Chapter 30
Chapter thirty
BLOOD ON MY HANDS
Cameron and I sit in heavy silence until the sound of sirens meets our ears. From there, I shift my attention from fighting the cold to trying to isolate each individual whine in their overlapping chorus.
I am fairly certain that at least five separate vehicles have parked outside when muffled voices rise from downstairs.
Five seems a large number for a single victim accident, and panic prickles the back of my neck when I realize I haven’t seen or heard from Ollie since he went to investigate, and I have no clue where Val, Leah, or Judith are either.
The sudden and uncontrollable chattering of my teeth drowns out the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, and I jump in terror when a man bursts into the room.
It only takes me a split second to recognize the stranger as Jalen, Cameron’s brother.
I wave my arm so that he can see us on the ground, half hidden behind the door.
The resemblance is uncanny as he jolts forward and takes a knee in front of us, except that Jalen has a slightly smaller build and looks like he is a few years older than Cameron.
“I’m here, what happened?” he asks, as he looks over Cameron for signs of injury.
Cameron lifts his head, and his shoulders sag in relief. “Jalen.”
“I’m here, brother.”
Cameron’s shoulders rack with a choking sob at his words, and my heart breaks into a million little pieces with him. Jalen joins me and wraps his arms around Cameron, as if the two of us can somehow keep him from completely falling apart if we hold him tight enough.
“We’re here, we’ve got you,” I echo, and only lift my head off Cameron’s shoulder when the worst of it has passed.
I meet Jalen’s waiting eyes and am stunned at how similar they are to Cameron’s, only without any of the warmth or familiarity.
He just walked into the room and found us both on the floor, so I wouldn’t expect him to look at me any other way, but my stomach clenches as I realize that Cameron has never looked at me like I was a stranger.
Not even when we first met, and the thought of it reveals just how attached I’ve become to his unfettered fondness for me.
“What happened to him?” Jalen presses, but as I attempt to flip through the limited facts that I have, both of our attention is pulled back towards the door when a man in a suit with white hair, piercing green eyes, and a badge finds us wrapped around Cameron on the floor.
“I came as soon as I heard,” the man says.
“Me too, but I don’t know anything yet, so you’ll have to fill me in,” Jalen responds.
Cameron raises his tear-streaked face at the new voice, and the man gives him a sad smile as he crouches down to join our huddle around him, finding a place to rest his weathered hand amid our tangle of limbs.
“I’m sorry this happened to you again, son. But we’re going to get through this just like we did last time, I promise.”
Cameron uses his sleeve to scrub his face and manages a few deep breaths.
“That’s it,” the man says, as he gives him a pat on the back. “Smell the flowers, and then blow out the birthday candles, just like Birdie used to say.”
Jalen smiles weakly at the reference, and it hits me just how little I know about this man that I am already mourning having to separate myself from.
“Was Birdie your and Cameron’s mom?” I ask, posing the question to Jalen.
“Yes,” he nods, then after a second adds, “She had this breathing technique she taught Cameron when he was little for when he was upset or frustrated—”
“Because he was always upset or frustrated about something that this one was up to,” the detective chimes in, gesturing towards Jalen. I wince a bit, not sure if now is the time to poke fun at Cameron.
But it seems to do the trick, and Cameron lets out a thick laugh. “It’s not my fault that Jalen was always up to something.”
The men chuckle, and Cameron leans his head back against the wall. “How is this happening again so soon?
“I don’t know,” the man says, and groans when he stands back upright from crouching. “I reckon that’s what I’m here to find out.”
Jalen stands next and offers to help Cameron up, but Cameron is too focused on me to notice, and as soon as we are both back on our feet, he pulls me right back into his side.
“I’m Detective Barry Cartwright, by the way,” the man says. “I work for the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department, and I’ve known these two since they were boys.”
“I’m Drew.” My teeth start to chatter again from being pressed against Cameron’s wet clothes. “I’m just a guest here for the retreat this weekend.”
He and Jalen exchange a glance at my self-proclaimed title, and Cameron doesn’t help when he starts to rub his hands up and down my arms. “You’re freezing, let me get you a blanket or one of my jackets.”
