CHAPTER 8
No, I do not want a tour. That means spending more time in Bennett’s company where I have made an absolute fool out of myself all because he mentioned his chiseled chest. A chest with muscles so defined, I might be able to name the different muscle groups. A chest I snuck way too many glances at in the hot tub.
“I’m feeling pretty beat from today.” I slowly inch my way to the door I came in through, ready to be free of Bennett and his gorgeous smile that makes my heart soar like a kite. “Have a nice night.” Waving awkwardly, I spin, ready to bolt.
“Let me at least show you the best place in the backyard. I like to go there for some peace and quiet. I have a feeling you might need that after a few days of being around the family.”
For someone who got offended when I offered to stay with him, he’s not acting like he’s in a hurry to get rid of me now. Though my bed and journal are calling my name, I say, “Sure.”
Bennett’s eyes widen in surprise before a quick flash of what I think is relief takes over before morphing into a polite, friendly smile. “You might want to grab a jacket. Do you remember how to get to your room? Or would you prefer to borrow a sweater from the coat closet?”
DoI remember how I got here? I walked along the ridiculously long hallway, down the stairs, and then turned right, but did I take a left when I passed the library, ballroom, and formal dining room to get to the kitchen, or was the library to the right? My brow furrows as I concentrate on the maze that got me here, but I’m stuck at that turn. “A jacket from down here would be nice.”
Getting back to my room after the backyard might be a disaster, but I won’t ask Bennett for help. I’ll just sleep in whatever corner of the house I find myself in. Or send Evie a text and tell her where to find me so she can escort me when she gets home. It’ll be a grownup version of Marco Polo.
Bennett leads me out of the kitchen, down a hallway to the right, before turning to the left where another short hallway empties into the grand foyer. The one that took my breath away when Evie and I brought our bags in. The crystal chandelier must have cost a fortune. A round table with fresh flowers sits in the middle of the entryway. Sweeping staircases go up both sides.
Rainbows sparkle through the crystal chandelier onto the walls. A massive painting of the ocean hangs to my left. I’m so caught up in the enormous waves that make me feel like I’m about to drown, I don’t notice Bennett asking me a question.
“Millie?”
I turn, facing Bennett who holds a large black zip-up hoodie in one hand and a red windbreaker in the other. “Which do you want?”
I point to the hoodie. “Whose jacket am I stealing, and will they mind?” Questions I should have asked already.
He shrugs. “These have been here for a few years. They won’t mind.”
Great, so I get a moth-eaten, ratty old hoodie? I step closer to make sure I’m not about to wear something that might have spiders nesting in it. Upon closer inspection, the sweater looks new. There’s no wretched smell radiating from it. No rips or tears. Of course, they wouldn’t keep a nasty jacket around like my family would. What am I thinking?
Sliding my hands through the armholes, I pull on the hoodie and zip it up to my chest. The hem hangs mid-thigh and the sleeves completely cover my hands. I’m sure I look ridiculous, but I’m cozy and it’s best I’m reminded that Bennett is supposed to be like a brother to me, and feeling frumpy is a good way to accomplish that.
I tug up the jacket, freeing my fingers. A hint of evergreen, sea salt, and sandalwood engulfs me. When Bennett turns his back, I lift the sweater up to my nose and inhale. Ooooh, that’s intoxicating in the best way possible.
Bennett snags a different jacket and a flashlight from the top shelf of the closet, then opens the front door.
I point behind me. “Aren’t we going to the backyard?”
“We are. We’ll go around the side of the house.”
I slide on my sandals I left by the front door. Bennett gestures for me to step onto the porch ahead of him. Stuffing my hands in my front hoodie pockets, I wait for Bennett to close the door and lead the way. For most houses, going around isn’t a big deal. I’m in for a marathon with how massive this place is.
Bennett keeps his pace slow, allowing me to keep up and stay within the illuminated path shining on the grass from the flashlight he’s holding in his hand. A slight breeze tickles my cheeks. I pull my zipper up as far as it will go. Damp earth and brine take over the scent of the hoodie I’m wearing the closer we get to the lakeshore.
“Dog or cats?” I blurt, not liking the silence.
“Dogs. You?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. We didn’t have pets growing up. I haven’t been around either animal enough to form an opinion.”
Bennett eyes me, but in the dark I can’t read his expression. “Huh.”
I continue the game. “Sweet or salty?”
“Depends on my mood. If it’s not chocolate though, I lean toward salty.”
“Sunrise or sunset?”
“Sunset.”
Steph and I would crawl out my bedroom window and sit on our roof in the summer, watching the sun fade behind the horizon. We planned our futures and how we’d never yell at our spouses. We stayed up there until we knew Mom and Dad were asleep. It was easier for us to go to bed when they weren’t fighting. “Same. Fruit or vegetables?”
“That’s an odd question.”
