24. Jeremiah
Chapter 24
Jeremiah
M y heart is pounding and my breathing is ragged.
I’m minutes from telling my best friend I’m in love with his sister. His baby sister.
Angel’s singing along with a song in the movie she’s watching on her tablet. She doesn’t have a care in the world, and I really hate that her night is going to be ruined when the shit hits the fan.
Amberlee and I have ideas about how my confession to Ryan might go. It
I glance up at the rearview mirror, seeing my beautiful daughter’s reflection staring back at me. Angel’s getting older and she’s going to need the guidance that only a mother can provide, and I know Amberlee could be that person.
Pulling into Ryan’s driveway, I see Amberlee coming down her steps. My headlights shine on her as she flashes me a smile. Her hair hangs in loose curls, bouncing with each step, and she’s wearing a sundress. She looks like an absolute goddess.
Amberlee pauses on the last step as I bring my SUV to a stop. “Put the tablet up, Angel. We’re here.”
She doesn’t waste any time powering the device off and sliding it into the pocket on the back of the seat. My parents may have spoiled her a little, making sure she had one to keep in the vehicle and one to keep in the house.
“Go ahead and unbuckle,” I tell her as I get out of the car.
I turn my head, shifting my gaze up to the stairs.
“Hello,” I tell her, wanting to rush over, wrap her in my arms, and kiss her deeply. But I don’t. I can’t. Not until I’ve had a chance to talk to Ryan.
“Hey. Ryan said you were coming over.” She gives me a coy wink.
“And it’s about time you got here.” Ryan’s deep voice rings out from the shadow of the porch. Now I get the reason for the odd greeting.
“Well, Angel couldn’t leave until she found her pink bow for her hair. Girls.” I put my hands up in the air as I’m walking around to the passenger door, opening it for my little girl to get out. She takes off at a run for the house, eager to play with RJ.
My eyes keep drifting over to Amberlee as she steps up to her brother's side, saying something to him before heading inside.
“Come on, old man, let’s get a beer so we can talk. I’ve been wracking my mind trying to figure out what you needed to tell me. For a second, I thought it was going to be some shit about you and my sister, especially after y’all hung out at the beach.”
My body goes rigid, sweat beading on my forehead as my heart races. If he only knew how spot on with his assumption he is.
“Yeah, let’s get a beer,” I tell him, running my fingers through the bit of hair on my head that’s grown out, reminding me I need to get a haircut.
He turns, opening the door, and stepping inside. I follow after him. We head straight for the kitchen, where Maddy and Amberlee are busily working on prepping the food to cook.
“Hey, Jeremiah.” Maddy wipes her hands on a dishtowel, before stepping around the counter, giving me a side hug, and kissing me on the cheek. But just before she pulls away, she surprises me, whispering in my ear, “I’m glad you’re finally telling him.”
She doesn’t linger after side-swiping me with her words.
“I’m going to run out and get some ice cream for after dinner. Is it okay if I take the kids with me so they can pick out their favorite flavors?” Amberlee asks, placing her hands on the counter.
“Kids,” Maddy screams before anyone can answer.
They come running, sounding like a horde of elephants.
“Yeah, Mommy?” RJ asks as he skids to a stop.
“Auntie Amberlee wants to get some ice cream for after dinner, but she needs some helpers to pick out flavors. Can the two of you help her?”
“Yes,” they holler in excitement as they jump up and down.
“Okay then, RJ go get on your shoes.” She glances down at Angel’s feet smiling. “Looks like you need shoes as well, Angel.”
They take off like a bolt of lightning, and I feel a little relieved. While I know that Amberlee intended to get the kids out of the house, I’m just happy it’s going off without a hitch.
“Can I get the car seats?” Amberlee asks, and it’s killing me that she’s so far away from me and I can’t walk over and wrap her in my arms and kiss her. Not until the air is cleared with Ryan.
Maddy steps over to the hook on the wall where the keys are and takes her set off, thrusting them at Amberlee.
“Take my car. I’ve got two booster seats in it. We got a new one for RJ yesterday and haven’t taken the old one out yet.” I don’t miss the wink she gives her just as the kids dart back into the room.
“Okay, let’s go kids. We just need to walk over to my apartment and get my purse.” Amberlee glances between me and her brother and when he turns his head she blows me a kiss, then leaves.
“Okay man, grab us some beers, and let's head outside. I’ve got to get the grill fired up.” He picks up an aluminum tray from the counter and I open the fridge pulling out two bottles of Bud Light.
I head out the back door, trepidation filling my heart. If I were in his place, I’d be murderous but I’m hoping when I say what I have to, he won’t feel that way.
When I step out onto the deck, I see he’s already at the grill. I take a deep breath, stepping over to him. My footsteps are heavy like lead, sinking into quicksand. But I know I only have a certain amount of time to talk to Ryan before Amberlee returns with the kids.
Ryan finishes what he’s doing and then turns around to face me. I hold out his beer to him before taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs.
