11. Gully
Gully
D ear Iris,
Thank you for your letter. Not going to bullshit on this one, I needed a bone throwing and if I decoded your words, I think that was what you were doing.
It’s not going to get you what you want though.
Love you,
Gully.
It was a small restaurant that specialised in small plates, which was Iris’ favourite. There was a joke that she didn’t like everything small, which was fortunate, as what I had wasn’t small but cracking that wasn’t going to do me any favours, especially because I wasn’t planning on putting out tonight.
Maybe tomorrow.
I didn’t have the willpower to go much longer than that. I didn’t want to go much longer; as much as I was enjoying torturing Iris, I was punishing myself as well.
“This place is lovely.” She looked round the restaurant, eyeing up the photographs of Spain on the walls. “And I’m so hungry.”
I’d noticed that. At breakfast this morning she’d had extra of most things, and she’d devoured two sandwiches at lunch along with a bowl of soup. I figured it was a pregnancy thing and decided to use the sense my mother knocked into me and not mention it.
“Eat as much as you want.”
“You might have to roll me home.” She looked at the menu again. “I think I’ll order the padron peppers too.”
We ate, I had a beer or two, Iris cast a longing look at my drink and sighed, which I ignored, trying not to grin. I had two sisters-in-law who’d had three pregnancies between them and I had not abstained from alcohol as a sign of solidarity, I’d just made sure their husbands stayed sober when it got close to their due dates.
Job done.
We ate, walked around near the Minster, listened to a rehearsal for a concert for ten minutes, which sounded ethereal even from outside. We made our way back to the hotel, her left hand in my right. I fiddled with her ring finger as we walked, wanting to see if she passed comment on it. I had thoughts, many of them, about where I wanted to take this and at what pace.
Roe had told me to slow it down, but we were having a baby in just over six months. That six months was going to fly by and then we’d be a family of three, maybe four in two or three years. In a week or so, Iris was flying out to Monaco to do a photo shoot and while I could’ve gone with her, I had a meeting with my publisher in London and another with the production company who wanted to go through the script for the next series. I could’ve done both online, but it would’ve looked a bit shit and I wanted to give Iris a chance to miss me.
She sat down on the bed when we got back, phone out, probably looking at the photo Layla had taken. Then before I could register it, she held up her phone and took a photo of me.
“Did I give you permission for that?” I snatched her phone out of her hand and looked at the picture.
It was a good one, my expression what my brothers would say was typically me, but there was something in my eyes that was different, that was all about the photographer behind the lens.
“Yes. Blanket permission.”
I shook my head, catching her wrist when she came closer to me and pulling her in for a kiss that could easily have become x-rated.
“I’ll let you. What do you want to do tomorrow? We don’t have to rush back.” I toyed with her hair, massaging the back of her head, something which made her purr.
“Can we see how we feel in the morning? I wouldn’t mind driving out to Castle Howard, but I might just need an easier day – we’ve done a load of walking today.” She wrestled free and stood up, stretching. “I’m going to wash my face and get into bed.”
“Okay. You alright?” She seemed quieter than usual.
A nod and a smile. “I’m good. Amazing. This man told me he loved me today. It was a nice feeling.”
“Just nice? That was it? Not mind-blowing or life-changing?’ I sat up straighter.
Iris shrugged, her lips curved in a teasing smile. “I think it was mind-blowing. I think it’s rocked my world in the best possible way. I just need to find the right moment to say what I need to back.” The look she gave me before she headed into the bathroom was evil.
What was even more evil was when she reappeared, topless, breasts on show, nipples hard.
“I’m not testing your resolve,” she said, reaching up and clipping her hair back. “I splashed water on my top so I need to put something else on. But it’s fun to watch your face right now.”
I watched, totally spellbound as she cupped her breasts, then circled her nipples with her finger, the tips of them hardening.
I sat up on the bed, not sure if my legs could support my weight right now if I tried to stand up, not that I needed to. My gaze stayed on Iris, watching the show she was putting on for me, utterly unselfconscious, her body flush with desire, her eyes on me constantly.
I was aware that my erection was obvious, tenting the sweatpants I’d thrown on while she was in the bathroom. If you can’t beat them, join them echoed through my head. I pulled off my T-shirt, pleased at how Iris stared at my chest again, just as she had been doing when I’d been making the fence with Finn. Then I pushed my sweats down, freeing my cock and fisting it slowly.
