Chapter 10 #2
“No,” I say. “That’s Roe’s imagination. He never loved me.
A crush is very different than ‘in love.’” That distinction is vitally important everyone understands.
“He goes by Drew now, not Andy. He’s Mallory’s fiancé’s cousin.
Caleb brought him to karaoke the night he proposed.
Anyway, he was there on Friday night for the engagement party and was an absolute gentleman.
I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t defended me against … everyone.”
Roe sits down on a kitchen chair with her hands over her heart. “I love him already. You should invite him over for our next family waffle night. Invite his sister to come, too.”
For some reason, her response makes me emotional. I hug Luke tighter. He snuggles in closer. I love this kid.
“I can’t invite them,” I say. “They live an hour away in Blissful. It’s a small town east of here.”
“That sounds familiar,” Avery says. “Isn’t that the place with the fliers and billboards for an apple festival every fall?”
“Yes,” I say with a nod. “That’s Blissful. Friday night I didn’t want to come home to a room full of my packed-up life, so I stayed there and hung around town all day.”
“Until midnight?” Naomi questions.
After the knowledge of his childhood crush, I hate to admit the rest, but I do. “Drew made me dinner, and we hung out for a while.”
“He defended you against the betrayal of friends?” Roe says. “He made you dinner? Stella, he still has a crush. Everything he does shows how much he still loves you. You two need a couple’s name.” She snaps her fingers. “Drewella! I love it.”
Her words press on a painful emotional bruise named Caleb. I will not allow myself to look at kindness as evidence of more than friendship. Never again!
“Roe, I know you mean well, but please don’t do that. Don’t build a story and send it out into the world. It’s not true. We’re friends. We will not have a couple’s name. Let’s not mix fact and fiction.”
She sits back in her seat, a repentant expression on her face. “Sorry. You’re right.”
The back door opens, and Dad sticks his head inside. “Are we eating? Or are we talking? The burgers are done.”
“We’re eating!” Mom says. “Send in the troops."
The family comes in to fill their plates with food and get their buns ready before heading out to the grill for the hamburger patty.
I watch from the table where I continue to hold Luke, who is now asleep.
The weight of a sleeping child held against my chest is the best feeling.
Even though I’ve planned a new future without my own family, it’s a comfort to know I can still have moments like this.
Luke’s dad Aaron strides over. “Are you okay? I can take him so you can grab food.”
“I want to keep him. You go ahead and eat.”
He rubs Luke’s back. “Let me know when you need a break.”
I follow everyone onto the patio but don’t sit at the tables. I choose a lounge chair next to the pool under an umbrella. No one thinks anything about it, because they know that sometimes I need space, especially after an event like this weekend.
My legs are in the sun, and I hike my sundress past my knees to soak in the sunshine. It’s hard to believe yesterday I was experiencing chilly fall weather.
As much as I love the heat, I wish I were still in Blissful.
Next Saturday’s Apple Jamboree seems so far away.
If only I could head back tomorrow and stay the week.
I’d eat lunch at Corner Café each day and hang out at the bookstore on that surprisingly comfortable couch.
Maybe Drew would let me spend the evenings with him, and we could take turns cooking dinner.
It’s such a happy little fantasy, it’s hard to mentally prepare myself for the coming week spent in that ice box of an office sitting through strategic planning meetings and writing up book collection plans for next year.
It’s my last week. I can get through it.
And then, I’ll find something new I can be passionate about. It’s too bad that it can’t be in Blissful, but they don’t have a library. I can’t imagine not working surrounded by books.
As if the breeze carries the words, I think, libraries aren’t the only places with books.
Bookstores, for example. My heart jumps at the thought.
Why can’t I buy it? I’d live in Blissful with a career focused on books.
Near Drew, who’s become my de facto best friend.
Surrounded by nature and fresh air. I’d see a billion stars every night.
It sounds like a delightful dream. Could it become my reality?
I dismiss the idea, though not as quickly as I should. I’ve been under a great deal of stress over the last few months. Uprooting my life and making a career change on a whim are decisions I might regret later. Like my hair cut.
Besides, I know nothing about owning a business, even if entrepreneurship runs in my family. Dad has owned businesses. Theo and Avery started their own financial consulting firm. Naomi runs a bakery out of her kitchen. Kit plans to someday buy the mechanic shop she manages.
That bug has never bitten me. I’m a librarian, not a bookseller. Here is where I belong, close to my family with a steady, reliable job and a consistent paycheck.
I turn my attention to my siblings with their children. My three younger sisters and my older brother are paired off with their spouses, the center of their little families where the children rotate around them like moons around planets. Then Mom and Dad, the sun we all gravitate toward.
I can’t move away from them. My family is everything, especially my niblings. I love being a part of their lives and watching them grow into their unique personalities.
Eventually, Dad and the oldest niblings jump into the pool. Aaron walks in with each of his twin daughters in an arm. They squeal as their feet touch the water. It’s hard to believe they’ll be four in a month.
Mom sits down in a pool chair and lays a plate of food on the small table between us. It has my veggie burger and sides. I grab a celery stick and dip it in the dressing.
“Your dad and I have been talking about you,” she says.
“Uh oh. What have I done?”
“You’ve been an absolute joy as a daughter.
We know that your life is in flux right now, and we want to help.
We’ve put money aside for your wedding like we did for all of your siblings.
Through the years, we’ve kept adding, thinking the extra money could be for a honeymoon.
But if you decide you want to buy a house, we want to gift that money to you now to help with a downpayment.
If you want to continue to rent, that’s fine too.
Just know the money is there for you whenever you need it. ”
It’s thoughtful, even if it pinches. My parents have given up on me getting married just like I have. It seems Roe is the only one who still believes love is in my future.
But Mom continues. “We’ll keep adding money to the account. When you get married, it’ll be there.”
“Funny you should bring this up,” I say. “Because I’ve decided to start looking for a house as soon as I’m done with being a manager.”
The question at the moment is where. My head says Tucson, my heart whispers Blissful.
Her expression brightens. “Oh, I’m so glad.
I saw a for sale sign on a house near where Kit and Theo live.
Wouldn’t that be fun to live in the same neighborhood as they do?
All of your nieces and nephews are lucky to have you.
You’re the best aunt. Living so close they’d be able to see you even more. ”
I know she doesn’t mean to make me feel bad, but at her words, guilt kicks in at even contemplating moving away.
Naomi wanders over, her baby bump pushing out against her swim coverup, and sits in the chair on the other side of me. “This baby will not stop moving. He thinks my internal organs are punching bags.”
I lay my hand on her stomach. She moves it until I feel the little guy kick. I can’t wait to meet baby Oliver in January. Another reason to stay.
Kit, Roe, and Avery move chairs over as well. We have the perfect view of their husbands as they play with the kids. Luke wakes up and wiggles in my arms, whining. Kit takes him, and he instantly settles.
Roe says, “Well, I’m pregnant again.”
“What?!” It’s a chorus of voices. Little Joel is a honeymoon baby and she swore she’d wait a few years for the next one.
Roe groans. “All Joel has to do is hold my hand, and I’m pregnant.”
Kit snorts. “I’m sure there was more going on than a hand hold to put you in this situation.”
Roe laughs. “Yeah, well. The point is, it starts with hand holding. If I don’t move across the state and limit contact with my husband, we’re going to have a dozen kids by the time I’m thirty-eight.
” She watches Joel twirl in the pool with Little Joel on his hip and sighs with happiness.
“I suppose I’ll stay and take the risk.”