“Okay spit it out. Something’s bothering you,” Ryan finally says, sitting in the chair across from me and taking a sip from his bottle.
I grip the bottle tighter, surprised doesn't crack under the pressure.
“Fuck, Ryan, I don’t even know how to start this.” I sigh.
“Jeremiah, man, it can’t be that bad. We’re best friends. Did I do something?” He pauses, taking a swallow of his beer. When I don’t respond he speaks again. “Does it involve Angel? Please tell me that bitch hasn’t come back to cause trouble. She lost all rights to you and your daughter as soon as she signed the papers ending your marriage and her parental rights.”
I pick at the label on the bottle, the edges curling up as I pull pieces of the soaked paper off.
“No, it’s not her,” I bite back at him, not even wanting to think of her and myself in the same sentence.
“Then what is it?”
He stares intently at me, waiting for me to speak, giving me the time to do that. I need to get this off my chest, keeping this secret from him is killing me. I just need to rip the bandaid off and tell him. The more I hem and haw around, the harder it’s going to be.
“You’re my best friend and I love you, Ryan. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you or your family,” I pause, needing a moment to compose my thoughts.
“I feel the same way.” Ryan leans forward in the chair.
Breathe in, breathe out. My heart pounds and my ears are ringing. It feels as if the world is crashing in on me. Each breath I take is a struggle. But I need to do this. To get it out.
“Fuck, this is hard as shit. I’ve been keeping a secret from you. And it’s killing me. But in order to move forward I need to tell you, because it doesn’t just involve me.”
I set the beer on the floor, wiping my hands on my pants.
“Jeremiah, what the hell are you trying to tell me?” His voice has gotten deeper, colder, as if he’s bracing himself for the worst.
“There’s no other way to say it. I’m in love with your sister. I have been for a long time and she’s in love with me. We want to be together. Neither one of us wants to sneak around behind your back.”
I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. He’s just staring at me, piercing eyes, nostrils flaring as he bares his teeth. The vein on the side of his head protrudes, beating in sync with his heavy breathing.
He clenches his hand around the bottle.
“You fucking what?” He sets the bottle down, before standing and pacing across the deck. “Please tell me this is some fucking joke and that Ashton Kutcher is hiding somewhere with a camera ready to tell me I’ve been punked.”
There’s nothing I can say because every word was the truth.
“You’re in love with my sister? When did you make this huge revelation? Did you fucking take advantage of her at the beach?” He charges toward me, hands fisted and I know he’s going to punch me and I deserve it.
“Stop!” Maddy screams at him, stepping closer to him.
Where the fuck did she come from?
Ryan calms himself when he hears her. “Maddy, go back inside,” he orders her through clenched teeth.
“No. This is your friend. He loves your sister and you know he’d never hurt her.”
His eyes swing to her, his eyebrow raised. “You knew?”
“What I don’t understand is how you didn’t know. Come on, Ryan. Just listen to him.” She steps back closer toward the door.
“Because my wife asked me to, I’m giving you five minutes.” He glares at me.
It feels like a knife’s been stuck right into my chest, slowly twisting, driving the agony even deeper. I can see the hate in his eyes when he looks at me. Ryan thinks I’ve betrayed him and I’ve hurt his sister.
It’s killing me.
“It just happened, man. We love each other and want to be together. I know how protective you are of her, you got to know I’d never do anything to hurt her. She means everything to me.”
“How long?” he asks through gritted teeth.
What should I say? Do I tell the truth? But if it slips out later and I don’t tell him the truth, he’ll hate me even more. Fuck I hate this.
“How long have you been in love with my sister? Don’t make me ask again.”
“I was attracted to her the first time I met her. But with the age difference I did nothing. Over the years all I could do was think about her. I got to see her grow into the person she is today through you. I fell in love with the person she is now.”
We stand there silently. Neither saying a word. I just wish I knew what he was thinking.
“You were attracted to my teenage sister? She was barely sixteen when you first met her.”
“I know,” I reply softly.
“Get the fuck out of my house and stay the hell away from my sister.” His voice rises higher with each word.
I step closer to him, he needs to understand. Extending my arm out, he slaps it away.
“Get the hell out of my house, Jeremiah.”
I can tell he’s getting more irate with each passing second.
“Jeremiah, go I’ll make sure Angel’s brought home.” Maddy steps over, making herself a buffer between Ryan and myself.
“Okay.” I turn and leave, hearing Maddy trying to reason with Ryan. But his last words cut me to the core.
“He’s not my friend. If he was, he would never be lusting after my sister like that.”
I don’t hear any more as I step inside the house. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I send Amberlee a message.
Me: It didn’t go well. He kicked me out.
Me: I’m on the way home I can meet you and get Angel
Amberlee: No.
Amberlee: Let me drop off RJ and I’ll bring Angel to you.
Me: Don’t your brothers pissed I don’t want to make him angrier.
Amberlee: He needs to grow up and learn I’m an adult. I’ll tell you when I’m on the way.