Chapter 20
Diane's back is so stiff the pain is threatening to kill her.
There's a sharp ache at the base of her neck that radiates through her entire body, the tension settling hardest in her shoulders.
The weekend was so disorienting that she's come back to the office this Monday with her mind in some strange state she can't quite name.
She's standing where she normally finds clarity — by the window, watching people pass below, most of them rushing, fleeing the unpleasant December cold — and still she can't find the calm she lost the moment Cassidy's face appeared on her doorbell camera.
Having her in her safe space was unsettling enough.
Watching her take over the couch, a chair in her office, a trip to her bathroom.
But all of that pales against the moment she woke up yesterday morning, turned her head, and found Cassidy's hair spilled across the pillow — and felt the girl's arm draped over her bare stomach.
From that instant, Diane Carter lost the ability to breathe normally, to think, because it was the unmistakable sign that yes — she was completely in love with Cassidy Collins.
The girl had managed to make her feel — how to put it — safe?
Maybe. What gave her that rare, unusual sense of peace might have been Cassidy's reaction to learning part of her history.
She hadn't seemed disappointed. Quite the opposite — she'd been radiating a different kind of energy that Diane hadn't known how to name.
Diane had never been that honest with a woman.
Not even with Clara, who didn't know her parents' names until years into their friendship.
The door to her office opens after a couple of knocks on the wood, and she doesn't need to turn around to know who it is.
"I just ran into Cassidy," Clara announces as she crosses the office. "I'm really glad to see she's still in one piece."
Diane tightens her jaw without looking away from the street. The one who isn't in one piece is herself.
"Don't be dramatic." She turns and pulls out her chair to sit at her desk. "What do you need?" She checks her watch. "I hope you didn't interrupt me just to say that."
Clara doesn't even flinch at her friend's sharp, abrasive tone. She just watches her for a brief moment and changes the subject.
"The proposal is strong. I made a few notes near the end — I think including the big-picture one-year vision will earn you points."
Yesterday morning, before Cassidy left her house to have lunch with her siblings, Diane had sent the finished presentation to Clara.
Not only because she's her most trusted person, but because the marketing director is genuinely good at her job.
She'd planned to do it anyway, but it was Cassidy herself who told her that a second pair of eyes would help make sure nothing had been missed. Cassidy. Always Cassidy.
"I'm going to review it and send it to the board right away." She picks up the mouse and moves it until she finds what she's looking for. "I want to put an end to this ridiculous situation once and for all."
Clara stands. She has a meeting to get to.
"Want to grab lunch?" Clara asks, glancing at her calendar. "There's something I need to talk to you about."
Diane is typing and doesn't look up to answer.
"You can tell me now," she says flatly.
Clara lets out a long, exasperated breath.
"I'd rather you take me to the Lebanese place on the corner while I pass along a message from my wife."
Diane stops typing and fixes her blue eyes on the woman who was once her girlfriend. She can already guess exactly what it's about.
"I have plans for Christmas, so please thank her for me — but I won't be able to join you this year."
"Normally, when someone says they have plans for Christmas Eve, it means a trip, or plans with a partner or friends," the other woman begins to list, "and given that you have neither, I seriously doubt you've booked some getaway at this point, so I'm assuming your big plan is to sit alone at home."
Diane ignores her. She has better things to do than argue with Clara about what she'll be doing on a holiday she hates — one that's right around the corner.
"Please thank Elizabeth," she repeats, her eyes back on the screen. "And close the door on your way out."
Clara Fitzgerald turns and leaves the office without another word.
She'd talked it over with her wife, who insists on inviting Diane to every celebration they host at home.
Clara doesn't mind — her friend is a pleasant woman outside the walls of Whitestone Consulting Group — but she also knows that reclusive streak that comes out in her, especially around this time of year, which brings back nothing but bad memories.
Two hours later, the head of the business development department walks into the room where a meeting is already underway.
She's late, but she had to leave right after formally submitting the proposal to the board, and even though she could have made it back sooner, the session ran longer than expected.
