Chapter 17
After a plate of potatoes, cured meat and two fried eggs for a late lunch at the little chalet restaurant in the hills, they headed to the car for the drive back to the reception venue, a mediaeval castle in Bruneck.
Rhys was quiet. Ginny assumed he’d used up today’s allowance of patience with her for the photography lesson. Or had it been a philosophy lesson?
He’d probably not intended it, but she was fairly certain he’d caused her existential crisis. Now she was thinking about happiness and the passage of time and how life was fleeting – and how perhaps that was what marriage was about, rather than love and sentiment. The thought was depressing.
The weather had turned while they ate and now a light drizzle sprinkled the valley with silver, a landscape of clouds constantly evolving above.
Although the conditions had looked fine for Saturday the last time she’d looked about half an hour ago, it seemed foolish to trust the forecast. At least the gentle light and glistening moisture would suit the aesthetic of an autumn wedding, if they did get rain.
They passed a sign for a high-ropes adventure park and Rhys gestured to it. ‘How are your climbing lessons with Kira going?’
She’d assumed he’d been keeping tabs on her in the gym, but of course he hadn’t even noticed she was there. He’d been climbing himself – despite his accident, she thought with alarm.
‘I thought I made really good progress at first, but recently I don’t seem to be getting any better,’ she answered. ‘Do you still climb a lot? I can’t imagine it was easy to get back up there after your accident.’
He shrugged – typical. ‘I have to keep in practice. I use different types of lines when I’m taking photos, but I still need to be able to set ropes and get up there if necessary.
I’ve built my career on it, although at the moment I don’t take as many climbing shots as before.
’ He seemed about to say more, but nothing came.
‘Andreas is going with a group tomorrow, although the idea of rock climbing two days before a wedding gives me the willies,’ she commented.
A faint smile. ‘We’re just going to a sport climbing crag, not multi-pitch trad climbing.’ He glanced at her and quickly away again. ‘You should come along.’
‘Ha,’ was all she managed in response. ‘I don’t even know what multi-pitch trad climbing means.’
‘There are some easy routes,’ he continued unexpectedly, because Ginny couldn’t imagine why Rhys would want her to be there. ‘It would be good to push your skills from the gym.’
Why did he care about her skills? ‘I’m never going to be good.’
He took a breath as though he wanted to say something, but released it again. Ginny blinked, reminding herself that conversation between them was always this stilted, and the real mystery was why she kept forgetting that.
Thankful her stomach was full of hearty food, Ginny got back into the driver’s seat of the Fiat. After bouncing down the narrow road and then along the valley, she followed Rhys’s measured instructions to switch onto the main road.
She had a slight panic getting onto the autobahn, navigating two roundabouts and then merging between lorries, but she was quite proud of herself as she cruised along at speed among the black Audis.
Until the next on-ramp. A flashy, low sports car zoomed past her on the right and she had to brake. Then, all of a sudden, the lorry behind her appeared huge in the rear-view mirror and, with a surprisingly gentle clunk, the vehicle drove right into the Fiat’s tail.
‘Shit!’ Ginny cried as she was thrown forward, her foot slipping off the accelerator.
Ahead was the sports car, behind, the lorry, and the Fiat seemed determined to make a run for freedom.
Punching the button for the hazard lights, she gritted her teeth and wrestled the car straight again, just in time to see another vehicle ahead slip into the left lane and collide with the reckless sports car.
‘Oh, fu-u-u-uck!’ She slammed on the brakes, alarmed when the tyres didn’t grip as quickly as she’d expected on the damp bitumen.
She hauled the steering wheel around to avoid the carnage ahead, causing the Fiat to bounce off the barrier and perform a disturbing, slippery turn before the hire car finally came to a stop safely on the hard shoulder.
Her exhale was more of a wheeze and she wasn’t sure how to unclamp her fingers from around the steering wheel.
‘Ginny.’
The way Rhys said her name washed over her with the leach of adrenaline and her jaw wobbled. Breathing out between pursed lips, she ignored her rapid heartbeat as her head cleared.
