Chapter 4 #3
Now she was walking towards him with both.
She stood in front of him, reaching for his collar. Her fingers tugged at it, pulling him closer.
‘Still want to go back to your hotel?’ she cooed.
‘No. I don’t want to, but I have to,’ he answered honestly but didn’t move. Being this close to her felt so good, even if he knew everything about it was wrong.
‘What are you afraid of?’
He took her in. Kaavi had one of those symmetrical faces, the kind that scientists have studied and concluded that only the world’s most attractive people possess.
But now her smile was lopsided and he wondered if she was tipsy enough not to remember his answer if he was truthful.
Her fingers moved from his collar to his neck, playfully drumming her fingers on his skin.
He tried to focus, so he looked over her head at a full-length decorative mirror on the wall.
Bad move. The reflection showed his eyes filled with desire, and their embrace.
He didn’t even know that his arms were around her waist. Because whenever he was around her, touching her, wanting her, needing her, came naturally to him.
And she wanted to know what he was afraid of? He’d tell her.
‘Of you hurting me again.’
‘I didn’t mean to, but I had to. One day – some day – you’ll understand why I did what I had to,’ she said.
Neel was taken aback by her words. He expected her to wriggle out of his hold and walk away.
‘You said the same thing about the secret. You said I’d understand why we had to keep our marriage a secret, but it’s almost three years and I still don’t understand.’
‘You want me, right? I want you. We don’t need to rehash the past,’ she said.
He let go of her, reaching to his neck, gently removing her hands, and stepped out of her embrace.
‘Kaavi, I do want you. The chemistry we have is never going to go away, but surely you know me better than to think I would take advantage of a woman who drank almost a bottle of wine in some other guy’s apartment,’ he said.
She crossed her arms, scowling. He took a step forward, his fingers reaching under her chin. He titled her head until she was looking into his eyes.
‘Kaavi, you’ll always have a hold on me, but not tonight.’
His thumb lightly brushed her cheek. He took one more look at her and left before she could respond.
Tiny men were banging away in her head. Drumming circle? Miners? Either way, they weren’t letting up. Kaavi groaned, rolled over and rubbed her face. So much for wine being calming. She never thought about the morning after.
The pounding continued.
She stretched, then paused. That wasn’t just in her head. Someone was knocking.
Peeling herself off the bed, she tugged at the oversized sleep shirt clinging to her sweat-slicked skin. She’d forgotten to turn on the air conditioner. Great.
Dragging her fingers through her hair, she shuffled to the door and cracked it open.
Anni pushed past her.
‘I’ve been trying to call you. Why haven’t you been answering your phone?’
Kaavi yawned and shut the door. Anni dropped her handbag on the couch and looked towards the bedroom.
‘You’re alone?’
‘Of course, who would I be with?’ Kaavi replied through a yawn.
‘Your husband.’
‘So I did tell you about him. I thought it was a bad dream,’ Kaavi said, ready to drop onto the couch.
‘Then you’re not going to like this,’ Anni said.
Kaavi stood still. ‘What?’
‘Sam’s gone to see Neel.’
Kaavi wanted to ask why, but she was too focused on the warmth spreading through her chest. It made her want to cry. The fact that Sam was over at Neel’s showed that he cared for her and that the circle of friends she’d made in Rally genuinely loved her.
‘Have a shower. I’ll make tea and we’ll talk,’ Anni said, taking her by the shoulders and gently pushing her towards the passage.
‘So you just left?’ Anni asked, twenty minutes later, as they sat on the couch.
Kaavi took a sip of tea. Paused. Nodded.
‘I just left,’ she said quietly.
‘I don’t get it. There’s something you’re not telling me,’ Anni said, watching her closely.
‘There is,’ Kaavi admitted. ‘But I can’t tell you. Not right now.’
Anni nodded. ‘Okay. When you’re ready.’
She leaned back. ‘But what about Neel? He’s here.’
Kaavi’s shoulders lifted, dropped. ‘I don’t know, Anni. I really don’t.’
‘Well … you could divorce him. I mean, he brought the papers. You told me that much.’
‘I know.’
‘So?’
‘I haven’t seen Neel since I left him. I made peace with the fact that he wasn’t my husband anymore. But now that I’ve seen him … I don’t know. It’s like I should sign those papers. But something …’ she shook her head, ‘I can’t explain it.’
