
Surprisingly, Daisy said, what the hell right as I was about to say the same.
Holding her in my arms, around a crowd of people, like she was actually mine shifted everything.
A glance at my watch confirmed what I was feeling.
5:55. My signal from the universe. I kissed her, and thank all that’s holy, she kissed me back like I was hers to kiss.
After the luau, we went back to her suite.
The next day I cancelled my reservation and moved my things to her room.
There was no discussion about how the rest of the week would play out.
We both knew there would be no keeping us apart. ”
He stops, closing his eyes. My chest constricts to see him struggle with his recollection of our time together. I want to go to him. Comfort him. But I know him well enough to know he needs to get this out.
Exhaling a deep breath, he continues.
“We drove the Road to Hana, stopping along the way for banana bread and kisses under waterfalls. We snorkeled with turtles. Shopped. Drank. Ate. And we fucked until we were making love.
“I’ve been doing my best to keep that four-letter word out of the equation.
But year after year, the feeling has been growing.
Hell, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve known since the first time.
I used Cal and the fact that we were both too young to settle down as my excuses.
After the second or third time I had her, Cal was the only reason holding me back.
But at 5:55 on a Saturday night in Maui, not even Cal was a big enough reason to deny that I am in love with Daisy McKinnon. ”
I don’t gasp in shock at the revelation, because I knew it then too, but a single tear escapes. We've wasted so many years, but I had more than Cal to blame for not accepting that same four-letter word. I had my previous experiences with men clouding my judgment. I wasn’t ready then.
“The week was perfect. I didn’t want to ruin it, so I kept my feelings to myself.
Then, on the way to the airport, I told her I wanted more than sneaking around.
I wanted to give us a real chance. She looked at me as if I were crazy and said she couldn’t give me more than what we have.
When I pressed for reasons, she of course used Cal as an excuse and some bullshit about me being the biggest skirt chaser in Central Oregon.
She said I wasn’t a one-woman kind of man and that once the vacation fog wore off, I’d be glad she saved us both the trouble. ”
He stops suddenly, flipping through the journal until he finds the next entry he’s looking for.
“She was wrong. We’re back in the real world, and I’m still fucking in love with her.
Hawaii was only two and a half months ago, yet she acts as though it never happened.
She’s fucked with my head so bad I can’t even bide my time with other women while she does whatever the hell she’s doing.
Tonight was Cal’s wedding. Lucky me. I had a front-row seat to watch Charlie's friend Mark drool over her all night. They danced. Flirted. Took shots together and kissed at midnight. I practically mauled my date just to distract myself from the fact that the love of my fucking life was all over another man. A man who kissed her at midnight and not me. But my date was no substitute. I dropped Hailey at her place and now I’m home writing this. ”
His voice is thick with anger, the muscles in his jaw flexing as he reads. I’m not sure how much more I can listen to, yet I have to hear it all. As hard as it is, I need to hear every word.
“I’ve tried to take nameless women home from the bar for some meaningless midnight moving on, but it doesn’t work.
I’ve never come close to letting my heart get involved with someone else, because they aren’t her.
I know she feels the same, but she’s too damn stubborn and too in her head for her own good.
.. and mine. So, I’ll be damned if I let myself get involved with someone else.
Why risk not being available once Daisy figures her shit out?
“Tonight was the first time seeing her with someone else since Hawaii. It knocked me on my ass. I’m not this guy.
I don’t do quiet brooding in the corner.
And I’m certainly not someone who has to fake being the life of the party at his best friend's wedding, like I did tonight. But I did it for Cal. And I did it for her. Making her smile fuels me. So, if a crazy speech or a little twerking on the dance floor brings a smile to her face, then that is what she’s gonna get.
But I don’t want to fake it anymore. No more depressed Owen faking his way through life.
I know in the end she’ll be mine, and so will all her smiles.
I’ll happily—that word is underlined four times—wait as long as she needs me to. ”
With that, he closes the journal, stands and puts the chair back in its corner. “I’m gonna sleep across the hall.”
“Owen—”
“I need some space. I’ll leave both bedroom doors open. Get some sleep.”
In the silence of the house, his boots echo as he exits, turning the bedroom light off on his way, leaving me alone in the dark with my heart in a vice.
Across the hall, his boots thud against the floor as he takes each one off. When his belt clanks against the hardwoods, and the bed squeaks as he climbs in, my heart sinks with the confirmation he really is sleeping elsewhere.
I’ll honor his wish for space tonight. But tomorrow we’ll talk this out. The ache in my chest is one of the most painful I’ve ever felt. I swear my caged heart is on the outside of my chest, exposed and unprotected.
Like Owen’s has been for years.