Chapter Twenty-Four
Aury and I embrace each other in the hospital waiting room when she arrives. She throws her arms around me and holds me close, and I do the same.
‘Thank God you’re here,’ Aury says.
Her mum, Sasha, drove her here and gives me a sympathetic look.
‘Ollie, darling,’ Sasha says, embracing me after Aury moves away.
Now that a proper adult is here, I feel ashamed to be back in a hospital waiting room yet again because of my girlfriend.
Although none of this was Liv’s fault. None of it.
Ben and Liv have been involved in a crash and I’m waiting to hear what’s going on. Aury is listed as Liv’s top emergency contact in her phone while she’s living in London. Her family home is in Northumberland, so it made sense for Liv to choose one of us.
‘Tell me again what the police told you?’ I prompt Aury, now she’s here. ‘Ben went through a red light?’
‘No. He went into the back of someone at an amber light and pushed them through a red light,’ she says.
‘Christ, how fast was he going?’ I cry. ‘They could all have died. Imagine if someone had crashed into both cars from another direction. It could have been a pile-up.’
‘Lucky it wasn’t,’ Sasha replies. ‘Everyone’s alive. But very bruised, I’d imagine.’
‘Only because of the time of night,’ Aury says. ‘Imagine if he’d done that at a busier time of day. How many people might have been involved? How many people would have been hurt?’
I think of the crossing Ben drove through, on the way to a nearby school. It could have been so much worse than it was.
‘Ollie,’ Aury’s voice softens, ‘was he drinking?’
God, this hadn’t even occurred to me. ‘I … I don’t think so? I don’t know? What happens if he was?’
‘He’ll go to prison, won’t he?’ Aury laments.
We both look at Sasha as if she’ll have the answer, simply because she was born in an earlier decade.
‘I don’t think we should speculate,’ Sasha says. ‘Let’s go and find someone who can give us the facts. Aurora has rung Ben’s parents and they’re on the way, so keep an eye out,’ she continues, before heading to the nurses’ station to enquire about our friends.
‘His parents will crucify him,’ I say.
‘I know,’ Aury replies as we sit in plastic chairs against the wall. History’s repeating itself, us being in a hospital like this while one of our number is in a terrible state. Although this time one became two. ‘But his mum and dad need to know. Ben’s lucky to be alive. They both are.’
My leg jiggles up and down and Aury places her hand on it to still me.
‘Sorry,’ I say.
‘You don’t need to apologise,’ she tells me. We sit in silence for a few moments.
‘Don’t get back together with him,’ I tell her quietly.
She turns, looks at me, stunned. ‘I wasn’t going to.’
‘Ben’s my best friend. He’s a prick. But I love him—’
‘I love him too,’ Aury cuts me off.
‘But whatever he says in there, however you feel about him will be heightened because he’s going to look a mess. You’re going to feel sorry for him. Don’t …’ I feel so disloyal to Ben if I say any more. But Aury did it: she ended something toxic with Ben. She shouldn’t go back.
She squeezes my leg and gives me a silent, small nod. ‘I know.’
Sasha returns. ‘They’re both conscious. But Liv is in a worse condition than Ben.’
‘How much worse? I ask desperately.
‘A bump to the head. They’re sending her in for a scan, in case of something nasty. A subdermal …’
‘A subdural haematoma,’ I say.
‘Yes,’ Sasha replies. ‘The bump was quite fierce. Ben told the paramedics he thought Liv had blacked out for a minute or two, so they’re being very careful with her. Ben is bruised, but otherwise fine.’
‘OK, that’s good news. Sort of,’ Aury says.
‘If you want to see either of them, the doctor told us to sit tight. They’ve …’ Sasha pauses and then restarts, ‘they’ve taken a blood sample from Ben.’
‘What for?’ Aury asks.
‘To see if he’s over the limit,’ I say and then close my eyes, put my head in my hands and the three of us can do nothing but wait.
‘Hey,’ I say gently as I look at Liv in her hospital bed when we’re eventually allowed in to see each of them.
She is whiter than she’s ever looked before, even when she’d drowned.
She’s got a cut on her head, surrounded by a thickening bruise.
Aury’s gone in to see Ben and I wonder what he looks like. I’ll find out in a minute.
‘Hi,’ Liv replies. There’s no life behind her eyes. She looks drained, awful.
‘How are you feeling?’ I ask pointlessly.
‘You know.’ She gives a tiny shrug.
I nod and sit next to her in the visitor’s chair. ‘What happened?’ I ask because I don’t know what else to say.