‘Ginny.’
One moment, she was plagued with images of what could have been, their car mangled on the autobahn, and the next, her senses roared to life as Rhys’s fingertips lifted her face – and his lips found hers in a scorching kiss.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
Nothing coherent formed in her head until wow. His mouth was hot and firm, kissing her as though he had no other choice. His hands grasped her face, fingers tightening in her hair.
‘You did so well,’ he whispered between kisses. ‘That was some great driving. You kept both of us safe. It was amazing.’
With an abortive groan, he tilted his head and kissed her deeply. Her thoughts and feelings scattered and only after several moments did she catch up with the fact that Rhys’s bottom lip was between hers, and her skin – her whole body – was on fire.
Her hands came up involuntarily, one gripping his woollen sweater and the other stealing around his neck as she opened her mouth on his.
There was no self-consciousness; she was so absorbed in the unexpected familiarity of having him close, holding him there until she worked out what this magic was that closed down her brain and fired up her body.
He held her still. She’d suspected he would be a good kisser, but this was… exhilarating, his lips dragging over hers, the needy touch of his tongue.
There was no way to misinterpret this kiss.
As though the world had flipped upside down in an instant, her picture of him became clear.
Her eyes flew open. As soon as she stilled he drew back quickly, his expression shuttered, and shifted in his seat.
His exhale was heavy, his jaw tight. She wondered when his weathered skin and wary blue eyes had imprinted on her brain, because she could envisage this expression when she closed her eyes.
She opened her mouth, but she couldn’t decide what to say, between, ‘Where did that come from?’ and, ‘Can we do it again?’
So, he was attracted to her. She knew it didn’t mean they were soulmates. She was taking a serious break from all that stuff. But maybe now she could admit to herself how badly she was attracted to him in return. But he’d been the one to pull away.
‘Um,’ she began, not very promisingly.
A knock on the window of the car made her jump and she found a man in a blue uniform and a jaunty hat peering expectantly at her.
She lowered the window, wondering if she was correctly interpreting the disapproving glint in his eye.
Imagining the police officer had seen them making out made her want to laugh.
‘Hello, officer,’ she said brightly. She felt rather than saw Rhys gritting his teeth and shaking his head next to her.
Ginny stared at the deepening sky to the east as she perched on the bonnet of the scratched and dented pink Fiat.
She didn’t want to know what time it was.
The iron clouds had made it feel like evening for hours as the police and emergency vehicles had cleared the road and the hire-car company had held internal meetings or performed ritual magic or whatever they had to do to process Ginny’s request for a replacement car.
Thankfully, no one had been hurt in the accident, although the two other drivers had walked into a pair of ambulances to be checked at hospital.
A paramedic had asked Ginny and Rhys a series of questions – that Ginny had answered in as much of a daze as she’d described events to the police – to determine that they were uninjured.
After several hours at the side of the autobahn, she was growing cold and thirsty and her insides felt like jelly.
Worse than all of that, Rhys had barely looked at her the whole time. He seemed determined to pretend he’d never grabbed her and kissed her, while that memory alone was keeping Ginny warm at this point.
She didn’t hide her glances in his direction.
He did notice her. She’d always… felt that, but then he’d be cold and distant with her and she’d gaslighted herself into thinking he looked right through her.
But he didn’t. He’d kissed her. The gleeful, romantic part of her heart that she was trying not to indulge insisted he’d wanted to kiss her for some time.
‘I thought the hire-car company would be faster than the police,’ he commented absently as the last blue-and-white hatchback pulled out.
‘I’m never using this company again,’ Ginny grumbled, propping one foot up on the bumper and hugging it to herself.
‘Cold?’
‘Why?’ she asked, shooting him a glance. ‘Are you offering to keep me warm?’
The grumble from his throat was eloquent. ‘Ginny,’ he began, his tone tight, but she wasn’t interested in a brush-off.
‘Don’t put this on me. You’re the one who kissed me and are now acting as though you’d rather throw yourself off the edge of the autobahn than spend any more time with me.’
