Chapter 54
Chapter fifty-four
THE IN-BETWEEN
Cameron’s apartment is simultaneously completely foreign and comfortingly familiar, thanks to the delicious scent of him that lingers in the air, and I waste no time inhaling it deeply into my lungs. Past the modest foyer is the kitchen, a living room, and a spiral staircase that leads upstairs.
I send a text to Cameron that I am done at the station and made it to his apartment, then start to head towards the stairs to see if I can find a shower but stop short at a small alcove at the end of the kitchen that is crowded with books and bottles of wine.
Upon closer inspection, I identify three books that I’d reviewed on the Book I was close to guessing what makes up his signature scent: balsamic amber, herbs, and woodland moss.
After scrubbing my body and hair clean, I close my eyes to let the hot water strip me of anything else that remains and turn off the faucet, wrapping myself in one of his fluffy towels.
Without my luggage, I have no choice but to go through his drawers to find something clean to sleep in.
I end up with a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and one of his Howard University T-shirts, both of which are comically oversized on me.
I do my best to untangle my hair with his boar bristle brush but promptly give up when my phone dings.
I retrieve it and sit down on the edge of Cameron’s bed to read the message.
Gabe: Hey, I didn’t hear back from you. Hope everything is okay. Scott is doing a little better now, and so am I. He’s asleep, but we talked, and we want you to finish your weekend before you come out here. We will be fine until then. Can’t wait to see you. Love ya.
I text back that I love him too, and that I will call them both tomorrow morning. I hit send as Cameron’s number pops up on my caller ID.
“Hey, how’s Jalen doing?” I ask.
“He’s doing well, all things considered. I feel a lot better now that I’m looking at him with my own eyes.”
“I would say text me a picture, but that’s probably weird.”
He chuckles. “Hang on, I’ll switch us to FaceTime.”
I look down at my outfit as he sends the request. “I’m a mess. It might derail his recovery if he sees me.”
“I’ll keep you facing me and just flip the camera. I don’t think he wants to be on for long, either, but he has something that he wants to say to you.”
I look at the pending video request again, feeling nervous about what his brother might want to say to me, but click accept. Once we switch over, my heart skips a beat as Cameron’s face fills up the screen.
“Hey,” I say, still floored that this lovely, caring, and insanely handsome man is all mine.
“Hey,” he says back, with equal appreciation.
“Is Jalen really up for letting me see him? I don’t want to impose.”
Cameron puts our call on mute while he speaks briefly to his brother, and then he unmutes and turns the camera around.
“Jalen!” I exclaim, completely understanding the relief that Cameron was describing after being able to see him with my own eyes.
“Hey, Drew,” he says, wincing as he sits up a little higher in his hospital bed.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I got shot.” He winces again after he chuckles at his own joke.
“Well, I hope that Cameron is taking good care of you.”
“He is, although I’m not going to get any sleep because he insists on staying here, so he is going to be snoring all night without his CPAP.”
Cameron lets out a stifled cough from behind the camera, and it takes every ounce of willpower not to glance over to the contraption that I already saw sitting on his bedside when I first came into the room.
“I have a deviated septum,” Cameron says to defend himself after the awkward silence, earning an eyeroll from Jalen.
“You know, with Jalen feeling this ornery, I might need to come home sooner,” Cameron adds.
Jalen chimes in that he thinks that’s a great idea but quickly backpedals when he sees what I can only assume is sadness on Cameron’s face.
“In all seriousness, I appreciate you staying with me,” Jalen says, then turns his gaze to Cameron’s phone to address me. “Drew, I wanted to thank you, as well. If you hadn’t come back up the stairs and yelled Madeline’s name at the last second, I don’t think I’d be here right now.”
Cameron angles the camera so that I can see his face, too, as he nods in agreement. “You really did save the day, Drew. You’re our hero.”
Jalen snorts at his brother’s sappy words, and my arm starts to feel heavy from holding up the phone so close to my face, so I readjust to sit cross-legged and rest my hand on top of my knee.
