Chapter 50
E ver since Helen started spending more time with Donna and Cora, taking steps towards healing, every moment we spend together feels even more charged.
Watching a movie with her thigh touching mine has me fighting back the urge to pull her into my arms. Having family dinner nights with her and Cora has me dreaming of what our life could have been, of what I’m determined to make it into.
It’s like there’s an electric current in the air.
With every breath we take, every move we make, it feels like it’s going to shock us.
It’s not just thrumming in my veins anymore—it’s palpable in the air.
Anytime we’re in the same room, it’s all I can do not to act on it, to touch her, kiss her, show her I mean it when I say it’s always been her and always will be.
She’s it for me, but she’s not ready for the weight of that yet.
Once I make her mine, there’s no going back.
I made the mistake of letting her go once, but never again.
I’m playing for keeps this time. The only way this ends is with the ring that has lived in my dresser for two decades being slipped on her finger with vows of forever and I do’s.
“You know the thing that got me through that hell hole the most?” Looking up from my laptop, I see she paused the movie and cast aside her book. Evil never sleeps, but that doesn’t mean I can’t multitask and spend time in her presence while answering the never-ending wave of emails.
“Hmm?” Shutting the lid of my laptop and setting it aside, I give her my full attention.
“The thought of being back in your arms,” she confesses, twisting to face me.
“Every time they would touch me, I’d think of you, of us.
It’s the only way I managed to stay sane.
” Her confession rips at my restraint, and in seconds, I’m across the room on my knees before her, resting my forehead against hers.
“Sweetheart, knowing what you went through is killing me,” I confess against her skin.
“I missed you so much. I never got over you. The guys didn’t understand my sudden celibacy, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of being with anyone who wasn’t you.
Now that you’re back, I’ll give you all the time in the world, but just know, I still want you, Helen.
I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you, and that’s never changed.
I want you so much, I’d give up everything to go back and change the path we took.
I’d lay myself at the altar to save you from that if I could. ”
“Johnny, I…” She trails off, tears wetting her cheeks.
I kiss them away, ignoring the burning in my own eyes.
She reaches up to cup my cheek, scanning my eyes for who knows what before bridging the distance between us.
Kissing her feels like coming home, and as she wraps her arms around my neck, tugging me closer, the last shreds of my restraint snap.
Her breathy moans are like an aphrodisiac that have me following her lead blindly, ignoring all thoughts of taking things slow.
“I want to feel alive,” she confesses against my mouth before tugging me closer.
Fuck, how I hate anyone who made her feel less than alive.
Following her lead, I rest my weight on my elbows as she blinks up at me.
Being so close to her, feeling the heat from her skin and tasting her desire in the air, has me feral with need.
Yet at the same time, as I look down at the woman beneath me, I want to treasure every single second she blesses me with.
“It will always be you, sweetheart. Do you understand that?”
“Please, I just want to be yours.”
“You have me, baby, I swear. You always have, but there’s no going back from this. Do you want that?” I ask, nipping at her neck and making my way down to kiss the swells of her breasts her tank top can’t contain.
“God, yes,” she moans, twining her fingers through my hair and tugging me back up so she can kiss me again.
Biting her lip at her impatience, I pull back enough to look at her.
Blonde curls splay over my sofa, pupils blown wide and not an ounce of hesitation or fear in sight.
Instead, raw need has her arching her back and digging her nails into my neck.
Slowly moving down, I help her strip, taking care to kiss every inch of skin exposed to me.
Soon, she’s tugging my shirt off, and when she sees the tattoo, her eyes grow wide and damp.
“Jonathan…”
“I told you, sweetheart. I carried you with me always,” I confess as she takes in the portrait of her eyes I got inked over my heart, right where she belongs.
Leaning down, I claim her mouth as mine, and as she arches her back, moaning into my mouth, it feels like all the missing pieces slot together.
This is what’s been missing for the last twenty odd years, this feeling of being loved and loving in equal measure, of having someone to confide in, to love, to worship with every fibre of my being.
“Please, Johnny. Make me forget,” she begs in a whisper, clutching me like she’s scared I’m going to disappear. Like hell. I have her back, and nothing and no one can tear me away from this woman ever again.
I’d like to see them try.
I kiss my way down her neck, nipping at the delicate flesh and relishing in her whimpers that light my soul on fire.
Her hands in my hair, clutching me for dear life, urge me lower.
Locking eyes with her, I mouth her breast through her bra, taking great joy in the glazed look on her face. Euphoria suits her.
“Please, Johnny.”
“Tell me what you need, sweetheart. Name it. What my pretty girl wants, she gets; you remember that, don’t you?”
“Please, I want to feel your mouth,” she whimpers, fisting my hair with desperate moans.
“Hmm, I think you can do better than that.” I smirk.
With a frustrated whine, she struggles to remove her bra, freeing her marvellous breasts to my hungry eyes.
With a groan, I suck one into my mouth, lapping at the dusky pink flesh like a starved man.
Fuck, I’ve missed these. I’ve missed her taste and moans and the way she shatters under me so perfectly.
“God, I dreamed about these,” I murmur, letting my words roll over her as her whimpers grow, each one a plea I feel deep in my chest.
My hand slips between us, sliding beneath her shorts to find her—hot, wet, and trembling. At her sudden gasp, I freeze.
Panic grips me.
Did I go too far?
I look up, an apology already forming, ready to pull away and drop to my knees if she asks—if she even looks uncertain.
But her eyes…
They’re locked on mine, wide and burning with hunger. No fear. No hesitation.
“Please,” she breathes, her voice shaking but firm. “Don’t treat me like I’m broken. I want more. You know I can handle it. So don’t you dare stop.”
With a curse, I claim her mouth once more, collaring her throat with my free hand as I work her pussy over like a man on a mission. Only when she’s positively drenched and begging for more do I rip myself away from her long enough to shuck my trousers and shrug off my shirt.
“I need you, sweetheart,” I confess, coming back to her and helping her remove her shorts and underwear.
Once she’s naked below me, I go to lean back and take her in, only for her to dig her nails into my back, hauling my attention back to her face.
With a stiff shake of her head, she lays her boundaries without words.
If she’s not ready to be laid bare in front of me just yet, that’s fine.
I can still worship her in the way she deserves blindfolded if that makes her feel more at ease.
“I need you, Johnny. I need to feel you inside me, claiming me in the way only you can. Please, erase their touches.” Her words slice through me, but with a heated kiss and locked eyes, I slide home.
The feeling is like none other. I’ve missed this more than words can convey, and goddamn, was she worth every second of the wait.
“That’s my perfect girl. My gorgeous, perfect girl,” I rasp, driving my hips into hers as she claws at my back.
Fuck, I’m not going to last long, not when she feels so good wrapped around me like this, arching herself closer to me and begging for more with every breath.
Dropping my forehead to her shoulder, I mouth at the flesh there as she digs her nails into me.
“Oh, God,” she whines. “I’m gonna…”
“That’s right, come all over my cock. Show me how much you missed it. Be my good girl, and I’ll fill you up. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Covered in my scent so everyone knows who you belong to,” I growl, reaching between us to circle her clit.
“Come with me. I want to feel it,” she begs before dragging my face to hers and claiming my mouth.
With a moan, I lose myself in her, feeling her walls clench around me.
I follow her over the edge with a groan.
Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to pull back and look at the sight between her thighs, us mixed together in the most sinful way.
Instead, I hold her gaze as I pull out and push my cum back inside her, where it belongs.
I love this woman, and I think I always have.