Chapter 34
Chapter
I’ve never done track and field, or been one for jogging, so I can confidently say I’m running faster than I ever have in my life.
Once I emerge onto the busy streets of the Upper West Side, the sky is a deep pink, the sun starting to set. I continue to run down the block until I see Adam’s condo and fly through the glass doors, which causes the security guard at the front desk to standup.
“Hi, ma’am,” he says cautiously. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I say, gasping for air. I clutch my chest and take a few breaths in. Jesus Christ, my esophagus feels like it’s literally on fire. It’s burning. “I, um…need to go to, uh…” I try to remember Adam’s unit number. “Um, Harper,” I breathe out. “Adam Harper.”
“Oh, Adam, of course. Are you on the list?” the man asks. List? What list? “What’s your name, ma’am?”
“June Wood,” I say. I’m seeing bright spots everywhere, which can’t be a good sign.
He starts scrolling through his computer, frowns, and then flips through a notebook to his right.
“I’m sorry, I don’t see your name here,” he says. “I’ll need confirmation from Mr. Harper before allowing you upstairs. Let me give him a call.”
“Um…sure.” I sigh and sit down on the bench across from him while he makes the phone call. The next fifteen seconds feel like fifteen minutes.
“Hey, Adam, it’s Don. Are you home? Oh, sorry to bother you at work,” he says, and I stand up. “We have a woman here…Sorry, ma’am, what’s your name?”
“Actually, you know what?” I start making my way toward the doors. “That’s okay. Thank you for your help!” I call over my shoulder.
It takes me twenty-six minutes to get to SoHo, and in that time, I sit on the subway with different scenarios weaving through my mind.
What if Riley got it all wrong and Adam never went to LA?
What if he did go but it wasn’t to see me?
What if he’s not even at work anymore? What if he never wants to talk to me again? All highly feasible options.
When I get to Alden, there’s a pretty decent crowd waiting by the door.
An instrumental version “All I Want for Christmas Is You” plays on the speakers and there’s a subtle display of garland wrapped around the edges of the hostess stand.
I push through about five or six people, and the hostess, who isn’t the same person who was here last time, gives me a smile.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re just going to have to wait a second,” the hostess says.
“Oh no, I’m sorry,” I breathe out. “I don’t want a table.”
“You’re still going to have to wait a second—”
“No, look, I’m here for Adam Harper,” I say. “He’s the owner.”
“Yes, I’m aware of Adam Harper. If you could just wait one moment, please.” She pulls out two menus and hands them to another hostess. “These two will be going to table fifty-four.” She gestures to a couple behind me, who does not look impressed.
The other hostess brings them into the restaurant, and then a man wearing a suit and tie strides toward me. He looks like he’s in his mid-forties, bald, only slightly intimidating. I’m assuming he’s the manager.
“Hi there.” He smiles in a somewhat condescending way. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Hi, yes, I’m looking for Adam Harper,” I say for what feels like the fiftieth time today.
“He’s occupied at the moment. Is he expecting you?” the man asks.
“Well, no, not exactly,” I say. “But if you could just tell him that June is here—”
“We can let him know, but unfortunately, we can’t guarantee when he’ll be able to come out. We’re going to have to ask you to step outside.”
“Step outside?” I scrunch my face. “Are you kicking me out?”
“Ma’am, we just kindly ask—”
“Okay, seriously, why does everyone keep calling me ma’am ?” I say loud enough that some people in the restaurant turn their heads.
“ Miss, ” the man says.
“Look, I’m cold, I’m tired, I didn’t eat my dinner, and I’m sweaty as fuck, and I just need to talk to Adam for five minutes!” I shriek.
“Just calm down, please,” he says.
“I’m calm!” I say in a way that absolutely negates my point. “I just don’t understand what the problem is—he’s not the president. It’s not like I’m some Alden groupie who wants to take a photo with him. I just have a mild emergency, and I need to speak with Adam.”
“Okay, you’re going to need to step outside,” he says, gesturing to the front doors.
Then a familiar silhouette in the distance starts walking toward the kitchen across a sea of people. It’s him. A head of dark hair and broad shoulders. My heart is thundering in my chest, faster and faster until I feel every pulse throughout my body.
“Adam!” I call out over the music, over the bald man in front of me, over the crowd, over the clanking of pots and pans in the kitchen.
