Chapter Ten
We’re in Ben’s pool house, a fabulous floor-to-ceiling windowed complex in his ‘grounds’.
It’s set apart from the main house and feels like a hotel spa.
We slept in late, rose late, breakfasted late, and Chrissie acted like a short-order cook, volunteering to keep us supplied with ground coffee, freshly squeezed juice, eggs, bacon and fluffy white toast from the sourdough bakery.
Now we’re in the heated pool, or clutching Mimosas and lazing around on sun-loungers under the glare of the low December sun.
I’m glad we’re indoors and not out. The sun is already starting to move around.
The trees outside are bare of leaves, twigs thin.
The garden looks as if it’s slumbering, only evergreens showing signs of life.
I wonder what it will look like in the summer.
Gorgeous, I imagine. I wonder if Ben and I will still be a thing in the summer – if I’ll ever come back here again.
I wonder why I’m thinking this, pondering it all ending before it’s even got started?
I sip my second Mimosa, and Liv and I compare the latest celebrity interviews and royal news.
Liv’s flicking through the Sunday supplements that David left out, saying he didn’t mind if they got covered in pool water, now he was done with them.
Liv’s on her third Mimosa although she’s not a huge fan of the orange juice, so hers have been mostly champagne. She admits she could do with a nap.
I decide I need to get in the water, swim off some of the idleness of the morning.
Ben and Ollie are lazing around in the shallow end, talking about Formula One.
The angst of the previous night has been forgotten.
We came home, walking in couples down the lane from the pub back to Ben’s house.
The banter resurfaced again slowly, with Liv trying to guess which of us votes Labour.
She automatically assumes me, because ‘of so many glaringly obvious reasons’.
I was too tired to delve into that, but I was grateful she’d started a different conversation. It was needed.
We said goodnight, grabbed glasses of water and went our separate ways in the quiet house, where the only sound was the grandfather clock in the hall.
Ollie and Liv went to their room, and Ben said goodnight to me and went straight to his, leaving me standing in the hallway for a few moments.
I went to bed thinking he might come to my room, at least try to talk to me about what we’d discussed in the pub.
Or try to kiss me. But he didn’t and I eventually fell asleep at about two o’clock in the morning.
I swim up to him and Ollie now and I catch Ollie’s gaze land on me as I swim.
I’m in a navy one-piece from Topshop that is cut high in the leg, making my legs look even longer; it’s high-necked and sporty.
Liv’s in a little white bikini, looking every inch a petite modern-day Bond girl as she stretches out on a lounger.
We bought our swimsuits together, in preparation for this weekend.
Ollie’s gaze lifts from me to Liv and he gives me an acknowledging nod as he swims off, leaving Ben and me alone near the deep-blue mosaic steps in the sloping shallow end.
‘Hey,’ I say. It’s the first time we’ve been sort-of-alone since we left our flat.
‘Hey,’ he replies, moving towards the edge of the pool,which he drapes his elbow over to hold himself still. I do the same, noticing Liv diving gracefully into the deep end, rising through the surface to greet Ollie as he approaches.
‘You OK?’ I turn back to Ben.
He nods. He looks good in his overpriced swim shorts with his toned stomach. We’ve all joined the gym at uni, but Ben’s the only one who’s been going. He’s so healthy, and yet so not. I try to broach this.
‘Yesterday was intense,’ I suggest, waiting for him to take the helm.
‘Yeah,’ he replies. ‘I felt told off.’
‘Sorry,’ I say, meaning it.
‘It’s all right. I wish I hadn’t told you now that I started drinking so young.’
‘I’m pleased you did.’ I get closer to him. ‘Maybe after Christmas we should all try to drink a bit less.’
Ben groans. ‘It’s not a big deal. Why?’
‘Because we’ve hit student life running and we should take it easy, focus on other things.’
‘Such as?’ he asks.
‘Who knows,’ I say playfully. ‘Our degrees?’
He tips his head up, looks at the ceiling, looks back to me. ‘It’s not affecting my life. If I lived on fast food every day or smoked a pack of twenty every day, would we be having this conversation?’