It was a relief to touch myself, understanding there was going to be an end here, one way or another.
“The photos I took of you when you were like that - ” Iris froze, her gaze completely unhidden, desire unconcealed. “I’ve looked at them and then got myself off.”
It was a wonder I didn’t come there and then.
“You think about me when you touch yourself every time?”
She nodded. “You’re my go to when I need a quick ending. I remember what happened in New Orleans and how you felt when you fucked me.”
“Was it just a fuck?” I was starting to hate it when she said that word.
“I had to think of it like that. I figured I was just another notch on your bedpost.” She slid her pants and underwear down off her legs, leaving her completely naked in front of me.
This could be heaven. I didn’t know anything better.
She was all silky skin and curves and big eyes, her smile tentative and half-worried that I’d reject her.
That was never going to happen.
“You were never that. I thought you just wanted one night.” Which was the truth. “You never mentioned anything afterwards.”
“I didn’t want to be another girl who wanted more. Another one.” Her expression changed to vulnerable.
“Come here.” I rearranged my sweatpants so my cock was away and pulled the duvet down, inviting her into the bed.
She took the half dozen or so steps over to me, still naked, still beautiful, and walked into my open arms.
I stretched out on the bed, pulling her on top of me, putting the duvet over us both, her body pressing on top of mine.
I raised a hand to the back of her head, undoing the clip and placing it down so I could thread my fingers through her hair, bringing her mouth to mine. The kiss was slow and languid, soft and easy and unrushed, all the things it needed to be. Different to the one caught on camera earlier, but holding all the same feelings. Needs. Wants.
My other hand ran down over her back and onto her bottom, cupping one cheek, my fingers sliding towards her inside thigh.
I didn’t let the kiss stop. Soft, shallow kisses that morphed into each other, her breasts pressed against my chest, the skin of her back and bottom and thighs smooth under my hand. Her legs had parted, hinting for my hand to find somewhere else to explore.
I didn’t.
“Gully, I’m going to explode. Either touch me or I’ll make you watch.” She pushed herself up, the blanket falling down, her body unhidden. She straddled me, her hands on my shoulders, her lips swollen and pink, her tits perfect and there for me to touch, which I did.
I manoeuvred us so I could take a nipple in my mouth, toying with it with my tongue, flicking over it and sucking gently, knowing that her tits were sensitive. A sigh from deep within her told me that this was going well, so I carried on, switching to the other. Iris rocked her hips, her hand dropping between her legs, cupping her pussy.
I lay back, my hands still cupping, touching, rubbing over her tits, but I wanted to watch.
“Let me see you make yourself come.”
She stopped, her fingers wet with her own arousal. “Why won’t you do it again?”
“Tomorrow. When we get home. I want to watch you first.” I caught her hand and guided her fingers to my mouth, licking at the tip of one first before taking them deeper, sucking the taste of her from them again. She was tangy and sweet at the same time, pretty flavours that helped make my cock feel as if it was about to burst.
Iris spread her legs, giving me a perfect view, and began to toy with herself, rubbing her clit in circles, smoothing wetness from her centre, small, short words falling from her lips incoherently.
I carried on playing with her breasts until she came, soaking her hand and my sweats. Without giving her time to think, I caught her hand and pushed my sweats lower, guiding her wet hand onto my cock.
It wouldn’t take long, I knew.
“This isn’t a true representation of how long I can last for.” I could feel my balls tightening already, my orgasm close. “I don’t think I’ve ever been as turned on in my life.” I couldn’t resist any longer, cupping her between her legs, feeling her pulsing heat and the dampness that was still there. “Fuck.” We were at the single syllable stage.
“I’m happy to do that.” She shifted her hips, her words breathless. “I need to come again.”
Temptation stared me in the face and whacked me with the back of her hand.
“Tomorrow.”
“Why?” She looked at me confused. “Why not now?”
I put my hand on top of hers, keeping my orgasm at bay for a few more seconds. “I want to take it slow.”
She knelt up higher, keeping one hand on my cock and the other guiding my hand between her legs. My fingers played at her entrance, that tempting heat and tightness too much.