My eyes are only on him, so that I don’t realize until I feel it that someone’s hand is around my arm and guiding me backward toward the door. As I’m being ushered out, Adam’s head turns in our direction, and it takes almost a fraction of a second before he’s rushing towardus.
“Hey, whoa, whoa. Colin, what’s going on?” he says to the manager, whom I guess I can now call Colin.
“Apologies for the scene—we were just sorting this out.” Colin continues to guide me toward the door, and I’m too stunned to say anything.
“No, that’s not necessary. And please, you can let go.
” He motions to my arm. Colin immediately releases his grip and gives him a concerned look, and after a reassuring nod from Adam he heads back toward the hostess stand.
Before I know it, everyone goes back to business as usual.
“I’m sorry about that,” Adam says tome.
“It’s fine.” I adjust my coat.
“Is everything okay?” he asks with a genuine look of concern on his face.
“Yeah.” I nod. Finally, I have Adam to myself. I’ve been chasing him down for what feels like half the day and now he’s in front of me and I don’t know what to say. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything, but I was in the neighborhood and…thought I would say hi.”
“Right.” Adam gives me a half smile. “Well, it’s a little busy so I should probably get back. Thanks for stopping by.” He turns.
“Why didn’t you tell me you came to LA?” I say, and when he stops I know he heardme.
He turns around. “How did you know about that?”
“Does it matter?” I say.
He stares at me, struggling to read between the lines. He furrows his brow and sighs. “Why are you here, June?”
“If you were there for some other reason and I’m misunderstanding everything, then that’s fine. I’ll leave it.”
“I came to see you,” he says.
I take a step toward him. “Why?”
“Look, can we—” He moves aside to let some people enter. “Can we do this outside?”
Fine—I guess having this conversation at the front of his restaurant probably isn’t the best look.
I nod and watch as he walks down the hallway past the kitchen, disappearing behind a back door.
For a brief moment, I wonder if he’s abandoned me, but then catch my breath when he emerges with a jacketon.
We start walking east. It’s dark and freezing outside so I reach into my bag and put my hat back on while Adam wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. The streets of SoHo are adorned with shimmering lights, the air filled with the smell of cinnamon from somewhere far off.
“Why did you come to LA?” I ask him again.
“I never wanted to marry Riley,” he says, his words heavy.
“We were looking at venues and guest lists and it was becoming too real. I needed to see you. I just…I couldn’t go through with something like that without seeing you again.
I know you told me to leave you alone, but I needed to know if…
” He shakes his head. “So, I asked Chloe where you were staying…I didn’t tell her I was going, just said I needed to send you some stuff as a surprise and I lost your address.
” He continues breathlessly, “I was outside your building, debating whether or not I should knock on the door, which was so fucking stupid, because I flew all the way there and plannedit.
“Anyway, I saw the two of you—you and Liam—going inside. You were coming out of the car, carrying groceries. That was really it. You didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, but just seeing you with someone else, happy, living your new life…I don’t know, I didn’t want to ruin that.”
Riley was right. He looked forme.
“And then what?” I ask.
“When I came back, Riley said I was being distant…different,” he says like he’s trying to remember the words she used. “All I kept telling myself was if June can be happy with someone else, so can I. But she saw through it…That’s why she ended it.”
“I wasn’t happy, Adam,” I say, all the pieces starting to fall into place and my throat tightening. It’s like it was yesterday—Ican remember the endless nights of tears from missing him, from running away, from losing my life.
“Then why didn’t you come back?” he asks again, like he knows my career wasn’t the only reason.
“I didn’t think there was anything to come back to,” I say. “I didn’t know you wanted me too.”
“God, June, of course I did. You broke my fucking heart.” His voice cracks.
“I was trying to give you your space, let you figure out what you needed to. I didn’t want to push you, and then before I knew it, we were with other people and I thought you were happy… that you’d moved on. That it was done.”
“Is that why you proposed?” I say.
He nods, like he’s afraid of what I might think of him if I knew the truth.
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this?” I move closer to him.
“Because I was a coward,” he says. “I stayed in a relationship for years that I didn’t want to be in and wasted her time…and I fucking hate that I did that. I’m not proud of it, and I didn’t want you to see me that way.”
“Adam, relationships end, and that doesn’t mean they wasted anyone’s time.” We continue walking, with no destination in mind.
“No, I did,” he says like he’s already had this argument many times before. “Because I knew I loved someone else and did it anyway.”