Chapter 22 Skylar
Skylar
I sit up with a long, sexually frustrated sigh, my body buzzing. I pull my bodysuit back up but leave my pants off. He’ll like that, I think, when he finds me under the covers. I run my fingers through my hair and use the plastic-wrapped toothbrush on the sink.
I can’t stop beaming as I text the girls. Pike and I kissed!!! I’m in his room!
Emy sends an Elmo fire GIF. what r u doing talking to us, sweets? go do the mattress mambo.
Is that what they call it in Italy? I tease. There was a small hold up. I’m waiting for him to get back.
ah, pharmacy run?
No, but thanks for the reminder.
I chew on my lip. I didn’t bring condoms. Should I text Pike? He might be too wiped from today, anyway, by the time he gets back. We can still make each other feel good, though. I have so many new ideas for how to make this gorgeous broody poet unravel.
r u having a good time? Emy asks. how’d the interview go?
I’ll fill you in tomorrow, but yes. We’re both into each other! I drop a bunch of excited emojis.
*groans in singleness* have fun. u deserve it.
I press my phone to my chest. I can still taste him on my lips, and we’ve barely even begun.
I slip back in bed, but the reclined position sharpens my pain. I grab a migraine abortive from my purse, even if it doesn’t feel like migraine. It feels like my damn pressure, like things are getting worse instead of better.
I know I’ve done too much, brain, but give me this one night. Please just give me this one night.
There’s a knock, and I half expect Jax.
“Sorry.” Pike drops his wallet on the bedside table. “Should’ve done that earlier.”
“He’s your best friend. It’s okay.”
Pike sits on the edge of the bed. Finally. I reach out my arms, but he makes no move to join me. He’s not even undressing.
“Skylar, listen…” he starts. “We need to talk.”
“Do we?” I say weakly. I want to talk with our bodies instead.
He rubs his palms over his slacks. “I was thinking while waiting for Jax’s ride…”
“Okay,” I say, uncertain.
“About us. About everything.”
My stomach drops. Does he regret kissing me?
He reaches for my hand, fingers intertwining with mine. “You make it near impossible to think straight, so I need a beat to make sure we’re on the same page.” He rubs the side of his neck, a nervous laugh leaving him. “God, why is this so fucking hard to say?”
It hits me what he’s doing, and I want to crawl under the covers. I’m the one who told him to make sure the people he sleeps with are on the same page. Now he’s trying to let me down gently.
“Don’t worry,” I say, forcing a laugh. “It’s just a hookup.”
His breath comes out in short bursts. “What?”
“We’ll still be friends after.” The words taste bitter on my tongue.
“Oh,” he says. He’s still holding my hand. “Great.” But he doesn’t say more. Doesn’t kiss me.
The more we sit in silence, the more it stings.
“I get it.” I give him a gentle squeeze, trying to convince us both. “I don’t do relationships either. You don’t have to worry about me falling in love with you.”
“Right, of course.” He grabs his cane and stands abruptly. “Listen, I’ve had such a good time, but I think we should stop here.”
I pull the covers over me, feeling exposed. “What happened to ‘I want to touch you all night’?”
“I do, but I just…” He looks down. “I don’t want to complicate things more.”
“A little late for that.” I can’t keep the hurt out of my voice.
“I don’t do one-night stands anymore,” he says. “Being here in Whistler must be bringing back bad habits. I’m sorry.”
My face floods with unwelcome warmth. I know he doesn’t want to have sex with just anyone anymore, but I didn’t think I was just anyone.
“I think you’re overthinking this like you said you do.”
A muscle in his strong jaw tightens. “You don’t get to analyze me because I told you one story. That’s not what this is about. I’m different now.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to make you do something you’ll regret.” I scramble out of his bed, but I move too fast. My vision fills with black spots. The sudden darkness shocks me out of my feelings. I grasp for something, anything, and sit back on the mattress.
A sob works its way up my chest, and fuck, crying always makes my pressure worse. This keeps happening. It only lasts seconds, probably, but it feels like a lifetime.
The mattress dips. “No, please,” he says, wiping away a traitorous tear. “That came out horribly wrong—”
“I’m not crying because of you. I can’t see.”
“Is that normal?”
“It usually comes back quicker. Can you get me some water?”
It’s been a long day in changing altitude. I was also flat on my back with Pike. Sex can be tricky for me when my pressure is up, especially if I hold my breath too long. I was going to tell him, but we didn’t even have sex.
By the time he returns, my vision’s mostly back. But part of my peripheral vision is still missing, and I have four floaters instead of my usual two.
When I’m confident enough to stand, Pike hands me my pants. “Found them in the bathroom.”
He gives me privacy as I slide into them, my cheeks burning.
“Let me walk you to your room,” he says. “Make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine, really. I got extra meds for the flight tomorrow. I’ll take one of them now.”
“If you’re sure.” He sounds agonized. “Skylar, about what I said—”
“It’s okay. We should’ve talked about our intentions first.”
I don’t even know what my intentions are. I don’t do relationships, but I also didn’t think this would be a one-time thing. With how we’ve gotten to know each other, I thought, maybe with time—
It doesn’t matter.
I go back to my room. My head feels like a cinder block is crushing it, so I’m afraid to lie down. I grab my ice hat, turn on the hot tub, and sink in until my neck is heated, then message the girls to explain the situation.
I was lying there, totally exposed to him, and he just…didn’t want me.
what the actual fuck, Emy says.
Is it possible he didn’t want to sleep with you because he wants a relationship? Analia asks.
Why wouldn’t he say that then?
and if he did?
He won’t. And why does it have to be all-or-nothing?
When the hot tub water starts sending faint electrical currents into my fingertips, and the heat makes me even more lightheaded, I climb out. I’ve gotta go. My pressure’s so bad, I lost my vision temporarily.
I sit by the window with my eyes closed. So what if Pike doesn’t want to sleep with me?
I’ll be fine. Everything’s fine.