CHAPTER 36
Ifluff the pillows on my bed for the tenth time, antsy about Millie coming to the room I shared with Jen. Will she be okay? For Millie’s sake and mine, I changed out the photos on the wall, bought new bedding this morning, and hung up strings of white lights across my ceiling. Yes, the room is the same, but the vibe is different.
I’ve closed all the curtains and shut off all the lights. I turned on a new-age piano playlist and I have an after-sun whipped body butter on my nightstand for our massages.
After putting sunscreen on Millie at the pond, I’m ready for round two of my hands touching her silky skin. When I helped her earlier, my body sputtered to life like an engine starting after sitting for months on end (or in my case, years). The warmth and sparks were so foreign after Jen’s death, but also thrilling. The guilt I assumed I’d feel touching someone other than Jen wasn”t there. Which is excellent news, as it’s the final signal telling me I truly am ready to devote all of myself to Millie.
A soft knock echoes on my bedroom door. Running my hands down my sides, I take a centering breath, then open the door. “Hey, gorgeous,” I greet Millie, who’s standing in the hallway in sleep shorts, a black tank top, a freshly scrubbed face free of cosmetics, and wet hair pulled back in a long braid. This fresh-from-the-shower look is right at the top with every other time I’ve seen Millie—stunning. And with almost her entire legs bare, I can’t wait to run my hands up her calves and thighs.
“Hey, professor. Ready for some relaxation?”
“I am. But I realize I haven’t asked if you’re any good at being a masseuse. What if I’m about to be tortured?”
She pats my chest. “That’s a risk you’re going to have to take.”
Millie acts like it’s a hardship forced upon me. “Do you want to go first?”
“Gladly. Where do you want me?”
She points to the king-sized bed with her right pointer finger and the chaise lounge tucked in the corner with her left pointer finger. “Those are your two choices.”
“The bed has more space, but if you’re not comfortable there, we can use the couch.”
Millie smiles softly at me. “I appreciate your concern. I’m fine with the bed.”
I didn’t think this through properly. The moment Millie settles on my side of the bed, propped up against the headboard, her legs long and straight in front of her, I’m buzzing with a mix of heat and electricity that starts in my belly and grows to my chest.
Slowly, allowing myself time to get myself in control, I get the lotion and twist open the container.
“Mmm, that smells good. What is it?”
I pass the tub to her. “Coconut body butter.”
She sniffs the cream. “This is heaven. Thanks for picking the perfect summer scent.”
I don’t tell her it was the only option the mini mart in town had. “You’re welcome. Now relax and let me do my job.” Grabbing her left foot, I dig the pad of my thumb into the arch of her foot. “Let me know if you want more or less pressure.”
She moans. “No, what you’re doing is perfect. Don’t stop.”
Yeah… that moaning is going to need to stop. My mind is wandering to places other than a foot massage.
“Ice cream or pie?” Millie asks.
I chuckle at the game we’ve been playing since the night we met. “Both. But do you really want to talk right now?” I can’t decide if I want her to keep speaking since it distracts me from thoughts other than a foot rub, or if I want the silence to continue.
“Talk. I’ll be quiet during yours.”
“Deal.” I keep my voice low in an attempt to help Millie stay relaxed. “Movies or books?”
“Movies because I’m short on time, but when I graduate, I have a huge list of novels I want to read.”
“Italian or Mexican?”
She wobbles her head while she decides on an answer. “I can’t pick, so both. Do you have a preference?”
Really, there’s not much I won’t eat. “I eat Italian more often, but I like Mexican too.”
“We should cook pasta together one night.”
“Dishes will be our nemesis, but we won’t starve. That’s good news.”
She laughs. “There’s this amazing appliance called a dishwasher.”
“You’re right. I’ll stop complaining.”
“Do you have one of those? Evie and I don’t. We complain about it all the time.”
