Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The phone is still in my hands, weighty like lead. I want to throw it across the room. I want to go back in time and never have answered it. Acid shoots through my veins, making me want to jump out of my skin.
But part of me feels relieved. The second shoe finally dropped. It makes my constant vigilance and anxiety worthwhile. You see? You see why I shouldn’t ever relax?
“Can you say that again?” I can’t think. My ears are ringing.
Bill’s voice is impatient and loud. “Danny popped positive for drugs. Fight’s off.”
My shoulders tense, and I grip the phone even harder. “It’s not possible. I’ve been with him every second.”
The synapse fires the moment the words escape my lips. Isadora. The so-called black-market yeast for Isadora. And I left him to go clean up at Dad’s. I’m such a fucking idiot.
Across the table, Danny sits up, a protective hand automatically finding mine. His face is one of confused concern.
“Have you been with him every second?” Bill challenges. “Because this is exactly what I hired you to prevent, but it seems he did it anyway.”
“Danny didn’t do drugs,” I say firmly. “There is no way.”
His hand falls away.
“Oh, I assure you, there are many ways,” Bill fires back. “Smoking them, eating them, shooting them, snorting them, making fucking brownies out of them.”
“Slow down, Bill,” I say. “What exactly did they find in his system?”
“It’s a positive result for a banned substance, that’s all I know. They kicked him from the card.”
“Can he hear me?” Gracie’s voice cuts through the line.
“Put me on speakerphone so that motherfucker can hear me.” I don’t want to, but something in her tone makes me follow the order.
Her voice bursts out of the phone a moment later: “I can’t believe you did this to us again!
You knew how important this fight was. You knew! ”
Dead air hangs. Why isn’t he defending himself? I nudge Danny with my legs.
“Say something,” I hiss, my jaw locked as if it’s been wired shut.
“A mistake,” Danny says finally, his voice thick. “I’ll retest.”
“This isn’t a CVS test to work at Planet Fitness, Danny.
It’s the fucking USADA—the United States Anti-Doping Agency.
It’s the same organization that drug-tests Olympians.
They don’t make mistakes.” Bill’s voice gets quieter, as if he’s leaning back, away from this conversation. “That’s it. I’m out, kid.”
“Bill—”
“Dissolution papers will be in your inbox to DocuSign in an hour.”
With that, Bill is gone.
“You really fucked me this time,” Gracie says finally, her voice cracking. “I put my training career in your hands, and after everything, this is what you do? You’ll never change. Nothing but a selfish prick. Topher agrees. We were both stupid to put any more faith in you.”
Danny sits ramrod straight, his jaw clenched. Gracie ends the call.
I don’t move a muscle.
“Your turn, Theranos,” he says, his hands flat on the table, his voice as taut as wire.
“My turn to what?”
His head shoots up. “To tell me what a piece of shit I am. You heard them—troubled Danny Kekoa, ever the fuckup, popped positive on his drug test. It will be the least surprising story to ever run about me.”
“Did you do it?” I ask, careful to keep my voice neutral.
“I warned you not to get too close.”
“Breaking the rules. Where’d I ever learn to do that?” I hesitate, then reach across the table for his hand. “The baggie from the gum wall. Was it really for Isadora?”
Danny slumps in his chair, his shoulders rounded, making his torso concave. “Even if you were to believe me, it doesn’t matter. I’m off the card.” He rubs a giant hand over his features. I can almost see his headache.
“Of course it matters,” I say, sitting up. “We’ve worked too hard to give up now. I said I’d get you to your fight, and I meant it.”
“You heard Bill,” Danny says. “How are we supposed to go up against the USADA? They’re too powerful.”
I square my shoulders. “Never underestimate my ability to get management involved.”
The next morning, I wait in Belinda’s office, once again ready to ruin her meditative lemon water time. The second she breezes in through the door, I’m on her.
“We have to help him.”
“Ah, Lauren,” she says smoothly. “I figured you’d be in early, ready to fight the good fight.”
“It’s a setup. The league hates him, and they’re trying to ruin his career.”
“Let’s not succumb to conspiracy theories, dear.
It’s a coping mechanism of the impotent.
” Belinda smooths a dot of fancy-looking hand cream into both of her hands, careful not to touch the chunky jewelry on her wrists.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your client, but these things happen. After all, you can’t save everyone.”
“But he didn’t do it,” I say. “I know he didn’t.”
Belinda raises her eyebrows, looking at me over her readers. “Did he say that?”
“Not in so many words … I just feel it.”
She shakes her head, sighing deeply. “I admire your loyalty, but I’m not sure he deserves it. You were given an impossible task, and you shouldn’t be penalized for your client’s addiction issues. Which is why I’m still going to offer you the Malibu position.”