“You should both probably go get changed into dry clothes right now,” Detective Cartwright says before Cameron can start looking for either. “It’s going to be a long night.”
“Is everyone else okay?” I ask through clattering teeth.
“Ollie seems fine but really shaken up. He’s the one who pointed me up here,” Jalen says.
“There were two other women down there helping direct traffic,” Detective Cartwright adds.
I stiffen at the fact that there should be three women, not two. “What did they look like?”
“Both were about your age. One with dark hair and the other with red curly hair.”
I look up to Cameron in fear, but he’s already one step ahead when he addresses the men. “I moved a guest named Judith out to the guest house. Can you send someone to check on her? There’s a good chance she slept through this entire thing, so tell the men to keep knocking until she answers.”
“You got it,” Detective Cartwright says.
“I’ll go with you downstairs,” Jalen says, following the detective towards the door. “I still have no idea what’s going on.”
They both look to Cameron, and when he nods his approval, they disappear out the door.
When we are alone again, he immediately starts to apologize. “Drew, I’m so incredibly sorry. I should have been there for you. I can’t even imagine how scared you must have been when I walked up here in that state, and for me to just shut down on you like that—”
“Stop,” I say, and rest my hands on his chest. “You don’t have to apologize for being human. Especially not with me.”
He searches my eyes with such raw emotion that it momentarily stills my shivering body. Then he reaches up to caress my cheek with the back of his fingers, and it sends a completely different kind of chill down my spine.
“I think I’m still having a hard time believing that you’re real, even though you’re standing right here in front of me.”
With that statement, I finally pinpoint the word to describe the way he’s been looking at me all day, and especially the way he is looking at me now: Reverence.
I lower my hands and take a small step back. “We should both get changed, like Detective Cartwright said. It’s going to be a long night.”
He stiffens. “How about I stand outside the door until you’re finished, and then you can come with me to my room so that you aren’t alone.”
“I’m fine.” I turn to dig through my clothes so that I have a place to look besides his face. “It’ll be quicker if we do it at the same time.”
He hesitates for another moment but moves towards the door once I set a full outfit on the bed beside my suitcase. “Will you wait here for me, at least?” he asks.
I don’t have to see his face to know that he’s confused, because it’s clear as day in his voice.
I need to start putting some distance between us, but the last thing I want to do is to add myself to his list of things to worry about.
He already has a lot on his plate by being the homeowner, Delaney’s employer, and the one who found her, so to help ease his mind about at least one thing, I leave my pile of clothes to walk up to him and wrap both arms back around his waist.
He melts into me like it was exactly what he needed, even though I’ve been attached to him at the hip for the last half hour. I rest my ear against his wet chest and savor the sound of his strong, beating heart under it.
“I think the adrenaline is messing with my mind,” Cameron says. “I had this awful feeling just a second ago that you were going to disappear on me the second I walked out the door.”
I frown at the fact that he can read me so easily and squeeze him a little tighter while I think of the right words to deflect.
I can’t admit that he was close, and that I am planning to disappear after all of this is settled.
So instead, I say something else that is true, but that changes the subject completely.
“You know, I much prefer being this close to you when you’re dry and warm, instead of dripping wet and freezing cold.”
He lets out a low laugh and then releases me with a sad grin. “I agree, but it feels wrong to joke about it.”
“It probably is,” I agree, and he blinks down at me with that same reverence as before when I don’t follow it up with a but or some other way to try and excuse it.
He leans down to kiss the top of my head and promises that he will be back to get me so that we can go downstairs together, and I release the breath that I’d been holding as soon as the door clicks closed behind him.
If I managed to keep myself together after being completely taken off guard with the news of Delaney’s death, I can surely keep it together for a few more hours while we sort through the aftermath.
Then, as soon as I get the chance to be alone again, I will allow myself to feel everything: all the guilt, sadness, and grief.
And then, when I am back home in my apartment and I am truly alone, I can figure out how to come to terms with the fact that I have yet another person’s blood on my hands.