Chapter 40
All this time, he’d been agonising outside her flat, thinking she wouldn’t want to see him, when she’d gone to find him. He couldn’t wrap his thoughts around it.
It was an interminable forty-five minutes before her car pulled up. He remembered the ancient bright-blue Fiesta from the day they’d met – the first time, in April last year. It had almost as much personality as she did.
She flung herself out of the car but seemed to catch herself before she approached, slowing her steps and clutching her hands in front of her.
He picked up no cues as to how he was supposed to greet her. A hug would have made sense between friends, but it felt dangerous right now, with the nature of their goodbye in the balance.
‘Hi,’ he said, clearing his throat.
‘Hi,’ she parroted awkwardly, reminding him of those conversations back in August when everything had felt wrong, because he’d been fighting his feelings – the way he was right now.
‘Thanks for—’
She shook her head in response to his half-finished sentence.
‘Don’t thank me. I’m here because I want to be.
’ The emphasis on that word ‘want’ had to be intentional, but he couldn’t guess at her meaning.
She wanted to make sure he was actually gone so she could breathe again?
That was almost relatable. Probably, though, she was feeling guilty for misreading him that day at the castle.
‘You don’t need to apologise for the day after the wedding,’ he rushed to say. ‘I was surprised to hear I didn’t recognise you. I usually do. Sometimes it feels like I should recognise some people.’
When Kira had told him last night that she’d seen him at the castle, it had torn him in two at first, thinking he’d hurt her inadvertently.
But then he’d wondered if it changed his perspective on those last hours in Italy.
She hadn’t pointedly left without saying goodbye.
She thought he had. And now they were standing here, as disastrous as they always were when they weren’t kissing.
Ginny wasn’t anything like Annie. Even his own feelings were entirely different. He just wasn’t at all certain of hers. She was staring at him as though trying to read his mind. If she could, she might have got a shock.
‘I’m not here to talk about that,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Shall we go? We don’t have much time.’
When he’d manoeuvred his suitcase into her tiny boot and they’d got on the road, he racked his brain for something to say that wasn’t, ‘Ask me to stay,’ or ‘I love you.’
She broke the silence first. ‘I saw the photos. Thank you. They’re amazing. I love… them.’
He stared at her, trying to work out if her choice of words might have been intentional. ‘I hoped… you would.’
She kept talking, her voice soft and high. ‘It kind of blew my mind, how you captured me on camera.’
Heat blossomed in his chest to hear she’d understood exactly what he’d been trying to tell her. ‘That’s how you are, Ginny,’ he said softly. ‘At least, that’s how I see you.’
She kept her eyes on the road, but colour came to her cheeks and spread to those gorgeous ears.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to Canada.’
That got her attention. As much as it scared him, this was the conversation they needed to have.
‘You had a right to be angry,’ he began.
‘At first, I didn’t think you’d care. We were never…
friends before. Not really. And we agreed that it wasn’t anything serious.
I told Andreas on the Friday and that night I should have told you.
But by that stage, I… knew subconsciously that there were feelings involved already – my feelings – and telling you would hurt. ’
He’d started examining his reasons for applying for the job and what he’d come back with scared him. He was on a knife-edge here, trying not to get his hopes up that this conversation could be anything other than closure.
‘I am sorry,’ he said firmly. ‘You deserved to know.’
‘Thank you. I needed to hear that,’ she mumbled, her voice wobbly. ‘And I’m sorry you saw me dancing with Laurie right after we fought. It wasn’t on purpose. It just happened.’
She sounded so pained, there was no way he’d be able to hold it against her. ‘I understand. It’s okay.’
She deflated with her deep sigh of relief. ‘You know, I spoke to my dad last night – about Mum. My real mum.’
The tension left him as his own concerns faded into the background for a moment. ‘I hope it was what you needed?’
‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘I was definitely using dating to paper over that feeling of loss in my life, but I’m done with that. I’m not half a soul, just a bruised and broken one.’
Her words reminded him of her wedding speech, how vibrant she’d been that night.