“The … what?” I’m having trouble keeping up with this conversation. The Malibu job is so far from my mind right now, it feels like a non sequitur. “Belinda, I—”
“Just remember to wear sunscreen,” she adds quickly, “especially on the décolletage. It’s the first to betray.”
“But we can’t just abandon Danny. We need to vouch for him, use our influence, whatever it takes. Can’t you make some calls and get the ball rolling?”
“No, I cannot. Because we no longer represent him.” Her tone and her eyes freeze to ice. “More importantly, he won’t have the chance to represent us. Thank god for NDAs.”
Belinda has always been posh and powerful, but her expression right now is … well, it’s frightening. In all my years of working for her, she’s never drifted into being cold. Until now.
“What do you think would happen if the public found out he ruined his entire career the very week we were at the helm?” she continues. “What do you think it would do to our fledgling Malibu branch if he’s made a laughingstock for blowing his chance like this?”
“But—”
“I’ve watched you for years, Lauren,” she interrupts again. “This is your pattern. Throwing your life away for men who don’t deserve it.”
She’s never spoken to me so plainly. I cross my arms at my waist and fight the urge to blink. If I do, tears will fall down my cheeks.
“You’re wrong about him,” I insist instead.
“Maybe. But I’m not wrong about you. Danny needed a chaperone, one who would take away his chance to fail. But it seems he found a way. You might want to ask yourself why he was so set on choosing you.” She eyes me over the top of her glasses.
“I told you. We’d met briefly a few days prior”—I hesitate—“and discussed the importance of self-discipline. I guess he felt I’d be a good fit.”
“Must have been some conversation.”
I can’t bring myself to meet her eye.
“Action plan time,” she says, shifting her gaze to her laptop.
“You cut ties with Danny immediately and focus on your new responsibilities in Malibu. We both forget this little hiccup ever happened, and hope he isn’t a petty Yelp reviewer.
” After a few enthusiastic clicks on her keyboard, her printer hums, spitting out a list of objectives she expects me to meet at the new branch.
She hands it to me across the table. “It will be OK, Lauren. You’ve only failed if you fail to learn.
So, learn the lesson and let this one go. And move on with your own life.”
It would hurt less if she didn’t have such a strong point. Knowing when to let men go hasn’t exactly been my strong suit.
I nod and take the paper. Tears prick my eyes as I walk to the elevator bank.
Out in the parking lot, Danny hands me a piping hot London Fog tea. The liquid burns my hand through the paper cup. I squeeze it tighter.
“It went that well, huh?” he asks.
“Why did you pick me as your chaperone?” The words fly out of me without warning.
Danny frowns. “We’d met before, so it seemed natural. Plus, you’re so much hotter than Jake.”
“Stop. Tell me the real reason.”
Danny studies my face. Then he sighs heavily and sits down hard on the curb.
“OK. I chose you because I’d never met anyone like you. Giving me that fake name, sneaking out while I slept. That’s not usually how my nights with women go. It was like you were immune to me. Tailor-made to be the perfect challenge.”
“What kind of challenge?”
Danny lifts his eyes to mine, and I don’t like the sadness in them. Oh, not at all.
“A challenge for me to seduce.”
My stomach drops. I cross my arms as if I can catch it to save myself from the falling sensation.
The train ride, the boat house. All this time he was just … toying with me?
“I figured a challenge like you would keep me busy, so I’d stay out of trouble before my fight,” he says miserably. “But it only started out that way, I swear. Once I really got to know you—”
“So, I was your own personal Rubik’s cube? A particularly difficult Wordle? God, you must have been so disappointed when I fell into your bed after only a week. Like a cheap video game you beat too quickly.”
“No, Lauren.” He reaches up for my arm. “It wasn’t like that, I swear.”
I yank my arm back, and he rubs his hands through his hair, frustration tearing at his face.
“God, I’m so stupid,” I murmur to myself. “I should have never let you in.”
Danny puts his head in his hands. “Fuck. Lauren, please.”
“No. I knew something was off. That night baking bread in the kitchen. I called it. I literally accused you of trying to seduce me, and you gaslit me. Had me convinced I was crazy.”
Danny winces, like he’s physically in pain. “OK, that night, you were right. And it was wrong. But after that—” He shakes his head. “Fuck. There must be a word for it. For always hurting the people I care about.”
“Yes. I believe it’s called being a man.”
He looks at his hands, absorbing my anger in the steady way he absorbs punches to the face. Finally, he nods, his jaw flexing.
“I never hid the kind of man I am, Lauren.” He looks up at me with pity for ever believing in him. Like he warned me not to. “You just didn’t want to see.”
“Well, I see you now,” I say, my voice shaking.
The words feel strangled, and high up in my throat.
“I see you very clearly. You pretend to have some grand philosophy to live a life filled with pleasure, but really, you’re just a fuck-up who preys on women.
And I’m pathetic for falling for it.” I turn my head as the tears chase each other down my cheeks. “For falling for you.”