Chapter 27
27
Another day, another supposedly fun activity planned by Rick. I know, I’m getting paid to be here, and I’m technically on holiday, but the forced fun is getting old now.
So, what is today’s escapade? Well, at first Rick described it as a boat ride, which didn’t sound too bad. I thought we might leisurely float along the coast, catching some rays, taking in the views, sipping Prosecco. Why did I think that, though? Because this is Rick.
‘It’s a boat ride with a twist,’ he announces, smiling widely, like some kind of sadist. ‘Shall we play a game?’
Okay, he’s giving off too much Saw energy for my liking. This can’t be good.
We’re all standing here, on the beach, in our swimwear, waiting to find out our fate. Andrea is holding my hand, which weirdly makes me feel better, even if it is just for show. As his thumb rests lightly on mine, he rubs it slightly. I can feel the calm transferring from him to me.
‘What’s the twist?’ Liz asks – even she is narrowing her eyes at him but, whatever it is, I’m sure she’ll do it to continue to suck up to him.
‘I’ve hired a boat to pull you all along, on a huge inflatable banana,’ he says, and for some reason he’s smiling in a way that suggests he thinks we’ll be grateful.
‘That sounds… dangerous,’ I dare to say.
‘It’s not dangerous if you’re careful,’ he replies simply.
Well, yeah, I guess that’s true of anything.
‘Everyone, come on, listen up, I need to explain the rules,’ Rick presses on. ‘I want you guys to get into pairs and, that way, you won’t be just responsible for yourself, you’ll be responsible for your partner too. The team who stays on the banana for the longest will be our winners.’
‘What if only one person falls off?’ James asks as he stretches lightly, limbering himself up.
‘Oh, if one of you falls in, the other will shortly follow,’ Rick informs us. ‘You will be tethered together in your teams.’
‘Sounds fun,’ James replies.
Sounds awful, more like.
‘All right, first up it’s me and Julie versus Henry and whoever he’s teamed up with.’ He grins at Julie, who returns the smile nervously. ‘Let’s show them how it’s done, Jules!’
‘I want James on my team,’ Henry says quickly.
‘Erm, no, that’s not fair,’ Cait chimes in. ‘Because you’re both blokes, and Robin will have Andrea, which just leaves me and Liz. We should do mixed teams.’
‘Okay, fine, you can be on my team, seeing as though you think I’m so great,’ Henry says with a laugh.
‘I was thinking more James,’ she replies with a shrug. ‘But sure.’
Rick waves off her comment.
‘All right, let’s get this show on the road,’ Rick says impatiently. ‘We’ll go first, and then the boat will swing back for you guys.’
Rick and Julie and Henry and Cait head to the boat and carefully clamber onto the big inflatable banana, leaving the rest of us to watch from the shore.
They’re all screaming excitedly as the boat begins moving. But as the speedboat picks up, well, speed, it’s only a few seconds before Rick falls off, dragging poor Julie into the sea with him.
‘Maybe we should mix up the teams,’ James suggests. ‘Robin, how about you team up with me? And Andrea can go with Liz. You guys are always together. This might be more fun.’
Liz looks truly devastated that James doesn’t want to be on a team with her, so she channels all her energy into her competitive nature.
‘You’re on,’ she says, turning to me. ‘Robin, we’re going to beat you – aren’t we, Andrea?’
I turn to face my fake fiancé.
‘We are,’ he says with a smile. Then, when no one else is looking, he gives me a wink.
I have no idea what he’s planning, but I can’t wait to find out.
As James and I tether ourselves together, he flashes me a smile. It makes me nervous when I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I need to fill the silence.
‘You didn’t want me to beat you, huh?’ I tease him.
‘Oh, I definitely want you to beat me,’ he jokes cheekily.
As the speedboat returns to shore, dragging behind it the first pairs of soggy contestants, I laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation. Never in a million years did I think I would be climbing onto a big, inflatable banana while being tied to James.
Rick smacks himself on the side of the head, kind of violently, to get the last of the water out of his ear.
‘Remember, teams, you’re only as strong as your weakest link,’ he reminds us, which is hilarious given the fact that it was him who fell off the banana first. ‘I hope you’re ready, because it is one hell of a bumpy ride.’