‘I’m glad you can be… content now.’
And maybe that was what she was meant to be in his life – something beautiful and fleeting, a moment of healing.
He’d find a way to accept that, in time.
Here was his closure. He’d brought something good into her life and she’d briefly lit up his.
She would go and spread her wings and find her fate, while he made what he could out of the pieces.
His throat was tight and no matter how fiercely he tried to convince himself this goodbye was neater and easier than the wrenching one after the wedding, he wasn’t sure he believed it.
Far too quickly, she was taking the left turn towards the terminal, a plane taking off in the background an awful reminder of what they were doing here. She obviously knew her way around the airport, which made sense with her job. She followed the signs for the short stay car park.
‘You can just drop me off. You don’t have to park.’ They’d have ten minutes. That was enough to make sure he didn’t blurt out any nonsense that would make her feel guilty.
She gulped and gripped the wheel, staying on course for the car park.
‘I’m coming in with you.’ Something in her tone reminded him of the moment she’d told him, ‘I can’t help thinking that I’d be much harder to get rid of.
’ But they were at the airport. She’d delivered him here.
She wouldn’t have done that if she thought there could be some future for them.
He didn’t reply. He didn’t say a thing, even when she parked – very poorly – a long way from the terminal and he had to drag his case over what felt like a mile of concrete before they reached the entrance.
Inside the sliding doors, he glanced at her again, not sure why she was still here or how long she planned to stay. He was looking forward to some private misery where he could wallow in how much he loved her. ‘Are you…? I’ll just check in my bag.’
‘Uh—’ That choked-off gurgle of distress made him pause. When he peered back at her, her shoulders were wooden and her eyes huge. Then she hurled herself at him, clinging arms and a face pressed to his chest. One fist closed in his jacket.
‘Whoa.’ One arm curled around her. He couldn’t have stopped it. He wished she didn’t feel so much like his soulmate when she was letting him go.
‘I don’t want to let you go,’ she mumbled, as though she’d heard him.
He straightened, studying her in earnest. ‘What?’
‘I mean, if you need to go, then go. I won’t hold you back, but…’ She took another fistful of his jacket, undermining her words entirely. ‘If you weren’t going—’
He dipped his head, struggling to hear – or struggling to understand through the fog of confusion and the joy of holding her.
She took a deep breath and when she spoke again, her voice was tremulous.
‘If you weren’t going, I’d tell you I love you.
If you were coming back, I’d promise to wait for you.
I accidentally let my feelings get involved, even though I didn’t think there could possibly be anything between us. I still don’t know if there…’
She finished on a hiccough, but she’d been clear enough that the endorphins were surging in his blood and he was weak with elation and relief. His hand closed tightly around hers. ‘You didn’t see what there could be between us?’ he asked, his voice high. ‘Everything.’
She blinked at him, her mouth falling open.
Pressing his forehead to hers, he said, ‘I’ve been trying so hard not to get my hopes up, to let you work us out for yourself. You left it to the last fucking minute, Ginny cariad.’
He dropped his hands to her waist, the casual touch that had always felt like a privilege.
Then he kept talking, mirroring the words back to her. ‘I love you too. Only you. No one else reaches me the way you do. I didn’t think it was possible to feel as close to someone as I do to you.’
‘I—Huh. I wasn’t expecting—’
Ginny’s capacity for speech had reduced to a four-year-old’s and the entire world seemed to be upside down.
She’d expected gentleness, probably pity.
She’d strung herself so tight before her confession, knowing she couldn’t live with herself if she let him leave without telling him the truth.
But she had not prepared herself for hearing him say the words in return – and say them far more beautifully than she had.
She didn’t know where this left them. He was getting on a plane right now and they would have to be pragmatic adults about this at some stage, but since she couldn’t talk or breathe properly anyway, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He responded, quickly turning the kiss deep and slow, fizzing with the sparks that she’d tried to convince herself were only physical.
His arms tightened around her waist and he sucked in a quick, tormented breath before kissing her again, harder this time.
