Chapter 8 #3
He was silent though. For a long time. Too long.
She feared she’d pissed him off with her question.
Trixie sat up off of his chest and moved herself around so she could face him.
His mismatched eyes were dark and the scowl on his lips confirmed that she had indeed angered him.
The water sloshed as she maneuvered her legs under her butt.
She kissed the back of his hand despite the bubbles on it. “Cayden, why won’t you tell me?”
He turned his head away. She didn’t like that. He was always telling her to look at him, said that he loved watching her emotions through her milk chocolate eyes. But he wouldn’t look at her? That hurt.
Fear touched her soul as she realized she might not be the only one hurting. “Did something happen in there? Did someone hurt you?”
He quickly shook his head. “Not the way you’re thinking. For the most part, I was left alone as long as I left them alone. Sort of an unspoken deal. As much as I didn’t like it and wanted to separate myself from my old life, being a Black Python provided me with protection.”
Trixie knew the Black Pythons had a scary reputation. She didn’t understand though how that carried over to Cayden in prison or protected him. It wasn’t like his club could enter prison to have his back.
“It wasn’t easy, but I survived it.” He still wasn’t looking at her. Why?
“Then why won’t you tell me about it?”
He scowled. “Why do you want to know?”
She would have thought that answer was obvious. “Because it was a life changing event in your life, and I want to understand it.” Cayden, though, shook his head. “You said you were an open book,” she reminded him, and then instantly regretted it.
His head snapped in her direction, his eyes blazing.
“You don’t get it, do you? How could you?
Prison wasn’t some ‘vacation’. It wasn’t downtime and it wasn’t fun.
It was prison. That’s the point. I went where I was told to go, I ate what I was told to eat, I drank what I was told to drink, and I shit when I was told to shit.
I wasn’t me. Why would I want you anywhere near that darkness? ”
Silence fell between them. Cayden sat back against the edge of the tub and put his hand over his eyes.
Trixie just stared at him, her heart racing.
It took her some time to process his words as well as his reaction.
Cayden’s personality was larger than life.
He was self-assured and he liked to have fun.
Like most people, he liked choices. To him, prison must have been extremely lonely.
In his way, though he was breaking a promise to her, he was also protecting her.
Not her person but her innocent way of life.
He didn’t want her to know about his time in prison because he thought she deserved better than to have to share those dark memories with him.
Protecting her was more important than keeping his word to tell her anything she wanted to know about him.
It was sweet, in a very stupid Cayden-way.
She stood up, bubbles and water dripping off of her. Without looking or speaking to him, she turned on the overhead shower and started to rinse off. She stepped out of the tub to grab her towel. When she was semi-dry, Trixie wrapped the blue towel under her shoulders and tucked it into place.
In the doorway, she turned back to him. “You coming?”
The confusion on his face told her he had been expecting her to walk away from him. He probably felt he deserved her wrath. But that wasn’t the emotion she planned to share with him.
He quickly stood up and rinsed off too. Ducking down, he popped the drain.
Trixie waited for him by the door to her apartment. When he was here with her, they turned off the cameras on the second floor so they could roam freely without worrying about giving the guards at L and S a peep show. A towel around his waist, he exited the bathroom.
She could still see the confusion on his face as she held out her hand to him. Cayden took it, confusion turning to worry.
Trixie walked him down the hall to her office. She dropped his hand to grab the framed large picture of her family off the wall. Laying her hand on the glass, she took a moment to bask in the memories of her childhood, to times when she thought unicorns and Santa Claus were real.
She took a deep breath and then handed the framed photo to Cayden. He took it. “You don’t need to keep me from the darkness. I already know all about it.”
Cayden stared at the picture of the Romero family.
Grandfather, father, three boys, and a single girl.
They were all smiling, clutching each other like nothing could ever break them apart.
Cayden had seen multiple pictures of Trixie’s grandfather.
As the founder of Romero’s, he had a dedication plaque in the showroom with his picture, a small blurb about his life, and his birth and death years.
In the breakroom, there was a picture of Trixie’s father receiving an award with stacks of tires behind him.
Cayden knew she had brothers, but he didn’t know anything about them.
Jeff had mentioned in passing once that the oldest was a Marine.
Everyone in the photo she’d handed him had the same chocolate brown eyes as Trixie.
He didn’t know who her mother was or what had happened to her either, other than the fact that she hadn’t been present for Trixie’s childhood.
There were more family pictures including the Wynns around her walls.
He knew she called them ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ even though they weren’t blood relatives.
Trixie came over to stand by his side to look at the picture with him.
“That’s mi abuelo, Bobby, and mi papi, Zyn.
” She pointed to each. “Papá was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was nineteen. He fought, hard too, but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to beat it.
Not liking how the drugs and chemo made him feel, Papá chose to take himself off of them and to live his last remaining months as himself, or as much as himself as the cancer would allow.
” Her voice cracked. “We lost him just before my twenty-first birthday.”
Cayden felt his heart clench. He wanted to take her into his arms, to protect her from the pain she was revealing. He didn’t dare interrupt her though.
Trixie pointed to the picture of her grandfather Bobby and her at Times Square, the same picture Cayden had pointed out to her the day he’d won their bet.
“Abuelo took me to New York City. I’d just lost mi papi and he’d just lost his son, but he wanted to make sure I had a good birthday.
I’d always wanted to go. He even got us tickets to see Wicked on Broadway.
” Her chin trembled. “About eleven months later, he didn’t show up for work.
It was so odd. Abuelo never missed work.
Rain or shine, he was here working.” Trixie closed her eyes, taking a moment to center herself before she continued.
“I found him in bed. I didn’t even realize at first… I thought he was sleeping.”
