Chapter 41 Skylar #2
“A lot of us get those comments from family and friends already,” Pike continues.
“Even from strangers on the street. If you don’t meet their exact expectation of a disabled person, the judgment rains down.
Look at what happened to Skylar. She was considered an acceptable match as long as she performed correctly.
Then people had the audacity to say Skylar wasn’t good enough for me because of health details that made them uncomfortable. ”
“People like to gossip. You know how it goes with anything viral.”
“This is different. It’s like posting someone’s medical records.
Beyond the invasion of privacy, the whole thing is actually bizarre to me.
As if some health details could disqualify her from being good for me?
The only difference between Skylar and me is that no one’s leaked all my health details.
” Pike scowls into the camera. “Shame on all of you who responded cruelly. Do you think you’ll never have a disability?
You think you’re invincible? I thought I was. Look at me now.”
Johnny clears his throat and shuffles his papers. This show is usually lighthearted. I’m so proud of Pike for making him uncomfortable.
Pike drapes an ankle over his knee to open his hip in a subtle stretch.
“What people don’t get is that none of what Skylar wrote would ever turn me off.
I’ve been with her when she’s gotten a spinal tap, seen her in unbearable pain, and held her hair back while she puked.
All of that’s just part of being intimate with someone.
” He shifts his legs again. “If you’re only interested in a woman when her health is perfect, maybe you should consider that you’re actually trash. ”
The audience cheers. They actually cheer.
“And if you’re with a partner who acts like you’re a burden because of your health, I hope you can get out of that relationship safely.”
Ahhh, I write to Analia. Watching him has turned me into a pile of noodles, and I need something to ground myself. Pike isn’t just condemning what they did to me, he’s calling out everyone who pulls this bullshit.
Johnny says, “That’s big relationship advice from someone who avoided relationships not too long ago.”
“Right.” Pike smiles like he has a secret. “I’ve become a one-woman kind of man. And that woman, for me, is Skylar.”
I’M SCREAMING, Analia texts, but I’m too engrossed to reply.
“What are you doing, then, breaking up with her?” Johnny asks.
I clutch my pillow harder.
“Believe me, if it were up to me, I’d be with Skylar right now. But as much as I try, I’m not always the best boyfriend. Still learning the territory there.”
Pike is—was—an amazing boyfriend. I’m so mad at myself for making him believe otherwise.
“After those screenshots leaked, I don’t think I did a good job of supporting Skylar.
I might’ve given the impression I agreed with some of those commentators.
Like being with Skylar is hard work. But that’s just me failing to express my feelings.
I’m better with words when I write. I get less flustered. ”
Another chorus of awws goes around the studio, and Pike’s neck turns red.
“I’ve kind of been avoiding her since we broke up—”
“Pike!” Johnny scolds.
“I know, I know. I suck.” He holds up a hand, and I half laugh, half cry. “I’ve been writing a lot to come up with the perfect words. But there aren’t any. I filled a whole notebook trying.”
He reaches behind his chair and pulls out his reading glasses and a small Moleskine notebook. He licks his thumb to flip the pages, and damn, if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever done.
“Do we get to hear more of your poetry?”
Pike raises an eyebrow over his glasses.
“No way, man. That’s private. At least, it should be.
When my poem was leaked, I was ashamed. Because everything in that poem was real, and the Brandon Pike I presented to the world was the performance.
The truth is, chronic pain can be really lonely.
It’s easier to pretend everything’s fine than to admit you have to reshape your entire sense of self.
And that you have no idea where to begin. ”
“That does sound hard,” Johnny says.
“I’m trying to learn how to be more honest about my feelings and to speak up when things bother me.” He looks straight at the camera. “Having difficult conversations and such.”
I gasp, then cover my mouth as if he can hear me. Did he talk to his mom? His friends?
“This notebook is full of my thoughts since we broke up.” He flips more pages, like he’s trying to find a specific one. “I’m going to give it to Skylar so she can understand how much she means to me.”
“Shut up!” I yell at the screen. I get to read more Brandon Pike poetry? I pick up my phone because I can’t contain my feelings anymore.
There’s another message from Analia. KALLE IS SCREAMING TOO.
Johnny is eating this up. “You can’t just pull out that notebook like a sexy librarian and expect us to not even hear a stanza. Come on, Pike.”
Pike chuckles, but it’s nervous. Come on indeed! Johnny is right, and not just about Pike looking like a sexy librarian—definitely a look we’re going to re-create the next time I see him. There’s no way he pulled that notebook out without planning to share something.
“I suppose there’s this one line I keep writing again and again.” He bends the notebook flat, then flips it over and holds it up.
I squint even though the camera zooms in. There, repeated over and over, are seven simple words:
I’m in love with you, Skylar King.
The audience swoons as much as I do.
Pike said he loves me. On national television.
Pike said he loves me on national television.
“Skylar!” Johnny says, and I jump. “Take the poor man back.”
“Screw everyone who thinks Skylar’s hard to love.” Pike closes the notebook. “She’s hard not to love. I know because I’ve tried not to love her since we split up. Not working out real well for me.”
My eyes well up. Me neither.
“All right, lover boy, last question before we run out of time. I’m sure everyone’s curious what you’re up to next, besides wooing Skylar King?”
When the audience finishes shrieking, Pike says, “I’d like to take a new professional direction.
Use some of the non-snow-related skills I learned while boarding.
” He looks at the camera again, like he can see me.
“People keep expecting me to start a disability-specific organization, but I’d rather partner with an existing one.
I have a lot of privilege compared to most disabled people, and I’d like to use that privilege to lift up more marginalized voices who are already doing the work.
I’m still learning a lot, but if you think I could be of use to your cause, please get in touch. ”
“I’m sure a lot of organizations will want to work with you.” Johnny shakes Pike’s hand. “We wish you and Skylar all the best. Folks, let’s give it up one more time for Brandon Pike!”