Chapter 6 The Whip
THE WHIP
The first meeting of the Interoffice Relationship Policy Revision Team meets on the Monday after Ollie and I have our dinner date.
There are six of us in the group: two senior managers (Ollie and Destiny), two accountants (me and Brant), and two client service workers (Lana and Niamh) whose job it is to answer questions on our customer hotline.
Lana and Niamh are both in their early twenties and seem like good friends; when I enter the conference room, they are grilling each other about their weekend.
“No, but seriously, you must still be hungover,” Lana is saying.
“I had a juice cleanse on Sunday so I’m fine.”
“Was there vodka in that juice?”
“We are at work, Lana. Don’t come at me like that.”
“Don’t come at me with 2 a.m. texts that you met Chris Hemsworth only it’s some bartender in Hoboken.”
I take a seat at the table opposite Ollie, who looks silently amused by this discussion.
Destiny arrives and calls things to order quickly.
“Okay, folks,” she begins. “We are here because of a serious sexual harassment complaint, so let’s take our work seriously.
Our job is to review the company policy, get some input from employees about the current guidelines, and then write a recommendation for our proposed policy revision.
I have been told that one of the key expectations is that we will write up a better self-disclosure policy, meaning that people who start dating will be required to disclose it to H.R. ”
Ollie and I carefully look anywhere but at each other.
“With that in mind, I wanted to mention that one reason you were all selected for this group is because nobody here is believed to be in any kind of serious relationship with another employee, so you can be fairly neutral and not push for policies that benefit your interests. Hopefully that is accurate.”
Ollie and I glance at each other. Do we need to self-disclose? Are we ‘serious and monogamous’ or not? He says nothing and neither do I.
Destiny outlines a plan for the committee: we will have a couple of initial meetings, send out a questionnaire to employees, then have an all-day meeting (probably as an off-site) where we lock ourselves in a room to work out the details of our write-up, and then revise the initial report and talk about how and when to present our plan.
The word ‘off-site’ is a red flag for me as a single mom.
It could mean renting a nice conference room two blocks away where we can isolate ourselves and work, but it could also mean an all-day trip to somewhere like a sculpture garden in New Jersey or a horse farm in Connecticut, where everyone else will be enjoying the scenery and I will be fretting about how much I have to pay a babysitter because I won’t be getting back to the city until 9 p.m.
“I love off-sites!” Lana looks delighted.
“Remember that time we did a ski weekend last year?” Niamh asks.
“I remember the Baileys and hot cocoa,” Lana says. “The skiing not so much.”
“We should make them pay for a spa day!” Niamh directs this to Destiny, who already looks a little tired of their enthusiasm.
“I think off-sites could be challenging for some people,” Ollie offers, glancing my way, “if they have kids or commitments in the city.” He briefly meets my eyes, and I am filled with gratitude.
“I have kids, and I like off-sites,” Brant replies dryly. “Gets me out of the house.” I want to roll my eyes, because he has complained to me multiple times that his wife has custody of his daughters ninety percent of the time.
“Alright, let’s do a quick vote,” says Destiny. “Who wants to have our off-site outside the city?”
The vote lands in favor of leaving the city by four to two.
Ollie glances at me and looks away again, and I think about how ridiculously attractive he is.
Somewhere deep inside me, Rebel Laura pops up her head again, telling me to rub my foot against his leg under the table.
No, I’m not going to do that. Because I’m an adult.
And because Destiny doesn’t look like she wants to deal with any nonsense.
And because I don’t want to look completely desperate.
I wish Vivi were here, so I could at least confess to my sexual frustration on a yellow notepad. When the meeting wraps up, we walk out into the hallway and I lean against the wall, pretending to check my phone while giving Ollie space to catch up with me if he wants to.
“Thanks, Laura,” Destiny says as she walks past. “Your input was helpful.”
“I’m really looking forward to this,” I say with forced cheer.
Ollie pauses across from me in the hallway, glancing at his cell phone as well. Brant steps between us and glances at Ollie and then at me.
“Well,” he says, “want to chat on the way back?”
There’s no way to dodge the request without being obvious. “Of course,” I say. I follow Brant toward the elevator bank.