“Yes.” I nod. “My townhouse has one. And I know. Evie tells me about it too. She’s asked if you two could move in with me more than once just so she wouldn’t have to wash another dish by hand.”
“Evs never told me that. Why didn’t you say yes?”
My brows rise; my fingers go still around her foot. “Do you honestly think I was in any condition to have roommates? Especially with how many ‘friends’ Evie has coming and going from your apartment?”
“Good point. How big is your townhouse?”
I resume rubbing her foot. “Three bedrooms and one and a half bathrooms. But one of the bedrooms is my office.”
“Ah, so Evie and I would have had to share a room if you had said yes.”
“And we’d all be sharing a bathroom.”
Millie snorts. “Have you seen how much hair and makeup stuff Evie has? She’s her own Ulta. But I can’t complain too much because she lets me borrow a lot of it.”
“Thankfully, I won’t have to worry about it. Her future husband will.”
I move from Millie’s foot up to her calf. Her skin is as soft and smooth as I imagined. Easily, I picture late nights of us watching a movie together on the couch, taking turns massaging the knots out of each other’s shoulders and feet.
“If you get married again, where would you want to live?”
I haven’t thought about it. Until recently, I never believed I would get married again. Is this Millie’s way of asking where we’d live if we became permanent? “Good question. Umm…” I cock my head to the side as I think through options. “My bride could move in with me until we’re ready to start a family, or we can buy a house together right away. Since I don’t have a preference, I’d leave it up to her.” I force myself to keep my hands below her knee, but I’m dying to caress her thighs. Best to move on to her other foot.
“Light or dark?” she asks.
“Are you talking about meat? Colors?”
She winces.
“Sorry, did I push too hard?” I release my hands from her foot, waiting for her response.
“It’s not you. That spot hurt for some reason. You can continue. And I meant colors.”
Easing up on the pressure, I knead the arch of her foot. “Light colors, but not necessarily pastels.”
Millie nods slowly, her brows pulling toward one another the slightest bit. “Night owl or early bird?”
“Night owl. None of my classes start before ten for a reason.”
Her lips turn down. “We’re opposite. I’m up fairly early every day no matter what time I fall asleep. Though my schedule has been out of whack since being here.”
“I’d say sorry, but I’m not. Being with you has been worth every late night and early morning.”
“Me too.” Millie taps my forearm with her toe. “Can I ask you something that I hope doesn’t spoil this amazing foot rub?”
My stomach tightens at what she wants to ask that’s going to ruin the mood. “Uh, yeah. Go ahead.”
“You haven’t done this as much since we started fake dating, but why do you rub your ring finger sometimes? Are you missing Jen every time you do it?”
I stare at my left hand. The indent from where my wedding ring used to be is still there, though barely. But the band of light skin is now as dark as the rest of me from being out in the sun the past month and a half. “I barely took my ring off before I came here. When I touch it, it’s mostly the phantom feeling of being naked or forgetting something. It’s not always because I’m thinking of Jen, though, and it doesn’t feel as odd as it used to.”
Which I’m taking as a good sign. If I don’t notice as much as I did, my focus is no longer on my past.
“That makes sense. Thanks for telling me.”
“I’m an open book where you’re concerned, Mils.”
“Same for me. Whatever you want to know, please ask.”
“Oh, I will.” I grin at her, thinking of all the awkward questions I plan to ask her in the days to come.
She points at my face. “Your mischievous smile has me second guessing my offer. For now, can you go back to that spot in the middle of my foot? It needs a little more of your expert touch.”
I smirk. “My expert touch?”
“Stop it. You know you’re good at this.”
Jen trained me well. “I am. Is there anywhere else you’d like my expert touch to handle?”
Millie bites her lip and nods. “Eventually everywhere. For now…” She crooks a finger, telling me to come closer to her. “I think it’s my turn to massage you. Shirt off, professor.”
Heat simmers in my veins. Tingles and tightness take over my core. “As you wish.”