Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Gabe
I pull up to the house and turn off the engine. Opening my car door, I gently unwind my hand from where it’s tangled in Molly’s vise-like grip. She makes a noise of protest in her throat and tightens her hand back around mine. She’s been gripping my hand like a lifeline since she fell apart in my arms outside of the hospital, and if she needs my hand in hers, then that’s what I’m going to give her.
There is nothing I wouldn’t give her right now.
There have been times in my life when I wished for superpowers. To be able to get jacked like Captain America without having to go to the gym. To fly like Superman just for the hell of it. To swing from webs like Spiderman because it looks like fun, and sometimes traffic sucks.
Right now, sitting in a dark car next to a silent Molly, I wish fervently for the power to take her burden and carry it myself. Or to make it so she never had to do what she did tonight. See the things she saw. I would do it immediately and without a second thought. But since I can’t, I focus on what I can give her.
Right now, it’s her hand in mine.
Turning to Molly, I put my free hand on her cheek and turn her head so she’s looking at me. Her eyes are red-rimmed and exhausted, still covered in a sheen of tears. One escapes, sliding slowly down her cheek, and I lean forward to kiss it away. When I pull back, her gaze searches mine. It’s open and trusting, like she is giving herself over to me, knowing I can take care of her.
My heart pours out love for her. I swear I will prove myself worthy of that trust.
Letting go of Molly’s face, I kick my seat back as far as it will go. Then, I wrap my arm around her waist and lift her over the center console, settling her on my lap. She curls herself around me immediately, laying her head on my shoulder. Her hand is still in mine.
“Please don’t let go of me,” she says, her voice quiet and shaky with a touch of fear. Her first words since we left the hospital crack my heart clean in half.
I tighten my arm around her. Kiss the top of her head. Breathe her in. She’s here. She’s safe. We will get through this.
We faced grief together once before and I broke us. This time, I am going to hold on as tightly as she needs me to and never let her go.
For both of us.
This time, we stay.
“Never, Rory. Literally never. If you want to stay here in the car just like this, we can do exactly that. Or we can go inside together and take a shower and get dressed in the most comfortable clothes we can find. Curl up in bed and get some rest. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll never let go. Whatever we do, we do it together, okay?”
“Okay,” Molly whispers. “Can we go inside then?”
“Definitely.”
“Can I keep holding your hand?”
I close my eyes and rest my head against hers, fighting against the rising tide of emotions because this is about her.
“Until the end of time.”
When we get inside, I detour us to the kitchen and fill up the biggest cup I can find with ice water before leading Molly upstairs and straight into the bathroom, one hand still wrapped around hers. I put the lights on dim and close the door behind us.
Setting the cup on the edge of the vanity, I reach in to flip on the shower and turn to face Molly. I pick the cup back up and hold it to her.
“Can you drink for me, baby?”
“Yes.” Molly takes the cup, taking a few sips and handing it back to me.
“Okay, I’m going to let go of your hand for just a minute. Just to help you out of your clothes and into the shower.”
She nods and unwinds her hand from mine. Working quickly, I push her jacket off and toss it in the corner. When I turn back, Molly is looking down at herself, running her fingers over some damp splotches on her pink sweater.
“He cried on me,” she says, fingers still running over and over the damp spots. “Jordan. When I told him. At first, he didn’t believe me. Didn’t think it was real. Then when he realized it was, he said her name. That’s it. Just Allie . He collapsed and I held onto him, and he cried. I would have thought these spots would have dried already. I could feel his heart break. Like, I could actually feel it. I did that. I told him Allie was gone, and I broke his heart.”
Molly’s voice breaks a little on the last word, and I cup her face in both of my hands, tilting her head up so she’s looking at me. I’m relieved she’s saying even this much. Giving me this piece of her. I stroke her cheeks with my thumbs and try to make her feel the seriousness of my words.
“You didn’t break Jordan’s heart, Rory. The person who killed Allie broke his heart. You made sure you were the one to tell him. That he could hear it from a friend, someone who loves him and Allie, instead of a stranger. You made him feel as safe as he could feel when he got the worst news of his life. What you did tonight was brave and beautiful, and it honored your friendship with Allie and Jordan. Baby, I am in awe of you.”
Molly closes her eyes, tipping her forehead against mine, and I know she’s had enough talking for now. Taking care of the rest of our clothes, I guide her into the shower, closing us into the steam filled space.
Keeping Molly’s back to the spray so her body stays warm, I reach for her shampoo and open it, filling the shower stall with the scent of strawberries. I squeeze some into my hand and lather up her hair, massaging it into her scalp before helping her rinse it out. I do the same with the conditioner, working it all the way down to the ends of her long curls the way I’ve seen Molly do, then pushing her down gently so she’s sitting on the shower bench.
I adjust the shower head so the warm water still hits her, then grab the special brush she keeps on the shower ledge and slide onto the bench behind her. Slowly, I work the brush through her hair, gently detangling, remembering everything she once told me about caring for curly hair. Molly melts back against me while I brush, and something about this moment of care is deeply settling. Another tie binding us together.
When I’m done with her hair, I wash and rinse her body and make quick work of my own shower. Then I turn off the water and bundle Molly into the towel I dropped over my heated towel rack before we got in the shower. The one I bought when she told me how much she liked hers. I wrap another towel around her hair the way I know she likes, then grab one for myself, taking the cup of water off the sink and guiding her out of the bathroom.