He swallowed thickly, the bob of his throat visible.
‘It’s not fair, you know. You’re making me deal with this all on my own.’
‘I don’t even know what “this” is!’ he insisted. ‘I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.’
She whirled to face him, arm propped on the bonnet.
‘Because all of you at Great Heart – hell, at I Do as well – treat me as though I’m a fool.
But I’m not. You don’t need to explain to me that this attraction between us isn’t soulmate stuff.
I don’t expect you to fall on your knees and declare undying love. I’m truly not that stupid.’
‘You’re not stupid at all,’ he agreed vehemently. ‘But you are young – too young for me.’
‘You only like women with a few wrinkles and the fierceness of another decade of existing in a patriarchal society?’
He eyed her with a flash that warmed her. ‘Something like that.’
‘Why did you kiss me, then?’ she pushed.
This groan was full of frustration. ‘I shouldn’t have.’
‘That’s not an answer.’
He bit his lip and squinted up into the clouds, as though he could find the reason there. Ginny stared at his mouth, ruefully admitting to herself how much she wanted to kiss him again.
‘Let me answer for you,’ she continued, when he said nothing further. ‘You are attracted to me, but you don’t understand why, since I make you uncomfortable.’
‘No,’ he responded more quickly than she’d expected. ‘I’m uncomfortable with you because I’m attracted to you. I always have been.’
And whoosh. Her capacity for rational thought caught fire again. I always have been. Wow, that felt good. She didn’t even care that it was attraction and not anything deeper. She was happy enough knowing she got to him in some way.
‘But that’s not the same for you,’ he pointed out with a lift of his brow. ‘You don’t like me, and I’ve given you enough reasons for that.’
The question of whether she liked him or not was complex and she didn’t have the energy to engage with it right now. ‘Maybe it is the same for me,’ she replied thoughtfully.
‘It’s not.’ He gave a twitch of a rueful smile. ‘And that’s okay. It happens all the time. One person is attracted to another, but the interest isn’t returned. I can accept that.’
A laugh bubbled up in her chest. ‘Didn’t you notice me kissing you back?’ She gave him a pointed look. ‘You know, I kissed a guy once who told me I was overenthusiastic. Is that it? Did I kiss wrong?’
Her babbling seemed to pain him. ‘There was nothing wrong with that kiss.’
‘There you go,’ she said with satisfaction. ‘Nothing wrong. We can kiss rather well, I think. So, tell me why I’m too young for you.’
‘That’s very cute, Ginny, but you want a partner and a family and I’m not going anywhere near that again. I travel a lot. We should just forget about it.’
‘You’re not listening to me,’ she scolded him. ‘I’m taking a break from the search for a partner and family and I’m not suggesting we date.’
She’d never expected a thirty-nine-year-old man could be described as sweet, but the wary, surprised look under his sweep of hair was nothing short of adorable.
He sat up straighter. ‘Are you asking me to sleep with you?’
When he said it so baldly, the embarrassment did nestle in her chest, but the spike of adrenaline at the prospect counteracted it.
She sucked in some air as she gathered the courage to respond.
‘You obviously want to. I think that cat is properly out of the bag now. I’m just telling you that I’d like to as well.
No expectations – well, except maybe an orgasm, if you can manage that,’ she teased.
Biting her lip around her smile, Ginny was pleased with herself for saying it, marvelling at the surge of power it gave her to put these things out in the open. Rhys blinked at her, his mouth hanging open, and that was gratifying – until his eyes clouded.
‘Oh, fuck, I’ve come on too strong, haven’t I?’ she muttered. ‘Even when we’re just talking about something casual, I come on too strong!’
‘Ginny—’
She was relieved when two cars pulled up, one with a sharp beep of the horn. Rhys’s exasperated tone told her what she needed to know.
‘It must be true that being single at a wedding messes with your head,’ she grumbled. ‘Don’t worry. I’ve got the message. You don’t need to say anything more.’