‘I don’t want to talk about it, or relive it any more.’
‘Of course, sorry,’ I reply.
‘I thought you’d come in and see me?’
‘I am. Now.’
‘Before. You can wave your doctor’s pass and come and go as you please, can’t you?’
‘It doesn’t really work like that. I’m not a doctor yet. And they were taking you for a scan, so—’
‘I need to leave, Ollie,’ she cuts me off.
‘They won’t let you out yet. I reckon tomorrow, though.’
‘No, I need to leave. The house. You. Ben. I need to go.’
‘Oh,’ I say pointlessly. But I feel my face crumple into a confused frown. ‘Are you breaking up with me?’
‘Yes,’ Liv says simply. ‘I need to restart. I can’t be in that house any more, near you and near Ben. You and I … we aren’t working. We haven’t for ages. We’re treading water. And it’s not getting better, is it? You must feel it too.’
She pauses for breath, looks exhausted by talking.
‘Take it easy,’ I reply gently, because I care about her even while she’s breaking my heart.
Although I realise, far too late into all of this, that my heart isn’t breaking.
Not even a bit. My ego is bruised, but she’s in a far worse condition.
And even though she’s in a terrible state, Liv is making total sense.
She coughs and then winces, and her hand flies to her head.
‘Do you want some water?’
She nods and I pour some of the room-temperature tap water from the plastic jug into a tumbler.
‘It tastes vile,’ she says.
‘I know. Sorry. I’ll grab you some Evian from WH Smith downstairs before I go. I’ll see if you can have any more painkillers too.’
I stand up and look at the chart at the end of her bed. ‘You’re due some more. I’ll go and—’
‘Just sit down, Ollie. Only you could try to do a good thing while you’re being dumped.’
Ouch! ‘Fair enough.’
‘You understand, don’t you?’
I nod, reluctantly, because I do and I don’t want to.
‘You and I: this isn’t happening. Not any more. I need out. And I need out from being near Ben. He’s dangerous. You realise that too, don’t you?’
‘I mean …’ I start. ‘He’s not—’
‘Ollie,’ Liv snaps, ‘look at me. Look at the state of me. Look at where I am. Because of him. Ben lures you into his world, his life. He lured Aurora in. She’s realised and she’s gone. I’m going too. The culture of drinking. It nearly killed me. Twice.’
‘We don’t know if he was even drinking when he crashed.’
‘It doesn’t matter. If he did it when sober, does that make it better or worse? He’s still dangerous.’
I don’t have an answer to that.
‘I never used to drink much before uni,’ Liv continues.
‘And I’m not blaming Ben for me drowning that Christmas.
I blame myself for that. I wasn’t as bad as Ben, but I almost was.
I nearly died. And I learned nothing from that warning shot.
How many warning shots do I need? I can’t be here any more.
I can’t be near Ben. And I don’t want to be with you any more. I need to get out of that house.’
‘I understand,’ I reply. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ Liv says and we sit in silence for a few moments. She looks at me with a sad expression on her face. ‘Ollie?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Can you go and get some more painkillers for me now, please.’
I see Aury in the corridor as I exit. I feel exhausted from all of that and am so glad Aury’s here to talk to, but she starts first.
‘Ben didn’t want to talk to me,’ she says.
My eyebrows lift. That’s not what I expected her to say.
‘His blood results came back negative. He wasn’t drinking.
And he must have seen the surprise on my face when I stood there waiting for the doctors to finish talking to him, and he looked so angry with me, presumably because I seemed so surprised, or maybe because I’d just broken up with him. ’
‘His head must be in a strange place,’ I reply. ‘Given everything that’s happened to him over the past twenty-four hours. I would say give him time, but … there’s no need, is there?’
‘No. I’m here because I wanted Ben to be OK, but if he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m going in to visit Liv and then I’ll go home.’
‘Swap over then, I guess? I’ll see Ben,’ I tell her.
‘After I’ve seen Liv, I’m going home,’ Aury continues. She steps forward and holds me in an embrace and I can’t help it, but I close my eyes. The warmth of her embrace makes me feel safe, at home, and as if the past couple of days never happened.
I watch Aury as she goes down the corridor and through the door to Liv’s ward.
In a moment Liv will probably tell Aury she’s dumped me.
Then later Aury will message me, asking if I’m OK.
The strange thing is that even though my now ex-girlfriend and my best friend have been in a car crash, even though I’ve just been dumped, even though Aury has left the house and even though Liv is going too, I think I am OK.