Chapter 3
three
TRAGIC
LARISSA
Paityn was on autopilot. On the forty-minute drive to Asa’s place, she’d asked Siri to call each of her family members to break the sad news.
The Bluetooth speaker ensured that I’d heard every sniffle, every question in disbelief.
Each conversation cut deeper because I had the chance to see Gemma, to hear her voice, to hug her.
But I ran away, slinked away from accountability all while telling myself that I’d done it to preserve my privacy.
I left before I could tell her I loved her one last time.
“Are you okay?” Tyn asked, glancing at me.
I was so engrossed in my own thoughts, I hadn’t realized that the car stopped and we were parked in Asa’s driveway. “I’m just trying to process this.”
Death was a part of life. I’d always believed that, so usually, I was the person my family turned to when someone died.
I’d contacted funeral homes, planned services, and handled estates.
When my grandfather died, I’d held his hand.
When my childhood friend lost a battle with leukemia, I organized a fundraiser to help his mother with burial costs.
I was twelve. When my favorite aunt passed away, I styled her hair for the service.
Yes, I grieved for them, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change things, to rewind the clock.
I knew the only way to honor their memory was to live a full life.
Then, Zeke died.
I didn’t think I would survive the excruciating pain that settled in my body as I attempted to play my designated role.
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, let alone Asa.
Because he would essentially have to bury his sister.
Gemma was as important to him as Paityn, Dallas, Blake, and Bliss.
And my heart ached for him. For all of us.
Gemma was too young, too full of life. And that baby .
. . Ezra was everything to her. And she was his whole world.
It felt unfair, like a cruel joke. Like the fuckin’ slick roads that facilitated my brother’s death.
To lose someone who still had so much to give to this world was devastating.
A tragedy that would leave an indelible mark on everyone who loved her.
I wiped my face with my sleeve. “I still can’t believe it.”
Tyn rubbed my knee. “I know.”
Gathering my purse and the food I’d brought from my house, I whispered, “Ready?”
Paityn stared out the window. “I don’t want to go in there,” she confessed softly.
Shifting in the car seat, I turned to face her. “We have to, Tyn.”
“I can’t see him like that,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “Because I can’t protect him from it.”
Paityn took her role as big sis seriously. She never hesitated to be there for her siblings. She remained steadfast during the toughest times of their lives because she wanted to ensure they had strong support.
“You should’ve heard him.” She twisted the tattered tissue in her hand. “He sounded so . . . broken.”
My chest tightened. “He’s strong, Tyn.” My voice sounded unfamiliar to my own ears. “He’s a Young.”
She glanced at me, letting the tears fall unchecked. “But she might as well have been me.”
I wiped the tears from her face with my thumbs, because no matter how I felt, I had to be strong for my best friend. “I know. He loved her a lot. But she wasn’t you. And now he needs you. You have to be there for him. You have to be his voice of reason. I’ll be that for you when we leave.”
Tyn let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll be okay.” She nodded. “I’m okay.”
“You are.”
“Did you call your family?”
Although Tyn had made calls to her family, and Jax and Ana, I hadn’t called anyone. I shook my head. “I guess I should probably do that, huh?”
“Before someone else tells them.”
By the time I got off the phone, I was a wreck.
My mother was on Paris time, so she was awake when I called.
She shed a few tears but booked her flight home right away.
Zara had heard the news from Jax and was consoling X while I was on the line.
He’d taken it hard because Gemma was his god-sister.
She’d spent summers with them, took vacations with them.
And I couldn’t imagine how the kids would react. They loved their Auntie Gem.
“Are you going to call Skye?” Paityn asked.
I shook my head, thinking of X’s cousin and Zara’s best friend. My friend. “Zara’s going to do it. I can’t.”
Paityn sucked in a deep breath. “Let’s go.”
We made the slow walk to the porch, but before she could grab her set of keys, Asa swung it open. His eyes locked on mine before Tyn embraced him.
When Tyn finally brushed past him into the house, he held my gaze. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale. But he was beautiful. My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I inched closer to him.
His eyes fluttered closed when I cupped his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Asa.”
Strong arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me into a hug. I felt the sting of his tears on my neck, smelled the fresh soap on his skin. “I didn’t make it in time,” he murmured. “She was already gone before I got . . .” His voice cracked.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated, unsure of what I could say to make this better for him. “So sorry.”