I knew enough to know that none of this would harm our baby growing inside her. I knew Iris feeling good would make everyone feel good. I pushed one finger inside her, feeling her hips rocking, then added another, finger fucking her like we were seventeen again.
Her hands started to move, jagged shifts of her fist that were as sophisticated as my fingers. She came on my hand, the feeling enough to send me over, ejaculating over my stomach, making that mess I used to be embarrassed enough about to have to joke it away.
Iris’ face was flushed, her breathing as heavy as mine. We slowed, bodies relaxing, the air changing.
I braced myself for something, I didn’t know what.
“I want to tell you I love you because I do, but I need to pick a time when it’s right. You picked the perfect moment; I need to pick mine because you’re the last man I’ll ever say those words to.”
“I think that was the perfect moment.” I kissed her neck, her shoulder, felt her heartbeat against my chest.
She made a noise that told me she disagreed. “I think it’d be more perfect if you just come inside me.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “What if I said I don’t want to have sex before marriage?”
She giggled, looking bemused. “That ship sailed, Gulliver. But I suppose we could wait if you want.” She sat back up, her skin glistening.
“Pass. I’m enjoying your frustration though. It’s making me feel very wanted.”
Her laugh was like music. “Good to know I’m stroking your ego in just the right way.”
“That’s what it’s all about.” It really wasn’t. “I think we’ll need to shower again.’
She nodded, glancing down at our bodies. “I have an idea of what you could do in the shower, you know, just to make sure the jellybean gets enough of those feel-good hormones.”
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“I’ll show you.”
We’d laughed in the shower because it was really too small to do much other than stumble around each other and try not to slip. I managed to make her come with my mouth and she returned the favour when we were back in bed. I wasn’t going to complain about that – watching the woman you love with your cock in her mouth is probably one of life’s highlights and I considered giving my fictional detective the same opportunity in the current work in progress.
We headed back to Anglesey after a quick walk around the walls, taking in the sites from higher up. I held Iris’ hand and we talked about all sorts of irrelevant things that weren’t to do with babies or sex or our work and it felt like the most normal thing in the world.
I’d envied my brothers and their relationships. They’d both managed to find someone with whom they could be themselves. Finn was driven and ambitious, overly focused sometimes and something of a perfectionist; Ruby had a similar drive, although hers was around research and the sea. She had a bigger picture of the world and the environment and she kept him grounded, rooted in reality and remembering what mattered more than how much beer his brewery was selling.
Roe could be a workaholic and addicted to things on a screen. Freya was a child of the universe, preferring yoga on the beach and being outside in nature with no connection to the internet, and somehow, they balanced each other out. Roe would give up everything if it would make Freya happy, but then, she’d probably do the same for him – maybe not as extreme.
When I’d first met Iris at Ivy’s funeral, we’d both been devastated. We were the sum of our grief and our loss, ships passing because we’d been rerouted. Then after that, the letters, the meet-up, the freedom we’d found in our friendship had led me to seeing her differently. She wasn’t just my best friend’s little sister, she became my best friend.
Best friend I wanted to do dirty things with.
I teased her on the drive home; my hand on her leg, rising up to tease closer to where she wanted me to be, double entendres that I could deny when she picked up on them and accuse her of having a dirty mind, and a few detailed descriptions of what I wanted to do to her when she eventually begged.
We both knew the begging wasn’t going to happen.
I’d give in way before that.
We arrived home mid-afternoon and headed for lunch at the Puffin Inn. It was a Friday, so highly likely my brothers would be around at some point because it was poet’s day – piss off early, tomorrow’s Saturday day, and by mid-afternoon on a Friday they’d both usually put in enough hours to pay themselves a stupid amount of overtime anyway.
I was right. Finn and Rowan were already there, both sitting down at a table with their laptops in front of them, not having clocked off quite yet. Finn had Elias with him, who was trying to colour in a picture of a tiger; Elias looked tired. Roe had Calla next to him in a buggy, fast asleep clutching a plushy tiger that I recalled as initially belonging to Elias.
Neither of them looked up when we sat down. Elias cuddled up to my side and offered me a crayon, pointing to where he wanted it to go. Eventually he climbed on my knee and started to doze off before his dozy father realised we were there.
“I could’ve kidnapped your son, you know?”