Now that the banana is wet, it’s quite slippery, in a way that I don’t imagine it was before the first teams went out. All I can think about is the classic slapstick joke where someone slips and falls on a banana peel. It doesn’t feel like a good omen, that all I can think of is a hilarious accident.
As the inflatable banana begins its journey out to sea, I feel mostly terrified but, in some kind of human nature-based response, the adrenaline gives me a rush of something close to pleasant.
This may not be the relaxing boat journey that I wanted, but it’s still possible to take in the view, even if I don’t have a glass of Prosecco.
I thought we were already going fast but, no, we weren’t, now we’re going fast, and not only is it impossible to sightsee while I’m clinging on for dear life, but I feel like I’ve had about fifty glasses of Prosecco.
We’re bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down – it’s literally sickening.
Andrea is sitting in front of me. I want to say that he looks goofy in his bright orange life jacket but he doesn’t. He looks so cool.
He turns around to look at me and gives me a wave. Then, with that, he so very blatantly purposefully throws himself into the sea, and he takes Liz (who is sitting in front of him) down with him.
James, who is behind me, doesn’t see anything but our rivals falling into the water.
‘Woo!’ he calls out. ‘Yes, Robin, come on, we won,’ he shouts out. ‘And we definitely did longer than Henry and Cait, too, so that makes us the winners.’
‘Yeah, amazing,’ I call back.
The boat driver circles back to where Andrea and a majorly furious-looking Liz are bobbing in the water, waiting to be picked up.
‘Well, that sucked,’ Liz says.
As Andrea helps a soaking wet and seriously annoyed Liz back onto the boat, I can’t help but stifle a laugh at the sight.
‘It’s not fair that I’ve lost, just because Andrea couldn’t stay on,’ she continues.
‘Maybe you should’ve stuck with me,’ James jokes.
‘It was you who wanted to team up with Robin,’ she reminds him.
‘And what a great call that was,’ James says, squeezing my shoulder. ‘Let’s head back and see if there’s a prize – other than bragging rights, of course.’
‘I think I’ll swim back,’ Andrea announces.
‘What?’ I blurt. ‘All that way?’
‘It’s not that far,’ he replies. ‘I’ve been swimming in the sea since I was a baby. I’ll be fine.’
Andrea peels off his life jacket and throws it onto the boat.
‘I’ll tell you what, I’ll race you,’ James calls out, untethering himself from me, taking off his own life jacket and throwing it into the boat too before jumping into the water.
‘Okay, let’s go,’ Andrea replies with a laugh.
And, just like that, they’re off.
‘Shall we have a swimming race?’ I dare to joke to Liz.
‘You really would embarrass yourself if you and I raced,’ she replies with a totally straight face. ‘Let’s stick with the boat, yeah?’
As the boat speeds ahead, carrying me and Liz back towards the beach, it’s no surprise that we arrive back at the shore first.
‘The boys are swimming back,’ I tell Rick. ‘They’re racing.’
‘Oh, this ought to be good,’ Rick replies. ‘England vs Italy.’
As we all stand there, waiting for Andrea and James to surface, it isn’t all that long before one of them gets much closer. It’s hard to tell who is who when they’re wet, but I know who my money is on – and I know who I want to win too.
Suddenly, Andrea emerges from the water, striding to the shore with the super-sexy, effortless grace of Daniel Craig as James Bond. The water cascades down his sculpted muscles, highlighting every contour of his body as he walks in what feels like slow motion.
‘I finally understand the term “Italian stallion”,’ Cait says under her breath with a giggle.
Moments later, James appears behind him, but his exit from the water is considerably less graceful. As he pulls a clump of seaweed from his hair, he must catch his foot on a rock. His face contorts and he turns the air bluer than the sea.
‘Fuck, shit, fuck,’ he blurts, holding one of his feet in his hands, hopping on the spot.
I just ignore him, though. Instead, I run to Andrea and I leap into his arms.
‘I am so proud of you,’ I tell him – and I am. I really am. Not for show, not because it will impress Rick or make James jealous. I really am well and truly proud of him. I’m proud to call him mine, even if he isn’t really, and even if it’s only briefly.
‘Hey, it looks like we both won something,’ he says excitedly as he spins me around, his hands firmly cupping my bum to hold me steady in the air.
‘We really did,’ I reply with a smile.
I like to think that it’s just because I am loving feeling like I’m winning for once but, I don’t know, it’s starting to feel like a bit more than that.
But what? I’m not sure.