Eventually, he pulled back, wiping steadily falling tears from his face. Clearing his throat, he grabbed my hand and ushered me into the house. Tyn was already cleaning the kitchen. She’d pulled out pots and pans to cook the breakfast food we’d brought over.
When she looked up, her gaze darted back and forth between us. Asa still hadn’t let go of my hand. My first instinct was to pull away from his touch, but I wouldn’t do that to him. He needed me and I planned to support him through this.
Silence stretched between us as my friend correctly surmised the true nature of my relationship with her baby brother. I could see the pieces start to click together from our earlier conversation, before everything went to hell. Then, a slow smile formed on her lips.
“I brought bacon and eggs,” Paityn announced. “I also thought we could start a meal train. Dallas will handle the estate. Demi will ensure Ezra is in good hands. Is he with her partner?”
Asa nodded.
“Okay, she mentioned Karma was good with him. Ana wants him to come live with them since Gemma has no family.” She wiped her hands on her jeans.
“If there’s a service, Duke will cater and Bliss will buy flowers.
Blake said she would order groceries for your house.
Dex and Charlye agreed to clean and pack up her place. And I—”
“Tyn,” he said, interrupting her. “I can’t talk about this right now.”
Her eyes widened and she nodded. “For sure.”
“Can you just take care of everything for me?” he asked. His voice sounded so small, so unlike him that I wanted to weep. “Gemma updated her will when Ezra was born. She keeps everything in a safe in the back of her bedroom closet. I have the combination.”
“I got it,” Tyn assured him.
Finally, Asa let go of my hand, walked into his room, and closed the door. I stared at the floor. Guilt and sadness waged a war for dominance in my mind, while anger mixed with crushing despair. It was too much. Too much heartache. Too much pain.
“Rissa,” Paityn called.
Steeling myself for her questions, I lifted my head and stared at her. “Yes?”
She motioned toward the door. “You should go to him.”
Surprised, my mouth fell open. “But—”
“We have plenty of time to talk about it.”
I fiddled with my hands nervously. “I feel like I need to explain myself.”
“You don’t,” she said. “You’re both adults. And honestly it’s none of my business.” Her expression softened as her shoulders fell. “Or anyone else’s.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” I dropped my purse on the couch and shuffled toward his bedroom.
I’d only taken two steps before Paityn stopped me. “Rissa?”
I froze. “Yes?”
“He won’t tell you he needs you, but he does.”
Nodding, I opened the door and stepped into the room. Asa was lying on his stomach, head buried in a pillow. I kicked my shoes off, climbed onto the mattress, kissed the back of his neck, and wrapped my arms around him.
A few minutes later, he turned over and pulled me into his side. “Tyn knows.”
“Yeah,” I confirmed, meeting his gaze. “But that’s not important right now. You are.”
“I was irritated with you when you left me.”
The change in subject was a little jarring, but I rolled with it. “I know and I—”
“Let me finish,” he said softly. “I thought it was fucked up. But in hindsight, you gave me a gift. I was too busy. I canceled on her at least three times. Then, I chose to see you before her.”
A surge of guilt crashed over me then settled like a heavy weight in my stomach. “Asa,” I whispered, as I struggled to find words for the moment.
“But when you left,” he continued. “I sat with her. I met Karma. We talked. I told her I loved her.” A single tear fell down his cheek as his chin trembled. “And she loved me.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “She definitely loved you.”
He nodded. “She was my person . . .” His voice cracked with emotion. “I can’t believe she’s gone, that I’ll never see her again. I’ll never get to tell her that her choice in men—or women—sucked. I’ll never beat her at Madden again. I’ll never hear her laugh or see her smile.”
“It hurts now,” I said, “but I have to believe that she’ll always be with you in some way. One day, you’ll be walking and something will come to mind. Then, you’ll laugh because you can imagine her laughing. And Ezra . . .”
He stiffened beneath me.
It was subtle, but I noticed it because we were so close.
I wondered if the mere mention of Ezra overwhelmed him because he’d reacted similarly when Paityn brought the baby up.
I knew that he thought of him as his nephew, and understood that the thought of a little boy living without his mother was difficult to process. But something felt off.
Frowning, I searched his eyes and continued cautiously, “He will need his Uncle Asa more than ever.”