‘Do you love him?’ Anni asked gently.
Kaavi didn’t answer right away.
‘Do you?’ Anni pressed.
Kaavi looked down at her tea as if the answer might be hiding somewhere in there.
‘There’s too much standing in the way,’ she said finally.
Anni didn’t say anything. Just waited.
‘I’ll always love Neel. He was the first man who really saw me for me. Not the version everyone else had in their heads.’
Anni stayed quiet, listening.
‘He looked past the labels, past the way I looked. He knew I wasn’t shallow. He saw something deeper. Like I wasn’t just some supermodel.’
She shook her head, half-smiling, half-exhausted.
‘I mean, what even is a supermodel? A body? A brand? A fantasy?’
‘Hey, don’t do that to yourself,’ Anni said, cutting in. ‘Being a supermodel is an achievement, Kaavi. You worked your ass off for that. Don’t brush it off like it’s nothing.’
Kaavi looked away, but Anni wasn’t done.
‘You know,’ she continued, ‘I remember when I first started dating Sam. I had all that mess with my mom, her drinking and the chaos. I honestly believed I wasn’t good enough for Sam.’
She leaned forward, eyes on Kaavi.
‘But the thing is you are. You’re good enough to be loved. Fully. Mess and all.’
Anni hesitated, her voice softening.
‘I just think that you … you forget that sometimes.’
Kaavi nodded but wondered what her friends would think if they knew the truth, the truth that still kept her prisoner after all these years.
Neel handed Sam a glass of juice from the room service trolley. He’d ordered breakfast a couple of hours ago because he was not in the mood to socialise – not after the night he’d had. Sleep had barely touched him. Kaavi, at least, had what she called ‘liquid courage’ to get her through. He didn’t.
Instead, everything played on repeat in his mind from the first time he’d met her nearly three years ago, to the whirlwind of their marriage, what he thought was happiness, and then her walking away.
Sam took the glass and sat on the couch in the living room area of Neel’s suite at The Grand Meyer.
‘I still can’t wrap my head around you being married to Kaavi. I know it’s not really my business, but Kaavi’s like a little sister to me, so I need to know what’s going on.’
Neel didn’t sit. He walked to the window, looking out over Rally. The street below was still. He’d expected more life, especially on a Saturday morning, but it was quiet.
He turned to face Sam.
‘There’s not much to say. Kaavi and I were married. We’re estranged. I’m here for a divorce. What more do you want to know?’
‘I want to know you’re not going to hurt her,’ Sam said.
Neel almost laughed. ‘Sam, you do know Kaavi left me, right? No warning. No conversation. Just a note, her wedding ring and our marriage certificate.’
He turned back to the window, his jaw clenched. ‘It’s been two years. I didn’t hear a single word from her. I had to track her down just to file for divorce.’
He looked at Sam again. ‘If you’re worried about someone getting hurt, maybe you should be talking to Kaavi.’
‘You don’t want a divorce, do you?’ Sam asked.
Neel sighed and finally took the armchair across from him. ‘I thought you were here to warn me about your “baby sister”. So tell me Sam, what is it you really want?’
Sam leaned forward, elbows on his knees. ‘I’m a man who fell hard too, Neel. When I met Anni, I just knew. One look and that was it for me. I saw the rest of my life in her face.’
He paused, watching Neel carefully.
‘I don’t know … I think maybe that’s what happened with you and Kaavi. And I don’t think you actually want to divorce her. Am I wrong?’
‘Are all the men in this town this into talking about feelings on a Saturday morning?’ Neel asked, shaking his head. ‘Come on, Sam. I’m not here for therapy. I’m not looking for a marriage counsellor.’
He leaned back, arms crossed. ‘I’m here to get a divorce. Sign the papers. Leave. That’s it. Nothing more.’
Sam set his empty glass on the coffee table and stood.
‘You do what you have to do, man,’ he said, hands in his pockets. ‘But let me tell you something about Rally. We’re kind people. I’m not here to fight. I’m here to offer some advice.’
He nodded towards Neel. ‘Whatever it is you’re chasing, you’re not going to find it in a signed divorce paper. Just don’t do anything too rash. That’s all I’m saying.’
He paused, then added with a half-smile, ‘Truth is, I came here hot and ready to fight you for Kaavi. I thought I had to protect her. But looking at you now, there’s no way you’re letting her go. Not really.’