I laugh in surprise. ‘Yes!’ I reply. I glance around the pool.
Ollie’s on a lounger now, and I see him looking at me.
But his eyes leave mine, his gaze drifts quickly, as if he was never really looking in the first place.
Strange. I give Ben a meaningful kiss now that Ollie’s not watching.
I want Ben to know how much I like him, how much I want to be there for him.
I pull back and see Ben’s eyes still closed, letting the kiss linger on his lips.
I think I wish to say what Ben wants me to say.
But I can’t. Not here in this pool, with Ollie and Liv in earshot.
I look around, but Ollie’s not watching.
He’s not even awake now. His head is tipped back and he’s starting to nap after an afternoon of Mimosas.
And then I look around again quickly, sensing something’s wrong, but not quite knowing what.
And then I know what. I know precisely what, and the panic hits me.
It hits me at exactly the same time as Ben asks, ‘Where’s Liv?’
Ben’s movements are quicker than mine, sharper, more focused, as we scan for Liv.
She’s at the bottom of the pool and Ben doesn’t hesitate, simply cuts through the water at speed, disappearing underneath, grabbing Liv and pulling her to the surface.
He spins her over and he’s already so far away from me in the deep end. I start swimming towards them in panic.
‘Help me!’ Ben shouts, and Ollie, oblivious to what has happened, springs out of his lounger and stumbles, falling onto the tiles on all-fours in shock at Ben’s shouting.
I’m swimming as fast as I can, but I’m all limbs, flailing.
Ben’s already dragging Liv’s face up to the pool edge and her arms and legs just hang in the water as he pulls her, keeping her head up.
She’s not moving, not breathing, not doing anything.
Ollie reaches down into the water, grabs Liv and pulls her out and onto the side. Ben scrambles out of the pool and kneels helplessly. He looks up at Ollie with expectant eyes, as Ollie simply stares down at Liv.
‘Fucking do something!’ Ben shouts at Ollie, but he just stares in shock – total all-out shock.
I get to the edge. I have to do something.
Liv will die if no one does anything. Ben gives up on Ollie, pushing him out of the way before scrambling into position over Liv.
He puts his ear to her chest and listens.
‘She’s still alive.’ Then he tips her head back, pinches her nose closed and breathes into her mouth. He pulls back, watches, does it again.
I scramble out of the pool and crouch next to Liv’s other side, holding her hand. I’m in tears, useless tears that do nothing good, as Ben continues the rhythmic pull and push of trying to force breath back into her.
‘Please, Liv,’ I cry. ‘Please, please, please. Don’t die. Don’t die.’
Ben looks at me in despair and then dips his head to Liv’s mouth again, covers her nose and breathes into her.
‘Call an ambulance,’ he instructs Ollie, who darts towards his phone and, as he does so, Liv splutters and what looks like a pint of pool water comes out of her mouth, followed by liquid vomit, mostly champagne.
Her eyes spring open and she’s stunned – more than stunned.
She’s already crying and coughing and so am I, and Liv coughs and coughs and heaves and turns automatically onto her side to keep throwing up.
I hold on to her and thank God over and over again while crying her name, but I don’t think Liv can hear me.
I hold her from behind, stroking her hair, and Ben tells me to give her some space.
Still dripping wet, I do so. I struggle round and look at her and she’s breathing raggedly, but she’s breathing – a mad look in her eyes like she’s just been somewhere horrific.
I look at Ben for confirmation of … I don’t know what, and he’s staring at Liv with a perplexed expression on his face.
‘Where’s the ambulance? How long?’ he asks Ollie.
Ollie isn’t speaking.
‘Does she still need one?’ I ask. I’ve never seen anyone drown. Never seen anyone do in real life what Ben did. Liv’s awake, she’s breathing.
‘Yes. She needs one,’ Ben says authoritatively.
‘Did you ring them?’ I ask Ollie.
Ollie blinks at me.
‘Ollie!’ I shout.
‘Yeah, no … I …’ Ollie replies.
I stand up, grab his phone from him and dial 999.