"...and after the holidays we'll deliver the acquisition analysis to Arnico."
Tanya Baker is the one speaking, and Diane, after a quick nod to her assistant, takes a seat beside Clara without a word.
"Where were you?" her counterpart asks under her breath while Tanya continues.
"Picking up my car from the shop." The lie burns in her throat, but Diane would rather not say anything that might pull Clara into something she shouldn't be involved in.
She knows Clara doesn't believe her — they've known each other too long for that.
Diane has a pickup and delivery service for her car whenever it needs maintenance, because taking it in herself is a waste of time.
She's about to throw out some excuse to prop up that disastrous lie when Cassidy's voice slips in through her ears and lands square in her chest.
"Marketing already has our side wrapped up," the girl says, looking at Tanya. "It would be great if we could meet as soon as possible so Diane and Clara can review the proposal and all that's left is delivering it to the client. We'll save time if there's anything that needs adjusting."
Her tone has nothing to do with the one she uses when they're together — when she's suggesting something, or when she leans in, her mouth pressed against her neck. The shiver that moves through Diane's body is obvious enough that Clara glances at her, puzzled.
"You okay?"
Diane composes herself and shifts in her chair.
"It's too warm in here."
That's it. No further explanation. She just looks straight ahead and feels like an idiot when she realizes she's searching for the blonde's eyes.
When it's over she pushes back her chair, bad mood hitting her in waves.
She's a hypocrite, she knows it — but she can't deny how much it gets to her that Cassidy doesn't even glance at her in moments like this.
She almost wants to laugh, because she'd be furious if the girl decided to fix those green eyes on her, since it would be something she'd never allow inside the office.
"Diane," she hears behind her, and she barely keeps her stride from faltering.
She doesn't stop, but Cassidy reaches her immediately.
"Do you have a few minutes?" she asks as they walk. "I need to get a couple of questions answered for Mr. Rodriguez, the CEO of Lumina Medical Supply."
Diane stops outside her office door and turns to her assistant.
"Tatiana," she says in her usual low hiss. "Make a reservation for two at the Lebanese place on the corner. Confirm the time with Clara."
She walks into her office and leaves the door open. Cassidy follows her in, pulling it shut behind her.
"Have they said anything about the proposal?" the girl asks, stopping beside her.
Diane crosses her arms over her chest and leans back against her desk.
"The day after tomorrow is the meeting with the Alltreck team." She says it with distaste — it still feels like a humiliation. "Both proposals will be presented. Frances can defend hers if needed. So can I."
Cassidy huffs and shakes her head.
"You know what I think about all this — it's a joke," she says, setting her iPad down on the desk and moving closer. She uncrosses Diane's arms and pulls herself against her body. "But think about it — in a couple of days you'll be done with all of this."
Diane drops her gaze to Cassidy's lips and fights the urge to kiss her. She manages it — at least for now.
"You're very sure they'll choose mine."
Cassidy tilts her head.
"If you think a tech company like Alltreck is going to prefer the proposal of a woman who's spent the last several years telling other people how not to screw up over the one from someone who's been making hundreds of companies wealthy for fifteen years, then you might as well not even show up to that meeting. "
Diane grabs her by the waist before she can pull away and kisses her. The barrier that used to hold back her impulses where this girl is concerned broke down a long time ago.
"Frances is good at what she does," Cassidy says, "but she has no idea what it takes to bring in a client — to convince them to trust you, and then actually deliver on everything you promised them.
I know you've been going after Alltreck for a long time, but five years ago you didn't have the capacity you have now. "
Cassidy steals a quick kiss, picks up her iPad, and steps back — but not before she says:
"When this is over, we should celebrate." Her green eyes shine bright. "I know a place I think you're going to love."
Diane's body goes rigid and she can't move even after the girl has left her office.
The fears come back the way they always do — dressed in red, teeth sharp — reminding her that a woman doesn't succeed, doesn't amount to anything, if she gives in to her weaknesses.
And Cassidy Collins is, without a doubt, the greatest weakness she has ever had to face in her life.