Finn looked up, eventually, half shocked that I was there. “Shit, you could. Never mind, we have a replacement at home. He’s asleep. How did you manage that?”
“His sparkling personality.” Roe shot me a grin and I realised we were both wearing pretty much the same clothes – jeans and black hoodies, the only difference being the logo on the front. “I knew you were there. How was York? How’s my niece or nephew?” He leaned over to Iris and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Nice video, by the way.”
We’d shared the video of the scan with my brothers and their wives. In fact, it’d been Iris who’d shared it because like she’d said, she had no one of her own to share it with.
“Thank you. It’s weird to think that I have a human growing inside me.” She patted her stomach. “I still haven’t gotten used to that.”
Finn closed his laptop and picked up his beer. “Ruby was like that with Elsie. Elsie moved a lot more than Eli did and we’d see this foot or hand appearing through Ruby’s stomach. It was like another sequel to Alien. ”
“Where is Elsie?” I glanced at Elias, who was still asleep.
“Oh shit!” Finn looked round. “I’ve left her on the beach.” Then his face cracked into a smile. “She’s with Ruby. We divided and conquered today.”
Roe shook his head. “It wouldn’t surprise me if you did leave her somewhere one day. She’ll probably take over the world while she’s unsupervised too. ‘Five-year-old becomes president of the United States.’ I can see it now.” He bent down and wrestled Calla out of her pushchair, putting her on his knee. She was awake now, staring at me with eyes that were exactly like mine.
Finn nodded. “Yep. I do worry about Elsie. She knows about thirty words and exactly when to use them to have the most impact.”
“She been swearing again?” I knew Ruby blamed Finn for Elsie’s vocabulary, but Finn was adamant that she’d picked up the f-bomb from Ruby, which I kind of agreed with.
“Yep. At her brother. But he was trying to steal her toy, so I let it go.” Finn glanced at Iris and then me. “Barbecue tomorrow? Weather’s meant to be good.”
“Your house?”
Finn rolled his eyes. “Yeah, why break the habit of a lifetime.”
We headed home after polishing off three mains between us and a bowl of thick cut chips that came off the opposite of a healthy eating menu. Iris threaded her hand into mine as we walked back along the coastal path, stopping every so often so she could take photos of the scenery.
“How many versions of this picture have you got?” She always insisted on stopping in the same spot.
“About a dozen. I’m using them as a time-lapse project, this scene through the seasons. It’s a passion project.” Her smile was sweet, full of simple joy which I loved. She could’ve been complicated, she could’ve been spoilt or self-serving. Talented and the sort of gorgeous that made people stop and stare, I wasn’t sure how she’d become this person who smiled because of how a seagull flew or would stare for twenty minutes at a cloud.
“A passion project that’s going to end up on a wall somewhere.” I’d seen her eyeing up the very blank wall in the galleried landing.
“Maybe. I’ll have to see what space I have when I find somewhere to live.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? You have somewhere to live.” Although thinking about it, we hadn’t actually had this conversation.
“I know we talked about me living with you until the baby was a little older, but I need to think about what happens - ” Her expression morphed to something that resembled anger. “Is this where I was meant to be telepathic?”
I nodded, prepared to be at fault here. “Pretty much. I love you. You’re having our baby. I like being with you all the time and I’m hating on the fact that you’re going to be away for a week soon. Therefore, just move in with me.”
“Is it as easy as that?”
I shrugged. “Why not? I don’t see why it needs to be any harder. We can head down to London when you’re back from Monaco and bring your stuff back or hire a removal company.”
“You’re deadly serious, aren’t you?”
“I’m really not understanding why you’re so surprised.” I genuinely wasn’t. “I like my house – it took me ages to decide on it, which you know because I think you listened to me drone on about it for an hour most evenings, but if you want to look for something different, we can. If it’s the house, I mean – you might not want to live with me.”
I steeled myself for that to be the case.
Iris tucked her phone away in her coat and put her arms around my neck, stepping closer.
“This feels like the right time to tell you something, Gulliver Holland.” She smiled at me, just at me. “I love you and I’d live in a shed if it meant I was with you.”
I gathered her in my arms, pulling her closer. “You said it and I didn’t need to beg.”
Her nose touched mine, Eskimo style. “I’ll make you beg later.”
“We’ll see.”