“Ten percent,” he says to me as we step on the elevator.
“They’re talking about a ten percent downsize next year.
So you’re putting in some face time with the VPs at exactly the right time.
I’m sure that’s why Lana and Niamh are there; some of the managers want to replace half our customer support team with artificial intelligence. ”
“Well, shit,” I say quietly.
“My thoughts exactly.”
When I get back to my desk, Ollie has texted me: We should talk.
I feel a brief flash of nerves as I text a reply. I have to get Hannah by six, but I could duck out a few minutes early to chat somewhere nearby?
His reply follows quickly: Sure.
And then he adds: By the way, I was lied to. Someone told me that if you put enough accountants in a room, there’ll be an orgy.
I type back: If you don’t put it on the meeting agenda, it’s not going to be in the meeting.
We end up sitting in the back of an Irish pub a few blocks from work, well before the evening rush, hidden in a scuffed wooden booth tucked behind a column.
“So,” he begins, “I noticed that neither you nor I jumped in to announce that we were in a serious, monogamous relationship.”
I smile. “I didn’t want to spring that on you and have you look surprised, like, ‘That makes one of us.’”
“Me neither.” He gives me a meaningful glance. “But are we, I mean…it’s probably too early to have this discussion.”
“I was hoping you weren’t juggling six other women, but I was going to wait another date or two before I put the ankle monitor on you.”
“Right.” He smiles, too. “But just to be clear, I’m not seeing anyone else.”
“I’m not either. To be honest, I can’t imagine wanting to.” At his look, I hurried on. “I just mean it’s been a long time since anyone could compete with a nice cup of tea and a home renovation show.”
“Good, yeah. That’s how I feel, too. Less so about home renovation shows.
Those are too high stakes for me. I get worried as soon as they start fighting about wallpaper.
But what is our move, here? We don’t seem to be keeping to the spirit of Destiny’s request. I mean, legally, I don’t think they can actually require us to be single; that might have some discriminatory overtones.
But they wouldn’t like it. And I don’t mind resigning from the committee, but that would force you to resign too, potentially, unless I didn’t say who I was dating.
I didn’t know if you’d rather avoid the committee entirely, or if this is helpful for you professionally. ”
“Well, the problem is, I had to beg for my job back last summer, so I need opportunities to prove to them that I’m a loyal soldier. Brant volunteered me for the committee because he thought it would help. And he keeps mentioning layoffs, so…”
“Right. Similar with me. I only just got back from requesting a transfer. So it sounds like we’d both like to stick it out.” He seems to be picking his words carefully. “Do you want to postpone things between us until after the committee is done?”
“Do you?”
“Personally? No, I really don’t.” He smiles ruefully.
“Me neither,” I agree. “I mean, I suppose we could just say that we’re friends. And then make it public that we’re dating later on.”
“Has your friend Vivian told anyone we’re dating?”
I frown. “I mentioned we had a date, yeah. Have you told your friend Katy?”
There is silence for a moment. “Shoot.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “We’re not a secret now.”
“I don’t want to ask you to lie…” he begins.
“You can ask me to lie,” I say quickly.
He grins. “This feels like a very shaky start to a relationship.”
“Can we tell everyone that we decided we’re better off as friends because you’re still hung up on your ex-wife?”
He raises his eyebrows sky high. “Why is it me who has to be hung up on my ex? What about you and your musician?”
“I was picking the more believable scenario,” I reply.
“You mean I’m more damaged?” His eyes sparkle with ironic amusement.
“I meant you’re so charming that it would be hard to believe I didn’t want you.”
“Nice save.” He considers. “Alright, let me think. We could tell our friends that we went on a date, but decided we’re too busy, and we’re just friends for now, but we’ll try again in a few months.
But we’d have to stick to that story with everyone.
I don’t feel safe telling Katy that I’m lying.
It’s not that she would sabotage me on purpose, but… ”
“And I would have to tell Vivi we’re just friends for a while.”
“Yeah.”
“And during the meetings I’ll have to refrain from crawling across the table to make out with you.”
“Great. Now that’s all I’m going to be thinking about during every meeting.”
I reach over and hold his hand under the table, and he flushes a little.