I laugh. “It’s what came to mind. Do you have a better one?”
“I like both food groups. And yes, I have a great question. Stay home or travel?”
Goodness, he’s going to think I’m lame. “I have a bucket list of places I want to visit, but I’ve never actually gone anywhere, so I don’t know. I might hate flying and don’t know it yet.”
He stops, shoots out an arm, halting me from moving forward. “You’ve never been on a vacation before?”
“Today’s my first.”
“Wow,” he says, stunned.
Bennett doesn’t ask me anything else and I’m too embarrassed to say more about my pathetic life. We continue in silence for a while, making our way past the house and down a path through the forest.
My breaths come out choppy. “How much longer?” My stomach knots as it finally clicks that I’m willingly going with a stranger into the dark of night with no one around for miles.
Not safe, Mils!
“We’re just going past this clearing of trees.”
The clearing no one can see past? “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” I hedge, slowing my pace. “You can show me tomorrow.” In the daylight.
I can’t see Bennett’s reaction, but his voice stays calm. “I promise it’s worth the wait. Besides, we”re almost there.”
I pat my joggers, searching for my phone. Relief courses through me when I find it in my left pocket.
The trees thin out, and Bennett says, “Here we are,” as we reach a massive flat boulder. Two chairs made from tree stumps sit in the middle of a rock that juts out over the lake. The sky is the color of ravens’ feathers, with millions of stars winking down at me.
The water below is still. The birds are silent. Crickets chirp and lightning bugs flash their greenish-yellow glow. It’s beautiful. Peaceful. I’m calm despite my fear from moments ago. Unable to pull my gaze from the stunning scenery, I blindly fumble into one of the wood chairs and sink into it.
“Wow.” I’m in awe. I can’t recall the last time—or ever— I saw something so breathtakingly beautiful.
“I know,” Bennett whispers.
I slouch in my seat, resting my head against the back of the chair. Funny how hours ago I was ready to get a job, find ways to avoid Bennett, and keep my distance from all of Evie’s family.
Now? I don’t want to do anything except take in this view and be cocooned in this sweater that smells like walking by a meandering river through a forest.
“I come here most nights.” Bennett sits next to me. “It helps clear my head.”
“Thank you for showing it to me.” I’m not sure why he did. Wouldn”t he want to keep this place a secret?
“You’re welcome.”
I pat the stump I’m on. “Who brought the chairs here?”
“My grandpa made them for my grandma years ago as a gift.”
My heart warms. “Aw. That’s really sweet.”
“My grandparents are good together.”
I smile. “Evie told me some stories.” They sound like the perfect couple. “I’m excited to meet them.” A shooting star races across the sky. “Look!” I point excitedly.
“We see a lot of those here. As kids, we’d sneak out after our parents put us to bed and watch the sky for them.”
Easily, an image of Bennett as a boy, leading the charge to get his brother and cousins outside, blooms in my mind. “Were you a troublemaker?”
He laughs. “Yeah. Although it’s a family trait. We’ve each convinced the others to break the rules one way or another throughout our childhood.”
Just like their stubbornness. “I’ll keep that in mind. Stay away from the family shenanigans.”
He chuckles. “You’ll be fine.”
Since I have to find a job, I’m not too concerned. My time with them will be limited by my need for money. “I don’t think I’ve been somewhere so calming.” It’s almost otherworldly how at ease I am. I’ll be fighting Bennett for this spot every night.
“It’s different from the city, that’s for sure,” Bennett says.
A pang of jealousy hardens my stomach. Evie got to experience this beauty every summer of her life. Mom and Dad didn’t have “extra money” to spend on “frivolous things” like traveling. Though they certainly had money to splurge on the things they wanted, like gambling. Why hadn’t we ever gone camping? Or visited some place not too far from our house that wasn’t too expensive? I can’t believe it’s taken me twenty-three years to see so many stars.
Stop dwelling on the past.
I slightly shake my head, clearing it of negative thoughts. Worrying about getting a job as soon as possible slips away. Nerves over filling the silence with idle chatter flees. I’m in such awe of my surroundings, I understand why this is Bennett’s favorite place.
Turning my head to the left, I take in the pine trees across the large lake. The outline of pointed limbs is the only part visible. Lights illuminate various-sized houses across the lake along the shoreline. Do those people live here year-round? Do they only come for the summer months like Evie’s family?
Bennett interrupts my thoughts. “Evie said you graduated with your bachelor’s a few weeks ago. How does it feel to have your degree?”
“I think it would feel better if I wasn’t getting my master’s. I have two more years of school to go. When I get that degree, I’ll be more excited.”
Bennett nods. “I can understand that. I felt the same way until I held my doctorate in my hand.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Absolutely not. I loved most of my time in college.”
“Is that why you decided to teach at a university? Because you missed campus so much?”