“You’re both welcome, although I think the doctor had it right, and our guardian angels were just working overtime tonight. ”
Cameron flips the camera so that it is facing him again instead of Jalen, then he does a one-eighty so that his back is to his brother.
He lowers the phone as his gaze rakes over my face and down to the shirt I am borrowing.
I swallow as he takes a deep breath that visibly makes his shoulders rise and fall, and wonder if he somehow knows how much of his body wash that I used, or if the shirt I chose has some sort of sentimental value that I was unaware of.
I start to apologize, although it seems odd that I would have offended him in some way since he told me to make myself at home, until he interrupts. “Drew. Are you wearing one of my T-shirts right now?”
I look down at it and smile as it becomes clear that he is not mad, but glad. I press my lips together to contain my grin. “Yes.”
His eyes bounce around all four corners of the screen, and then he lowers his voice even further. “And you’re in my bed?”
“Well, I took a shower, and then I just sat down for a second. So technically, I’m not in your bed. Just on it.”
He drags his free hand slowly down his face, and his eyes return to mine with a look that makes my stomach do a flip. “We’re going to need to reenact this exact scenario when I come home, please.” His jaw feathers as if he is committing what he sees in the camera to memory.
“Well, I was actually going to get myself set up to sleep on the couch,” I admit.
He shakes his head like the idea is painful to him, but says, “You can sleep wherever you are most comfortable, but you are more than welcome to stay in my bed.”
“Thank you.” I run my hand over the soft blankets to consider his offer.
“I have a few extra toothbrushes in the medicine cabinet, so go ahead and claim yours, and help yourself to anything else that you need. I don’t know if I have food in the fridge, but—”
“Thank you, but I think I am just going to take you up on the spare toothbrush and then try to get some sleep.”
“Okay.” He lets me say goodbye to Jalen one more time before taking the phone out into the hallway so that we can say goodnight in private.
The sounds of hospital announcements and nurses completing their rounds fill the space of Jalen’s steadily beeping heart monitor back inside the room, and Cameron brings the phone up close to his face to speak softly.
“How are you? I hate that you have to be there alone.”
“I’m good. Just exhausted,” I say, because it’s mostly true, especially now that I’ve seen how well Jalen is doing. I don’t want to make him worry about me and try to come back earlier than he should. “I am pretty sure I am going to pass out the second I lay my head down on the pillow.”
“Ah,” he says. “Being jealous of an inanimate object is not something I ever thought I’d experience, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
We grin at each other through the phone and seeing him happy again makes my heart skip a beat.
“God, Drew,” he continues, and shakes his head incredulously like he is equally pleased.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the thrill of seeing you in my home.
I can’t wait to be there with you, and once this is all settled, I also can’t wait to take you on a proper date somewhere and show you all around Charlotte. Whenever you’re up for it, that is.”
“Neither can I.” I keep the fact that I will be leaving within the next few days to myself for that moment, because even though I will be heading to New York to help Scott and Gabe get through their difficult time, I have no doubt that we will figure out exactly how to make this relationship between us work, and that the only hard thing from here on out will be the grief of everything that happened this weekend as it comes and goes in waves for us to process, and missing each other whenever we are apart.
We’ve already been through hell and came out together on the other side, so no matter what else life throws our way, we will face it head-on and find the joy, like we are right now, in the in-between moments.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, as his eyes roam my face in wonder.
“I was thinking that, for what might be the very first time, I am not afraid of the future, I am excited for it.”
“I thought so, but I wanted to hear you say it out loud so that I can keep working on believing it,” he says.
“Me too.”
When we hang up, I brush my teeth in his sink, plug my phone into his charger that hangs from the wall, and then settle in under the covers, using what I hope is his pillow to rest my head on.
And for the first time, I let out a deep breath, unclench my jaw, and fall instantly into a deep, peaceful sleep.