Chapter 4 #5
He cut her off with a kiss. “First, my name is Cay-den,” he emphasized the syllables.
“Use it, memorize it, write it on a fucking sticky note if you have to. Second,” he put his hand under her chin, “we aren’t doing this now.
” When she opened her mouth to protest, he rushed forward, “Baby girl, this is your first time. Even if it’s not actually your first time, it’s the one that will count.
I have no experience with virgins, and I need to make this good for you.
No way in hell am I doing it with you bent over your desk.
You deserve better than that. Not this weekend but the next, I can request a weekend pass away from the house.
I can take you out to dinner, wine and dine you like you deserve.
Then I can bring you back here to your bed and make love to you all night long like you deserve. ”
Though she scowled, her blush gave away how flattered she was by his words. “You keep talking about what I deserve, but what about you?”
“Me?” Cayden snorted. “Baby, my list of sins makes it very difficult to justify deserving anything.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’m going to need more detail on that.”
“Anything you want to know,” he vowed. “Consider me an open book where you hold my skeleton key.”
Something resembling pain crossed her face then, to which he was dying to know the reason for.
Instead, he stayed quiet as she said, “I like that. I like the idea of getting to know you better. It’s just…
” She bit her lip. He was torn between wanting to comfort her again and wanting to bite that lip along with her.
“It might take me a bit to get there. I’m not used to sharing myself with people outside of my family. ”
Cayden nodded to one of the pictures on the wall behind her.
“They look like a nice family.” A young Trixie sat on the lap of her grandfather.
Surrounding them was a man Cayden assumed was her father and three teenage boys of varying ages.
It didn’t pass his notice that she was the only girl. Where was her mother or grandmother?
She turned her face over her shoulder to look at her wall, and again that pain touched her eyes. He wanted to find the source of that pain and squash it like a bug under his boot. “They were.” She turned back towards him. “What about you?”
He allowed the change of subject, hoping, in time, she’d open up to him. “I was raised by my grandmother. No clue who my mother is or if she’s still alive. My father was killed when I was three, drive-by shooting.”
She put a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “Can’t miss what you never had.”
Her hand moved from his chest to his face. “Yes, you can.” Her eyes granted him unfettered access to her soul. She knew of the pain of missing a parent that had never been there. “Is your grandmother still around?”
He nodded. “She lives in the panhandle. She’s too far for me to visit on furlough, and it’s too far for her to come down just for a day visit since she can’t stay in the house.
I mean to go see her as soon as my parole is up.
” Trixie bit her lip again, the question distinct on her face.
Cayden put his hand over hers on his cheek. “I also mean to come back after I do.”
Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Still, she protested. “It’s too soon for you to make such promises—”
“Bullshit.” He kissed her palm and then dropped her hand to his chest over his heart.
“You can’t tell me you don’t feel it. You can’t tell me you’re considering giving your virginity to a man you don’t have feelings for or a man you don’t see a future with.
I’ve known you for a little under two weeks, Trix, and I already know that’s a boldface lie. ”
She lowered her gaze. “I just meant, we don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“True,” he allowed. “Anything is possible.” He forced her chin up.
“I can handle the unexpected, Trix, as hard as it might be to deal with at the time. What I can’t handle is you putting an expiration date on us before we’ve even started.
Don’t assume we’re doomed just because neither of us has experience in relationships. ”
“Why were you arrested?” she blurted out, shocking him.
Definitely not the question Cayden had assumed she was going to ask. “You know why. I stole a car.”
She shook her head, black strands of hair falling forward. “I meant why. How did you mess up, get caught?”
Oh, that. Well, Cayden had claimed he was an open book. Might as well start this off with some honesty. “I didn’t mess up. One of my club brothers did.”
She looked up, obviously confused. “You took the fall for him?”
“Don’t make it out to be heroic. It’s not like I took a bullet for the guy. I might not have done the crime I went to prison for, but I sure as hell did equal to it and more. I deserved my sentence.”
“Why?”
“Because whether I felt I needed the money, felt I was owed the money for the shit life I was dealt, I had no right to take what wasn’t mine.
It took me a long time to come to terms with that realization, baby girl.
‘Poor orphaned Cayden…’” he said mockingly.
With a shrug, he added, “I needed to grow up and live my life instead of pissing on it.”
She watched him closely, but he saw no pity in her eyes. He appreciated that. “That’s big of you. Not many people would take the time to self-reflect like that. Is that why you took the fall?”
Cayden paused, wanting to make sure he worded his reply correctly.
“It’s going to sound weird, but I felt like it was imminent.
I was already tiring of the lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, the money was great, but I wasn’t great.
I was…drowning, I guess.” He looked down, studying her hand still gripped in his.
“When Bu—when my club brother messed up, it was like this lightbulb went off in my head. No one could call me a coward or threaten me for quitting the life if I was in jail. And I felt like I needed some me-time.”
“Jail was your version of a vacation?”
Cayden snorted, picking up on the humor in her voice.
“Far from it, but it was an escape. I made several promises to myself before I got out, before my parole was granted. I called it ‘Project Cayden 2.0’. I got rid of all the things I clung to prior to my arrest. I made a list of priorities to accomplish, and I swore to myself that I’d never go back to that life.
” He gripped her hand tighter, bringing the back of it to his lips.
“Finding you was a happy accident, but one I’ll gladly accept. ”
Her blush returned. “I like Cayden 2.0.”
He smiled against her skin, loving the sound of his name from her lips. She might not realize it, but that was the first time she’d said his name to him. “Good. You’ll never have to meet the old Cayden, I swear to you.”
“Was he so bad?”
Cayden was quiet for a moment. “No, but he also wasn’t good.”
He felt her hand run through his hair. She pressed herself against him. “I feel like I could talk to you for hours.”
“Four more months,” he said softly, pressing her head against his lips. “Then you can have me however and whenever you want.”
“Seems like a lifetime.”
Cayden nodded in agreement. “You do know you never told me your conditions.”
He felt her smile against him. “Seems silly now. I wanted to make sure you understood that I did want to try, and then about my lack of experience.”
“Those aren’t conditions.”
“No,” Trixie grudgingly admitted. “I guess the biggest condition is that no one here can learn about us until we’re ready for them to. Jeff knows, by the way,” she added quickly.
“I figured that part out when he told me to treat you like a princess.”
She giggled. “I went through the standard Disney princess phase. Jeff was my knight in shining armor for Halloween.”
“I will require photographic evidence of this event.”
She moaned low. “I destroyed them all.”
“Liar.”
“I did,” she insisted, trying hard to keep a straight face. “Burned every last one of them so they could never be held against me.”
“Against you? Honey, I mean to use them against Jeff.”
God, he could spend the rest of his life just listening to her laugh. It was like a birdsong, relaxing and peaceful. And entirely addictive. “In that case, I might have saved one or two from the flames of damnation.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “That’s my good girl.”