Bennett chuckles. The rich melody resonates with my soul. The tone is deep and full of gusto. I’m not sure how it’s possible to be attracted to a laugh, but I am. No, no, no. Thoughts like that are not allowed, Mils. Right. His laugh is like a train’s wheels screeching to a stop on rusted tracks.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Teaching was always the plan.”
“I bet you’re good at it.”
“Obviously.” He chuckles again and my heart sings.
I give up on chiding myself. Admitting he’s attractive and liking his laugh is fine. As the days go on, I’ll surely find just as many things that annoy me. Everything will balance out.
“Are you excited for a break this summer?” he asks.
A break from school, yes. I still need to work, though, so I’m not completely free of obligations like Evie. “Yeah, I am. Are you ready to be free of grading papers?”
“For sure. It’s the worst part of my job.”
“I bet.”
A yawn forces its way out. I raise a hand to cover my mouth. As much as I really want to stay wrapped in this perfect moment, if I don’t get to sleep, I’ll regret it tomorrow. My body’s adjusted to waking up at six-thirty, no matter what time I fall asleep. “We should head back.”
Bennett stands, stretching his arms overhead. “Feel free to come out here anytime you want.”
I won’t have to fight him for this spot after all. “Thanks for sharing this place with me.” I stand, committing the view to memory. “It feels special. Almost reverent.”
“I feel that way about it, too. After everything that’s happened today, I needed to soak in the peacefulness of it. Thanks for coming with me.” He clicks on the flashlight and gestures for me to follow. Our walk is quiet. Silence isn’t something I often enjoy. Memories of my childhood, mistakes made with past boyfriends, things I’ve said when I should have kept my mouth shut, haunt me when it’s quiet.
But right now, I’m calm. My mind is at ease and my limbs are loose. It’s like this lake is the antidote I’ve always needed but never had.
The walk back to the house is faster. Bennett goes through a side entrance, at once making me lose my bearings. I open my mouth to thank him again when he asks, “Would you like an escort to your room? It takes a while to get the lay of the land around here.”
I let out a shaky laugh. “Yes, that would be nice. I was going to text Evie to come find me when she got home, but sleeping in my room sounds a lot better.”
He smirks. “Evs might be too out of it to find you. She goes a little overboard the first night we all get here. Of course, she regrets it the next morning and vows never to do it again.” Bennett walks down another long hallway, with me at his heels. He makes a turn every so often, and I’m convinced it will take more than three months to memorize the floor plan.
“But we both know she will.” I chuckle. “Evie likes to seize every opportunity and live it to the fullest.”
“She does. It’s one of the things I admire about her.”
“Even when she’s demanding you go out when you don’t want to?” I wince. Why did I bring that up?
“I can hold my own when it comes to Evelyn.”
That makes one of us. “Maybe you can teach me how. I usually cave right away to whatever she wants. It’s easier.”
Bennett climbs a staircase, and photographs of Evie and Camden from every age from the time they were babies to last year hang in artful displays. I finally know where I am. My room is down the hallway we’re approaching.
“Where’s the fun in giving Evs what she wants?” He turns his head over his shoulder, looking at me. “Often when she’s wrong as well?” He lifts one brow.
“To save myself a fight.” Something I”ve had enough of to last a lifetime.
He stops outside a white door, pointing at it. “Riling Evie up is fun for me. But in instances like tonight, it gets annoying. But since I’m still here, she lost the argument.” His lips pull up into a satisfied smile.
I dig my toes into the carpet. “You know she wants the best for you, right? For you to be happy?”
The smile he wears slips away like the tide going out. “I do. But what she wants and what I want are two separate things.”
As the oldest sister, I’m used to being the peacemaker in my family. Unlike with Steph, Bennett doesn’t need my protection. Evie doesn’t need me to explain her actions to Bennett, either. My stomach tenses up. Navigating my role in this situation, figuring out what to do and say is difficult. When Evie and I are at home, I know where I fit. Here? Not a clue.
I don’t like it.
“I’ll talk to her about easing up, but after tonight, I’m confident you don’t need my help.”
He nods once. “I can handle myself.”
“Right.” I rub my hands down my sides. “Okay, well….” I clear my throat. “Thanks for the backyard and walking me to my room. Hopefully, I can find my way to the kitchen tomorrow and see you then.”
He smiles, making the laugh lines around his eyes more pronounced. “Would you like me to draw you a map?”
“I’ll be okay, but thanks for the offer. Goodnight, Bennett.”
“Goodnight, Millie.”
I wave, then close my bedroom door and immediately lean my head against the back of it. A soft thunk echoes from my skull hitting the wood. I have to figure out where I fit in with this family dynamic. I’m not needed as a mediator. I don’t need to stand up to anyone. I don’t need to negotiate for peace. They are adults capable of holding their own.
Am I needed?
Pushing off the door, I head to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Who says I have to be anything?
Just relax and enjoy yourself, Mils.