Cayden couldn’t take it anymore. He put the picture down on her desk and took her into his arms. She was shaking. Trixie buried her face against his tattooed, bare chest, muffling her voice. “The doctors said he passed in his sleep. There was nothing I could have done.”
He pressed his lips to her still-wet hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“The worst part was, I was alone. I had the Wynns and I had Jeff, but mi hermanos… They weren’t there.”
Cayden flinched, hatred rising inside him. How could they have abandoned her like that? “Jeff told me one of your brothers was military. Was he deployed at that time?” At least that was a legitimate reason for his absence.
She nodded. Sniffling, she lifted herself off of him and pointed to the oldest boy in the picture.
“That’s Lee, my oldest brother. There’s ten years between us.
He enlisted in the Marines when he was eighteen.
I was terrified when he got deployed. A friend at school’s dad had been killed in action.
I started to have nightmares that the same would happen to Lee. ”
“It’s a heavy burden to bear, especially as a child.”
“I don’t know everything about his military career. I know he rose in ranks, set for a career, but then chose to retire instead. I haven’t seen him in over two years.” She pointed to the second oldest boy in the picture. “Not since Marco’s funeral.”
Cayden closed his eyes, cringing. Another death, another funeral. He prayed it was the last one she’d suffered through, but she still had one more brother to go.
“What happened?” he asked when she didn’t continue.
Trixie pointed to the back corner of the room, where a wedding photo hung.
Cayden glanced between the two and realized the groom was the second oldest boy from the family portrait.
The very pregnant bride and he were wearing identically brilliant smiles.
The date monogrammed into the frame placed the wedding six years ago.
“Marco, his wife Lindsey, and their son, Bobby, were placed in WITSEC after they witnessed a gang shooting. I don’t know the whole of it, but Lindsey wasn’t handling the constant moving around and the name changes well.
They decided to leave the program and come home.
” She wiped her eyes. “They were back less than a week when Marco was kidnapped, tortured, and killed. Lindsey and Bobby went back into the program. They didn’t even stay for his funeral. ”
Cayden stepped forward and took her back into his arms. He dropped his head into her hair.
Two years ago. What she’d suffered through, practically alone, while he’d been in prison.
He hadn’t known her then, so it made no sense that he regretted not having been there for her, but he wished he had been.
He could have held her tight and told her he loved her.
It was insane to feel guilty about not being there for her.
He turned her face towards him and kissed her.
She clung to him, her chin trembling. All he wanted in that moment was to wipe away her tears, to give her the warmth and love she deserved to feel every day of her life.
He wanted her to know how much he admired her strength and endurance.
He wanted to promise her that she’d never have to face another tragedy alone, that he would be at her side from now until eternity.
Cayden picked her up without breaking their kiss.
Words were meaningless. Anyone could claim anything.
He knew that better than most. But showing her?
Yeah, he could do what no one else could.
He could express his love through every kiss, every lick, every gaze, every touch, every caress.
He would make her feel how much he loved, cherished, and craved her so that there was no doubt in her mind when she was ready to hear those words.
Cayden gave Trixie a rose from Peggy’s garden every day that week.
She’d made a vase out of a spare cylinder from the motor pool to keep them in.
She’d always prided herself on not being a girly-girl, but she’d be a fool to turn down his extra pampering.
Cayden still hadn’t told her about his time in prison, and frankly, she doubted she’d ever get too much detail out of him regarding it.
His instinct to protect her was just too strong. That both irked and flattered her.
The following weekend, they went mini golfing.
Despite their weekends prior to this, this was technically their first date.
Cayden smiled the entire time, and she suspected, let her win.
Later that night, they visited the boardwalk.
They played some carnival games and rode the Ferris wheel.
He even paid the attendant to stop them at the top so he could kiss her.
She knew all the romancing and the pampering was his way of trying to make her feel better about what she’d revealed.
Truth was, it wasn’t necessary. She’d made peace about Abuelo’s, Papá’s, and Marco’s deaths years ago.
She was still saddened by them, and likely always would be, but she’d had to come to terms with what had happened or it would have consumed her and her life.
Her hang ups about marriage existed beyond their deaths. Her lack of a sex life prior to Cayden could be blamed on her busy work schedule and lack of social skills.
The daily rose continued over the next two weeks. Trixie didn’t have the heart to tell him they weren’t necessary. Eventually, she figured, Peggy would have to run out of roses. Maybe he’d move onto chocolates then.
Things between Cayden and the other employees also seemed to have cooled off. She had never gotten around to addressing their behavior at one of the morning meetings and she was grateful that the harassment had stopped on its own.
Their weekends had moved into being more domesticated than just sex.
They had yet to talk about where Cayden was going to live after his parole term was up.
She was hesitant to ask him to live with her.
She’d never lived with a man before, not romantically anyway.
While their weekends were fantastic and cherished, Trixie wasn’t sure she was ready to live with him.
Plus, her apartment was tiny. Would he want more space than that?
By the end of August, they started counting down towards the end of his parole instead of how many weekends they’d spent together.
It was as exciting as the countdown at Times Square on New Year’s, but neither one mentioned what would happen after the ball would drop.
As much as she craved having him all to herself on their own time schedule, Trixie feared the approaching change.
Choosing not to dwell on that, Trixie concentrated on the here and now. With only five weekends to go, she had time.
Her office phone rang on Wednesday. Playing with one of the fallen petals from her precious roses, she picked it up without looking at the caller ID. “This is Trixie. How can I help you?”
“Beatriz Romero?”
Trixie frowned at the use of her full name. “Yes?”
“My name is Dr. Longman. I’m calling from Buford State Penitentiary in regard to your brother…”
Trixie barely heard the rest.