She was just congratulating herself on the airport setting as a place where long, fraught kisses wouldn’t be remarked upon, when a cheer rang out, making her jump.
Expecting to see a rowdy stag group and get back to the kissing as quickly as possible, she froze when, instead, she found Reshma, Tita, Toni and Kira, with their partners, holding a banner and releasing party poppers at random.
The banner read:
Just tell her you love her!
Ginny dropped her forehead to his chest and Rhys lifted an arm to shield her from their friends, his fingers casually – divinely – on her nape.
‘They don’t get it at all,’ she murmured, realising they’d still be picking her up off the ugly spotty tiles after he went through security.
‘They don’t?’ he asked lightly. Trust him to not have a care in the world. ‘I think it’s pretty good advice.’ He brushed a thumb over her ear and dipped his head to whisper again, ‘I love you.’
It solved nothing, but hearing those words still reordered the contents of her heart.
She turned her head to press a messy kiss to his lips. ‘It’s not that simple, is it, though? You’re leaving for Canada – for good.’ A tear made its way down her cheek.
He caught the drop with his thumb and shook his head, dipping his chin to catch her gaze. ‘I’m not going to Canada.’
The words were so entirely different from the gentle consolation she’d expected that she thought she’d misheard at first. ‘What? We’re literally at the airport. I don’t want to hold you back. I know you need freedom and I’m not asking you to—’
‘Marry me?’
She blinked. ‘That was just finishing my sentence, right?’ she asked.
A quiet smile lit his face. ‘Yep.’ His answer disagreed with his expression in a way that made Ginny’s breath catch. ‘We can’t get married yet. There aren’t enough other photographers on the books.’
He took her hand, slipping his fingers through hers, and winked at her.
Was he thinking some long-distance kind of thing? She’d do that if she had to. ‘How cold is it in Canada?’ she asked thoughtfully.
‘Ginny, I won’t go to Canada.’
‘But—’
‘The truth is, I accepted the job when I didn’t see another way forward. It wasn’t that I wanted to leave. I’ve got my life mostly back on track since the accident, but I was stagnating, work drying up, seeing nothing but you when I was in Weymouth.’
Nothing but you. Although this upside-down world seemed too good to be believed, she wanted to hear more and the words that tumbled out of his mouth were beyond what she could have imagined.
‘Ginny, I’ve been most of the way in love with you for a long time,’ he admitted with a perplexed smile, full of relief. ‘I never felt the slightest bit of encouragement until that day at the pub when I set your hair on fire.’ He winced. ‘And I doubted I could be what you needed anyway.’
‘You are,’ she insisted fiercely. ‘We’re disastrous together when we’re not kissing, but together like this, you’re exactly what I need.’
‘It just took you a little longer to get here,’ he commented, his smile growing playful. ‘But if you want me in your life, then I’m not getting on that plane. I’ll call Banff tomorrow and discuss options. If you really love me, I’ll stay here. I’d much rather be here with you than in Canada.’
It really was as simple as that. She didn’t have to do without him.
He leaned close and said, ‘I said I’m staying, so you can tell me now.’
She didn’t hesitate, stretching up to whisper in his ear. ‘I love you.’
His smile when she drew back to look at him was one she’d never seen before: giddy and broad, with a powerful blush staining his cheeks. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and grinned back at him.
Tita called out from where the others were keeping a respectful – but definitely prying – distance. ‘Yes! You did it, Ginny! You landed us a brilliant photographer for I Do!’
‘You haven’t seen the pictures from Sophie’s wedding yet,’ Rhys responded with a roll of his eyes.
‘The ones I’ve seen are amazing,’ Ginny joined in with a provocative smile. ‘He takes beautiful portraits.’
Pressing a kiss just above her ear, he whispered, ‘I do, when they’re of you.’ He peered down at her. ‘So, I’m staying? You’re sure you want this old man hanging around? Everything at your pace.’
She peered up at him. ‘You remember on the phone before, I said, “Don’t go anywhere”? Would you believe, I meant every word? I want you hanging around for a very long time – at least long enough to plan an enormous wedding one day.’