I set the water on the nightstand, and when I reach for my dresser drawer to grab clothes for both of us, Molly stops me with a hand on my wrist. “No clothes,” she says.
I turn to face her, and her eyes search my face. “I want to feel you lying next to me. Wrapped around me. I don’t want anything between us.” Her voice has a tinge of desperation to it, like she’s trying to outrun something.
I know Molly better than I know myself. I know why she’s quiet tonight. She’s grieving her friend, but it’s more than that. There is something about tonight she’s still working on in her head, and I can only hope she’ll tell me when she’s ready. In the meantime, I swore I would give her whatever she needed, and I meant it.
“Anything, Rory. I mean it. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. I’m here.”
I guide her to bed, climbing in and holding back the covers so she can slide in next to me. I cocoon us both in the blankets and Molly wraps herself around me immediately, a leg over mine, an arm around my middle, her face pressed to my shoulder.
“I forgot to text my friends,” is the first thing she says.
I turn onto my side so I can wrap both my arms around her. “I texted Emma while I was waiting for you earlier. I told her I came to get you and that I would bring you to them if that’s what you wanted, or I’d take you home if you preferred. Either way, I told her you wouldn’t be alone. They know you’re safe, and they are too.”
“I love you,” she whispers against my shoulder. “I don’t deserve any of this. You taking care of me this way.”
“Rory,” I whisper, skimming my lips over her cheek, tightening my arms around her. “You deserve the world. You once told me you promised to love me the way I deserved to be loved. Well, I promise you the same. This is how you deserve to be loved. With care and tenderness and patience and deep devotion and with my whole entire heart. I can’t do anything but love you. All I want is to take care of you. To give you what you need. To keep you happy and safe and mine. Because that’s what you are. You’re mine. And I take care of what’s mine.”
“Yours.” Molly says the word quietly, as if testing it out again. Making sure that it’s still true, even after everything she’s been through tonight. With everything she’s trying to work out in her head.
“Yes. Mine. And I’m yours. Let me show you, Rory. Let me do for you now what I know you would have done for me ten years ago if I hadn’t walked out on us when my parents died. Let me show you all the promises I’ve already made to you. Everything I promise we’ll be to each other and for each other for the rest of our lives. My arms are around you now, and they’ll be around you forever. I swear it. Everything about you is gorgeous. You are a masterpiece, Rory, and I will spend every second of every day making sure you believe it.”
Molly rolls onto her back, pulling me with her until I’m settled on top of her, between her spread legs, propped up on my forearms beside her head. She reaches up and pushes the damp hair off my face, skimming her fingers down my jaw, my neck, over my collarbone and down my torso, coming to rest on my hip. Her fingers draw circles over my skin, little licks of fire.
“Show me right now, Gabe. Please.” The desperation is back in her voice, and I want so badly to chase it away. To show her she’s perfect. That she deserves everything.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. Fuck me, Gabe. Now. Make me feel alive.”
I lean down and lay my lips on hers, kissing her slow and deep, tongues lazily tangling, holding back when I can feel Molly trying to take control. To turn this into something other than what it needs to be. When I break the kiss, I press up and lock my eyes with hers.
“No, baby. If you want me, you can have me. Always. Any way you want. But right now, I’m going to make love to you. Cherish you.”
I reach down with one hand and swipe a finger through her slit, finding her already wet for me.
“I want to show you how much I love you. Your brain, your body, your heart. Your fierceness and your loyalty. Your kindness and your compassion. Every single thing that makes you the Molly Jenkins I fell in love with when we were eighteen. The woman I haven’t stopped loving for one single day since then. Let me show you, Rory. Here, in the bed we share, where we get to go to sleep together and wake up together for the rest of our lives. Let me love you right here. The way you deserve to be loved.”
“Yes,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around me and tugging me down flush against her, my erection resting between us. “Please. Show me.”
I pull one of Molly’s legs up to rest on my hip and grip the base of my cock, guiding myself toward her entrance. I push inside her body slowly, achingly slowly, as our moans mingle in the dark quiet of the bedroom. And when I bottom out, staring into Molly’s pleasure-filled eyes, my body almost aches with the rightness of it all. Of the belonging. Of two bodies, two hearts, two souls exactly where they are supposed to be.
Taking one of Molly’s hands in mine, I lace our fingers together and pull our joined hands above her head, pressing them into the pillow. She wraps her legs around my waist, and I start to move, slowly at first. A rock of my hips, the rising of hers. My free hand roving her body, touching everywhere I can reach, feeling like I can’t possibly touch enough, finally coming to rest on her cheek, keeping our eyes locked. We move together, giving and taking, and I whisper I love you and You’re perfect and Stay with me and Forever .
I drop my head and seal my mouth to hers as our bodies roll in sync, our rhythm picking up as Molly gasps into my mouth and heat unfurls at the base of my spine. We come together, tumbling over the edge at the same time with lips locked and bodies moving and hearts wide open. It’s a holy moment of magic and worship and deep, abiding love. An anchor for what will certainly be rough days and weeks ahead.
“Gabe,” Molly says, voice quiet.
“I know, baby. Me too,” I say, smoothing the damp hair away from her face, staring into her eyes, feeling a love so enormous it shouldn’t be survivable.
We stay like that for a while, bodies joined, hands roving, eyes searching. Then I get up and get a warm washcloth, swiping gently between Molly’s legs to clean her up. Helping her sit up to drink more water. Then, finally, bundling her back under the covers and wrapping both my arms around her, gathering her close and watching over her as she drops into a fitful sleep.